# Best titles ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 27, 2009, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598 "2009-02-27T01:53:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Clark\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@Clark\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clark_K)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/21 "2009-02-27T03:30:37Z")
“Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” - intriguing goofiness “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” - ironic self-reference “The Girl in the Plain Brown Wrapper” - vivid, unexpected image “Tarzan of the Apes” - simplicity with a promise of exotic adventure “‘Repent, Harlequin!’ Said the Ticktockman” - Ellison, baby, Ellison! “The Executioner’s Song” - mysterious and melancholy ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/22 "2009-02-27T03:40:21Z")
**Do Andoids Dream of Electric Sheep** by Philip K. Dick Second on Cordwainer Smith, and Harlan Ellison had many great titles for short stories. In addition to those mentioned, there were: “I See a Man Sitting in a Chair, and the Chair is Biting His Leg.” “Adrift Just off the Islets of Langerhans: Latitude 38° 54’ N, Longitude 77° 00’ 13” W" “‘Repent Harlequin,’ said the Ticktockman.” “Shatterday.” “The Whimper of Whipped Dogs.” “Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes.” “One Life, Furnished in Early Poverty.” “Paladin of the Lost Hour” “Crazy as a Soup Sandwich” The third great name in SF short story titles is James Tiptree, Jr. “And I Awake to Find Me Here on the Cold Hill Side.” “Forever to a Hudson Bay Blanket” “I’ll Be Waiting for You When the Swimming Pool Is Empty” “The Last Flight of Dr. Ain.” “The Girl Who Was Plugged In.” “Love is the Plan, the Plan is Death.” “The Women Men Don’t See.” “The Psychologist Who Wouldn’t do Awful Things to Rats.” “We Who Stole the Dream.” Finally, in the non-SF division, the clear winner is **They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?**. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/23 "2009-02-27T03:45:23Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > One of Pet Shop Boys’ better song titles was “You only tell me you love me when you’re drunk.” NOFX also has: Freedumb Here Comes the Neighborhood I Live in a Cake Five Feet Under Professional Crastination Food, Sex, and Ewe Gonoherpasyphilaids Hobophobic (Scared of Bums) Please Stop Fucking My Mom Flossing a Dead Horse Quart in Session And Now For Something Completely Simila Take Two Placebos And Call Me Lame Thank God It’s Monday Clams Have Feelings Too (Actually They Don’t) Stranger Than Fishin’ We Threw Gasoline on the Fire And Now We Have Stumps For Arms And No Eyebrows Pump Up The Valium Fun Things to Fuck (If You’re a Winner) Re-gaining Unconsciousness Arming the Proletariat With Potato Guns I Am Going to Hell For This One There’s No Fun in Fundamentalism Jamaica’s Alright if You Like Homophobes California Über Alice Last Night Was Really Fun? Cool and Unusual Punishment The Marxist Brothers Everything in Moderation (Especially Moderation) 100 Times Fuckeder ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/24 "2009-02-27T03:57:53Z")
Dr. Phil cited this, IIRC, about dealing with those difficult teenagers: _Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?_ by Wayne Parker ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/25 "2009-02-27T04:02:39Z")
_Everything That Rises Must Converge_ “Children of a Lesser God” _The Last Camel Died at Noon_ ---
**Author:** ![statij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c2a13f/32.png) [@statij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statij)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/26 "2009-02-27T04:27:55Z")
_Lord of the Barnyard: Killing the Fatted Calf and Arming the Aware in the Cornbelt_ Such a great book too. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/27 "2009-02-27T04:35:21Z")
**Another Bullshit Night in Suck City** , by Nick Flynn **Bless Your Heart, Tramp** , by Celia Rivenbark **Lugging Vegetables to Nantucket** , by Peter Klappert ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/28 "2009-02-27T04:42:02Z")
I always liked “‘The Island of Doctor Death and Other Stories’ and Other Stories” by Gene Wolfe. ---
**Author:** ![Daylate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@Daylate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daylate)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/29 "2009-02-27T04:44:34Z")
Well, if we’re into song titles, I’ve always liked that old gospel song “They Don’t Make Jews like Jesus Anymore” ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/30 "2009-02-27T05:09:38Z")
_The Man Who Changed His Mind_ ---
**Author:** ![infinitii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e8c25b/32.png) [@infinitii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/infinitii)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/31 "2009-02-27T05:09:50Z")
I like Harry Stephen Keeler for titles: The Skull of the Waltzing Clown The Defrauded Yeggman The Case of the Lavendar Gripsack The Case of the Jeweled Ragpicker The Riddle of the Wooden Parrakeet The Gallows Waits, My Lord The Mysterious Ivory Ball of Wong Shing Li The Mystery of the Fiddling Cracksmen Those are some of the most colourful… ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/32 "2009-02-27T05:14:11Z")
Huge Cordwainer Smith fan here as well. The Ballad of Lost C’mell was one that immediately came to mind. I read a great book called \*\*An Armful of Warm Girl \*\*that has always stuck with me as a great title…can’t even remember the author…ah, here it is on [Amazon](http://www.amazon.com/Armful-Warm-Girl-W-M-Spackman/dp/B001NC8WYU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1235711582&sr=1-2)… ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/33 "2009-02-27T05:46:42Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > But one of my all-time favorite book titles is: > **The Jewish-Japanese Sex and Cook Book and How to Raise Wolves** by Jack Douglas Jack Douglas had a few good titles. My favourite of his was _Shut Up and Eat Your Snowshoes_. I also rather like Robert Fulghum’s _It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It_. I’m sure there are many in KidLit, but two that stand out (IMHO) are Dennis Lee’s _Alligator Pie_ and Shel Silverstein’s _Where the Sidewalk Ends_. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/34 "2009-02-27T06:20:47Z")
What about Mark Leyner? - Et tu, Babe - My cousin, my gastroenterologist - The Tetherballs of Bougainville: a Novel - Let’s Play Doctor: The Instant Guide to Walking, Talking and Probing like a Real MD (with Billy Goldberg, MD) - Tooth Imprints on a Corn Dog ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/35 "2009-02-27T06:24:02Z")
\*The Man Who Folded Himself The Wind From a Burning Woman\* ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/36 "2009-02-27T06:30:13Z")
**A Breath of Snow and Ashes** I haven’t read the book, but it’s one of the few titles I’ve ever read that filled me with a longing envy - I wish I’d thought of it first. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/37 "2009-02-27T06:51:07Z")
_Comes Now the Power_ \*Travelling With the Dead Burning Chrome\* ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/38 "2009-02-27T07:06:43Z")
Besides it being one of my favorite novels of all time, I’ve always thought **Watership Down** has a certain ring to it. You’d never guess what the book is about by the title alone, but it’s still so compelling. Also, **Me Talk Pretty One Day** by David Sedaris. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/39 "2009-02-27T07:13:39Z")
_Gun, with Occasional Music The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents How to Talk Dirty and Influence People The Dreams our Stuff is Made Of Tales of the Dying Earth Agatha Heterodyne and the Golden Trilobyte_ ---
**Author:** ![usar\_jag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f0a364/32.png) [@usar\_jag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usar_jag)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598/40 "2009-02-27T07:22:37Z")
A short story by P.J. O’Rourke: **“How to Drive Fast on Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed and Not Spill a Drop of Your Drink”.** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-titles-ever/487598.md?page=3)