# Betcha never read that before **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 13, 2007, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103 "2007-09-13T18:59:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/21 "2007-09-14T03:14:15Z")
“You know what? Fuck it, you dimwits are on your own,” spake Jesus, and lo, Jesus did command Bartholomew to give him a piggy-back ride home. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/22 "2007-09-14T04:19:13Z")
\*\*…A single coherent sentence that you believe has never been written before \*\* O. J. Simpson announced today, “I did it.” _There’s an entire category of these that are just too easy._ ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/23 "2007-09-14T06:36:09Z")
[QUOTE=Hung Mung] “You know what? Fuck it, you dimwits are on your own,” spake Jesus, and lo, Jesus did command Bartholomew to give him a piggy-back ride home. [/QUOTE] Winner. ---
**Author:** ![Strysterious\_Manger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Strysterious\_Manger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strysterious_Manger)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/24 "2007-09-14T07:12:26Z")
“Since the problems of famine, disease, war, poverty and the environment had been solved, people were finding themselves looking for new and exciting problems to tackle and. not finding any, many were driven to depression and sometimes even suicide until this all became somewhat problematic.” ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/25 "2007-09-14T07:14:32Z")
[Hold the newsreader’s nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers](http://youtube.com/watch?v=gfltPfU_nw0) ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/26 "2007-09-14T07:39:40Z")
“That’s a 1978 Jeep Grand Wagoneer Limited. The interior was upgraded after AMC took over Kaiser-Jeep,” she said. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/27 "2007-09-14T07:45:53Z")
I hate to break it to you guys (meaning you Dopers), but the room full of typing monkeys beat you to it with all of these. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/28 "2007-09-14T13:04:18Z")
PETA announced today its total and complete disbandment… effective immediately. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/29 "2007-09-14T13:14:14Z")
“Cockrings is what I’m all about, Jethro”, proclaimed Anita Bryant, as she vociferously charmed the fleet of dalahäst horses. Yes, I’m trying to work “dalahäst horses” into my everyday vocabulary. What of it? ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/30 "2007-09-14T13:20:52Z")
“George Bush and Britney Spears are up for nomination for the Nobel peace prize.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/31 "2007-09-14T13:33:39Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] “George Bush and Britney Spears are up for nomination for the Nobel peace prize.” [/QUOTE] George Bush? You lie! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/32 "2007-09-14T13:40:20Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] George Bush? You lie! [/QUOTE] Sorry. I’ve read that before. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/33 "2007-09-14T15:06:26Z")
The Detroit Lions have just won their third straight Super Bowl. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/34 "2007-09-14T15:11:14Z")
Chimps avoid Betelgeuse. Does the shortest win? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/35 "2007-09-14T15:14:10Z")
[QUOTE=TheLoadedDog] Does the shortest win? [/QUOTE] Powdered gerbils. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/36 "2007-09-14T15:19:19Z")
[QUOTE=TheLoadedDog] Chimps avoid Betelgeuse. [/QUOTE] I’d have to peruse the works of Pierre Boulle before I accept having never read that before. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/37 "2007-09-14T15:24:21Z")
FFFFFuck Offffffffffffff ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/38 "2007-09-14T15:37:03Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] Powdered gerbils. [/QUOTE] Well, a quotation mark-enclosed Google search tends to confirm you might be right -but now I’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do if the feds ever seize my computer… ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/39 "2007-09-14T15:39:28Z")
“Bother,” said Olivia, as Jack’s moustache leapt off and pursued the Governor General around the outhouse. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103/40 "2007-09-14T18:03:25Z")
“There were so many things he wanted to say to express his disappointment that Christopher had once again failed to bring him a pot of hunny, but all he could get out was, ‘Is Pooh gonna hafta choke a bitch?’” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/betcha-never-read-that-before/419103.md?page=3)