“Hey, you. C’mere for a second.”
–p
That’s what I do. But I only sneeze out air. Or maybe it’s how I do it. I don’t sneeze a…chew! I sneeze HAAA!
Hey, and I live in Seattle - this “art” would sell like hotcakes!
“Hm… I’d say she was feeling a little down when she sneezed right here. And this splotch was in obvious constipated anger. See the way it spatters a little to the right? She’s subconsciously telling us she’s lonely, but in love.”
“Oooh!”
“Ahhh!”
They’ll never understand my art. I only cry because my nasal passages are filled with pepper. 
No way am I going to sneeze on myself. When I can tell it’s going to be a big one, I step forward, jerk my head down and sneeze at the floor. Nobody’s going to complain that you’ve gotten germs on their floor, after all. I don’t think I’ve had a really snot-heavy one lately, but when that happens I just inhale more and sneeze as hard as possible (also downward), that tends to blow the stuff out of your nose.
assume the horse stance facing an open area or wall, set palms together in front of you in a praying position and fan it out 180[sup]o[/sup], keeping base of palms together, maintain angle and lower palms to your left waist, gather qi as you feel the incoming sneeze, then push both palms outwards while them linked together at all times, uttering the power word “ah-CHOO!” at release.
instant projectile.
ah, the internal combustion.
I’ve tried that method. It makes my brain leak.
That’s what I do. It was useful when I worked in Burger King because it meant I wasn’t spreading germs all over the food.
into your wife’s elbow or tour own if she smacks you
Ditto. Not in my hands, not on my elbow, nowhere. I turn my head to the right and down towards the ground, raise the elbow slightly ABOVE the mouth area as some kind of sybolic germ shield that probably doesn’t do anything and direct the sneeze at the ground.
If I feel it coming on and have a second, I try to swallow and clear my mouth of any spit because if I get caught off guard the floor can get sneeze spray which is a little gross. The reason I aim there is a sure as hell don’t want that spray/germs on my sleeve for the rest of the day.