# Between a chunk of kryptonite and a hard place **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 30, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106 "2005-05-30T16:36:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/1 "2005-05-30T16:36:36Z")
I was watching Smallville the other day, and in between drooling over [Tom Welling](http://www.thewb.com/THEWB/Images/Dynamic/i63/SM-TWelling-Y_2x3_240.jpg) and drooling over [Michael Rosenbaum](http://www.supermanhomepage.com/images/smallville/rosenbaum4.jpg), I noticed how many different kinds of kryptonite they have floating around. We’ve got green, red, black, white, gold… So. Dopers, I challenge you: make up your own kinds of kryptonite, and imagine what it’d do to the Man of Steel… ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/2 "2005-05-30T16:46:11Z")
Chartreuse. It makes him _faaaabulous!_ ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/3 "2005-05-30T17:30:19Z")
Brown kryptonite. Does exactly what you expect it would. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/4 "2005-05-30T18:17:08Z")
Tartan Kryptonite. It causes him to eat unlikely combinations of oatmeal and meat byproducts washed down with whiskey what tastes like iodine. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/5 "2005-05-30T18:23:38Z")
Does the mixture of green kryptonite with red kryptonite spots give him an uncontrollable urge to go Christmas shopping? …and, of course, placing yellow kryptonite in the backyard will scare away the Kryptonian koyotes. See [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=318633](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=318633) ---
**Author:** ![tripthicket](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripthicket/32/297_2.png) [@tripthicket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tripthicket)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/6 "2005-05-30T18:40:19Z")
Purple kryptonite. Makes Superman change his name to an unpronounceable symbol. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/7 "2005-05-30T18:41:39Z")
**Grafitti Kryptonite.** Has the bizarre effect of compelling Superman to burn Kryptonese glyphs using short intense bursts of laser-accurate heat vision onto Lexcorp property. The glyphs, deciphered, reveal embarrassing personal revelations about Superman. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/8 "2005-05-30T18:46:44Z")
Damn. Hit the wrong button. Okay… embarrassing personal revelations about Superman. “I’m not circumsized!” “I read Batman/Superman slash, and it’s true. I am the bottom!” and “When Lois’ human vagina just isn’t doing it for me… I get serviced by Wonder Wpman. Why do you think she carries that rope and wears heels?”" ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/9 "2005-05-30T19:50:13Z")
**Orange kryptonite.** It makes Superman rise out of the pumpkin patch on Halloween night and deliver toys to good boys and girls. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/10 "2005-05-30T19:53:50Z")
Lead Kryptonite. It renders him unable to see through Lead Kryptonite. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/11 "2005-05-30T21:40:19Z")
Cryptic-nite: Makes Superman speak in obscure riddles ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/12 "2005-05-30T21:43:16Z")
Paisley Kryptonite. It frees Superdude’s mind, baby… ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/13 "2005-05-30T22:23:11Z")
Blue - it sends him into a deep depression, he just mopes around the house all day instead of saving the world. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/14 "2005-05-31T04:42:01Z")
Gray Kryptonite: Infects Superman with moral relativism, confuses his ability to clearly distinguish Good Guys from Bad Guys as defined by the Comics Code Authority. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/15 "2005-05-31T12:11:42Z")
Black Kryptonite: causes Superman to wear all black, listen to Sisters of Mercy, drink bad coffee, and talk nonstop about the pain of everyday life. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/16 "2005-05-31T12:17:00Z")
Taupe Kryptonite. Causes him to sit and look at it for hours trying to decide what the hell color it is. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/17 "2005-05-31T14:07:59Z")
What kinds of kryptonite have actually been shown on _Smallville_? I know there’s green and red, and I seem to remember black, but not what it’s effect was. Are there more that I’ve forgotten? Are the Stones considered kryptonite? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/18 "2005-05-31T14:10:50Z")
> [@FlyingDragonFan](#): > > Are there more that I’ve forgotten? Are the Stones considered kryptonite? The Stones are considered a classic Rock & Roll band. I suspect, however, that Mick The Lick could indeed kill Superman. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/19 "2005-05-31T14:17:07Z")
Back in the Canonical Sixties there were: Green Kryptonite – made Superman weaker, and could kill him. He turned gren Red Kryptonite-- Unexpected results on Superman and other Kryptonians, once only. Created by Green Kryptonite that passed through a Mysterious Space Cloud. Supes kept lead-wrapped samples of klnown effect Around in case he needed that effect Blue Kryptonite – Affected Bizarro Supermen the way Green Kryptonite affected Superman. Created by putting Green Kryptonite under a Bizarro Projector White Kryptonite – killed plant life. Don’t know _where_ this one came from, in continuity or in real life. It actually was a plot point in a Superman story once, well after it was created. Yellow Kryptonite – appeared in a story where Lex Luthor had a Kryptonite-making machine. He didn’t tell Superman what effect it had, but it turned out not to be real anyway Gold Kryptonite – took away a Kryptonian’s super-powers permanently. I don’t know how they found out its capabilities, or how they knew it was permanent. Apparently you needed a sort of critical mass, though, because a few grains didn’t affect Supergirl, while they took away the powers of a Kandorian villainess. I have no idea how it was created. Jewel Kryptonite – from the Jewel Mountains of Krypton. This allowed Kryptonian criminals in the Phantom Zone to amplify their mental powers. Also good for hypnotizing Jimmy Olsen. Kryptonite-X – A blend of Kryptonite and Uranium (!!) that gave Streaky the Super-Cat his powers. (I swear, the “real” comic book stuff is weirder than the jokes you can make up) That’s all I can recall. Doubtless there were others, and doubtless it’s all different in the current continuity. Heck, some geek has to have set up a website with all this on it. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106/20 "2005-05-31T14:19:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Heck, some geek has to have set up a website with all this on it. Gooogle, and ye shall receive: > **[Page Not Found](https://www.totalbike.com/404)** > > Gatsby starter styled with Tailwind [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/between-a-chunk-of-kryptonite-and-a-hard-place/306106.md?page=2)