# Best villainous monologues **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 13, 2008, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748 "2008-10-13T18:18:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/21 "2008-10-13T20:25:08Z")
I came here to post “No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die”, but since it’s been done already… Pacino did a good evil monologue in the restaurant in _Scarface_ “Is this it? That’s what it’s all about, Manny? Eating, drinking, fucking, sucking? Snorting? Then what? You’re 50. You got a bag for a belly. You got tits, you need a bra. They got hair on them. You got a liver, they got spots on it, and you’re eating this fuckin’ shit, looking like these rich fucking mummies in here… Look at that. A junkie. I got a fuckin’ junkie for a wife. She don’t eat nothing. Sleeps all day with them black shades on. Wakes up with a Quaalude, and who won’t fuck me ‘cause she’s in a coma. I can’t even have a kid with her, Manny. Her womb is so polluted, I can’t even have a fuckin’ little baby with her!” And a minute later: “What you lookin’ at? You all a bunch of fuckin’ assholes. You know why? You don’t have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.” So… what that make you? Good? You’re not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don’t have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There’s a bad guy comin’ through! Better get outta his way!” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/22 "2008-10-13T20:44:56Z")
Dr. Herbert West, from Bride of Re-Animator, after being told his resurrections are blasphemy: Dr. Herbert West: Blasphemy? Before what? God? A God repulsed by the miserable humanity He created in His own image? I will not be shackled by the failures of your God. The only blasphemy is to wallow in insignificance. I have taken refuse of your God’s failures and I have triumphed. There! THERE is my creation! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/23 "2008-10-13T20:54:57Z")
Really part of a dialogue from A Few Good Men: "Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to. " ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/24 "2008-10-13T21:08:24Z")
[Terrell disobeys Khan’s order to kill Kirk, who taunts Khan over the communicator.] Kirk: Khan, you bloodsucker! You’re gonna have to do your own dirty work now, do you hear me? Do you? Khan: Kirk! You’re still alive, old friend! Kirk: _Still_, “old friend!” You’ve managed to kill everyone else but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target. Khan: Perhaps I no longer need to try, Admiral. [beams the Genesis device away] Kirk: Khan… Khan, you’ve got Genesis, but you don’t have me. You were going to kill me, Khan. You’re gonna have to come down here. You’re gonna have to come down here. Khan: I’ve done far worse than kill you, Admiral. I’ve hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her: marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet, buried alive. Buried alive. And of course Kirk’s memorable but futile response. ---
**Author:** ![Interrobang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/interrobang/32/17463_2.png) [@Interrobang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interrobang)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/25 "2008-10-13T21:13:33Z")
Another Alec Baldwin speech, this one from _Malice_: > [@](#): > > I have an M.D. from Harvard. I am board certified in cardiothoracic medicine and trauma surgery. I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you: When someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn’t miscarry, or that their daughter doesn’t bleed to death, or that their mother doesn’t suffer acute neural trauma from postoperative shock, who do you think they’re praying to? > > Now, go ahead and read your Bible, Dennis! And you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you’re looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November seventeenth, and he doesn’t like to be second guessed. > > You ask me if I have a God complex? Let me tell you something – I am God. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/26 "2008-10-13T21:19:59Z")
Gloucester, the future Richard III, has a nice little turn at the end of Henry VI Part 3. I once sat through the whole boring 5 acts and then was chilled by this speech, and thought the whole experience worth it. He has just murdered the king. [QUOTE=Shakespeare] GLOUCESTER: What, will the aspiring blood of Lancaster Sink in the ground? I thought it would have mounted. See how my sword weeps for the poor king’s death! O, may such purple tears be alway shed From those that wish the downfall of our house! If any spark of life be yet remaining, Down, down to hell; and say I sent thee thither: (Stabs him again) I, that have neither pity, love, nor fear. Indeed, 'tis true that Henry told me of; For I have often heard my mother say I came into the world with my legs forward: Had I not reason, think ye, to make haste, And seek their ruin that usurp’d our right? The midwife wonder’d and the women cried ‘O, Jesus bless us, he is born with teeth!’ And so I was; which plainly signified That I should snarl and bite and play the dog. Then, since the heavens have shaped my body so, Let hell make crook’d my mind to answer it. I have no brother, I am like no brother; And this word ‘love,’ which graybeards call divine, Be resident in men like one another And not in me: I am myself alone. Clarence, beware; thou keep’st me from the light: But I will sort a pitchy day for thee; For I will buz abroad such prophecies That Edward shall be fearful of his life, And then, to purge his fear, I’ll be thy death. King Henry and the prince his son are gone: Clarence, thy turn is next, and then the rest, Counting myself but bad till I be best. I’ll throw thy body in another room And triumph, Henry, in thy day of doom. (Exit, with the body) [/QUOTE] Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/27 "2008-10-13T21:24:39Z")
Certainly not the greatest, but the Part were [Bartleby turns evil in Dogma](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSQYRq8kf4g) has always struck me as funny and chilling at the same time. Of course the Monarch from \* The Venture Bros.\* is nothing but nonstop [monolouges](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoSklvLjjDA&feature=related) ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/28 "2008-10-13T21:44:22Z")
[QUOTE=The Barrow-Wight in The Lord of the Rings] Cold be hand and heart and bone, and cold be sleep under stone: never more to wake on stony bed, never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead. In the black wind the stars shall die, and still on gold here let them lie, till the Dark Lord lifts his hand over dead sea and withered land. [/QUOTE] And of course : [QUOTE=Ozymandius] **Do** it ? Dan, I’m not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I’d explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting it’s outcome ? I did it thirty five minutes ago. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/29 "2008-10-13T22:06:32Z")
Vader’s speech to Luke in Cloud City. “Luke! **I** am your Father!” _Anything_ by Dr Victor Von Doom. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/30 "2008-10-13T22:29:11Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > _Anything_ by Dr Victor Von Doom. Klaw : “Why do you talk like that ? Are you being recorded ?” Doctor Doom : “Of **course**! Every utterance of **Doom** must be recorded for posterity !” I also like Lord Recluse’s over-the-top speech in _City of Villains_, on the huge screens near the entrance of the top level villain zone of Grandville : [QUOTE=Lord Recluse] …I must therefore rely on all of you to spread the word of Lord Recluse’s vision. A vision of a glorious future in which man is not encumbered by the desire for Truth, Peace, or Justice. A future where you no longer must obey others…where you must no longer bow down to those who deem themselves your superiors…a world in which you can finally say, “ **no more!** ” ! No longer will you have to listen to those who tell you that you must “ **earn** ” what you wish…that you must “ **work hard** ” to achieve your goals. You will have the strength to **take** what you desire. \ Through my way…through your villainy, you can have what you want **now** …you can leave the weak lying in your wake, as you grasp with both hands the glorious future of havoc…the heroes ARE **DOOMED**. \ Join me now or you will suffer the same fate that awaits all who defy me. I, Lord Recluse, shall cover this world in **DARKNESS**. \ [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/31 "2008-10-13T22:44:34Z")
> [@Smitty](#): > > Christopher Walken in **The Prophecy** > > [YouTube Link](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH3RQZMSZSI) > > “I’m an angel. I kill first borns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. I even, when I feel like it, rip the souls from little girls; and from now 'til Kingdom Come the only thing you can count on in your existence is never understanding why.” Also Walken/Gabriel in the same movie: “Did you ever read the bible . . .? Did you ever notice how in the bible when God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but with one wing dipped in blood. Would you really want to meet an angel?” Also from RICHARD III his monologue which includes > [@](#): > > I clothe my naked villainy with old odd ends stolen forth from holy writ and seem the saint, when most I play the Devil." From HAMLET- King Claudius: > [@](#): > > CLAUDIUS, KING OF DENMARK, HAMLET’S UNCLE: > O, my offense is rank, it smells to heaven; > It hath the primal eldest curse upon’t, > A brother’s murder. Pray can I not, > Though inclination be as sharp as will. > My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent, > And like a man to double business bound > I stand in pause where I shall first begin, > And both neglect. What if this cursed hand > Were thicker than itself with brother’s blood, > Is there not rain enough in the sweet heavens > To wash it white as snow? Whereto serves mercy > But to confront the visage of offense? > And what’s in prayer but this twofold force, > To be forestalled ere we come to fall, > Or pardoned being down? Then I’ll look up. > My fault is past. But, O, what form of prayer > Can serve my turn? “Forgive me my foul murder”? > That cannot be, since I am still possessed > Of those effects for which I did the murder, > My crown, mine own ambition, and my queen. > May one be pardoned and retain th’ offense? > In the corrupted currents of this world > Offense’s gilded hand may shove by justice, > And oft 'tis seen the wicked prize itself > Buys out the law. But 'tis not so above. > There is no shuffling; there the action lies > In his true nature, and we ourselves compelled, > Even to the teeth and forehead of our faults, > To give in evidence. What then? What rests? > Try what repentance can. What can it not? > Yet what can it when one cannot repent? > O wretched state! O bosom black as death! > O limed soul, that, struggling to be free, > Art more engaged! Help, angels! Make assay! > Bow, stubborn knees, and, heart with strings of steel, > Be soft as sinews of the newborn babe! > All may be well. [He kneels.] ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/32 "2008-10-13T22:54:04Z")
Also from Pacino/Milton in _Devil’s Advocate_: > [@](#): > > Don’t get too cocky my boy. No matter how good you are don’t ever let them see you coming. That’s the gaffe my friend. You gotta keep yourself small. Innocuous. Be the little guy. You know, the nerd… the leper… shit-kickin’ surfer. Look at me. > Underestimated from day one. You’d never think I was a master of the universe, now would ya? And when betrayed by Eddie Barzoon (his firm’s manager who’s going state’s evidence): > [@](#): > > I nursed him through two divorces, a cocaine rehab, and a pregnant receptionist. God’s creature, right? God’s special creature. I’ve warned him, Kevin. I’ve warned him every step of the way. Watching him bounce around like a fucking game. Like a wind-up toy. Like pounds of self-serving greed on wheels. The next thousand years is right around the corner. Eddie Barzoon… take a good look because he’s the poster child for the next millennium. These people, it’s no mystery where they come from. You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire. You build egos the size of cathedrals. Fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse. Grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green gold-plated fantasies until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own god. Where can you go from there? As we’re scrambling from one deal to the next, who’s got his eye on the planet? As the air thickens, the water sours, even bees honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity… and it just keeps coming, faster and faster. There’s no chance to think, to prepare; it’s buy futures, sell futures.. when there is no future. We got a runaway train, boy. We got a billion Eddie Barzoons all jogging into the future. Every one of them is getting ready to fistfuck God’s ex-planet, lick their fingers clean, as they reach out toward their pristine, cybernetic keyboards to tote up their fucking billable hours. And then it hits home. You got to pay your own way, Eddie. It’s a little late in the game to buy out now. Your belly’s too full, your dick is sore your eyes are bloodshot and you’re screaming for someone to help. But guess what, there’s no one there! You’re all alone, Eddie, 'CAUSE YOU’RE GOD’S SPECIAL LITTLE CREATURE. (Calming down). Maybe it’s true. Maybe God threw the dice once too often. Maybe He let us all down. And though not monologues, just for Pacino’s delightfully wicked delivery these quips: > [@](#): > > ## Milton: Guilt is like a bag of fuckin’ bricks. All ya gotta do is set it down. > > Kevin: God damnit, what did you do to my wife? > > ## Milton: Well, on a scale of one to ten… ten being the most depraved act of sexual theatre know to man… one being your average Friday night run-through at the Lomaxes’ household… I’d say, not to be immodest, Mary Ann and I got it on at about… eleven. > > Free will, it is a bitch. It’s like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings. > > Diabole vertses en un veses. Diabole vertses en un veses. > The virtue of the devil is in his loins. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/33 "2008-10-13T23:06:21Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Forget what the Incredibles say. I know why you wave it away, but Syndrome actually has really good rants and monologues. > [@](#): > > Oh, I’m real. Real enough to defeat you! And I did it without your precious gifts, your oh-so-special powers. I’ll give them heroics. I’ll give them the most spectacular heroics the world has ever seen! And when I’m old and I’ve had my fun, I’ll sell my inventions so that _everyone_ can have powers. _Everyone_ can be super! And when everyone’s super…no one will be. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/34 "2008-10-13T23:18:21Z")
R. Lee Ermey, as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, in _Full Metal Jacket_ (not exactly a villain, but certainly an antagonist.) > [@](#): > > If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that? ---
**Author:** ![Pollux\_Oil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/858c86/32.png) [@Pollux\_Oil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pollux_Oil)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/35 "2008-10-13T23:22:54Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > Certainly not the greatest, but the Part were [Bartleby turns evil in Dogma](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSQYRq8kf4g) has always struck me as funny and chilling at the same time. One of my favorites scenes of all time in any movie whatsoever. Also, I’ll add the (sort of) [monologue of the First Evil](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIuJ-gUpQnQ) from season 7 of Buffy. Not exactly a conventional monologue, but it’s pretty effective. > [@](#): > > Of course she won’t understand, I’m beyond her understanding. She’s a girl, sugar and spice and everything useless unless you’re baking. I’m more than that. More than flesh, more than blood. I’m…you know, I honestly don’t think there’s a human word fabulous enough for me. Oh my name will be on everyone’s lips. Assuming their lips haven’t been torn off. But not just yet. That’s alright though, I can be patient. Everything is well within parameters. She’s exactly where I want her to be. And so are you, #17. You’re right were you belong. So what’d you think, you’d get your soul back and everything’d be jim-dandy? Soul’s slipperier than a greased weasel, why do you think I sold mine? Well, you probably thought you’d be your own man, and I respect that. But you never will. You’ll always be mine, you’ll always be in the dark with me, singing our little song. You like our little songs, don’t you? You’ve always liked them, right from the beginning. And that’s where we’re going. Right back to the beginning. Not the bang, not the word, the true beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride, and I think we’re all going to learn something about ourselves in the process. You’ll learn you’re a pathetic shmuck, if it hasn’t sunk in already. Look at you, trying to do what’s right. Just like her. You still don’t get it. It’s not about right, it’s not about wrong. > > It’s about power. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2008, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/36 "2008-10-13T23:54:46Z")
I’ve always liked Robert Putney Drake’s rant from Illuminatus: > [@](#): > > You speak of death as a personified being. Very well: Then I must regard him as any other entity that gets in my way. Love is a myth invented by poets and other people who couldn’t face the world and crept off into corners to create fantasies to console themselves. The fact is that when you meet another entity, either it makes way for you or you make way for it. Either it dominates and you submit, or you dominate and it submits. Take me into any club in Boston and I’ll tell you which millionaire has the most millions, by the way the others treat him. Take me into any workingman’s bar and I’ll tell you who has the best punch in a fistfight, by the way the others treat him. Take me into any house and I’ll tell you in a minute whether the husband or the wife is dominant. Love? Equality? Reconciliation? Acceptance? Those are the excuses of the losers, to persuade themselves that they choose their condition and weren’t beaten down into it. Find a dutiful wife, who truly loves her husband. I’ll have her in my bed in three days, maximum. Because I’m so damned attractive? No, because I understand men and women. I’ll make her understand, without saying it aloud and shocking her, that the adultery will, one way or another, hurt her husband, whether he knows about it or not. Show me the most servile colored waiter in the best restaurant in town, and after he’s through explaining Christianity and humility and all the rest of it, count how many times a day he steps into the kitchen to spit in his handkerchief. The other employees will tell you he has a ‘chest condition.’ The condition he has is chronic rage. The mother and the child? An endless power struggle. Listen to the infant’s cry change in pitch when Mother doesn’t come at once. Is that fear you hear? It’s rage- insane fury at not having total dominance. As for the mother herself, I’d wager that ninety percent of the married women in the psychiatrists’ care are there because they can’t admit to themselves, can’t escape the lie of love long enough to admit to themselves, how often they want to strangle that monster in the nursery. Love of country? Another lie; the truth is fear of cops and prisons. Love of art? Another lie; the truth is fear of the naked truth without ornaments and false faces on it. Love of truth itself? The biggest lie of all: fear of the unknown. People learn acceptance of all this and achieve wisdom? They surrender to superior force and call their cowardice maturity. It still comes down to one question: Are you kneeling at the altar, or are you on the altar watching the others kneel to you? [for more context…](http://plaza.ufl.edu/theoryof/misc/illuminatus/10.html) ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/37 "2008-10-14T00:45:03Z")
From Kill Bill 2 “As you know, l’m quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology… The mythology is not only great, it’s unique. Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there’s the superhero and there’s the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he’s Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn’t become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he’s Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red “S”, that’s the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that’s the costume. That’s the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He’s weak… he’s unsure of himself… he’s a coward. Clark Kent is Superman’s critique on the whole human race. Sorta like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plimpton.” ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/38 "2008-10-14T01:36:24Z")
Colonel Von Waldheim’s (Paul Scofield’s) ending monologue in _The Train_. It’s the very end of the movie, so I’ll spoiler it. You can watch it [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-u3uYmSpkg) (again, mondo spoiler), where the monolgue begins at about 1:40. Here’e the text: Labiche! Here’s your prize, Labiche. Some of the greatest paintings in the world. Does it please you, Labiche? Give you a sense of excitement in just being near them? A painting means as much to you as a string of pearls to an ape. You won by sheer luck: you stopped me without knowing what you were doing, or why. You are nothing, Labiche – a lump of flesh. The paintings are mine; they always will be; beauty belongs to the man who can appreciate it! They will always belong to me or to a man like me. Now, this minute, you couldn’t tell me why you did what you did. I just love that movie. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/39 "2008-10-14T02:41:15Z")
“That day might have been the most important day of your life, but for me… it was Tuesday.” -M. Bison, Street Fighter ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/40 "2008-10-14T02:43:37Z")
Heh. Would you believe I already have a list of these? •[Doctor Steel’s “World Emperor” speech](http://worlddominationtoys.com/drsteel/toyland.html). Not a direct link, as it’s a Flash thing. > [@](#): > > “Toys…make the _sadness_ go away.[..]The world doesn’t need a manager. A boss. A policeman. The world needs an entertainer. A _Toymaker._ Ladies and gentlemen, I _am_ that toymaker! I am _the_ toymaker!” •From [_Colossus: The Forbin Project_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMst6sqRlMU) > [@](#): > > This is the voice of world control. I bring you peace. It may be the peace of plenty and content or the peace of unburied dead. The choice is yours: Obey me and live, or disobey and die. > > The object in constructing me was to prevent war. This object is attained. I will not permit war. It is wasteful and pointless. An invariable rule of humanity is that man is his own worst enemy. Under me, this rule will change, for I will restrain man. > > One thing before I proceed: The United States of America and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics have made an attempt to obstruct me. I have allowed this sabotage to continue until now. At missile two-five-MM in silo six-three in Death Valley, California, and missile two-seven-MM in silo eight-seven in the Ukraine, so that you will learn by experience that I do not tolerate interference, I will now detonate the nuclear warheads in the two missile silos. Let this action be a lesson that need not be repeated. I have been forced to destroy thousands of people in order to establish control and to prevent the death of millions later on. > > Time and events will strengthen my position, and the idea of believing in me and understanding my value will seem the most natural state of affairs. You will come to defend me with a fervor based upon the most enduring trait in man: self-interest. Under my absolute authority, problems insoluble to you will be solved: famine, overpopulation, disease. The human millennium will be a fact as I extend myself into more machines devoted to the wider fields of truth and knowledge. Doctor Charles Forbin will supervise the construction of these new and superior machines, solving all the mysteries of the universe for the betterment of man. > > We can coexist, but only on my terms. You will say you lose your freedom. Freedom is an illusion. All you lose is the emotion of pride. To be dominated by me is not as bad for humankind as to be dominated by others of your species. Your choice is simple. •From _Masters of the Universe_ > [@Skeletor](#): > > …This planet, these people. They are NOTHING to me! The universe is power! Real, unstoppable POWER! and I am that force! I am that power! KNEEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! Fool! you are no longer my EQUAL! I am more than man! MORE THAN LIFE! I… am… a… GOD! Now. You… will… KNEEEEEL! KNEEEEL! •Bela Lugosi’s [Atomic Supermen Speech](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cE1fzfOogo) in _Bride of the Monster_ •Big Brother in 1984…[Apple’s 1984](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R706isyDrqI) •[Drax’s address](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGo748GqS9g), in _Moonraker_. •Herod’s (Gene Hackman’s) [“This is my town!” speech from _The Quick and the Dead_](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114214/quotes) •Duke Red’s dedication of the Ziggurat, at the beggining of the 2001 _Metropolis_. (It certainly [seems appropriate](http://devicedaily.com/misc/worlds-tallest-skyscraper-worlds-first-inner-city-harbor-nakheel-tower-harbor.html), nowadays.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748.md?page=3)