# Betcha never read that before **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 13, 2007, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103 "2007-09-13T18:59:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/1 "2007-09-13T18:59:26Z")
Compose a single coherent sentence that you believe has never been written before in the history of history. (Nonsense sentences don’t count.) I’ll start… Abraham Lincoln took his panties out of the dryer and folded them delicately while two Tibetan monkeys danced on his head. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/2 "2007-09-13T19:13:42Z")
I, Kuboydal, have complete and utter confidence in the ability of the United States Government to do what is right for the people and the environment not only in their own country but in the entire world. smirk ---
**Author:** ![Baraqiyal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@Baraqiyal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baraqiyal)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/3 "2007-09-13T19:17:16Z")
“That gray-haired lady is somehow able to make the hippo do her bidding.” My first thought when hearing my mom say this is “I’ll bet that sentence has never been uttered or written before in the history of civilization”. It was her response to a photo of a hippo pulling a small boat with an elderly woman on board. ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/4 "2007-09-13T19:19:38Z")
“I pit the California Raisins for being so wrinkly.” ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/5 "2007-09-13T19:20:15Z")
Paging **Boyo Jim** … ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/6 "2007-09-13T19:20:50Z")
The lion pounced, knocking the wind right out of me and pinning me to the ground, but I fought for my very life and managed to succeed in beating him back with a bag of dry vermicelli. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/7 "2007-09-13T19:30:54Z")
For the first time in recorded history, and for reasons not quite understood in Botswana, Clarice refused Reynaldo’s own personal-sized box of pea soup. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/8 "2007-09-13T19:37:03Z")
**Annie-Xmas** loves George W. Bush, voted for him twice and intends to vote for him in 2008 as a write-in candidate, while all the while she is carrying on a secret torrid affair with Hillary Clinton. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/9 "2007-09-13T19:41:44Z")
“If you hadn’t pulled string beans from the ersatz Balinese cold collation, Persephone, my pince-nez would not have exuded squid ink all over the counterpane,” enounced Séamus, inscrutably. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/10 "2007-09-13T19:52:35Z")
Carlos begged Wayne to braid his hair, and he might have succeeded if the warden’s Shetland pony didn’t pick that very moment to vomit butterscotch pudding all over the incoming power lines, electrocuting himself and darkening half of the prison. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/11 "2007-09-13T20:40:03Z")
And the Oscar goes to, “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry!” ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/12 "2007-09-13T21:02:23Z")
“Whither marzipan?” cried Eric, as he slumped to the floor of the Duke d’Oc’s oubliette. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/13 "2007-09-13T21:07:04Z")
President George W Bush was greeted by hordes of cheering Democratic supporters as he appeared on the balcony after signing the treaty of friendship and recognition with Somaliland. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/14 "2007-09-13T21:07:39Z")
The tap-dancing snails were only outclassed by the defenstrating monkeys brought in by the veruncular Professor Quidgit. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/15 "2007-09-13T21:32:36Z")
All of the Star Wars’ fans brought a date to the event. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/16 "2007-09-13T21:48:31Z")
As Bianca sadly regarded the pan-seared salmon, she reflected upon the state of her life that had gotten her to this point, and realized it had been a mistake to insult the King of Greece. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/17 "2007-09-13T23:50:13Z")
Kindly old Cthulhu spoke up, advocating mercy for the audacious pair: “Let’s eat and kill them, now!”\* \*Actual line from a story I wrote. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/18 "2007-09-14T00:51:05Z")
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times – but more importantly, it was time for kipper.” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/19 "2007-09-14T00:56:18Z")
[QUOTE=Liberal] Abraham Lincoln took his panties out of the dryer and folded them delicately while two Tibetan monkeys danced on his head. [/QUOTE] There’s probably, like, five porn rings dedicated to exactly this imagery. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/20 "2007-09-14T02:49:38Z")
“Something has exploded jumentously up in the zebra-infested blue moon!” cried the valgus whipjack. (Shut up, they are totally words, I have a cite.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103.md?page=2)