# BF/GF vs. Married. Is one less deserving of respect than the other? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2015, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bf-gf-vs-married-is-one-less-deserving-of-respect-than-the-other/712901 "2015-02-17T11:29:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2015, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bf-gf-vs-married-is-one-less-deserving-of-respect-than-the-other/712901/21 "2015-02-17T18:40:50Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Isn’t that what I said? You didn’t say it simply, like I did. That’s why I said “to put it simply.” ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2015, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bf-gf-vs-married-is-one-less-deserving-of-respect-than-the-other/712901/22 "2015-02-17T18:45:53Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > It’s not appropriate to pursue someone who has clearly stated to you that they are already in a relationship, regardless of whether that relationship has a legal document attached. Agree. And if someone is married, they are all the more off limits. Golden Rule; you wouldn’t want someone pursuing your spouse or BF/GF so don’t pursue someone else’s. ---
**Author:** ![JustinC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justinc/32/8083_2.png) [@JustinC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustinC)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2015, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bf-gf-vs-married-is-one-less-deserving-of-respect-than-the-other/712901/23 "2015-02-17T19:03:11Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I’m old, but doesn’t anyone date more than one person at a time? Back during the Jurassic when I was dating, that happened sometimes. Maybe I am a Bad Person, but being in a relationship did not necessarily put someone off limits for my amorous intentions in the way that engaged/married did. > > Is every dating relationship “going steady”, as we used to refer to it down at the malt shoppe on Whitebread Road during my misspent youth? > > Regards, > Shodan I grew up in the 80s when AIDS was a big issue in the west, ‘free love’ quickly became a relic and young people (none I knew) would sign puritanical contracts on maintaining their virginity until marriage. The people I grew up with generally (generally) had/have monogamous relationships, but many of those - one after the other, in sometimes quick succession. If two of my friends were caught having extra-relationship affairs they weren’t looked on kindly. We didn’t/don’t look at those who relished the era of free-love negatively, in fact I think many would be a bit jealous if they took the time to think about it. Is every relationship “going steady”? I think the majority are, as marriage stats are pretty negative when you look at divorce rates. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2015, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bf-gf-vs-married-is-one-less-deserving-of-respect-than-the-other/712901/24 "2015-02-17T19:40:03Z")
As long as the relationship is committed, as specified in the OP, that’s the end of the issue for me. They’re off the market. Even if they have some kind of polyamory/open relationship going on, they’re still off the market for me. To each their own. For myself, that’s not the kind of thing I want to get involved with. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2015, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bf-gf-vs-married-is-one-less-deserving-of-respect-than-the-other/712901/25 "2015-02-18T01:33:03Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I’m old, but doesn’t anyone date more than one person at a time? Back during the Jurassic when I was dating, that happened sometimes. Maybe I am a Bad Person, but being in a relationship did not necessarily put someone off limits for my amorous intentions in the way that engaged/married did. > > Is every dating relationship “going steady”, as we used to refer to it down at the malt shoppe on Whitebread Road during my misspent youth? > > Regards, > Shodan I had a thread on this a few years ago: [When did the distinction between “dating” and “going steady” disappear?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=479180) ---
**Author:** ![Nema98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d2c977/32.png) [@Nema98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nema98)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2015, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bf-gf-vs-married-is-one-less-deserving-of-respect-than-the-other/712901/26 "2015-02-18T02:31:27Z")
It is good not to pursue, but you can let someone who is in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that you are potentially open if they ever break up and you happen to be single at the time. But for married people, it is off limits. That marriage certificate makes all the difference. Who knows maybe other Dopers will think I am evil in thinking like this. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2015, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bf-gf-vs-married-is-one-less-deserving-of-respect-than-the-other/712901/27 "2015-02-18T05:11:24Z")
The only case in which it is ok is if you know from both parties that both of them agree it is ok. Otherwise you’re going beyond “my wife doesn’t understand me” and into “your wife doesn’t understand you” territory. > [@Shodan](#): > > I’m old, but doesn’t anyone date more than one person at a time? Back during the Jurassic when I was dating, that happened sometimes. I wouldn’t call someone I’ve gone on a few dates with “my boyfriend”. By the time we call each other bf/gf, it’s an exclusive and public relationship. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bf-gf-vs-married-is-one-less-deserving-of-respect-than-the-other/712901.md?page=1)