# Beware my fearsome hooter of death **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2003, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861 "2003-02-18T12:36:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/21 "2003-02-19T07:28:35Z")
Look, the solution is obvious. For a reasonable salary, I’ll volunteer to come over and keep your boobs under control for you, even if I have to hold them ALL NIGHT LONG!! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/22 "2003-02-19T07:32:35Z")
Geez, I think the SDMB has permanently warped my mind. The way the thread-title was phrased, I figured the OP had managed to insert her own boob up her bottom like it was a toothbrush, or something. God help me. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Wrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Mr.Wrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Wrong)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/23 "2003-02-19T07:34:27Z")
> [@](#): > > A revolution is afoot, people, and it’s up to us to oppress these upstart mammary glands before dissent gains a foothold! Who’s with me? I’ve always considered myself a Patriotic Man, and if you say it’s up to us to caress mammary glands in order to protect the rebublic, then that’s a sacrifice I just can’t run away from. Count me in. ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/24 "2003-02-19T08:46:01Z")
Man, my ta-tas wish they could grow up to be that bold. But alas, Itty and Bitty are far too small to attempt a jailbreak, nor are any of their underwires thick enough to wield as a deadly weapon. But my ass … yeah, that’s right ass, I’ve got my eye on you. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/25 "2003-02-19T12:24:45Z")
**Tristan** , you’re a sick puppy. I like that. **Smeghead** , I regret to tell you that position has already been filled, but we will keep your application on file in case something comes up in the future. Good luck in your job search! **Zoogirl’s** refusal to allow her son to do his part for democracy notwithstanding, how quickly do you think we’d achieve peace if we could convince all the straight guys in the world to hold our boobies all day? ---
**Author:** ![medstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f07891/32.png) [@medstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/medstar)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/26 "2003-02-20T03:41:54Z")
I thought the title referred to a giant boil or carbuncle, myself. ---
**Author:** ![lamafish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@lamafish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lamafish)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/27 "2003-02-20T07:15:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > \*\*Am I the only one who clicked on this thread thinking it might be about an owl? \*\* Are you kidding me, I follow threads about _owls_ thinking they’re about _boobies_.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/28 "2003-02-20T07:36:12Z")
Oh yeah… call me puppy again… 😃 I spoke to my beloved today, and she assured me, despite my warnings, tha she has her boobs fully in check. However, I have informed her that I require a fact checking team to be allowed access. We’ll see what she says. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/29 "2003-02-20T11:04:26Z")
**Tristan** , since your beloved _is old_, the boob jokes are too easy. (Puns aren’t really the lowest form of humour – only really crappy puns.) ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/30 "2003-02-20T12:56:47Z")
Oh good lord. **tosses glass into fireplace** ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/31 "2003-02-21T05:46:13Z")
Hey, **Dragonblink** , hasn’t a guy ever told you “It’s not how big they are, it’s what you do with them!” Suggestions available on request. ---
**Author:** ![ghostrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/58f4c7/32.png) [@ghostrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ghostrider)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/32 "2003-02-21T07:17:08Z")
You folks should be careful with them underwires. Particularly during thunderstorms. Two British girls got struck by lightning last year & were killed because their underwires channeled the charge into their hearts. This is **not** an urban legend, tho I would have to dig some to find the actual cite at this point. You have been warned! ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/33 "2003-02-21T08:40:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ghostrider \* > \*\*You folks should be careful with them underwires. Particularly during thunderstorms. Two British girls got struck by lightning last year & were killed because their underwires channeled the charge into their hearts. > > This is **not** an urban legend, tho I would have to dig some to find the actual cite at this point. > > You have been warned! \*\* Obviously the girls’s boobs miscalculated the electrical charge required to transform the girls into Bride of Frankenstein-esque automatons subservient to the Mammary Hive Mind’s every command. Clearly, our boobs’s plans to build up an army of mindless drones to assist them in their quest for world domination has only been temporarily thwarted. _They’ll be back!_ _I really need to get more sleep…_ ---
**Author:** ![ghostrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/58f4c7/32.png) [@ghostrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ghostrider)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/34 "2003-02-22T08:11:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marlitharn \* > \*\* > _I really need to get more sleep…_ \*\* Or perhaps not… I sense the core of a great screenplay here… ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/35 "2003-02-22T11:17:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ghostrider \* > \*\*Or perhaps not… I sense the core of a great screenplay here… \*\* Now there’s an idea. Maybe I could even work in the theme song from “The Blob”, with minor changes… _Beware of the Boob, it hangs, and sways, And plots against your life, And human - ity, With sharpened underwire, Right through - your chest! The power of the Boob!_ Or maybe not… ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/36 "2003-02-22T18:01:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marlitharn \* > \*\*A revolution is afoot, people, and it’s up to us to oppress these upstart mammary glands before dissent gains a foothold! Who’s with me? \*\* I’m not worried. I’m sure we can lick 'em! ---
**Author:** ![Oy\_Vey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/dbc845/32.png) [@Oy\_Vey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy_Vey)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861/37 "2003-02-22T19:17:57Z")
You know, instead of confusing everyone by using the word hooters in the title, you might have just called the thread ‘Bad Mammaries’ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-my-fearsome-hooter-of-death/155861.md?page=1)