# Best way to monitor a Teenagers Personal Computer use? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816 "2003-11-12T15:16:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![whatami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/85f322/32.png) [@whatami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whatami)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/21 "2003-11-12T22:31:32Z")
> [@](#): > > My sister is having some difficulties with her 14 year old son. and > [@](#): > > But sometimes, he goes up there right after dinner and they don’t see him again. He never did this pre-computer. I spent a lot of time in my room about this age, and I didn’t have a computer in there. I mean really, this kid is 14. At that time I probably masturbated two or three times a day. Just another possiblity ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/22 "2003-11-12T22:53:29Z")
They’ve got broadband, right? So I’m going to get slightly technical. Get them to set up a second computer - it doesn’t have to be a powerful one - as a firewall and proxy server, then network the two together. The firewall will go a long way to preventing hacks and the proxy server will provide detailed logs. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/23 "2003-11-13T00:09:10Z")
I think a little reverse psychology might be in order. “Okay, son, here’s a list of the twenty best porno tgp sites. There are lots more, of course, but these have the good stuff. Now while you’re spankin’ it, I recommend that you sit forward in your chair, rather than leaning back, as this puts pressure on your taint, and thus your prostate, and significantly increases your pleasure. Unless you want to put a thumb in your butt, in which case leaning back is kind of a must. When it’s time to spooje, you can use Kleenex, but I always had good results with an old sock. Just make sure to replace it before it gets too dried and crusty or you’ll chafe the crap out of your dong…” A couple of minutes of this, and he won’t be able to masturbate in front of the computer without thinking of his parent’s instructions, and he’ll get too skeeved out to continue. ---
**Author:** ![Mumboo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Mumboo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mumboo)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/24 "2003-11-13T02:14:22Z")
My philosophy was always to be interested in what my son was watching, listening to and looking at on the computer. The computer was in a common room as others have suggested. He is now in university, doing very well and I have been introduced to such wonders as “Everquest” and “The Straight Dope”. We talk about most things (I have no illusions that he tells me everything) and he hasn’t done anything too deviant yet. Being interested in what your kids do is the most important thing you can ever do for them. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/25 "2003-11-13T03:46:25Z")
Just what are the “Difficulties” the OP’s sister is having with her son? To be quite frank, if the only “difficulty” is that the kid might be looking at porn, then the “difficulty” is with the OP’s sister. If he wants to look at porno, let him. He’s 14, he’s got the sex drive of a grown man and no other way to release it. Give the kid a little privacy; he’ll have enough trouble dealing with his own sexuality without Mom and Dad trying to stop him from flogging his dog. If he starts stealing Mom or Dad’s credit card to sign up to [biguns.com](http://biguns.com), THEN it becomes a problem. Until then, leave him be. If he’s sitting in his room all night he’s not out committing crimes. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/26 "2003-11-13T04:43:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by qts \* > \*\*The firewall will go a long way to preventing hacks and the proxy server will provide detailed logs. \*\* Yeah. Detailed logs that he went to an anonymizer service. Detailed logs that he and his friends are exchanging large mpgs with non-descript names. A 14-year-old in search of porn will overcome almost any obstacle you put in his path. The only way I can think of to actually prevent it is to tell him that you are going to monitor his usage, not tell him how, and then hope that you think of something he hasn’t already got a workaround for. As far as installing software on his computer goes, don’t make me laugh. Any 14-year-old worth his salt will get around that in a heartbeat (if you can even get it on there in the first place). ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/27 "2003-11-13T06:17:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Iteki \* > \*\* > Seems he has now reached some sort of agreement with my mother that he will only look at anime porn on the home computer :rolleyes:, as my mother says “That’s all right isn’t it?”. Shes just thrilled he is turning out straight 😛 \*\* Maybe you should show your mother some choice anime like _La Blue Girl_ or _Legend of the Overfiend_ and see how she reacts to it. :eek: :eek: 😃 Secondly, any 14 year old that can’t defeat any software/hardware his parents use to monitor usage is probably too stupid to let him use the internet anyways. No software in the world will stop him from simply booting the computer up with a Knoppix Linux disc, and using that to browse the net. The only real way to keep him from viewing porn is to move the computer to a public area where you can physically watch him. Any other method will fail. ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/28 "2003-11-13T13:55:17Z")
Quite a few oddball responses in here. Things ranging from setting up a firewall (How’s that going to help, anyways?) to telling the mother she needs to relax (And that’s your business, why?) to my favorite, getting another computer to act as a proxy server/firewall. A lot of responses, but not much usable content. If she’s really serious about wanting to monitor all facets of this kids surfing and computer usages, then she’d be best served by installing a key logger of some kind. One that I installed on a nervous parents computer was Black Box - [website](http://www.enfiltrator.com/ebbhe/full.htm). The thing monitors everything. Which application did what, and when. What things the kid typed in on chat, messageboards, or the like. Anything’s that done on the computer, this thing records it and reports it back. It’s kind of creepy, but effective as hell as the kid realizes whatever it is they do, even trying to disable it, will be easily seen by whoever set it up. All of it’s monitoring and reports are protected by passwords, so junior can’t get at it (Even trying to disable it from deep within the registry won’t get you very far) and even the reports are encrypted, so this is pretty big-time and somewhat harsh. But, for parents who are worried, and kids that a generally good, it’s a perfect setup. The parent essentially says, ‘Do whatever you want. I trust you. But I also verify, too’. If it’s a big brother, no-holds-barred kind of approach she wants to take, check out that software. Of the many kinds like it, it’s the best I’ve seen and used. ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/29 "2003-11-13T13:59:59Z")
- Accidentally linked to the 98/ME specific edition above. All other versions, and the main program, can be found here - [website](http://www.enfiltrator.com/black_box/index.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/30 "2003-11-13T14:18:48Z")
Maybe she can give him random drug tests, room searches, and go on all his dates which incidentally must end at 8 o’clock. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/31 "2003-11-13T14:50:27Z")
I suppose she could, Ilsa. I mean, she IS the parent. But the OP asked about the ‘how’, not the ‘why’. Two different things. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/32 "2003-11-13T14:54:55Z")
> [@](#): > > They’ve got broadband, right? So I’m going to get slightly technical. Get them to set up a second computer - it doesn’t have to be a powerful one - as a firewall and proxy server, then network the two together. The firewall will go a long way to preventing hacks and the proxy server will provide detailed logs My BIL is doing this instead of moving the kids machine into the Den. My Sister and BIL are simply going to talk to him…He knows it all anyway, but they just want to reiterate for - _"parents peace of mind_" - things like internet predators, non-reality porn etc…etc… ---
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/33 "2003-11-13T15:40:38Z")
I hope the kid isn’t dumb enough to think that wiping the cache and history is somehow going to make him look innocent. The obvious lack of evidence is pretty incriminating in itself. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/34 "2003-11-13T16:40:31Z")
If he has any brains, he’ll know that you fill it with innocent things like [Fluffybunniesandkittens.com](http://Fluffybunniesandkittens.com) and Yahoo and so on. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/35 "2003-11-13T18:00:06Z")
Hey, \*\* CnoteChris \*\* what is to stop the kid from simply getting a Knoppix Linux disk, and booting off of that? That would easily defeat that “Black Box” software; it might look suspicious if Black Box doesn’t have any logs, but unless the parents are physically watching him, or some other monitoring method external to the computer, the kid can simply say we wasn’t using the computer as much. Now, IMHO, if the 14year-old can’t break whatever protection his parents place on the computer, he is too stupid to be let on the internet, and his parents should take the computer away from him.(Or at least take away the net connection.) ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/36 "2003-11-13T18:48:26Z")
Yea, really. If you can’t hack around the parental controls, you don’t deserve the sweet, sweet boobies. ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/37 "2003-11-13T18:57:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > **Hey, \*\* CnoteChris \*\* what is to stop the kid from simply getting a Knoppix Linux disk, and booting off of that?** And what? Surfing for porn under Linux? Or removing the program from Windows? I suppose removing it from windows could be done, but then you’ve shown your hand - the program is gone. Using Knoppix by itself is a possibility. But think about it, do you really think this kid is going to fart around with Linux? Instead of that, he could simply walk down to the library and use their computers, or go to a friends house and use theirs. I don’t think that’s the issue here. I think the issue is that the parents feel overwhelmed and a bit out of their league, and simply want some assurances that the kid is using the internet responsibly. Most people here have focused on that, saying things like monitoring and looking over their shoulder are good solutions. I tend to disagree with that approach. Mostly because it seems impossible maintain, but also incredibly easy to get around. Need some eggs? Don’t mind me, I’ll just be looking at barely legal here while your gone. And since you’re not setting up anything monitoring what’s going on while your gone, you’ll never know. My solution, and what my friend/mom ended up doing, was to install the software and then sit the kids down and inform them on what was up. She told them that what they did was being monitored and recorded and there was no way to disable it, or get around it. You could try, but it ain’t gonna work. And what’s worse, we’ll know if you try to disable it. So don’t. It was pretty obvious she was only worried about things she prohibited; porn, certain games, websites, etc. The kids knew what they were and not to go there. What was further clear to me was that the mother wasn’t interested in checking this thing all to often. Just whenever, just in case, or whenever she got suspicious. Outside of that, I doubted, and she assured me, that she never checked it for nefarious means. Sounded pretty rational to me. The mother liked it because it gave her a sense of control and power over something she was clueless about. The kids grumbled and moaned but were more curious (In a golly-gee-whiz kinda way) about how it worked. But after a bit, they didn’t seem to mind. They knew mom wasn’t looking… but she could, pretty easily. Personally, I think it’s the perfect solution. No messing around with always being there, over the shoulder. That never seems to work, no matter how many times it’s said. The second computer thing sounds like a pain. And I don’t understand how that’s more secure, or uncorruptable, than what your supposedly locking down. And then there’s all the time involved with the other ways, which all seem easily defeatable in the end. But hey, this is just my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/38 "2003-11-13T19:40:08Z")
Yes, I do mean surfing for porn under Linux. And if the kid really want to look at porn, then expecting him to use Knoppix is much easier than going to the library. And the solution you gave involves having the mother out and out \*\* LIE \*\* > [@](#): > > She told them that what they did was being monitored and recorded and there was no way to disable it, or get around it. You could try, but it ain’t gonna work. And what’s worse, we’ll know if you try to disable it. So don’t. to her children, since even that Black box software can be defeated rather trivally, without the parent knowing it has been defeated. Now, if the kid doesn’t want go to the trouble to break these to look at porn, well, then you don’t have a problem in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/39 "2003-11-13T19:51:21Z")
So what’s your solution Dread? ---
**Author:** ![Ryle\_Dup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ryle\_Dup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryle_Dup)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816/40 "2003-11-13T20:21:33Z")
How about let the kid figure it out on his own? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-way-to-monitor-a-teenagers-personal-computer-use/212816.md?page=3)