# Beware the mini-Rants of March (4th or otherwise) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 1, 2012, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431 "2012-03-01T08:33:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/101 "2012-03-08T16:58:06Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Maybe a trampoline. A safety trampoline? :dubious: That doesn’t sound very safe. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/102 "2012-03-08T18:21:38Z")
Shut the hell up, Kevin O’Leary. You want everyone to go back to making minimum wage and having no recourse when being treated like shit by their employers? Yeah, that’ll stimulate the economy, ass-hat. Just because YOU have a room full of money like Scrooge McDuck to roll around in doesn’t mean you can insult working-class people. You probably fly on your private jet, “Mr. Wonderful”, but it’s the airport ground crew, maintenance guys, pilots, flight attendants, etc. who make sure that everybody else gets there & back safely. You want to bust your ass for a company for 10 - 15 - 25 years and then have them deny you HALF your pension and still demand more from you, while their CEOs make millions of dollars? And to anybody who says “Be thankful you even have a job” - fuck you too. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/103 "2012-03-08T21:43:04Z")
> [@C3](#): > > A safety trampoline? :dubious: > That doesn’t sound very safe. Tell that to the firefighters holding it while you jump from that burning building. Maybe they’ll put it down and go get you a nice net. ---
**Author:** ![StrawberryDaquiri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StrawberryDaquiri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrawberryDaquiri)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/104 "2012-03-08T23:02:17Z")
You know what I don’t fucking understand!? How my siblings can be so fucking ridiculous in their beliefs! My father paid for all of our educations, putting in a good 60-100 grand each. And what do my stupid fucking siblings say? That my father has given them nothing, that he paid for NOTHING of theirs. They don’t want to take care of him because as far as they can see deserves to rot in hell. Well guess what dumb motherfuckers!? There is no way my father didn’t contribute to their life, he was bringing in 130-150 grand a year while my mother took 20 years off and then got a job that made 10 grand a year and my siblings have the nerve to say the only reason they aren’t poor and made it through college was because of my mother!? I can listen to their bullshit about how poor of a father he was in emotionally supporting them he was (he told them the truth- that it would be harder to find a job playing guitar than engineering or w/e) and I can igno ---
**Author:** ![StrawberryDaquiri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StrawberryDaquiri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrawberryDaquiri)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/105 "2012-03-08T23:11:25Z")
(missed editing window) and I can ignore their stupid remarks because I have heard them 1000 times. But I can not ignore this, that my father paid for nothing. FUCK YOU SIBLINGS and I hope he gives you nothing (though I know he won’t) when he dies. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/106 "2012-03-09T00:35:36Z")
…oh, and for all those people that say “If they walk off the job they should be fired and replaced”: Really? Would you rather have someone with 10-25 years experience looking after your aircraft or some brand-new yokel? You think that some guy who HAS NOT made their living looking after aircraft for the past number of years would notice an undetected fuel leak just before takeoff? Yeah. That’s right. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/107 "2012-03-09T02:32:51Z")
Botheration. I’d completely forgotten how long it took for the Garmin software to update. This thing will be going on all night. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/108 "2012-03-09T05:19:12Z")
That’s okay, the solar flares are supposed to have the satellites out of commission until your update is finished, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/109 "2012-03-09T09:59:50Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > A small victory over telemarketers. The latest ploy is to dial numbers and then ask for some fictional name, then try to engage you with their spiel. Last night I got one of these: > > Hello? > > Fred Smith? > > Nobody here by that name. > > Well, what’s YOUR name? > > None of your fucking business. Click. Got a similar one at Mom’s. They were asking for a Manuel whatever. “No Manueles here, you have a wrong number.” “Oh, yeah, so what is _your_ name?” “Woman, if I sound like a Manuel to you you need an ear doctor.” _click_ We’re trying to train Mom to NEVER answer a call from a “Number unknown”, they’re always telemarketers. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/110 "2012-03-09T15:54:55Z")
I think I’m going to have to start wearing those old lady sunglasses that wrap around your whole head - every time I’m out walking in the bright sunshine I get a killer headache. Exercising in the fresh air and sunshine isn’t supposed to make you feel _worse_, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/111 "2012-03-09T16:27:38Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I think I’m going to have to start wearing those old lady sunglasses that wrap around your whole head - every time I’m out walking in the bright sunshine I get a killer headache. Exercising in the fresh air and sunshine isn’t supposed to make you feel _worse_, dammit! Even [Kim Kardashian](http://www.justjared.com/2009/01/26/kim-kardashian-futuristic-sunglasses/)who, whatever else one may say about her is NOT in any way an “old lady,” has been seen in them. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/112 "2012-03-09T16:34:58Z")
Well, if they’re good enough for Kim Kardashian…🙂 [This is more what I had in mind.](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ycDcydJ9FHU/SsJAvgz5U9I/AAAAAAAAAag/frbzgO4oDew/s320/sunglasses.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/113 "2012-03-09T17:08:55Z")
My colonoscopy was Monday. It is now Friday. I would like to start pooping again, thankyouverymuch. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/114 "2012-03-09T18:18:07Z")
You’ll probably poop tomorrow, **Jackmannii**. It takes a while for food to get through the many, many meters of intestine. There’s a guy with a chain saw on a stick trimming the tree outside my window. He’s not even wearing safety glasses. I hope this ends without blood, but _quickly_. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/115 "2012-03-09T19:03:26Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > My colonoscopy was Monday. It is now Friday. I would like to start pooping again, thankyouverymuch. Didn’t you poop enough when you did the prep? Dave Barry theorizes that when you have that prep, after you poop everything you’ve ever eaten in your entire life, then the prep reaches into the future and you start pooping stuff you haven’t even eaten yet. This sounds entirely reasonable to me. On a somewhat different subject, one of my cats has a urinary blockage. And it’s gonna cost a couple of grand to get him fixed up again, so he can pee. We had DIFFERENT PLANS for that money. It’s a good thing for him that we love him. Incidentally, he hates getting in the carrier, he hates riding in a car, he hates waiting in the waiting room, and he hates getting put on an exam table. But what he really, really hates is having a stranger handling his penis, and then inserting a catheter. This is not just the hate of a thousand suns. This is a million suns, at least. He regards his penis as his PRIVATE PROPERTY, and he doesn’t want anyone even looking at it, much less handling it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Vorlon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@The\_Vorlon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Vorlon)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/116 "2012-03-10T01:44:12Z")
Dear School: Having the web site that we have to post our classwork on hork up a hairball and go tits up on the day most of us have to turn in our assignments does not make us happy campers. Perhaps running the server on something other than a spare Packard Bell 386 might keep the hoards with torches and pitchforks from MIS’s door. Just saying… ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/117 "2012-03-10T05:11:10Z")
**Lynn** , I’m so sorry that your cat is hurting so much. Stones? Bill was supposed to be here now, but his shuttle was delayed because of an accident on the freeway. We were happily texting and such…and he went into a dead zone. This outrages Bill, which makes me laugh. When Bill was my age, cell phones were only science fiction. I was raised with computers and cell phones and modern electronics. Bill was raised with black and white tv’s. He remembers having to listen to the party line to be sure that he could make a call. I laugh at him so much when he’s outraged about not having cell coverage. Bill wants the world to move on faster. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/118 "2012-03-10T08:25:27Z")
Shadow just had an ordinary (but expensive) urinary tract blockage. We checked in with the vet tonight and he’s doing much better, although the vet said that they (the vet team) would have preferred to keep that catheter in for another 12 hours or so. Shadow, however, had had enough of it and removed it himself. And he’s made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want another one inserted. Ordinarily, Shadow is one of the sweetest, most laid back kitties in the world. He’s rather shy, but friendly once he’s observed a stranger for ten minutes or so. All bets are off when it comes to strangers handling his penis, though. Especially if catheters are involved. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/119 "2012-03-10T11:53:54Z")
To the Person at Work in Charge of Decisions About Uniforms: It is annoying and unacceptable to make the announcement that shirts which cheer on the local basketball team are permitted “tomorrow” without specifying either a day (Friday or Saturday) or a date (9 or 10). Or are such shirts permitted all weekend, assuming the team is still in the tournament? Look, if they are allowed all three days, I’d still probably only wear one once–I’m not obsessed, so I’ve only got one (care of the local blood center), but I’d still like to know what the intent was. And the Big Dance is coming up . . . ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431/120 "2012-03-10T15:30:06Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > All bets are off when it comes to strangers handling his penis, though. Especially if catheters are involved. Funny, but I feel exactly the same way. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/beware-the-mini-rants-of-march-4th-or-otherwise/614431.md?page=7)