# Best way to kill fish? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [July 18, 2011, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419 "2011-07-18T07:16:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/41 "2011-07-19T04:14:12Z")
Make it look like an accident, wipe for prints. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/42 "2011-07-19T06:09:22Z")
I’m surprised at the lack of fish puns in this thread. I’m sure it’s a fluke, but the punsters will be along soon hook me with puns and give me a haddock. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/43 "2011-07-19T08:03:50Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > I really hope these stories of animals torture are just sick jokes. No. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/44 "2011-07-19T10:52:56Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > We’re not talking about the being’s rights, we’re talking about the human’s empathy. > > ETA - in other words, I would have a perfect _right_ to cut my dog’s throat right now as he lays his head on my knee. However, I have a _responsibility_ (as well as an emotional attachment) to him. This thread is about the best way to kill fish. If you want to argue fish have feelings and whatnot, I would suggest starting a new thread in GD. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/45 "2011-07-19T13:19:15Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > This thread is about the best way to kill fish. If you want to argue fish have feelings and whatnot, I would suggest starting a new thread in GD. Well, somebody asked why you’d bother. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/46 "2011-07-19T13:56:44Z")
Here’s the most effective way to [kill a fish](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gw-qjuR8Kg#t=1m0s). I think **Argent Towers** already has one of the [necessary tools](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=469994&highlight=Garand). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/47 "2011-07-19T14:09:31Z")
Another option for killing fish is to ask a friend to care for your tank while you are on vacation. ---
**Author:** ![CheeseDonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@CheeseDonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheeseDonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/48 "2011-07-19T14:25:10Z")
I always thought throwing a plugged-in toaster into a pond was a good way to get a lot of free dead fish. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/49 "2011-07-19T14:27:10Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > ETA - in other words, I would have a perfect _right_ to cut my dog’s throat right now as he lays his head on my knee. However, I have a _responsibility_ (as well as an emotional attachment) to him. Even more hijack-ey, perhaps, but you most certainly would _not_ have such a right. Dogs aren’t fish - they have large brains, distinct personalities, and are very clearly conscious. There are _some_ cases in which you could kill your dog humanely - terminal illness, behavioral problems, and so on - but doing it for the lulz will land you behind bars. This is a good overview of DC, VA and MD animal-cruelty laws: [http://www.dcbar.org/for\_lawyers/sections/environment\_energy\_and\_natural\_resources/animal\_law/cruelty06.cfm](http://www.dcbar.org/for_lawyers/sections/environment_energy_and_natural_resources/animal_law/cruelty06.cfm) > [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > since your GQ answer appears to be that fish are below that threshold, I guess I’d like to know how you know. I don’t know for an absolute certainty, but the tiny brain size and limited behavioral repertoire of most fish strongly suggests they aren’t significantly more conscious than worms. ---
**Author:** ![jeffsdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/aca169/32.png) [@jeffsdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeffsdad)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/50 "2011-07-19T20:41:04Z")
I either put them in an ice-chest, where their metabolism slows down till death - no suffering i woud think, or I put them on a stringer, where they stay alive (if you do it right) until I clean them. Putting them on a stringer also allows me to put them back in the lake if I dont catch enough to mess with cleaning - very seldom. When we perch fish we catch 50-100, I cant imagine (and never have seen) stopping and clubbing each fish to death between each catch. Never even heard of it. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/51 "2011-07-19T20:55:33Z")
> [@jeffsdad](#): > > I either put them in an ice-chest, where their metabolism slows down till death - no suffering i woud think… I agree with this entire post but especially the above. Clubbing a fish the size of a crappie (much less a bluegill) is ineffective. I have been on deep sea boat where I have seen deck-hands effectively club bigger fish but my attempts to apply this method to smaller fresh water fish were mostly failures - from a ‘preserving the meat’ angle but more importantly from an apparent ’ less suffering’ angle. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/52 "2011-07-19T21:33:38Z")
> [@chacoguy](#): > > Make it look like an accident, wipe for prints. Leave the gun, take the cannoli. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/53 "2011-07-21T19:37:42Z")
A soft hearted friend of mine (female) says that you could try drowning them. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/54 "2011-07-21T21:24:17Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > A soft hearted friend of mine (female) says that you could try drowning them. Which, technically, you do by taking them out of the water. ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/55 "2011-07-24T03:43:07Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Another option for killing fish is to ask a friend to care for your tank while you are on vacation. Now _ **THAT** _, gets the prize for best/funniest post, in **this** thread! 😃 (I now have people looking at me as if I’ve suddenly went \*“mental”, \*and might possibly benefit from a moderate dose of tranquilizers!) 😛 Thanks! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/56 "2011-07-24T04:35:51Z")
> [@jeffsdad](#): > > I either put them in an ice-chest, where their metabolism slows down till death - no suffering i woud think, or I put them on a stringer, where they stay alive (if you do it right) until I clean them. Putting them on a stringer also allows me to put them back in the lake if I dont catch enough to mess with cleaning - very seldom. When we perch fish we catch 50-100, I cant imagine (and never have seen) stopping and clubbing each fish to death between each catch. Never even heard of it. That’s what I do too- usually chunk them in the cooler with the ice, and they gradually cool down and either die, or if they’re still moving, are pretty much anesthetized when I behead them and clean them. I have also just beheaded them and cleaned them straight out of the water, under the assumption that a sharp knife in the right place is about as quick as you could ask for. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/57 "2011-07-26T03:04:28Z")
I once went fishing with some neighbor-friends at like 3AM and we’re all hammered. It was a fun time, pretending to catch fish, but it was getting cold. 20 minutes of nothing, we’re all ready to go inside, and then all of a sudden, BAM, a big fish caught the line. Hoooly crap. Surprisingly, one guy managed to reel it in. Being drunk idiots without much fishing experience, we then didn’t know what to do. Throw it back? No that felt like it would invalidate our proud catch. Kill it? We’re not barbarians! Somebody suggested the most humane thing to do would be to eat it. Which necessitates killing it… but it’s ok if we are EATING it. So, in we go to the kitchen! All this time it’s flopping around and just being pitiful. We pause in trepidation. After a while it stops moving… Until THWACK goes the knife, which was apparently not nearly as sharp as it looked. In a burst of piscadrenaline, the fish went absolutely bananas, flopping around the kitchen, scattering plates and cutlery everywhere. Panic ensues. Girls scream. A fish scale goes flying off to a stray cupboard. While we’re all floundering around, The owner of the house suddenly lunges for the fish, grabs it, slams it on the counter, and hits it hard 4 more times with the struggling knife. Thwack! _die fish_ Thwack! _omg cmon_ THWACK!! _ah we are so sorry_ THWACRACK!! _ah I can’t do this anymore_… That fish head ain’t going nowhere. It flops around a bit more until it hears the bell sound and goes to its corner to get ready for the next round. But there would be no next round. It had won, if you could call it that. We took it back to the lake and tossed it in. The mood was somber, and we all went home. Perhaps in the end, it saved its own life. Perhaps it was ok… Sorry little fish =/ ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/58 "2011-07-26T03:35:52Z")
> [@CheeseDonkey](#): > > I always thought throwing a plugged-in toaster into a pond was a good way to get a lot of free dead fish. You’d be surprised how quickly the Inverse Square Law cuts in. “Honey, there’s a bare wire in this water and I’m being electrocuted.” “Never mind.” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/59 "2011-07-26T04:20:38Z")
[Call the sea police and punch it in the boat.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQKk99I3wTQ) ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419/60 "2011-07-26T14:01:16Z")
> [@jeffsdad](#): > > I have been fishing white perch and bream all my life. I have never heard of anyone ever wanting to, or trying to kill them before putting them in the ice chest (or whereever). Why? Its either put them on a stringer to get them to live as long as possible or throw them in an ice chest where they would stay fresh. > [@nivlac](#): > > I usually just leave any caught fish (that I’m keeping) on a stringer in the water until I’m ready to pack it up. Then I throw them into a cooler with ice. By the time I’m home they’re all dead. Except for maybe the catfish. Those you’ll have to cut off their heads before gutting them. Those critters are awfully sturdy. This and This. @ OP, why are you killing your fish before your clean them? The meat will stay fresher and less likely to spoil if you just keep them alive on the stringer as **jeffsdad** and **nivlac** have said. And these are crappie right? You don’t need a mallet, just use your fillet knife to cut their heads off underneath the gills. Crappie are small fish. The mallet clubbing is reserved for much larger fish that may not be able to hold still when cleaning them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-kill-fish/589419.md?page=4)