# Best surprise funny lines in movies and TV **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 22, 2009, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589 "2009-06-22T15:27:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SuntanTigerTamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@SuntanTigerTamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanTigerTamer)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/21 "2009-06-22T23:31:37Z")
Another from Arrested Development: Lucille Bluthe is on the phone while Buster runs around behind her, waving a broom and chasing a bird around the living room, smashing things as he goes. Lucille says off-handedly, “Buster, just leave it alone, it’ll fly out on its own.” Buster: “It walked across my pillow.” The delivery of this line kills me every damned time I hear it. You can’t tell if he’s angry or sad or happy, all you know is that it makes perfect sense to Buster. Brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/22 "2009-06-23T00:28:38Z")
In Chuck, the character Casey is a big, tough gun-toting hardman. He, Chuck and Sarah are trying to figure out how to open a peculiar puzzle case. Chuck: ‘We need a high C!’ Casey: Aaaah! \*[In a perfect high C]. \* _Everyone stares at Casey._ Casey: I used to be a choirboy. _They all continue to stare._ Casey: I wasn’t hatched! You need to watch it to understand why it really is funny, I reckon. In fact, I reckon you need to watch it anyway, because it’s bloody good. ---
**Author:** ![Orr\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ee59a6/32.png) [@Orr\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orr_G)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/23 "2009-06-23T00:30:26Z")
I was just talking about this one with a friend of mine. In the old Popeye cartoons, he used to mumble actual stuff, some of it not for the kiddies. I was too young to catch any of these myself, until one time when I was babysitting and it was on. Popeye had just promised to do something or other Olive was nagging him about. Then I distinctly heard him say, as an aside, “I don’t why I bother; ya got no boobs anyhow.” And my favorite from Lucille Bluth: “I’m not going anywhere.” She says this upon entering the kitchen, interrupting a discussion GOB and Michael are having about getting rid of their boat, _The Seaward_. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/24 "2009-06-23T00:53:25Z")
From an episode of House, the three doctors walk in, and one of them declares (in reference to a patient): “We’ve got rectal bleeding!” And House’s off-the-cuff response: “What, all of you?!” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/25 "2009-06-23T01:23:29Z")
Not the funniest line ever from the old _Dick Van Dyke Show_ but one that stuck with me for some reason… Sally is out for some reason, and Laura is helping Rob and Buddy out with the typing, filing, etc. Buddy: So, you’re a world-famous scientist who wants to drill a hole to the center of the earth? Rob (in character): That’s correct. I wish to explore the center of the earth. Buddy: Why would anyone want to go to the center of the earth? Laura (looks up from typing): To find out whether it’s chewy or cream-filled. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/26 "2009-06-23T01:43:20Z")
House - a patient, unbeknownst to the team, had swallowed a toothpick which was running amok through his innards, mysteriously poking holes in various organs, causing internal bleeding. Foreman: (paraphrasing here) - I don’t get it. As soon as I fill up one hole, I see another hole that has to be filled… House: Wait - are we talking about the patient or (boss) Cuddy? 😃 I was eating and nearly choked to death, laughing, when I heard that one! ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/27 "2009-06-23T02:05:20Z")
[Nobody’s perfect.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0053291/quotes) [Scarlett’s gonna have puppies.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055256/) ---
**Author:** ![MadTheSwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/28 "2009-06-23T02:54:29Z")
> [@Mahaloth](#): > > Good one. > > Ray: I saw your midget today. Little prick didn’t even say hello. > Chlo: Well, he’s on a lot of ketamine. > Ray: What’s that? > Ray: Um, horse tranquilizer. > Ray: Horse tranquilizer? Where’d he get that? > Chlo: I sold it to him. > Ray: \*\*You can’t sell horse tranquilizers to a midget! \*\* > > And: > > **Ray: Stop crying like a big, dumb, gay baby!** > > Seriously, see this movie. I think we have had this discussion before..YOU INATIMATE OBJECT! Also from “Catch Me If You Can”(I’m just paraphrasing cus I cant find the script) Frank Jr (from a letter to Frank Sr.) “Dear Dad…you always told me that an honest man has nothing to fear,so I am trying my best not to be afraid.” and an exchange between Frank Jr. and his new wife Frank Jr.- “Brenda, I don’t wanna lie to you anymore.I’m not a doctor,I never went to medical school.I’m not a lawyer,or a Harvard graduate,or a Lutheran.Brenda,I ran away from home a year and a half ago when I was 16” Brenda- “Frank?..You’re not a Lutheran?” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/29 "2009-06-23T03:17:00Z")
When Ralphie figures out the Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Ring message in _A Christmas Story_: "‘Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.’ Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a BITCH." It’s a pretty wholesome kids’ movie, so the profanity comes hilariously out of the blue and Peter Billingsly delievers it perfectly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/30 "2009-06-23T13:20:18Z")
Roseanne: But mom, you’ll never find a buyer in this market. Bev: Oh, it wasn’t hard. And the camera focuses on Leon, eating that sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/31 "2009-06-23T13:49:32Z")
**Ron Burgundy, Anchorman** has little bon mots: He’s trapped in a glass block of emotion! Come esta, bitches! **Ron Burgundy** : [singing drunk] … Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon deliiiight… Ahh… I make fart-noises with my mouth, and I like it cause… **Bartender** : Hey nutjob, quit the singing! You creeping out all the regulars. **Ron Burgundy** : I’m expressing my inner anguish THROUGH THE MAJESTY OF SONG! ---
**Author:** ![sciurophobic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/32 "2009-06-23T13:50:35Z")
From **Up** : Dug the dog: Gray car. ---
**Author:** ![Reloy3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c68b51/32.png) [@Reloy3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reloy3)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/33 "2009-06-23T14:31:30Z")
One more Arrested Development One: Bob Loblaw’s commercial - “Why should you be punished for a crime someone else . . . noticed.” I also like “Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog” ---
**Author:** ![johnspartan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@johnspartan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnspartan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/34 "2009-06-23T14:36:06Z")
Hard to say that something’s unexpectedly funny in Clue since it’s a comedy / spoof… but I always chuckle at this seemingly random exchange (even in that context). Mrs. White: “He didn’t like me very much. He once threatened to kill me in public.” Miss Scarlet: “Why would he want to kill you in public?” Wadsworth: “I think she means he threatened, in public, to kill her.” Miss Scarlet: “Ah.” ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/35 "2009-06-23T15:07:42Z")
Something from “The Princess Bride” that has always tickled me: After Westley has faced down Prince Humperdinck in Buttercup’s bedchamber, he makes Humperdinck sit in a chair and tells Buttercup to tie him up. Then he says to her, “Make it as tight as you like.” The camera cuts away to the hallway outside, where Inigo is running up. Off-camera, we hear Humperdinck say “Ooof!” ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/36 "2009-06-23T15:21:37Z")
30 Rock - “It wouldn’t be a Lemon party without old Dick!” I had to explain to everyone why I was laughing…then had to explain how I knew what it meant. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/37 "2009-06-23T15:32:39Z")
Roseanne was pretty good for switching up what you’d expect. One of my favorites came from the brilliant John Goodman: Darlene: I have to write this stupid poem for class. Roseanne: Well, that’s Ok, you can do that, you’ve written poems before. Dan: Yeah, but it has to be _stupid_. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/38 "2009-06-23T15:48:38Z")
> [@SuntanTigerTamer](#): > > The delivery of this line kills me every damned time I hear it. You can’t tell if he’s angry or sad or happy, all you know is that it makes perfect sense to Buster. Brilliant. “Yeah, mom’s awesome.” ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/39 "2009-06-23T15:56:42Z")
Batman in the 1966 movie: “Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb.” ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589/40 "2009-06-23T16:11:26Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > …I think my all-time favorite throwaway line is from the Death scene in _Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life_ (when Death comes for the dinner party where the guests have been poisoned by THE SALMON MOUSSE: “Hey! I didn’t eat the mousse!” I love that line. Monty Python has some AMAZING throwaway lines. Mel Brooks is great with them, too. Here are some of my favorite Mel Brooks one-liners. From _History of the World Part One_ Oedipus: [walking around collecting donations] Give to Oedipus! Give to Oedipus! Hey, Josephus! Josephus: Hey, motherf\*\*ker! Josephus: Not to worry, not to worry… we are now armed with _mighty joint!_ Count de Monet: Don’t get saucy with me, Bearnaise! From _Robin Hood: Men in Tights_ Ahchoo: Hey, Blinkin! Blinkin: Did you say “Abe Lincoln”? Prince John: Tell everyone that when the day is out we shall have a wedding. Or a hanging. Either way, we’re gonna have a lot of fun, huh? Robin Hood: I lost. I lost? Wait a second, I’m not supposed to lose. Let me see the script. From _Spaceballs_ [upon going into “ludicrous speed”] Dark Helmet: My brains are going into my feet! Prison Guard 1: Hey! Those are the guys that stole our uniforms! Prison Guard 2: They beat the shit out of us too! Dot Matrix: Hey wait, you forgot to get married! _The Producers_ (1968) Franz Liebkind: I am the author. You are the audience. I outrank you! Leo Bloom: I’m in pain and I’m wet and I’m still hysterical! _The Producers_ (2005) Ulla: [nervously] Okey-dokey… you like it? Max Bialystock: Lik-, like it? I want you to know, my dear, that even though we are sitting down, we are giving you a _standing ovation_. Leo Bloom: Mr. Bialystock, I’m afraid you’ve mistaken me for someone with a spine. _Blazing Saddles_ [Recalling his gunfighting career] Jim: I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] I’ve been with thousands of men/again and again/they promise the moon/they’re always coming and going and going and coming… and always too soon. Hedley Lamarr: Gentlemen, please rest your sphincters. _Young Frankenstein_ Igor: Wait Master, it might be dangerous… you go first. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: HE’S GOT A ROTTEN BRAIN! IT’S ROTTEN, I TELL YA! ROTTEN! The Monster: RAAAAAAAA! Igor: Ixnay on the ottenray. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-surprise-funny-lines-in-movies-and-tv/500589.md?page=3)