# Best way to get revenge on a food thief? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 14, 2010, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691 "2010-09-14T03:12:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/21 "2010-09-14T16:33:37Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > > [@ColdPhoenix](#): > > > > Best not to try that one: > > [Visine - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visine#Visine_prank_myth) > > “Pfizer recommends that anyone ingesting Visine get medical attention or contact a poison control center immediately.” > > Thanks for that! I had no idea… It would still be illegal in most jurisdictions too. Here, it falls under “administering a noxious substance”. ETA: I think on “Passive Aggressive Notes” someone photographed a note on a door that said something like “To whoever is stealing my food: I have three containers in the fridge, I peed in one of them, I’m not telling you which one.” Someone had replied: “That’s okay, I peed in all three to even it out.” In other words, if you exact revenge, be prepared for vengence yourself. Better to catch the culprit. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/22 "2010-09-14T18:20:08Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > On a different tack, webcams are getting cheaper, smaller and are easy to set up. Go with this one. And then call everyone in the residence hall in to watch the new hilarious video that you just saw. Because I guarantee that the thief has not just been stealing YOUR goodies. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/23 "2010-09-14T18:43:10Z")
Go to your local grocery store and ask for a spare produce box, preferably for broccoli or brussel sprouts or some other green vegetable. Bang it around a bit so the corners are damaged, etc. Put your ice cream in there and use packing tape to seal it shut. Put your name on the box and be sure everyone knows how happy you are to have green vegetables in your diet again after being broke for so long. No one will touch it. That doesn’t help you with revenge, of course, but it might help protect your stuff in the future. Also keep in mind that you don’t know the financial status of the person who took your stuff. They might very easily be so broke that buying anything to eat at all is difficult and you would probably feel like shit if you ended up hot saucing someone who hasn’t eaten in 2 days and is stealing out of poverty or starvation. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/24 "2010-09-14T18:43:23Z")
Canned cat food looks just like tuna. Make a nice pattymelt with it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/25 "2010-09-14T18:54:44Z")
> [@Larry\_Mudd](#): > > > [@be\_bright](#): > > > > Suggestions, anyone? So far a friend has told me to mix laxatives into ice cream. I like that idea. Said friend also suggested put pee in some juice – but that’s just gross (and not as awesome as inducing diarrhea). > > Your friend’s suggestions can earn you serious criminal charges in most jurisdictions. (Late with that observation, I see.) > > When this was a concern for me, I opted more for dissuasion than revenge. I affixed an actual funeral home’s printed label to my lunchkit, identifying it as a temporary container for cremated remains. Juice in a specimen jar. Work a treat, and no statutes agin’ it. I like this idea the best; a specimen jar should be sterile, so no problem drinking out of it, but most people aren’t going to go drinking out of specimen jars with fluid in them. At least, I hope not! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/26 "2010-09-14T20:17:24Z")
How is mixing laxatives with your own food illegal? You can’t be accused of poisoning anyone or administering anything if they’re STEALING IT FROM YOU. If someone breaks into your house and drinks the science experiment you’ve been storing in the fridge, that’s your fault? ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/27 "2010-09-14T20:22:47Z")
> [@Larry\_Mudd](#): > > Your friend’s suggestions can earn you serious criminal charges in most jurisdictions. (Late with that observation, I see.). Who’s gonna complain? It involves owning up to being a thief. ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/28 "2010-09-14T20:27:25Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Canned cat food looks just like tuna. Make a nice pattymelt with it. That’s a good one! Makes me gag just thinking about it! ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/29 "2010-09-14T20:45:28Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Go to your local grocery store and ask for a spare produce box, preferably for broccoli or brussel sprouts or some other green vegetable. Bang it around a bit so the corners are damaged, etc. Put your ice cream in there and use packing tape to seal it shut. Put your name on the box and be sure everyone knows how happy you are to have green vegetables in your diet again after being broke for so long. No one will touch it. You don’t think that produce in the freezer might be a tad suspicious? ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/30 "2010-09-14T20:49:18Z")
Here’s what you do. Buy another container of ice cream and a box of tampons. Take the tampons out of their packaging. Scoop out enough ice cream so that the tampons will fit inside. Cover the them with a thin layer of ice cream and smooth it out so it looks normal. Place in freezer. The crook will get a mighty big surprise when he digs in. For even more fun, dip the tampons in red food dye. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/31 "2010-09-14T20:49:40Z")
[quote=“Machine\_Elf, post:11, topic:553691”] Sounds great, but if an innocent third part is shuffling food around in the fridge while looking for his own, he could become an unfortunate victim. Better to taint the food _inside_ your container, where no one would be expected to probe unless they were most definitely stealing your food. QUOTE] You could just put your trapped container in a plastic bag from the store. It just looks like you got your ice cream from the store and put it straight into the freezer. As far as a webcam, you might want to check with someone first. Some places have laws about recording people without their knowledge and how you use the recordings. It might be different because you’re on a campus and in a dorm. Tell a professor you are working on a psycology project that involves hidden cameras and see what they say. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/32 "2010-09-14T21:00:41Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > > [@pbbth](#): > > > > Go to your local grocery store and ask for a spare produce box, preferably for broccoli or brussel sprouts or some other green vegetable. Bang it around a bit so the corners are damaged, etc. Put your ice cream in there and use packing tape to seal it shut. Put your name on the box and be sure everyone knows how happy you are to have green vegetables in your diet again after being broke for so long. No one will touch it. > > You don’t think that produce in the freezer might be a tad suspicious? It could be, but really what are the OP’s other options? Put dangerous or unpleasant junk in food and leave it as a trap hoping to get the same food thief? Buy a separate freezer for their own dorm room? Stand guard with a crossbow? Pay to put up a webcam and hope that word doesn’t spread quickly about the psycho who is filming people in a public place over $2 worth of ice cream? Disguising the ice cream is the best possible option. If the produce box doesn’t work for you get some empty ensure bottles or whatever you think would fit in but be unappealing at the same time. Don’t bother trying to punish the person stealing from you because honestly in a college situation there are probably half a dozen people swiping stuff from that fridge. You won’t ever be sure your stuff is completely safe in there again. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/33 "2010-09-14T21:11:56Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > > [@Contrapuntal](#): > > > > You don’t think that produce in the freezer might be a tad suspicious? > > It could be, Could be? Putting fresh vegetables in the freezer and then going around bragging about your fresh vegetables _could be_ suspicious? Actually, it might work if it convinces everyone you’re crazy. > [@](#): > > but really what are the OP’s other options? Put dangerous or unpleasant junk in food and leave it as a trap hoping to get the same food thief? Buy a separate freezer for their own dorm room? Stand guard with a crossbow? Pay to put up a webcam and hope that word doesn’t spread quickly about the psycho who is filming people in a public place over $2 worth of ice cream? Citing a bunch of stupid ideas doesn’t make another stupid idea smart. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/34 "2010-09-14T21:27:10Z")
You could try this note > **[FAIL Blog - Funny Fails](https://cheezburger.com/3923800832)** > > \- The internet has generated a huge amount of laughs from cats and FAILS. And we all out of cats. In a previous thread someone posted a link to a locking container but I haven’t found it. ---
**Author:** ![panman\_1960](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/919ad9/32.png) [@panman\_1960](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panman_1960)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/35 "2010-09-14T22:09:13Z")
You had a half gallon of Cookie Dough and it lasted more than 3 days??? Your upset because it didn’t make it a week? Someone was just making sure it didn’t go bad. Really! How much was left after almost a week? You can’t tease the stoners like that and expect anybody to show restraint after the 3rd day. You deserved to have it eaten. 😃 later, Tom. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/36 "2010-09-14T22:58:43Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > Who’s gonna complain? It involves owning up to being a thief. The poisoned person would be outed anyway, and have nothing to lose. Nobody is going to prosecute larceny of a sandwich – even for a serial offender. Food tampering, on the other hand, is something that could get you up to five years. (Or ten, even, if they can show harm.) As far as tit-for-tat goes, that’s kind of a losing situation. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/37 "2010-09-14T23:08:47Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > How is mixing laxatives with your own food illegal? You can’t be accused of poisoning anyone or administering anything if they’re STEALING IT FROM YOU. Can’t you? What difference does it make that they were stealing? Do you think “I poisoned him because he stole from me” sounds like a reasonable argument? I don’t. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/38 "2010-09-14T23:47:35Z")
How is the person who stole the food going to prove they were poisoned? Say for example I make my catfood/habanero sauce patty-melt, label the bag “ **Evil** ’s food, do not eat”\*. Someone rummages in the fridge and eats it, gets sick and burns their mouth badly. How would they prove that I was the one that made it, even if it had my name on it? It’s quite easy to just put someone else’s name on a tainted foodbag. Even if they could prove that I indeed made it, how would they prove that I did it maliciously? What if I happen to like catfood and habanero sandwiches? Honestly, I think the worst that will happen is someone will raise a huge stink, and the communal fridge will be removed since people can’t have nice things. Or get some of [these](http://www.thinkofthe.com/product.php?name=anti-theft-lunch-bags). ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2010, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/39 "2010-09-15T00:01:08Z")
> [@foolscap](#): > > Ever eat wild persimmons? > When fresh they contain an astringent that slowly > changes into sugars, turning from smooth orange to a wrinkeled black. > I would leave a big box of them in the fridge, > If anyone does take one it would be a pretty orange one. > > no one would eat anything with my name on it after that. > even if I wanted them to. Persimmons can cause bezoars. Not likely if only one is eaten, but if you eat enough you could require surgery. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691/40 "2010-09-15T00:13:28Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I like this idea the best; a specimen jar should be sterile, so no problem drinking out of it, but most people aren’t going to go drinking out of specimen jars with fluid in them. At least, I hope not! :eek: LISTER: (Offering) Lemon juice? CAT: (Pointing at the object) What the hell is that? LISTER: It’s a syringe. CAT: What kind of syringe? LISTER: It’s for cows – artificial insemination. It’s been washed; it’s clean; it’s all been sterilised. Do you want lemon juice or what? CAT: (Removes the serviette.) Ahem. Excuse me. (Stands.) LISTER: (Baffled) What? What about the meal? CAT: This isn’t a meal – this is an autopsy! LISTER: It’s only the starter, man! What about the main course? CAT: Hey, you think I got nothing better to do than hang around watching you serve chicken chasseur in a stool bucket? (Leaves.) For all that it’s fun to think about revenge, and interesting to ponder the legality of adulterating your own food when you know someone else is likely to steal it, I do agree that the best solution to protecting future food is to make it seem unappetizing or boring. Maybe you could put a pint of ice cream inside an empty resealable bag from some frozen vegetables, or in a protein powder canister? Go shopping and look for healthy or icky looking foods that might conceivably be kept in a freezer, and have a rigid package that could accommodate a tub of ice cream. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-get-revenge-on-a-food-thief/553691.md?page=3)