# Best way to comment on something that could be upsetting? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [January 8, 2013, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452 "2013-01-08T05:14:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/1 "2013-01-08T05:14:18Z")
If someone makes a post about a traumatic topic that you have something to addd to but it could potentially be traumatic, what is the best way of going about things? Deliberately vauge given the circumstances, obviously I can give teh exact THREE circumstances that have come up tonight (yes, three - hence why I’m creating this thread rahter than letting this go) but then of course would be second guessing thsi thread. ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/2 "2013-01-08T05:26:10Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > If someone makes a post about a traumatic topic that you have something to addd to but it could potentially be traumatic, what is the best way of going about things? Deliberately vauge given the circumstances, obviously I can give teh exact THREE circumstances that have come up tonight (yes, three - hence why I’m creating this thread rahter than letting this go) but then of course would be second guessing thsi thread. My recommendation would be to keep your mouth shut, unless there is some overwhelming reason why your post would be a positive contribution to the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/3 "2013-01-08T05:29:38Z")
I’m not completely certain I understand. Do you mean that reading your response could be potentially traumatic for the OP? If so I would hope you’d phrase it as not to be intentionally inflammatory and even state that you hope they aren’t upset by your addition, but if someone is posting on the board about a topic they have to understand (one would hope) that they are going to get opinions and anecdotes from people who may share things they my not like. As long as you aren’t being an outright dick about it then I’d say their reaction isn’t something you can take responsibility for and just share what you feel you want to. If that isn’t what you mean, then I’m lost but that’s nothing new. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/4 "2013-01-08T05:30:08Z")
> [@Absolute](#): > > My recommendation would be to keep your mouth shut, unless there is some overwhelming reason why your post would be a positive contribution to the thread. Well, I don’t think anyone would understand anything he said anyway, so no biggie. Let 'er rip, I say. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/5 "2013-01-08T15:34:20Z")
Like what? Poster A: Oh noes my neighbor just shot and killed my daughter. Poster B: Huh, what a coincidence. I just accidentally shot three of _my_ neighbors daughters tonight. I feel your pain. Something like that? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/6 "2013-01-08T16:44:54Z")
Poster A: Oh noes my neighbor just shot and killed my daughter. Poster B: Huh, what a coincidence. I just got a new Beretta. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/7 "2013-01-08T17:23:17Z")
Poster C: That reminds me of a hilarious joke I heard once about this little girl that got shot. It goes like this… ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/8 "2013-01-08T17:29:29Z")
So other than that, did you enjoy the play Mrs. Lincoln? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/9 "2013-01-08T17:40:08Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > So other than that, did you enjoy the play Mrs. Lincoln? Too soon! ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2013, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/10 "2013-01-12T22:19:57Z")
For a serious suggestion, how about putting the potentially distressing stuff in a spoiler? ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2013, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/11 "2013-01-12T22:43:51Z")
If your post is a reply to an individual unlikely to be upset, but you are worrying about upsetting an innocent bystander, I should think a private message would be a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2013, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/12 "2013-01-12T23:36:55Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Too soon! Should have waited until April, or at least until after the Oscars. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2013, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/13 "2013-01-13T01:28:59Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Too soon! Spoiler alert! Haven’t seen the movie yet. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2013, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/14 "2013-01-13T02:34:56Z")
Lincoln drowns in icy water while his rich wife survives on some floating door thingy. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/15 "2013-01-13T02:42:52Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Lincoln drowns in icy water while his rich wife survives on some floating door thingy. No, it’s his top hat she’s clinging to. When he offered it, she screamed, “You like me! You really like me!” mmm ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2013, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-comment-on-something-that-could-be-upsetting/646452/16 "2013-01-13T21:44:30Z")
The main post I was referring to was a troll post that got removed anyway, so it’s somewhat academic. Thanks for the responses but they all seem a bit common-sensey, rather than board specific. Which is probably the best plan actually (just to use common sense).