# Bi-Sexuality **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 8, 2000, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688 "2000-01-08T00:27:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/21 "2000-01-08T06:13:00Z")
We don’t understand it Chef…that’s why we ask questions…not to judge people…but to find out how they feel and why they feel that way…and your answer has certainly helped shed some light. I would hope that no one on the board would attack anyone for their choices in life…but that doesn’t make us any less curious…better to ask and gain knowledge…than to “guess” * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/22 "2000-01-08T06:23:00Z")
A few things… first off… I feel bad for Chef that he can’t be totally open with his wife, and I also find it sad that she won’t give a BJ (or the anal thing, but I know not everyone is into that so I can’t come down on her too hard for that) Second… while I’ve never gone “all the way” with a woman, I would if the right woman and situation came along… so I guess that makes me bisexual. How on earth does that effect my ability to fall in love and decide to spend my life with one person? Honestly, so many people seem to focus on SEX SEX SEX as the be all and end all of everything, especially marriage. No wonder the divorce rate is so high, half of you people don’t know what marriage IS! * * * – Teeming Millions: [http://fathom.org/teemingmillions](http://fathom.org/teemingmillions) “Meat flaps, yellow!” - DrainBead, naked co-ed Twister chat O p a l C a t [www.opalcat.com](http://www.opalcat.com) ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/23 "2000-01-08T06:49:00Z")
I’m going to give the OP the benefit of the doubt that they genuinely had a curiosity and hoped to enlighten themselves (and perhaps others). With that in mind, I’d like to know; would you ask the same question of people who fall in love with and marry someone with a physical disability? Maybe you would, but I sortof doubt it. I have this little crush on a guy that was in a car accident and has to use a wheelchair, and sometimes a cane to get around. I’m trying to get the courage to let him know I’m interested in him. If I were to marry him (or someone in the same situation), we’d likely never be able to have the kind of throw-me-up-againt-a-wall-rip-my-clothes-off-and-thrash-around-like-wild-animals sex that I loooooove having. But that is soooooooooooooo not important in the grand scheme of life. No, he probably wouldn’t be able to fulfill my every sexual desire because even with all the right parts, they just wouldn’t work the same (you definitely need strong legs to get that kind of leverage). But if he’s kind, passionate, considerate, loving, tender, romantic, strong of morals, honest, devoted, etc., then what the _hell_ does it matter if he can’t pick me up and throw me on the bed? Honestly? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s the same thing for bisexual people. As to your question about how they choose between a woman or a man as their lifemate, the answer is simply a matter of with whom they fall in love, I’d guess. As their minds are open to all possibilities, if the “right” person came along of either gender and they fell madly, head-over-heels in love, then that’s who they’d choose and how. I don’t think it’s really all that hard to figure out. * * * “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/24 "2000-01-08T07:05:00Z")
Chef: Exactly why I didn’t comment on the topic at hand (until now). I think you really can’t understand or know one side, unless you are a part of it. However, I see no reason why Bisexual people would have a hard time commiting. > [@](#): > > fuzzy, all het or all gay persons are very rare. We talked about this before extensively. 1=all straight 6=all gay ALmost everyone was between 2-5 I would agree with this. I consider myself mostly gay with what my friend calls a"tendency" to being attracted towards women (he says he has a tendency towards attraction to men). I’m practically hypnotized whenever I see Angeline Jolie (i guess I have some sort of attraction to her :)). Anyway, i don’t really believe someone is 100% one way or another. * * * It’s worth the risk of burning, to have a second chance… ---
**Author:** ![tergivesater1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c77e96/32.png) [@tergivesater1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tergivesater1)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/25 "2000-01-08T07:28:00Z")
Let’s get serious here for a second folks… and pleaseeee, my reply does not call for a dissertation response from Professor Manhatten… The rule is time tested and absolute! Where have you people been? 1. Gays must stick to only persons of the same sex; 2. Straights must stick to only persons of the opposite sex; and 3. Bi-Sexuals must stick to only to Hermaphrodites. ## Anyone not following this rule is not on the road to happiness. terggie ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/26 "2000-01-08T07:47:00Z")
Poster above me: I do plan on sticking with guys. I would not toy with some young ladies heart like that ;). * * * It’s worth the risk of burning, to have a second chance… ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/27 "2000-01-08T07:48:00Z")
Gads! I suppose that, in this instance, being cross-disciplinary is entirely appropriate, so rather than mining the rich veins of psychology I’ll draw from Economics: Giffen Paradox: Demand for a commodity increases as its price rises. This should not be confused with those products sought as status symbols. Dr. Watson. “If decisions were a choice between alternatives, decisions would come easy. Decision is the selection and formulation of alternatives.” – Kenneth Burke ---
**Author:** ![PitBullDawg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@PitBullDawg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PitBullDawg)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/28 "2000-01-08T09:17:00Z")
Geez. Where are all the real men? Come on guys, we’re supposed to like a lesbian action. I’ve always told my girlfiend if she wants to do it with a woman I wouldn’t consider it cheating… as long as I can play too :-p . Alas, she has assured me she has no plans to be with a woman so I guess I won’t hold my breath. Oh well, I’ve had 2 women before so I don’t have to wonder. And yes, it was fantastic! I’m scared of sex these days though, so I just stick with one person at a time, (or 2 or 3 if I know for sure I am the only one they are seeing (if its possible to know for sure)). Sorry, but the rules are different for men. na na na na boo boo :-p * * * The ever insensitive, politically incorrect PitBullDawg. Political correctness is a disease. Cure it with the truth. ---
**Author:** ![the\_Scarlet\_Pimpernel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f1d935/32.png) [@the\_Scarlet\_Pimpernel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_Scarlet_Pimpernel)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/29 "2000-01-08T09:51:00Z")
Wow, Im getting in on this rather late. Maybe y’awl know all this already, but a few of the posts seem to have a little confusion or unawareness, so I want to start by clarifying a few points. 1. Bisexuality is not something we _decide_ or _choose_ to be, any more than people decide to be straight or gay. We decide to _act_ on it, sure, but we dont decide to _have_ these desires. It’s also possible that someone without _any_ desires for persons of both sexes would _decide_ to try it, “just to see what it’s like,” but I dont understand it (and personally agree with those monosexuals who find it repulsive). 2. Not being able to commit for a long period of time has nothing to do with your sexuality. It has to do with your emotional readiness. Everybody _I_ know with a commitment problem is straight. Should I make generalizations from that? (and a minor point, Burn, buddy - it’s only those acquaintances of yours who you _know_ are bi - you might know lots of committed bis, but be unaware theyre bi) 3. Being bisexual is not a matter of “I’m so horny I’ll sleep with anything - I cant _not_ have sex”. It is finding things attractive in the characteristics of both men and women. People can say “oh, he has nice hair,” or “she has pretty legs” regardless of sexuality - well, in bisexuals that just goes further - it becomes a turn-on, rather than just awareness or appreciation. Again, that doesnt mean we _do_ anything about it. 4. As has been pointed out, being bisexual does not depend on who youre actively sleeping with. If youre going through a long dry spell, do you say, “Gee, I must be asexual.”? No - you know who you’re attracted to, even if youre not _doing_ anything about it. As I said, maybe y’awl know all that already, but I wanted to be sure. Now…how do bisexuals pick their life-long mate? If we’re responsible, we do it the same way responsible monosexuals do - is the person communicative, honest, self-respecting, do we share similar morals, does the person have a sense of humor, that sort of thing. And as several people have said brilliantly, a committment like marriage is about more important things than sex. Making the committment to a permanent, monogamous relationship means giving up all forms of sexual activity with ANYONE else, EVER. Regardless of how attracted to them you are. It’s utterly unrealistic to expect one person to meet all your needs anyway, whether those needs are sexual, emotional, or culinary. Once I was in a serious relationship with a BD fetishist - and I mean it was a fetish - he wasnt fully aroused without it. I was willing to experiment a little, but I refused to whip him. The thought nauseated me. Well, we talked about it (fancy that! we _communicated_) and he said that if we got married he would have no problem with giving up the more extreme aspects of BD, and I said I would be willing to go a little farther than my personal boundaries. Because part of marriage is putting the other person’s needs ahead of your own, sometimes. My problem with whipping was bigger than his need for it, and his need for being hog-tied was bigger than my problem with it. I find broad-shouldered, muscular guys attractive, and I also find slight, starving-artist-type guys attractive. If my fantastic, caring, honest SO was a slender-poet type, Id give up pursuing musclebound guys. Period. Id still find them attractive, and I might really crave touching some big biceps, but I wouldnt do a darn thing about it. Ever. Because I had made a committment to my SO and to monogamy. That’s not such a bizarre thought - why is it such a stretch to believe that bisexuals are capable of making the same decision? Bisexuals arent some alien freakazoids - we are human beings, with the potential for being just as fallible or noble as any monosexual. Some of us have problems with committment or honesty. So do some gays. So do some straights. That doesnt mean that all straights are lying, cheating scumbags, well? Honesty and fidelity are not attached to the gene for sexuality. * * * It does not matter that we are descended from the apes; the important thing is not to go back. – Richard Wagner ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/30 "2000-01-08T13:48:00Z")
\< Shakes Scarlet’s hand \> We haven’t virtually met yet Scarlet, but you ROCK. It’s all about the difference between an idle _want_, and a _need_. In other words: “Yeah! What she said!” * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/31 "2000-01-08T16:30:00Z")
I’ve dated a few bisexual women. Never again, I’ve had all I can take of that scene. Also was informed that the word ‘bisexual’ is a nasty thing to call someone who considers themselves gay. ---
**Author:** ![the\_Scarlet\_Pimpernel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f1d935/32.png) [@the\_Scarlet\_Pimpernel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_Scarlet_Pimpernel)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/32 "2000-01-08T16:55:00Z")
Gee, thanks, Seale. Glad to meet you - youre pretty darn cool yourself. And handy, Im sorry your experiences were so bad. I can also add to handy’s line that “confused” is a nasty thing to call someone who considers themselves bisexual. 🙂 * * * It does not matter that we are descended from the apes; the important thing is not to go back. – Richard Wagner ---
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/33 "2000-01-08T16:59:00Z")
Geesh Sealemon…who you trying to convince…the board members or yourself? I really admire the bisexuals that have posted…but like myself…if you aren’t bisexual it’s hard to make a judgement call…you can’t get inside someone else’s head and see how they feel…that’s why we ask questions. * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/34 "2000-01-08T17:00:00Z")
I’m straight but by the analogy of the OP I’ll never be able to have a monogamous relationship. I’m attracted to blondes and brunettes so no single woman could meet all my needs. I think the whole point that’s being ignored here is the commitment factor. When you enter a monogamous relationship you’re saying: “I love you so much, I’m willing to give up on every other person who I might ever meet as a theoretical mate.” So in that sense bisexuals are making a greater commitment than straights or gays; they’re giving up twice as much. ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/35 "2000-01-08T17:17:00Z")
Well I have definitely learned alot in this thread. I apologize if I offended anyone with my posts. I am not bi and yes, I agree if you arent in the shoes, it is very hard to comment, mine were just really generalizations based on my own opinions. What a boring world this would be if we were all the same in matters of gender, sexual orientation, race, etc. and as usual, life is a learning experience. Thanks for the information to those who told their stories…I look at this from a slightly different viewpoint now, or maybe I just understand it better. * * * We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/36 "2000-01-09T06:02:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Geesh Sealemon…who you trying to convince…the board members or yourself? Huh? * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/37 "2000-01-09T06:12:00Z")
Actually, I have a couple more things to say: I don’t need to convince myself of anything. All I did was give my opinion to your OP. I could give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about me on this board. As far as you “simply asking qustions”: Bullshit. You’re a troll. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/38 "2000-01-09T06:29:00Z")
Ok…I would ask that board members not post to this thread any more. It is evident that it is a subject that cannot be discussed in an adult way. It was merely a discussion that we were having at work…and I just wanted more opinions and views…it was never intended to be offensive to anyone or to make anyone feel they needed to defend their choices in life. I would ask the moderator to close this thread…if they read it…and Sealemon…I’m not a troll at all…far from it… * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/39 "2000-01-08T22:46:00Z")
Gays think that straights are uptight. Straights think gays are perverts. Bisexuals think the world is a banquet. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688/40 "2000-01-09T02:11:00Z")
What’s with these ambidextrous people and their _wishy-washy_ “I can use either hand” story? These people are very similar in my beliefs to kleptomaniacs. Sick! Sick! world (with grateful acknowledgement to **MikeylikesIT** ) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bi-sexuality/12688.md?page=3)