# "Biblical" Marrages? are people really okay with this? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 24, 2011, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926 "2011-08-24T17:56:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/41 "2011-08-24T21:39:15Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > What does “leading a family” mean? +1 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/42 "2011-08-24T22:34:14Z")
Another vote for “exploitative jerk”. I also agree with **dangermom** ; even if the man in question means well at first, such patriarchal arrangements are very prone to collapse into one sided exploitation. > [@tdn](#): > > But hardly non-traditional. I understand that in a lot of farming households, then men ate first, as they had spent the day out in the fields working up a huge appetite. The womens folk had it easy, spending the day indoors doing the easy chores, such as laundry, child-rearing, baking, cleaning, sewing, etc., so if they didn’t get to eat, no biggy. I realize you were joking (especially about it being easy for women); but to be fair the women also had food right there the whole time if they got hungry. I doubt the men detailed a guard to stay back home and make sure the ladies weren’t snacking. And it’s my understanding that according to the psychologists men really are more inclined towards a feeding pattern of a few large meals, while women are more prone to lots of snacks. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/43 "2011-08-24T22:48:40Z")
The Jehovah’s Witnesses are big into this too. It was a huge issue for me. Over and over I was told that a good husband would take his wife’s feelings into account for all of the decisions he made, and that was how it was best to be. Finally, I explained to my mom the fallacy in this with this example: Okay, there’s a husband and wife. Wife has always wanted a sporty convertible to ride around in. She tells husband. Husband considers wife’s feelings and says no. We don’t have the money for a convertible. Wife uses joint checking account to put down payment on convertible. Wife has sinned against her husband and her god. Husband, on the other hand, has always loved boats. He sees spiffy new boat that costs about the same as the convertible. Husband tells wife about the boat. Wife says they don’t have enough money for a boat. Husband considers his wife’s feelings, but decides to use joint checking account to put down a down payment on the boat anyway. Husband is acting in his headship role in the family. He has committed no sin against his wife or his god. I asked my mom, “Can you see where this might be a problem?” She admitted I had a point. It’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to winning an arguement about this. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/44 "2011-08-24T23:06:24Z")
Everybody knows the Bible is set in 1950s America. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/45 "2011-08-24T23:13:33Z")
I know lots of people that are in mostly traditional gender role marriages. Their marriages are nothing like that. That guy is just a douche. ---
**Author:** ![BaneSidhe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c5a1d2/32.png) [@BaneSidhe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaneSidhe)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/46 "2011-08-24T23:25:51Z")
This guy isn’t a Christian, he’s a flaming assmonkey who is using religion to excuse his being a flaming assmonkey. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/47 "2011-08-24T23:30:58Z")
That marriage sounds like hell (for the woman), so maybe that’s the Biblical part? If anyone wants to read stories of women who were in the Quiverful movement (the movement that the Duggars are part of), there’s [No Longer Quivering](http://nolongerquivering.com/). It was created by a woman who escaped the Quiverful movement and writes about that experience. Other escapees have also posted their stories. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/48 "2011-08-24T23:36:14Z")
One can have happy and decent marriages while sticking to traditional roles. However, I doubt that traditional roles include showing up the wife in front of company, taking most of the food, and acting like an entitled ass. The guy doesn’t want a wife, he wants a mother he can occasionally fuck ---
**Author:** ![BaneSidhe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c5a1d2/32.png) [@BaneSidhe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaneSidhe)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/49 "2011-08-24T23:54:48Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > That marriage sounds like hell (for the woman), so maybe that’s the Biblical part? > > If anyone wants to read stories of women who were in the Quiverful movement (the movement that the Duggars are part of), there’s [No Longer Quivering](http://nolongerquivering.com/). It was created by a woman who escaped the Quiverful movement and writes about that experience. Other escapees have also posted their stories. I read about half of the stuff on the site you linked and now I’m sick to my stomach with rage. How could…never mind. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/50 "2011-08-25T00:43:14Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > The guy doesn’t want a wife, he wants a mother he can occasionally fuck I’m sick of these motherfuckers. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/51 "2011-08-25T01:23:59Z")
Meh. There are all sorts of ways for people to organize their lives and have a marriage. If the OP’s friend’s wife is happy with their arrangement, then who am I to say she’s chosen “incorrectly”? She may do all the housework because she’s essentially a workaholic and a control freak–maybe the husband tried to help in the past and the wife got on his ass for not doing it right. This thread is just more evidence of the absolutely worthless way that many dopers look at the world. They think their way of doing things is the only way and their opiion is all that matters. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/52 "2011-08-25T01:24:44Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > I wonder why it is that MEN are MEN but women are GIRLS. Lol, probably because I’m a male chauvinist or something. > [@](#): > > Maybe that is why I would not “appreciate…” etc. Another thing to keep in mind is that girls (or women if you prefer) are frequently pretty lousy at assessing what they are attracted to in men. It’s like the old story of the girl who says she wants a “nice” guy but turns around and dates men who are jerks. Perhaps these stories are a bit exaggerated, but I do think there is a significant element of truth in them. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/53 "2011-08-25T01:28:00Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > What does “leading a family” mean? Basically it means being responsible for making the important decisions. Kind of like the manager of a business except that the goals are a bit different. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/54 "2011-08-25T01:30:24Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Meh. There are all sorts of ways for people to organize their lives and have a marriage. If the OP’s friend’s wife is happy with their arrangement, then who am I to say she’s chosen “incorrectly”? She clearly isn’t happy. And just because a woman gets cowed by religious brainwashing into accepting an abusive/controlling spouse doesn’t mean she’s really “choosing” it. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/55 "2011-08-25T01:32:15Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > Basically it means being responsible for making the important decisions. Kind of like the manager of a business except that the goals are a bit different. You’re the “manager” of your wife? What if your wife wants to make a decision for herself? Does she have equal say in every decision or do you get to be the decider? is she equal to you or subordinate to you? ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/56 "2011-08-25T01:34:41Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > It means he “bears the burden” of having a slave to his every whim and has the awful task of judging whether someone else’s hard work lives up to his standards. It’s unfortunate that you view leadership this way. Do you think that leadership is never a demanding job? Do you think that all leaders just act selfishly to further their own interests? ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/57 "2011-08-25T01:45:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You’re the “manager” of your wife? What if your wife wants to make a decision for herself? Usually it would be no problem; I don’t micromanage people. Larger decisions she consults with me on, particularly if they involve the children. > [@](#): > > Does she have equal say in every decision or do you get to be the decider? is she equal to you or subordinate to you? She is subordinate and I have the final say. She knows that I put the family first, especially the children, and she trusts my judgment. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/58 "2011-08-25T01:46:01Z")
Who appointed you a “leader?” What happens if your wife decides to disregard one of your edicts? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/59 "2011-08-25T01:47:47Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > Usually it would be no problem; I don’t micromanage people. The imperious, sexist arrogance here is astounding. > [@](#): > > She is subordinate and I have the final say. Or else what? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/60 "2011-08-25T01:49:44Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > She is subordinate and I have the final say. She knows that I put the family first, especially the children, and she trusts my judgment. 1. Are you saying she _doesn’t_ put the family first? 2. Why don’t you trust _her_ judgement? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926.md?page=4)