# Best Strategy if You've Just Killed an Intruder **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 5, 2013, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438 "2013-08-05T21:24:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/41 "2013-08-06T16:25:26Z")
> [@](#): > > So you find a guy sneaking around your house in middle of the night, determine that he’s a threat to your life and/or your family’s and kill the guy. Now what? I’m in Ireland so I killed the guy with a blunt weapon as I don’t have a gun\*. I don’t touch or move anything and call the police ASAP after the incident. I also try to get a lawyer. The law here is that you can defend your home with force up to and including lethal force if it’s found to be justifiable. You are under no obligation to retreat from the home. You can defend. So defend and do what the law requires of me. No way am I going to try and hide anything or change the scene. That just makes me look guilty and makes me have to lie. You should always try not to lie to the cops as it’s hard to come back from that if they find out. \*Farmers have shotguns and licenses can be got but in general most people have no gun. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/42 "2013-08-06T16:29:47Z")
If it goes to trial, either criminal or civil, you’ll be better off if you used a firearm named “M5906” or “M1911A1” than one named “Pulverizer” or “Deathbringer”. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/43 "2013-08-06T16:42:35Z")
Of course you call the police. Just because you have killed someone it does not necessarily mean that you have committed a crime. Now once you start moving bodies, hiding guns, calling your friend for advice, then you are committing various crimes. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Quatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mr\_Quatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Quatro)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/44 "2013-08-06T17:22:31Z")
> [@Mrs.Cake](#): > > If you are planning to kill intruders in the house and don’t want all the paperwork involved in dealing with the police afterwards, you should plan ahead and keep a few pigs on hand for body disposal. It’s clean and green! Good idea! but what if they do a DNA on the pigs snouts? Seriously I have thought about how to kill an intruder that was going to do me bodily harm. I had a friend left over from the Vietnam war that said, “Don’t shoot at shadows”, but he also said that you have to have a killers attitude or you will be the victim. If I had enough money and the situation arrived that an armed intruder made an illegal entry on my property. I would shoot him. Then transport him by remote controlled tractor dumpster onto the next property … in this case USFS land. Wash and remove all traces of blood from tractor using remote control device to return tractor home. Dispose of weapon and shrug when authorities come around asking questions. The only problem I see is a family member, of the now dead intruder, knowing what he or she was up to and seeking revenge. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/45 "2013-08-06T17:32:39Z")
I live in a Castle Doctrine state. I would be on the phone before their body hit the floor, then I would do my best to save their life, even if it seemed hopeless. IMO a non-sociopath doesn’t shoot to _kill_, they shoot to _eliminate the threat,_ which may involve killing a perpetrator of violence. Once the threat doesn’t exist, then do what you can to cherish human life, all of it. The people who talk about hiding the body, dumping it, placing a “drop gun”, etc. are either joking or have watched way too much TV. I think I’m fairly bright, and I don’t think for a second that I am going to fool teams of investigators and forensic scientists who get paid by the hour to find out “WTF happened here?” ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/46 "2013-08-06T17:45:41Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > The people who talk about hiding the body, dumping it, placing a “drop gun”, etc. are either joking or have watched way too much TV. I think I’m fairly bright, and I don’t think for a second that I am going to fool teams of investigators and forensic scientists who get paid by the hour to find out “WTF happened here?” IMO the opposite is true. People who watch too much TV are the ones who put too much stock in the ability of investigators and forensic scientists to solve the case. Because on TV, these experts are almost always successful. IRL they are somewhat less successful. And in cases where there is no connection between the two parties, they are less successful yet. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/47 "2013-08-06T17:50:20Z")
How easy _is_ it to dissolve a body in the bathtub or other large container using household chemicals a la _Breaking Bad_? ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/48 "2013-08-06T17:55:08Z")
Told to me by a Deputy Sheriff If he is unarmed, go in your kitchen and get a large knife and put it in his hand Call police. When they arrive, keep repeating, “I was afraid for my life.” ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/49 "2013-08-06T17:58:46Z")
IMO, that’s a bigger mistake. Start trying to fake things and you’ll get tripped up and then you’ll look even worse. Might work for that deputy sheriff, who is probably more familiar with what a guy who tried to knife someone would look like, but for an amateur there’s a very big risk that you’ll be tripped up over some detail that wouldn’t occur to you but which trained investigators look for. ETA: ISTR the Ramseys fell under a lot of suspicion because the ostensible murderer used materials from inside the house. ---
**Author:** ![Gray\_Ghost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c0e974/32.png) [@Gray\_Ghost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gray_Ghost)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/50 "2013-08-06T18:45:02Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > How easy _is_ it to dissolve a body in the bathtub or other large container using household chemicals a la _Breaking Bad_? If you use two drums welded together—because you evidently can’t fit a body within only one—fill with warm water and add some sodium hydroxide: [about 14-15 hours.](http://wordswithoutborders.org/article/tijuana-on-the-pozole-mans-hill) FTL: > [@](#): > > “You’ve no idea who you’re getting involved with. I’m El Teo’s pozole-man.”… > > …“Who did you dissolve here?” > > “I don’t know who they were. I was just sent them.” > > “Did you chop them up?” > > “No, I threw them whole into the drums.” > > “How long did it take them to dissolve?” > > “Fourteen or fifteen hours.” > > “What did you do with what was left?” > > “I buried it.” > > “Where?” > > “Here.” (His eyes pointed at the ground beneath his feet.) > > Luis Alonso Pérez adds: “We reporters in Tijuana have got used to seeing everything. But what we there saw left us frozen. All that remained of some corpses were the teeth. Other practitioners provide some more detail of the process. > [@](#): > > …\*\*ut I learned he turned them into ‘pozole’ using water drums. You weld one drum on top of another, add two hundred liters of water, then pour in two sacks of caustic soda. The dead body is thrown in without any clothes on, and after staying in there the fourteen or fifteen hours it takes the corpse to dissolve—although not completely, because there are still bones left—the pozole is poured down the drains or onto the hillsides.” The rest of the cite is interesting reading if you’ve an interest in the origins of the horrific violence to control the narcotics trade in Tijuana. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/51 "2013-08-06T19:45:33Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Told to me by a Deputy Sheriff > If he is unarmed, go in your kitchen and get a large knife and put it in his hand > Call police. When they arrive, keep repeating, “I was afraid for my life.” Proving that us civilians do not have a monopoly on risible ignorance; LEOs get to have their share as well. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/52 "2013-08-06T21:00:39Z")
Third-hand story from a prisoner in state penitentiary-accidentally killed his girlfriend. He panicked, and hid the body. Since he was the responsible one, and hid the body, the state law called that a form of ‘murder’ and he did a longer stretch of time. Don’t know/care if it’s true or not. Don’t go to the effort of hiding/dismembering a body unless there is a need. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/53 "2013-08-06T21:50:13Z")
I completely agree in that case. The boyfriend is going to be very high up on the list of suspects and with alibi checking and forensic evidence etc. he has a very small chance of pulling it off. ---
**Author:** ![Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/do_not_taunt/32/2968_2.png) [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Do_Not_Taunt)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2013, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/54 "2013-08-07T03:04:01Z")
> [@Mrs.Cake](#): > > If you are planning to kill intruders in the house and don’t want all the paperwork involved in dealing with the police afterwards, you should plan ahead and keep a few pigs on hand for body disposal. It’s clean and green! [This guy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Pickton) may have had a similar thought… ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2013, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/55 "2013-08-07T12:47:10Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Assuming it was justified self-defense, my advice: > > - Do not move or touch the person you just killed. Do not change the scene in any way. > > - Call the cops ASAP. > > - Call your attorney ASAP. Tell him/her what happened. Do whatever your attorney tells you to do. > > - When the cops arrive simply tell them, “I was afraid for my life, I thought he was going to kill me (or your family member or whoever), so I stopped him.” Do NOT use the word _ **kill** _ – use the word _ **stop** _. Your goal was to stop him, not kill him. Any death is incidental. Don’t say much more than this. > > - The detectives will want to interview you right away. Do not agree to this. Inform them you’re eager to tell them what happened, but right now you are not in a proper state of mind to give an interview. > > - Visit your attorney ASAP. > [@Shodan](#): > > Basically, what **Crafter\_Man** says. > > First, you call 911. “Hello, 911 - I need the police, and an ambulance. This is an emergency. There has been a shooting of an intruder. I am the home owner. The address is _:redacted:_.” Say nothing else. > > Unload and secure the weapon. > > When the police arrive, say “I was in fear of my life. I need to speak to an attorney before I answer any questions at all.” Then comes the hard part. No matter what the police say, repeat only “I need to speak to an attorney before I answer any questions.” Say nothing else. Do not admit that you shot him, do not give your side of the story, do not say anything else. Do not agree to accompany the police to the station. Do not admit anything, do not deny anything, do not say anything. > > Then do what your attorney tells you. > > Regards, > Shodan Right. BTW, unload (if a firearm) and secure the weapon but do nothing to clean it up or that in any way may look like trying to eliminate evidence. Do not move anything unless strictly needed to prevent imminent danger. No matter what the mythmongers say, the concept of legitimate self defense has not been abolished by the eeeeviil lawyerly lawyers. _Having to be subject to an investigation is NOT a negation of self-defense_. Heck, a policeman who shoots a perp has to surrender the gun and park himself behind a desk while things are cleared up. But, _ **obstructing** _ an investigation _IS_ a crime and will create a reasonable suspicion about your intent. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2013, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/56 "2013-08-07T13:20:43Z")
The question in the OP is nuts. Of course you should call he police. Frankly, there is hardly any jurisdiction anywhere, castle doctrine or not, where you are not exponentially increasing the trouble you’ll get into by trying to hide a dead body. As usual we have the Crafter\_Man advice that you can’t use the word “kill” but must use the word “stop,” which doesn’t have any legal meaning or weight. In fact, what you should tell the police is “I shot an intruder, please come to my house” and then just do as your lawyer instructs. Crafter\_Man isn’t your lawyer. If you shoot an intruder in your house, contrary to popular belief it is very unlikely you’ll end up in prison unless you deserve it - for instance, if you shoot somebody while he’s running out your front door and down the sidewalk to the street in an attempt to escape, yeah, you’re in trouble, but you should be. ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/57 "2013-08-08T22:02:14Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > 1. to put on some plastic gloves, put the guy in a big garbage bag or two, drive the guy to some isolated place and dump him off. This. I’d make sure to google “how to dispose of a body” and “how to make a murder look like self-defense” first, just for good measure. If I killed a stranger in my house, I’d just call the police. I’ve got a wife, I’ve got kids, and I’m squeaky-clean. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/58 "2013-08-09T05:32:36Z")
WTF is everybody so insistent on unloading the gun? If you set it down, and secure the area, that is sufficient. The cops can unload it. Any half-assed DA could use your unloading it as proof that you were trying to destroy evidence. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/59 "2013-08-09T12:44:38Z")
Call the cops first. Call your lawyer second. Follow Masaad Ayoob’s guidelines for speaking with the police: 1. Officer, this man attacked me 2. I will sign a complaint 3. The evidence (bullet casings, etc.) is right there 4. Those people witnessed it 5. Officer, you will have my full cooperation and I will make a statement after I have spoken with my attorney. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438/60 "2013-08-09T14:36:44Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > ISTM that the two major choices are 1) to report it to the police, or 2) to put on some plastic gloves, put the guy in a big garbage bag or two, drive the guy to some isolated place and dump him off. A big garbage bag, “OR TWO”?? So, you are planning to chop him up first? I really hope the OP is a woosh, because this second option sounds a lot like the musings of a psychopath. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-strategy-if-youve-just-killed-an-intruder/665438.md?page=4)