# Best Snake (Simpson's) lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 8, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110 "2003-11-08T20:42:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/1 "2003-11-08T20:42:27Z")
Snake, Springfields perpetual petty criminal, has to be one of my favorite reoccuring minor Simpson’s characters since Lional Hutz or ole’ Gil. Some of my favorite lines: “That’s Little Bandit! And it sounds like she’s in PAIN! Screw the ‘honor system’!! Little Bandit needs me!” [opens the unlocked jail and escapes] “Regular!!! She needs 'premium, dude! … PREMIUM!!! … DUUUUUDE!!” “Mask…check, bag with dollar sign…check…awright, let’s go rob this…bowling alley?!..ok whatever…” “…BYE!” “…YOINK!” “Who do you have to kill to get a place like this?” “I think his name was ‘Bob’.’” ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/2 "2003-11-08T21:08:48Z")
Use a pen, Bob! My fave of the non-regulars is probably frink. ---
**Author:** ![Sketch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Sketch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sketch)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/3 "2003-11-08T21:51:32Z")
Lisa: Wow, looks like the whole town came for this meeting. Shot of Snake and pals robbing the town. Snake: This town is soooo stupid. also Snake: I’m gonna take this thing to Mexico! My favorite non- regular character is Apu. ---
**Author:** ![Nekosoft](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c2a13f/32.png) [@Nekosoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nekosoft)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/4 "2003-11-09T00:03:37Z")
All right… crime spree! And regarding Snake (From Separate Vocations): > [@](#): > > We are in pursuit of a speeding individual, driving a red… car, licence number Eggplant Xerxes Criminy Overbite Narwhal. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/5 "2003-11-09T00:27:18Z")
“Nice try, cops! But no DONUT!” _screeeeech_ ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/6 "2003-11-09T00:30:40Z")
When he was transfigured into bart’s virus… “Alright! Let’s make some puss!” ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/7 "2003-11-09T00:30:40Z")
When he was transfigured into bart’s virus… “Alright! Let’s make some puss!” ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/8 "2003-11-09T00:51:06Z")
“So long, student loan payments!” I can’t believe that one hasn’t come up yet… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Burrido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Burrido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burrido)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/9 "2003-11-09T02:25:24Z")
Angry Mob: Wheres a gun toteting (sp) hooligan when you need one? Snake: Sorry man, I was in the can. ---
**Author:** ![Teelo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@Teelo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teelo)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/10 "2003-11-09T02:58:58Z")
OH no!.. Beta! ---
**Author:** ![pokey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ebca7d/32.png) [@pokey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pokey)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/11 "2003-11-09T03:00:38Z")
One time I was at a friend’s house drinking and we decided I would have to sleep there. She was trying to find something for me to wear to bed and I had to tell her that maybe she should just give me along t-shirt because I wasn’t wearing underwear and she said, “all riiiiight, time for a crime spree.” I don’t know what the hell she said it for but ever since then it’s my favourite. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/12 "2003-11-09T03:14:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by msmith537 \* > **"That’s Little Bandit! And it sounds like she’s in PAIN! Screw the ‘honor system’!! Little Bandit needs me!" [opens the unlocked jail and escapes]** That’s my favorite too, but I’m going to nitpick that it was “Li’l Bandit.” The “Li’l” for “Little” was what made it for me. ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/13 "2003-11-09T04:09:22Z")
“I’m… Badly hurt!” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/14 "2003-11-09T04:26:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jackelope \* > That’s my favorite too, but I’m going to nitpick that it was “Li’l Bandit.” The “Li’l” for “Little” was what made it for me. \*\* Doh!! Just on the other day: Wiggum: Alright, I’ll let you guys out to see my hockey game but you have to promise to come back Snake: No way copper! Wiggum: Alright…then you have to promise not to commit any more crimes… Snake: No Wiggum: I’ll take that as a yes. [releases him] [and after the fight breaks out at the hockey game] Those kids are sooo sweet. I can’t help but think if they had peewee hockey when I was a kid, how my life might have turned out…oh well!! [starts ripping out seats with a crowbar] ---
**Author:** ![Gerome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Gerome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gerome)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/15 "2003-11-09T05:28:23Z")
Homer’s bowling team is playing the Police bowling team, one of which is a shackled Snake. Wiggum removes the shackles. Wiggum: Alright Snake, make us proud! Snake picks up ball, shuffles towards lane. Snake: One two three… Snake keeps running towards the exit and escapes. Snake: fourfivesixseveneightnineten! BYE! Wiggum: Uhhh…we forfeit. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/16 "2003-11-09T14:28:41Z")
When one of Krusty’s guest stars is advancing to beat up Snake for some reason or another: “Oh, no! Bette Midler!” ---
**Author:** ![SJSB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@SJSB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SJSB)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/17 "2003-11-09T14:35:34Z")
Snake is definitely my favourite non-regular from The Simpsons. I love that Halloween episode where Homer has the hair transplant and Snake’s Hair tries to kill Bart. I can’t remember any of the lines though… not off the top of my head (hehheh). ---
**Author:** ![epraz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/82dd89/32.png) [@epraz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epraz)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/18 "2003-11-09T15:39:47Z")
“Uh…wallet inspector” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/19 "2003-11-09T19:10:08Z")
In the Garden of Eden: Eve/Marge (pointing to a snake in the Tree of Knowledge): “And what do you call that animal?” Adam/Homer: “Tree monster.” Snake: “Call me Snake, dude! And try some of this! [holding out (somehow) a platter of apples, whole and sliced] From God’s special stash!” ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110/20 "2003-11-09T19:46:03Z")
From the same episode with Li’l Bandit - “Whoa! This is SO dangerous!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-snake-simpsons-lines/212110.md?page=2)