# Better blowjobs and you (and vice-versa) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 12, 2011, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340 "2011-01-12T14:02:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/81 "2011-01-14T20:06:31Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Go deeper, definitely keep going. > > If it’s not too much of a hijack, what’s the best thing to do as a female is coming? I’ve had success with: slow way down briefly, then speed up again, repeat as long as she’s still enjoying it. ---
**Author:** ![xanthous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/53a042/32.png) [@xanthous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanthous)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/82 "2011-01-14T20:17:13Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Go deeper, definitely keep going. > > If it’s not too much of a hijack, what’s the best thing to do as a female is coming? I vote for slow down a little and drive it home (as it were). ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/83 "2011-01-14T20:17:43Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Go deeper, definitely keep going. > > If it’s not too much of a hijack, what’s the best thing to do as a female is coming? Follow my instructions closely. 😉 They will probably sound something like, “FASTER! HARDER!” There comes a point in time where I wanna be _pounded_. Give it all you got and don’t stop until I shut up. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/84 "2011-01-14T21:27:44Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Speaking only for myself, keep going until I tell you to stop. For me, the transition from “don’t stop, don’t stop” to “OMG STOP NOW” is very sudden, and it’s going to basically be impossible for my partner to anticipate it on his own unless I tell him. Which I am not shy about doing. I would have to concur with this assessment. There’s a point at which I want NO CONTACT but it comes (heh) very suddenly, as **MsWhatsit** points out. Which might be exactly why **cjepson** ’s technique works on his (?) partners. Someone research this over the weekend and report back! ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/85 "2011-01-14T21:30:00Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Serious question: have you talked to your doctor? There are times when erectile dysfunction drugs really are wonderful. Many of them can be used, at least occasionally, even if you’re on antihypertensives (wonderful drugs, but they often cause ED), but only your doctor can tell you for sure. > > And…do you still have sensation? My partner, an older gentleman himself, can’t maintain an erection for hours like he used to, but if I keep going with oral or hand, he still feels good, and can achieve orgasm even though he’s not hard. Sometimes it takes a while, but most of the time we get there. So don’t assume that because you’re not hard you won’t come. I’m completely non-responsive to stimuli no matter the source. The cause might be emotional but the effect is the same; at my age, I don’t intend to go into analysis to sort it out. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/86 "2011-01-16T15:04:18Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Guys have a special spot in their heart for those young ladies who learn to do it without leaving any evidence behind. Some do but others prefer to see the evidence all over the place. I think the key is taking time to know what your lover likes instead of expecting to be able to please them all with the same magical technique. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/87 "2011-01-16T15:16:18Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > I’m completely non-responsive to stimuli no matter the source. The cause might be emotional but the effect is the same; at my age, I don’t intend to go into analysis to sort it out. I’m sorry. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/88 "2011-01-16T15:49:08Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Popular are his sporadic all-you-can-drink specials for 1200 baht (US$39) and which include one complimentary blowjob (and no, not from him). Note to self: Completely reconsider retirement-living plans. [Quote=Dogzilla] Follow my instructions closely. They will probably sound something like, “FASTER! HARDER!” There comes a point in time where I wanna be pounded. Give it all you got and don’t stop until I shut up. [/quote] Ma’am, Yes, Ma’am! Aye, Aye, Ma’am! And yes, there is never one single fits-all “magic move”, but from my POV that’s fine, this is to me one of those areas in which appreciation of the effort counts highly. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/89 "2011-01-18T07:17:34Z")
Lots of folks mentioned “practice.” Well, if practice makes perfect then I guess I will lose my touch as I no longer have a special someone to practice with. As far as taste - once you have tasted it once, you have definitely NOT tasted it all. It varies from man to man and it depends on what they have eaten, and or ingested into their body, whether they smoke, etc. My last lovers cum was the sweetest and best I have ever had the pleasure of swallowing. ---
**Author:** ![Allthegood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@Allthegood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Allthegood)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/90 "2011-01-18T08:37:12Z")
Don’t you wish they taught this sort of useful stuff in sex education classes? ---
**Author:** ![MadTheSwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/91 "2011-01-18T13:05:22Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Guys have a special spot in their heart for those young ladies who learn to do it without leaving any evidence behind. Or lots of evidence. ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/92 "2011-01-18T16:19:09Z")
Any other guys here who think BJs are kinda Meh…! Once or twice a year I can be in the mood for it but more often than not…(far more often than not) I find them an interruption and a boring change of pace. ( even though I love giving oral sex to a lady) ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/93 "2011-01-18T17:16:48Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Guys have a special spot in their heart for those young ladies who learn to do it without leaving any evidence behind. I don’t think it’s the learning that’s the issue. I’ve learned how to do lots of things I don’t particularly want to practice doing. Certainly there are times when I’m in the mood, but not generally. However, I’m so spectacularly talented, as well as enthusiastic, the absence of this is rarely, if ever, an issue. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/94 "2011-01-18T17:29:40Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Like Dan Savage I firmly believe that oral should come as standard with every model, so if yours doesn’t have it, return it to the shop and get a new one. +1 > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > 1. If you truly have horrible, terrible, unmitigated jaw pain, I suggest you put his head on your mouth (this won’t be bigger than a big bite of steak) and lightly lick/suck while (lubing your hand with lube or spit) and running your whole had up and down his schlong. > > \*When you are more advanced you can lightly use teeth. I love to give head. I love it considerably less when some unimportant aspect of it makes ME physically uncomfortable. Once my ex and I were well into our relationship, we made a deal: he would get an absolutely mind-blowing blowjob, my absolute best, without any restraint, drawn out to maximize his pleasure… but he had to sit on the edge of a table or desk so I could do it sitting in a chair. That prevented neck pain, jaw pain, everything. We’d put a pillow on the desk, I’d adjust my chair, and he’d get 20-30 minutes of bliss. > [@Silver\_Fire](#): > > As for communicating about technique and whatever, Ben and I talk about sex the same way we talk about this week’s grocery list or what movie we should see. It’s just a conversation. I never talked about sex with men in my early 20s because it seemed to cause more trouble than it was worth, but now I wouldn’t be able to be with somebody who got defensive or offended if I tried to discuss my interests/his technique with him. For me, it shows a complete disregard of me and my wants and says “I don’t care about what YOU like. This is about ME.” Amen. I met a man a couple of years ago who absolutely fell apart when I made the slightest _physical_ indication that the way he was kissing me wasn’t working perfectly. We ended up having a conversation I still can’t believe - he’s a middle aged man and he still labors under the impression that he’s being unmanned by a woman letting him know what she needs sexually? Oh please. We didn’t get much farther than the kissing. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/95 "2011-01-18T18:20:39Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > …Certainly there are times when I’m in the mood, but not generally. However, I’m so spectacularly talented, as well as enthusiastic, the absence of this is rarely, if ever, an issue. Oh, I am SO calling stealth-brag on this one! ---
**Author:** ![InterestedObserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@InterestedObserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InterestedObserver)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/96 "2011-01-18T19:19:49Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Oooook, so, gee, where to start… just starting this thread I feel like Woody Allen, the anxious part, not the marrying-your-own-adopted-daughter part. (He did that right?) > > So yes. In the past, [del]a friend of mine[/del]I’ve had various lovers, some great and some super-great. Even the not-so-great have been great, for sex is like pizza, warm and gooey. > > :o Getting on with it, blowjobs seem to be a highly variable skill. Some girls were great, some were fantastic, and all the colors of the rainbow inbetween. > > The real question is this. Is there any way to improve a certain lovers skill with oral (I don’t see why this thread can’t apply for cunnilingus either)? To improve things, the obvious method seems to be gentling tell your lover what feels good and what doesn’t during the act. This works most of the time but sometimes this approach doesn’t click. I would never dream of directly telling a lover that his or her skill at a certain sex act was under-par, so… where does that leave things? > > Advice? Thoughts? Mockery? 😛 > > ((If this thread seems too much like Penthouse, I understand and won’t have any complaints. For the record I’m more seeking advice on communication about oral sex and less on the method or sensation of. )) > > (((Although that’s welcome too. Maybe. If it’s kosher))) Communication. This doesn’t have to entail “directly telling a lover that his or her skill at a certain sex act was under-par” (nor does the situation necessarily indicate a lack of skill on their part). People like different things. And there’s no need to stop the action for a lecture on proper technique. :smack: Just make noises, verbally direct them (“Ohhh, yes! Do this, do that…oh, yeah, that’s it!”), even manually direct them by moving them or yourself until they are hitting your sweet spots, then give lots of positive feedback. Any unselfish lover, male or female, wants to please their lover but most aren’t mind-readers, and even the highest “skill level” can miss the mark and/or seem mechanical if the approach is 1. wrong for the particular partner 2. treated like an act/task in which the receiver is passive. I was not BORN an excellent fellator…my late husband trained me (same way I trained him to be the amazing cunnalinguist he was:D). ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/97 "2011-01-19T02:35:41Z")
Would I be out of line to ask a slight hijack question about breast-play? I know that the light touch of the ball of a finger around and under her breast w/o ever touching the edges of her areolas can add to foreplay. What if, during, you gently placed one nipple between thumb & forefinger for a very light 30 degree twist with a little less force than you might turn the key on a Rolls Royce…for about maybe 4 Mississippi…and then let go? Might that add to her enjoyment? Or is that just a YMMV? ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/98 "2011-01-19T03:12:09Z")
First off, don’t overthink the actions on breast touching. Your descriptions show you’ve put a lot of thought into what you’re doing; unlike blow jobs or cunnilingus, it’s much more free flow. Try different things, ask how they feel. Palm of your hand can be really soothing and satisfying; rough pinching can be too. All on the same woman. It’s very largely YMMV, and it varies widely by sexual encounter and where you are in the whole sex act with the same person. If my SO were to come up to me right now, grab a boob and twist with his whole hand, it would hurt like the dickens and I’d probably punch him. If he does it halfway through some pretty hard sex it’s gonna feel great. Above all you want it to become part of everything else you’re doing; do it while making out to rev her engine. If you’re counting to 4, you’re not enjoying yourself and chances are good she’s aware that you’re overthinking it too. Cold also influences things; a light brush with a tshirt can be extremely painful in a cold bedroom. I suggest a well heated bedroom; I could be wrong but I think this applies to most women. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/99 "2011-01-19T03:51:44Z")
I am personally not a fan of the nipple twist. Well, maybe if I’m really het up I don’t mind it, but generally speaking, stop trying to tune in a new station, dammit! Pinch, pull, rub, suck, nibble, even bite, okay. No twist. YNMV (Your Nipples May Vary.) ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340/100 "2011-01-19T05:36:45Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Or is that just a YMMV? When it comes to sex, assuming everyone is interested in giving and experiencing more pleasure (sometimes they aren’t, strangely) pretty much everything you can imagine is YMMV. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-blowjobs-and-you-and-vice-versa/567340.md?page=6)