# Best villainous monologues **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 13, 2008, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748 "2008-10-13T18:18:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/141 "2010-02-06T03:28:35Z")
“Struggle is the father of all things. It is not by the principles of humanity that man lives or is able to preserve himself above the animal world, but solely by means of the most brutal struggle.” “The great strength of the totalitarian state is that it forces those who fear it to imitate it.” “Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live.” “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.” “Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way round, to consider the most wretched sort of life as paradise.” “The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.” – Adolf Hitler ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/142 "2010-02-06T04:13:57Z")
NuWho monologues; **Dalek** DW; \ All right then, if you want orders, follow this one…kill yourself D; The Daleks must survive! DW; The Daleks have failed! why don’t you finish the job and make the Daleks extinct, rid the universe of your filth …why don’t you JUST DIE!! D;…You would make a good Dalek… \*\* Journey’s End\*\* [spoiler]Davros; And The Prophecy unfolds… Dalek Kaa; The Doctor’s Soul is revealed \ see him, see the heart of him Davros; The man who abhors violence, never carrying a gun, but this is the truth, Doctor, you take ordinary people, and you fashion _them_ into weapons, behold your children of time, transformed into murderers, I made the Daleks, Doctor, you made _this_ DW; I tried to help Davros; Already I have seen them sacrifice today for their beloved Doctor, the Earth woman who fell opening the Subwave Network DW; Who was that? Rose; Harriet Jones, she gave her life to get you here \ Davros; How many more? just think, how many more have died in your name \ Davros; The Doctor, the man who keeps running, never looking back because he dare not, out of shame, this is my final victory, Doctor, I have shown you…yourself \ Davros; The Final Prophecy is in place, the Doctor and his children, all gathered as witnesses, Supreme Dalek, the time has come, DETONATE THE REALITY BOMB! Supreme Dalek; Activate planetary alignment field, universal reality detonation in two hundred rells DW; you can’t Davros, listen to me, JUST STOP! Davros; \ AND NOTHING CAN STOP THE DETONATION, NOTHING, AND NO ONE \ \ \ Davros; I was wrong about your warriors, Doctor, they are possessive Supreme Dalek; Detonation in twenty rells… Davros; Stand witness, Time Lord, stand witness, humans, your strategy has failed, your weapons are useless, and, oh, the end of the universe has come \ Davros; I trusted you, you promised me, Dalek Kaa, why did you not forsee this? Kaa; \ DW; oh, I think he did, something’s been manipulating the timelines for ages, getting Donna Noble to the right place at the right time Kaa; This would always have happened, I only helped, Doctor Davros; you…betrayed…the Daleks? Kaa; I _saw_ the Daleks, what we had done, throughout time and space, I saw the _truth_ of us, creator, and I decreed “no more” \ Kaa; The prophecy must complete! Davros; Don’t listen to him! Kaa; I have seen the end of everything Dalek, and you must make it happen, Doctor \ DW; \ DAVROS, COME WITH ME, I PROMISE I CAN SAVE YOU! Davros; Never forget, Doctor, _YOU_ DID THIS, I NAME YOU FOREVER, YOU ARE THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS! \ Kaa; One will still die! \ [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/143 "2010-02-06T08:32:28Z")
Always go with the Nazis for this stuff. Ralph Fiennes as Amon Goeth in Schindler’s List. > [@](#): > > Today is history. Today will be remembered. Years from now the young will ask with wonder about this day. Today is history and you are part of it. Six hundred years ago when elsewhere they were footing the blame for the Black Death, Casimir the Great - so called - told the Jews they could come to Krakow. They came. They trundled their belongings into the city. They settled. They took hold. They prospered in business, science, education, the arts. With nothing they came and with nothing and they flourished. For six centuries there has been a Jewish Krakow. By this evening those six centuries will be a rumor. They never happened. Today is history. ---
**Author:** ![Zoot\_Sutra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/51bf81/32.png) [@Zoot\_Sutra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoot_Sutra)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/144 "2010-02-06T15:03:51Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Does anybody know how to suggest a new topic page to [tvtropes.org](http://tvtropes.org)? I was really expecting to find something on their [Speeches and Monologues](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SpeechesAndMonologues) directory that covers the thread topic, but there’s nothing about villainous monologues as such. I believe you are looking for [The Hannibal Lecture.](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HannibalLecture) ---
**Author:** ![Zoot\_Sutra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/51bf81/32.png) [@Zoot\_Sutra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoot_Sutra)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/145 "2010-02-06T15:12:56Z")
Also [The Reason You Suck](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheReasonYouSuckSpeech) or [Evil Gloating](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EvilGloating) may have what you’re looking for. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/146 "2010-02-06T17:10:21Z")
Does anyone recall the SF novel in which the villain, recognizing himself to have been cast by fate and his own personality in the role of villain, waxes eloquent as to why villains should not do villainous monologues which give the captured protagonist’s friends time to rescue him – so eloquent on the subject, in fact, that he gives the protagonist’s friends time to rescue him? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/147 "2010-02-07T01:25:22Z")
Not really a monologue, but the first thing that came to mind was from Get Smart: [“It’s not _Craw_, it’s **Craw**!”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftgAG3Vnif8) ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/148 "2010-02-07T02:51:39Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > “Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live.” Hitler and [Lee Tracy](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12070234&postcount=121) would have had something in common. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/149 "2010-02-07T13:34:32Z")
While Stanley’s reaction when Parson describes his side as “the bad guys” is an angry denial of being a villain (and one can argue that he is, at least, no more villainous than his enemies), [his rant](http://www.erfworld.com/book-1-archive/?px=%2F032.jpg) certainly came across that way: > [@](#): > > Shut up! Shut up until you’re ordered to speak! You don’t “know” anything. > > There is no “Good” or “Evil” side, smart guy. That is a _myth_. That’s _propaganda_. Ansom and people like him like to put on airs. Nobility. Like they’re not ruling by violence and fear. Psheh. > > But I’ll tell you what there _is_, Mister Mountain. There is “Holy” and “Unholy”. The Titans left this here for a _reason_. It chose _me_ for a divine _reason_. > > Ansom has one. but it’s not attuned to him and he doesn’t know why. I know why. > > Because he is bringing it to me. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/150 "2010-02-07T19:49:22Z")
Iago is a popular character for evil monologues. My favorite is the “I hate the Moor” monologue. I don’t know if it’s been mentioned here yet, and if so, I apologize, but I love it. It’s Act I, Scene III from _Othello_, lines 344 to the end. It’s so evil… ---
**Author:** ![HorseloverFat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8e8cbc/32.png) [@HorseloverFat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HorseloverFat)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/151 "2010-02-07T21:12:47Z")
Glengary Glen Ross, Ricky Roma’s sales pitch: > [@](#): > > All train compartments smell vaguely of shit. It gets so you don’t mind it. That’s the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time. When you die you’re going to regret the things you don’t do. You think you’re queer? I’m going to tell you something: we’re all queer. You think you’re a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheated on your wife? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There’s an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, then be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don’t think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won’t live in it. That’s me. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/152 "2010-02-07T21:31:28Z")
> [@ITR\_champion](#): > > Auric Goldfinger: Man has climbed Mount Everest, gone to the bottom of the ocean. He’s fired rockets at the Moon, split the atom, achieved miracles in every field of human endeavor… except crime! Someone has to say it… Only for twenty minutes in 1960. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748/153 "2010-02-07T21:52:37Z")
"Look, kid, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I know those paladins have filled your head with that “end of the world” nonsense, but I’ll level with you: I like the world. Some of my best evilness took place here. I wouldn’t mind ruling it, in fact. I’m certainly not about to destroy it unless I get REALLY bored. And I see you’re committed to the whole hero bit, which is OK. Good heroes make great villains, you know? But you’re just not playing in my league right now. I’m, what, seven levels higher than you? Eight? More? So how about we just call this one a mulligan? I set you down someplace, and you go off and train for a few years. Fight a bunch of random encounters, maybe go on an adventure path or two, have some fun with it. Then you come back, hack your way through my minions, and we have ourselves a good final tussle, Hollywood style. It’ll be a hell of a lot more satisfying for both of us, if you ask me." “You’re not regenerating anything. That eye? That’s your individual Idiot Tax. That’s what this fiasco costs you, personally. I want you to remember every moment of every day what happens if we sit on our lazy ASSES and rearrange the furniture in a ruined city instead of moving on to the next target. If I ever see you with more eyes than assholes, I’m going to shove one in the other and give your cloak to that hobgoblin.” –[Both](http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0442.html) [Xykon](http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0662.html). Those aren’t even his best, either. His best monolouges are print only, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-villainous-monologues/467748.md?page=7)