# Beware the mini-Rants of March (4th or otherwise) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 1, 2012, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431 "2012-03-01T08:33:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/301 "2012-03-22T21:51:57Z")
> [@RadioWave](#): > > Oh God Yes Yes How I hate that hateful little train and his horrible putrid island with its screeching children singing. And just when you think the song has finished its final chorus it just repeats the chorus AGAIN for absolutely no reason. > > Secondly, the whole island of Sodor would be so much better off if Thomas was shunted into some isolated jungle track where he could rust away for eternity. Every single episode is some variation on “Narrator: Thomas couldn’t handle normal everyday interaction so he decided to run over the wife of Sir Topham Hat repeatedly. Thomas: Boiling bumpers, I’ve made a mess of everything. Now the kids will never get their Celebration Day cakes.” > > Finally, the highest compliment anyone can give seems to be “You are a very _useful_ train. Not like that artist train we had here before who couldn’t haul half as much sheep excrement to the docks as you can.” You forgot about how every other engine is _mean_ and Does Not Play Well With Others and really _all_ should be junked in favor of engines who just do their work, goddammit. ---
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/302 "2012-03-22T22:06:25Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > You forgot about how every other engine is _mean_ and Does Not Play Well With Others and really _all_ should be junked in favor of engines who just do their work, goddammit. ALSO I love how deadlines are infinitely elastic - “oh noes, now Thomas is late to get x done! But wait, he’s told Sir Topham Hatt that he’ll fix it, and he somehow miraculously makes it to the children’s party on time!” It’s too bad my kid watches Thomas in the morning; I have a BRILLIANT idea for a Thomas drinking game. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/303 "2012-03-22T22:11:15Z")
> [@stargazer](#): > > It’s too bad my kid watches Thomas in the morning; I have a BRILLIANT idea for a Thomas drinking game. It’s never too early to drink when Thomas is involved. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/304 "2012-03-22T22:12:18Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Have you told us the title yet? What’s it about, at least? I sent you a pm. > [@JohnT](#): > > I think it will have “shit” in the title… The editor wouldn’t let us. I’m just so sick of posing a question about the publishing process and have some twit show up claiming his self published book makes him qualified to answer. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/305 "2012-03-22T22:13:58Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > It’s never too early to drink when Thomas is involved. Well, there’s that “gotta drive today” problem, oh, and that “drinking before 8am is one of those warning signs of alcoholism” thing. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/306 "2012-03-23T00:20:10Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > II’m just so sick of posing a question about the publishing process and have some twit show up claiming his self published book makes him qualified to answer. Best yet were those idiots back in the Usenet days who decided that their “publishing” their tripe _on motherfucking USENET_ made them “Published Authors” and therefore a geniune AUTHORITY who should not be questioned by the lowly unpublished masses. “Come back when you’ve published something” :rolleyes: Here. I “published” this post. It’s more informative than your crap and as equally valid in terms of being published. I’m a goddamned authority figure, I tells ya! ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/307 "2012-03-23T03:57:54Z")
I have 4 cats. One of them is sick. I came home to icky litterboxes and puke on the floor. Sitting here watching them, I have NO idea who it is. My prime suspect (old FIV pos feral) came out to eat dinner and then curled up on the kitty tree. She’s in no distress. The other’s are all acting normal. I’ve done my non-professional kitty exam and all looks good. I need to know who is sick. They don’t want to get stuffed in a carrier and be taken to strangers who stick them with needles or stuff things up their butts :eek:, they are looking as healthy and innocent as they can. I’m sitting here, having a standoff with my cats. I know that as soon as I get in the shower, whoever is sick will puke and stink up litter boxes and then scamper back out and look innocent and healthy again. yes, my life really is so lame that I’m once again sitting around waiting for a cat to shit. ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/308 "2012-03-23T04:30:18Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > If her hair is like mine, you wistfully think of pixie cuts, then you get one and realize that your hair is even frizzier. > > (The grass is not greener, I assure you.) There’s that. In the past when I’ve had short hair, I’ve spent a lot of time on humid days wishing I could just pull it back into a ponytail. Also, I’m not sure I can really pull off a pixie cut. It seems that I am not, in fact, Emma Watson. Flatlined, sorry about the kitties! I hope someone pukes right in front of you soon. (I’ve never said that before!) ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/309 "2012-03-23T12:29:56Z")
Maybe the kitties miss Bill, and are expressing themselves the only way they know how to? ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/310 "2012-03-23T14:06:04Z")
Fuck. Apparently I left the car unlocked last night when I finished unloading groceries. About 3am the dogs woke me up barking at what I thought was a raccoon trying their luck at the garbage can but this morning I discovered that the thieves had gotten away with the $2.25 that was in the car for parking meters. For some reason, perhaps because there wasn’t enough money in the car for them, they also punched the in dash GPS and according to the dealership it will be $1500 for the part + installation. Oh plus whatever time I need to dedicate to police reports and insurance claims. Fuckers. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/311 "2012-03-23T14:06:23Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > yes, my life really is so lame that I’m once again sitting around waiting for a cat to shit. The cats miss you ranting about Shredder Guy and the Rat King. You need to make up a couple of stories for them (you can try them out on us first). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/312 "2012-03-23T15:52:18Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > Fuck. Apparently I left the car unlocked last night when I finished unloading groceries. About 3am the dogs woke me up barking at what I thought was a raccoon trying their luck at the garbage can but this morning I discovered that the thieves had gotten away with the $2.25 that was in the car for parking meters. > > For some reason, perhaps because there wasn’t enough money in the car for them, they also punched the in dash GPS and according to the dealership it will be $1500 for the part + installation. > > Oh plus whatever time I need to dedicate to police reports and insurance claims. Fuckers. I had my car broken into once (well, more than once, but this is just about one particular time) - they broke the passenger side doorlock, stole the cheap, crappy stereo, and threw the cd that had been in the stereo on the floor of the car. Car thieves really know how to add insult to injury. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/313 "2012-03-23T16:06:23Z")
Ha! Left my car unlocked one time in college, and someone helped themselves to the portable CD player _but left my book of CDs_. Apparently, we did not share the same taste in music. Considering that book probably had everything from AC/DC to Beethoven to Robert Earl Keen, you’d think _something_ would have been acceptable to steal. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/314 "2012-03-23T17:14:47Z")
Car thieves seem to do about $10 damage for every dollar they steal. At least. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/315 "2012-03-23T18:57:56Z")
When we bought our house, the inspector discovered that one of the beams underneath the house had been cut to make way for a pipe. Before we moved in, we had someone come and reinforce that area, along with two others. We also had the work inspected and signed off by an engineer. We moved in, thinking everything was taken care of and structurally sound. Last night, we discovered that a doorframe right above where the new beam was put in is starting to pull apart - the trim is coming away from the frame. It looks like they jacked the house up a little too much. I don’t even want to know what this is going to cost to get fixed. Let the calling and scheduling and estimates and work begin. Bleh. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/316 "2012-03-23T19:15:15Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Car thieves seem to do about $10 damage for every dollar they steal. At least. I’d guess closer to a $100:1. At least I know lots of people like \*\*Moonlitherial \*\*with stories about theives who did huge damages and stole only the change from the ashtray. Normally I would feel sorry for people who are that desperate to steal a roll of quarters, but I think I’ve run out of pity. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/317 "2012-03-23T19:19:29Z")
That’s why I said “at least”. I think that we had something like the 100:1 ratio when our car got broken into, as well. The thieves took a moderately inexpensive radio but broke the damned tinted windshield to get in the car. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/318 "2012-03-23T23:19:34Z")
Goddamn it. When I took this job, they told me I would get the benefits package just after my second paycheck, which was LAST FRIDAY. Today I emailed them asking when I could expect it. I got a reply email telling me they’d check into it. All of this was from my work email, because that was where I was. Two hours later, hearing nothing back, I check my personal email. Nope, nothing there. I get home and there’s an email in my personal email, sent near the end of the day, telling me to call some fucking help line and ask them. Of course said help line only runs business hours. You know, the hours I was FUCKING AT WORK and could have called it if they’d only have sent the fucking email to my fucking work email address. The email address my original inquiry came from. I’ll be having words about this during our scheduled “hows it going” lunch on Tuesday. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/319 "2012-03-24T01:47:43Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > My book came back from copy-editing. I read every single sentence out loud to myself. Then I read every single sentence out loud with my co-author. Every single page of the book still had at least one glaring error. > > Listen up, assholes on another message board. Your self-published book is not the same as my book. Your self-published book has not been copy-edited, nor has it been through any damned outside review at all. Consequently, your self-published book is tripe. I don’t care what your mommy told you or what your idiot friends or your fellow self-publishing morons believe. Stop comparing my hard work with your mental masturbation, you arrogant, sad little idiots. Self-publishing is not publishing. I am not interested in talking to you about “our experience”; nor am I interested in talking to you as a fellow “author.” Your shit on lulu or smashwords or publish America is just that. Shit. I have news for you: _Most_ books are shit. My book may in fact be shit. I don’t know yet. But I’ll tell you this — at least it will be copy-edited shit. Yours will just be shit, now and always. > > Now go away and stop yelling at me because I dared tell you so. You know, I’m a freelance copy editor. A damned good one. Stiff the person who did that shoddy job and hire me instead! As proof of my chops, I’ve copy-edited your post in the quote box above. Seriously, IM me. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/320 "2012-03-24T03:21:43Z")
> [@BetsQ](#): > > Flatlined, sorry about the kitties! I hope someone pukes right in front of you soon. (I’ve never said that before!) Honestly laughing irl. Thank you for the puke wishes…they did help. As it happened, shortly after I logged off, one of my non-contenders came over, looked pitiful and then peed on the floor. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431.md?page=17)