# Better to have loved and lost? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 28, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651 "2003-11-28T01:39:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Herge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Herge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Herge)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/1 "2003-11-28T01:39:13Z")
Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all? Do you think this is true? It doesn’t happen often to me, but just recently it seems like its happening again. Having met someone special, I have had to say goodbye at least for a few months. She has had to go abroad to put her family affairs in order, due to a death in the family. Its a love temporarily taken away, but it feels as bad as a love lost, and seems to have taken its toll more heavily than usual. It just seems to hit you the moment you realise you’re going to be apart for a while. Bummer. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/2 "2003-11-28T01:53:28Z")
Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all? Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Herge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Herge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Herge)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/3 "2003-11-28T02:04:56Z")
I suppose I know that the answer is yes. This is more about airing my feelings than anything else. I feel like my emotions have taken an upper cut, and I’ve not been able to talk to anyone about it. I can sense a lot of sadness just under the surface and keeping it suppressed doesn’t seem to be helping. ---
**Author:** ![Dioptre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@Dioptre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dioptre)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/4 "2003-11-28T02:12:35Z")
[Just as a caveat, I have to point out that whilst I have loved and lost, I have also loved and been happily married for five years and counting] I’m pretty sure I was generally happier before I reached the age of seriously falling in love. The brief moments of exhileration are in no way compensation for years of tears and hopeless obsession. I guess there are a few different situations: 1. Loved, was not reciprocated, forever heartbroken 2. Loved, was reciprocated, things went bad 3. Loved, was reciprocated, loved one torn away tragically Of those, I’ve only experienced (1), and it detracts enormously from my quality of life. I have to say though that if my current marriage ended up as (3), I would be better off having loved and lost than never having loved at all. So: Situation (1) - NO NO NO Not better to have loved and lost Situation (2) - I don’t have an opinion Situation (3) - YES, on balance better to have loved and lost ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/5 "2003-11-28T02:35:17Z")
In general, I’d say yes, though I agree with **Dioptre** on his case 1. By the way, welcome to the SDMB! ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/6 "2003-11-28T02:47:51Z")
Yes… otherwise it would be “Might I have loved or not ?” You always regret more what you DIDN’T do than what you Did. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/7 "2003-11-28T03:49:28Z")
Um. I’ll say yes with the caveat that I am not at all eager to do it _again_. ---
**Author:** ![sweetfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@sweetfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweetfreak)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/8 "2003-11-28T05:16:09Z")
Yes…much bettter to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. You learn so much more being devoted to someone than having someone being devoted to you. Love = Devotion, in my mind anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Granuaile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecccb3/32.png) [@Granuaile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Granuaile)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/9 "2003-11-28T05:31:44Z")
On the OP, yes. I’ve experienced all 3 of **Dioptre’s** scenarios. #1 definitely sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/10 "2003-11-28T06:33:56Z")
Absolutely. Much better. You haven’t really really lived until you’ve been in love. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/11 "2003-11-28T07:11:30Z")
Yes, on all three counts. Nothing gives one perspective on life like love and loss. ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/12 "2003-11-28T10:35:05Z")
I think I’m a better person for having loved and lost. I’m much more aware of other peoples feelings now I know how much heartbreak hurts. I’m also much more cautious with my feelings, and falling in love is a much slower process. ---
**Author:** ![wendyrules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/85e7bf/32.png) [@wendyrules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wendyrules)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/13 "2003-11-28T10:48:25Z")
I have Loved (or now looking back reflectively, what I thought was Love) and lost many times. I’ve shed an ocean of tears over lost Love… but at the same time I now believe Life is a total learning experience. Sure, everyone can wallow in self-pity and hurt etc. - but one can actually take a step back and truly LEARN from the blows that Life and Love often give us. Without the hurt, none of us would ever grow into stronger individuals… individuals who are more in tune with themselves which in the long run will help you deal with what is “out there”… A romantic view of Love is a wonderful thing to strive for - but as time goes on - if you really analyse what it’s all about - Real Life DOES get in the way, also. I’m certainly not being cynical, because I honestly feel I have now found Love in its deepest form… but the journey to find that, has been long and hurtful (not just for me, but for those around me). However, Life is a huge learning curve… Embrace every experience you have, whether they be positive or negative… just take a step back, analyse and hopefully learn. That way the next emotional hurdle that is put before you, will be easier to deal with. ---
**Author:** ![notquitekarpov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@notquitekarpov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notquitekarpov)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/14 "2003-11-28T10:52:01Z")
I’m only contributing as I am 24 hours in a scenario #1 and need to share. Hurts bad. Real real bad. But even when bleeding #1 has got to be better than #0, although I would have swapped for a #3, or even a #2. Now have to spend the rest of the day cancelling the Xmas trip to see here and seeing if I can still get a ticket home to the UK. Don’t want to be here for Xmas with nobody around. It was love on my side and, what? Exploring possible love on hers. Only took her three month apart to decide it was too difficult after all. Watch it **Jennyrosity** I’m headed for the UK and on the rebound!! ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/15 "2003-11-28T10:52:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dioptre \* > > 1. Loved, was not reciprocated, forever heartbroken I really don’t think you can be _forever_ heartbroken. If you haven’t moved on in a year or two, the problem is with you. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dioptre \* > Situation (1) - NO NO NO Not better to have loved and lost Is unrequited love really love, or just infatuation? Do you really like that person, or just who you think he is like? ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/16 "2003-11-28T11:18:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by notquitekarpov \* > [B Watch it **Jennyrosity** I’m headed for the UK and on the rebound!! \*\* Should I be scared?! ---
**Author:** ![notquitekarpov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@notquitekarpov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notquitekarpov)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/17 "2003-11-28T11:57:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jennyrosity \* > \*\*Should I be scared?! \*\* I certainly hope not, even should you be around in the home counties around Xmas! 🙂 Just trying to inject a harmless light hearted finish to a somewhat gloomy post… ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/18 "2003-11-28T12:08:14Z")
Aw damn, I was looking forward to having a stalker, makes me feel like a celebrity. Seriously though, I was where you are last New Year, Karpov. It sucks. It hurts like hell. But it does get easier. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/19 "2003-11-28T13:11:08Z")
Is it better to have loved and lost or have never to have loved at all? I would say it’s better to have never loved at all. Being in love and not have it reciprocated or losing him/her totally sucks ass. By the way, doesn’t this belong in IMHO? ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651/20 "2003-11-28T13:22:26Z")
I just realized I was in IMHO. I thought I was in MPSIMS. Sorry about that. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-to-have-loved-and-lost/215651.md?page=2)