# Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 23, 2005, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551 "2005-06-23T16:55:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/21 "2005-06-23T23:14:47Z")
> [@Maeglin](#): > > He always had **concubines** , one of whom he lived with **in sin** for over two years. Did you see this in a news release from the Department of Redundancy Department? ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/22 "2005-06-23T23:24:34Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Did you see this in a news release from the Department of Redundancy Department? Wait, you can’t just ROOM with a concubine? I need a new rule book. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/23 "2005-06-23T23:45:09Z")
Don’t it always seem to go…that you don’t know what you got 'til it’s gone. Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/24 "2005-06-24T00:38:51Z")
> [@fushj00mang](#): > > Oh, and Amp, what’s the deal with the op (the rest of the story)? C’mon, we need to know so we can either console you or beat you. Please? Oh, you know how it is. Boy meets girl, boy and girl become friends, over a period of two and a half years boy and girl find out they are perfect for each other and fall in love, boy and girl tell each other of their true feelings one magical night, boy and girl start a relationship, girl is then conflicted because she is currently engaged, girl decides she is going to leave fiance and be with boy, girl then relents, girl tells boy drop dead, boy feels like an ass for starting something he knew was going to end badly, boy hates himself for falling in love again even though he promised himself he never again would after his ex-wife left, boy makes himself a sandwich then posts sad story on SDMB. The typical tragic love story. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/25 "2005-06-24T00:42:09Z")
I’m not at all sure where this is going [sub]…or for that matter where it IS or where it CAME FROM…[/sub] but I do believe that it is true that it IS “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Probably I shouldn’t be taking this seriously, no one else seems to be, but I believe that if you do the best you can in ANY situation and don’t have the end result you wanted? It is easier to let go of the situation and move on in a positive direction if things don’t resolve in the way that you wanted them to than if you have to live with "what if?"s. “WHAT IF…I had just done this or that…” [sub]What if I had just tried harder, been more honest about my loving feelings, been less honest about my complaints, compromised more, been more uncompromising, worked less, worked more…whatever.[/sub] I believe that if you look within yourself and remain true to what is important to you and act on it, at least you don’t have to live with “what if?s.” Letting go is hard. It is harder and sometimes impossible if a person feels they are to blame for the failure of the relationship. Much better to live with having loved and lost than to know that you prevented yourself from loving and later on end up wondering if you lost something that might have been the best thing in your life…“if only…” It is really hard to let go of something when you don’t feel you did everything you could to make it work. Sometimes, I think “If I had only” are the saddest words in the world. At least if you love someone and honestly give it all you have from a position of who you are and what you need, and that you gave it all you had from that perspective…and if you lose the relationship because who you were together just didn’t make it… Then you know that it just wasn’t meant to be. OTOH, if you _know_ you put up walls or weren’t honest about your feelings, you’ll always wonder “what if.” Just my thoughts. I could be wrong, it happens much more frequently than I care to admit. 😃 I now return you to much more entertaining discourse than mine. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/26 "2005-06-24T00:50:40Z")
> [@Scotticher](#): > > but I do believe that it is true that it IS “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Me too. Not because to have loved and lost is all that great, but because _never to have loved at all sucks big sweaty hairy yak balls_. But I still don’t understand what Saint Augustine has to do with it. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/27 "2005-06-24T00:57:19Z")
Well, maybe that’ll teach me once again the value of previewing faithfully. It’s been what…five years? Obviously I’m a slow learner. I stand by what I said, but I wanted you to know that I wasn’t trivializing your pain, **Amp.** I still think you are better off for trying, but I understand your pain. I’ve been there, actually, [sub]not exactly, but close enough[/sub] and it not only hurts like fire, but it feels kind of personally humiliating. Please try not to feel that way, okay? I don’t think it is your lack, but hers. You appear to have given it what you could, and she appears to me to have “issues” and been emotionally dishonest with you because of them. I have no doubt that she had strong feelings for you and wasn’t TRYING to be dishonest, but sometimes people just don’t have a clue what they feel. I hope you aren’t going to allow your divorce and this relationship to make you close your heart, although I would understand if you did. Please don’t close your heart. My Love, Cheri ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/28 "2005-06-24T05:37:06Z")
Hey **Amp**? The quicker you can get to the point where you can look back on your most recent paramour and say (with genuine sincerity) “Whatever…”, the quicker you’ll know you’re healthy again. Also, remember these wise words… _“Our most recent ex-partners ALWAYS cop the harshest press…”_ In my opinion, it’s a sign of nobility to rise above that particular truism. Try and concentrate on saying kind and glowing positives about your ex-girlfriend - you’ll pump out lots of good karma that way. ---
**Author:** ![Fortean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/96bed5/32.png) [@Fortean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fortean)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/29 "2005-06-24T10:35:02Z")
Is it really St Augustine? I thought it was Lord Tennyson. ---
**Author:** ![Fortean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/96bed5/32.png) [@Fortean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fortean)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/30 "2005-06-24T11:35:46Z")
And someone I know has looked at the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations online, and it’s definitely Tennyson. I’ve no idea how it got ascribed to St Augustine. Bloody internets. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/31 "2005-06-24T11:49:22Z")
The lovelorn and broken-hearted are much better suited to MPSIMS. St. Augustine is on his own. Of course, being dead and all, and saint to boot, it’s unlikely he posts on the Dope anyway. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/32 "2005-06-24T12:24:17Z")
But I had profanity and everything in the OP. Wow, I just got dumped by **TVeblen** too. Now my life really sucks. Can we at least still be friends? ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/33 "2005-06-24T12:52:48Z")
My dog still likes you, **Amp**. Of course she tolerated even my ex-husband, but it just goes to show warm, accpepting hearts are still out there! Veb Buck up, Amp. Anybody who hasn’t had their heart stomped on at least once just plain didn’t show up for life in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/34 "2005-06-24T13:38:26Z")
> [@Fortean](#): > > Is it really St Augustine? I thought it was Lord Tennyson. I thought it was Miami Beach. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/35 "2005-06-24T15:44:42Z")
Somebody needs to come on here with a “St. Augustine” username now. Seriously. _hugs to **Amp** , because life sucks and all that_ ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/36 "2005-06-24T16:48:46Z")
> [@Amp](#): > > Oh, you know how it is. Boy meets girl, boy and girl become friends, over a period of two and a half years boy and girl find out they are perfect for each other and fall in love, boy and girl tell each other of their true feelings one magical night, boy and girl start a relationship, girl is then conflicted because she is currently engaged, girl decides she is going to leave fiance and be with boy, girl then relents, girl tells boy drop dead, boy feels like an ass for starting something he knew was going to end badly, boy hates himself for falling in love again even though he promised himself he never again would after his ex-wife left, boy makes himself a sandwich then posts sad story on SDMB. > > The typical tragic love story. What kind of sandwich? I like boiled-egg-and-anchovy. Although ham salad is nice, if you put plenty of diced green olives in it. ---
**Author:** ![Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551/37 "2005-06-24T17:15:05Z")
> [@Rocketeer](#): > > What kind of sandwich? I like boiled-egg-and-anchovy. Although ham salad is nice, if you put plenty of diced green olives in it. Or if making an egg sanwhich try this - take a raw egg, pour it in a bowl, break up the yolk, put 4 slices of salami on it and microwave it for about a minute, then put a slice of mild cheddar on top and microwave for another 15 seconds. After that put the whole thing on a slice of bread, add condiments to taste and enjoy. I love those things [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost-than-to-have-never-loved-at-all/309551.md?page=1)