# Best Zombie article ever! (Shows how it could happen) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392 "2009-01-28T16:30:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/1 "2009-01-28T16:30:57Z")
This one is just too priceless to not share. Maybe it is because I have been having fun lately shooting (and playing) zombies in Left4Dead recently and that I never seem to get tired of zombie flicks. Ahh well…enjoy! > [@](#): > > So, you take a brain dead patient, use these techniques to re-grow the brain stem, and you now have a mindless body shambling around, no thoughts and no personality, nothing but a cloud of base instincts and impulses. > > That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we like to call a real, live, undead fucking zombie. So there. > > Think about it. Under every legal system in the world, all rights and responsibilities are terminated at death. All it takes is someone with resources and a need for a mindless workforce of totally obedient slave labor. > > How long until somebody tries this? We’re betting somebody in the world, maybe North Korea, will have a working zombie by Christmas. > > SOURCE: [5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen | Cracked.com](http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_5-scientific-reasons-zombie-apocalypse-could-actually-happen.html) ETA: If a Mod could correct the poor spelling in the title I’d appreciate it. Seems I proof read like a zombie. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/2 "2009-01-28T16:34:42Z")
So, can I ask for a squad of five zombies for Christmas? They could shamble around the office, bring me tea and write VB code. Plus I’d be able to use the HOV lane. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/3 "2009-01-28T17:18:18Z")
Real zombies don’t need air, food or a functioning circulatory system. So these would be just your standard vegetative state people. The legal status of someone declared “dead”, I couldn’t speak to. But to perform any sort of coordinated action, you need at least some minimal functioning brain- a brain stem isn’t going to do anything more than keep the body alive. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/4 "2009-01-28T20:15:40Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Real zombies don’t need air, food or a functioning circulatory system. So these would be just your standard vegetative state people. The legal status of someone declared “dead”, I couldn’t speak to. But to perform any sort of coordinated action, you need at least some minimal functioning brain- a brain stem isn’t going to do anything more than keep the body alive. Yeah…well, the full article is decidedly tongue-in-cheek. I just thought it was humorously done. None of them quite rise to brain eating zombie level except maybe for the one likened to the Rage virus from 28 Days. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/5 "2009-01-29T14:27:25Z")
The only difference between a Zombie and someone working for the British Civil Service is that a Zombie wants to eat your brain. Except of course for me … Cos I DO want to eat your BBBUURRRRAINNNS!!!\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/6 "2009-01-29T14:36:06Z")
[And here’s how we make them unstoppable.](http://mediumlarge.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/) Fear my wrath! FEAR IT GOOD! ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/7 "2009-01-29T14:45:13Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > The only difference between a Zombie and someone working for the British Civil Service is that a Zombie wants to eat your brain All I want is your name and payroll number. The real zombies are in our [dept name excluded for legal reasons, but they know who they are :mad:] team. Be glad you’re only looking for my braaaaaaaaaainnss and don’t have an invoice waiting to be paid. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/8 "2009-01-29T14:48:25Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > [And here’s how we make them unstoppable.](http://mediumlarge.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/) Fear my wrath! FEAR IT GOOD! Aha, yes, but, zombies not being the sharpest tools in the box, all you have to do is lure them into a nearby hat store and persuade them to try on a nice bobble-hat…then, kerblammo! ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/9 "2009-01-29T14:57:18Z")
When is the last time Sci-Fi was wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-zombie-article-ever-shows-how-it-could-happen/483392/10 "2009-01-29T15:51:56Z")
Next person to declare that they are the brains of the outfit is in serious trouble.