# "Biblical" Marrages? are people really okay with this? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 24, 2011, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926 "2011-08-24T17:56:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/81 "2011-08-25T03:15:44Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > This thread is just more evidence of the absolutely worthless way that many dopers look at the world. They think their way of doing things is the only way and their opiion is all that matters. Isn’t considering that there are many ways of doing things itself a way of doing things? Likewise, isn’t believing that there are many opinions that matter also an opinion that seems to be regarded as being all that matters? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/82 "2011-08-25T03:18:15Z")
Choosing, my ass. This woman is simply cowed by religious brainwashing. Exploitation and emotional abuse (which is what we’re actually talking about) are still morally reprehensible whether they’re legal or not. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/83 "2011-08-25T03:22:30Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > People. This thread so illustrates the typical liberal doper’s worldview. The woman is choosing to do something that you wouldn’t choose to do, so of course she shouldn’t be allowed to choose it. > > Take payday loans. A typical liberal doper wouldn’t choose to borrow at such high interest rates, so of course the payday loan places are “predatory lenders” and should be put out of business. Never mind that many people actually choose to take out those loans because they believe the alternative is worse (i.e., getting a car impounded or getting evicted). > > By the way, the difference I was going for was that actual physical abuse is illegal, whereas choosing to live in a “Biblical marriage” is not illegal. Hey, you don’t have to lump me in with those guys. I’ve been in BDSM slave/master relationships, where we just come out and use those terms rather than calling it “traditional family roles” or whatever. But the thing is, I was a dom looking for a sub, they were subs looking for a dom. “Traditional family roles” often seem forced on people (particularly women) because it’s just what they think is expected of them and the guy the OP describe sounds like a total douchebag (and that last point is a big one - I don’t think people would really be getting their panties into twists if he didn’t seem like a complete asshole). Feel free to think I sound like a total douchebag, too, I won’t argue. 🙂 But that’s how I see it. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/84 "2011-08-25T03:34:34Z")
It seems like you visited his house at the time busiest for her (while she was preparing and cleaning up after a meal) and the most relaxing time for him. If you visited him at 11am on Thursday while he’s at work and she has a few hours to rest before the kids come home from school, it might seem like she’s the lazy one and he’s the hard worker. You can’t really judge a person’s entire lifestyle by a snapshot. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/85 "2011-08-25T03:37:29Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > This woman is simply cowed by religious brainwashing. You can’t know that. You hardly know anything about these people! ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/86 "2011-08-25T03:39:14Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > This thread is just more evidence of the absolutely worthless way that many dopers look at the world. Somehow you manage to insult us in almost every post you make. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/87 "2011-08-25T04:15:42Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > People. This thread so illustrates the typical liberal doper’s worldview. The woman is choosing to do something that you wouldn’t choose to do, so of course she shouldn’t be allowed to choose it. I don’t really see anyone saying she shouldn’t be _allowed_ to choose it. Is anyone arguing that there should be a law against the kind of relationship these two people are having? Because that really sounds more like a [Conservative](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Proposition_8_%282008%29) [worldview](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Texas_Proposition_2_%282005%29) [to](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florida_Amendment_2) [me](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alabama_Sanctity_of_Marriage_Amendment). [But maybe that’s just me.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage_status_in_the_United_States_by_state) ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/88 "2011-08-25T10:07:56Z")
Right now, whith the bit of information I get from the OP, THIS husband is a douchetruck. But I could be wrong. Maybe he gets her flowers every week. Douchiness lies in many things, like taking a huge pile of spaghetti knowing full well that there are guests and small children who need dinner. Turning the TV channel to crap, and running out to buy a toy when his wife could have uses help also screams douchey. I think this marital arrangement can lead to dickish behaviour from the man, it seems to make it easier to start a bad habit. Its’ not what I am looking for and it’s 2 cents from someone who isn’t married. ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/89 "2011-08-25T11:26:21Z")
Christianity requires that women submit to the authority of the man in marriage. The Catholics put it this way. > [@](#): > > 1. Domestic society being confirmed, therefore, by this bond of love, there should flourish in it that “order of love,” as St. Augustine calls it. This order includes both the primacy of the husband with regard to the wife and children, the ready subjection of the wife and her willing obedience, which the Apostle commends in these words: “Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ is the head of the Church.” Casti Connubii [http://www.vatican.va/holy\_father/pius\_xi/encyclicals/documents/hf\_p-xi\_enc\_31121930\_casti-connubii\_en.html](http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xi_enc_31121930_casti-connubii_en.html) I love the way the Catholics put things, **willing obedience** & **ready subjection** , how romantic. The Baptists this way. > [@](#): > > A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ." [http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?id=2510](http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?id=2510) ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/90 "2011-08-25T11:26:22Z")
> [@anya\_marie](#): > > Right now, whith the bit of information I get from the OP, THIS husband is a douchetruck. > … > Douchiness lies in many things, like taking a huge pile of spaghetti knowing full well that there are guests and small children who need dinner. Turning the TV channel to crap, and running out to buy a toy when his wife could have uses help also screams douchey. That. There’s nothing inherently wrong with house/outside-the-house division of labor, as long as both parties have a healthy dose of respect for one another and their respective field of expertise. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/91 "2011-08-25T11:34:27Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Him and his wife agreed on having “traditional” gender roles. This means he works and she stays home with the kids. He does zero cleaning, only cooking he does is bbq, and blows off his wife when we are around. The blowing off the wife in company sounds pretty bad (though I’m not clear on what that entails exactly). The rest - I think it’s OK if both are happy with it; and that the reverse would be equally OK. I know a couple of couples who do the opposite - the man stays at home and the wife works (one is because the guy is trying to become a writer - not sure about the other one, but her job is pretty high-powered). I did that for a short while myself when I was laid-off. I was without work for only a couple of months, but had no problem with handling all the domestic stuff while job searching. I do think it’s often beneficial if at least one parent is at home with the kids; I’m not a fan of nannies or all-day daycare and the like. But the “blowing off the wife” in company sounds rude and disrespectful. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/92 "2011-08-25T13:05:26Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > Everybody knows the Bible is set in 1950s America. With 2011’s satellite package! ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/93 "2011-08-25T13:14:03Z")
> [@Icerigger](#): > > “A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.” > [Great Commission Advance | Baptist Press](http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?id=2510) So the “husband” is never around to help out, and leaves the “wife” to deal with the kids? Probably not the interpretation they were wanting. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/94 "2011-08-25T13:18:58Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > I remember telling the douche-bag, as I left, “good luck when your wife stabs you in your sleep.” I won’t go so far as to say, “Best. Exit. Line. Evar.”, but it’s definitely way up towards the top of the list. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/95 "2011-08-25T13:57:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Who appointed you a “leader?” Nobody, that’s just how our relationship has been since we started dating many years ago. > [@](#): > > What happens if your wife decides to disregard one of your edicts? It would depend on the circumstances, but if she were unable to accept that I’m the boss in the relationship I would have ended the relationship long ago. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/96 "2011-08-25T14:02:21Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > 1. Are you saying she _doesn’t_ put the family first? No. > [@](#): > > 1. Why don’t you trust _her_ judgement? Who says I don’t? She is probably capable of leading the family although she probably would not be as good as me. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/97 "2011-08-25T14:06:25Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > It would depend on the circumstances, but if she were unable to accept that I’m the boss in the relationship I would have ended the relationship long ago. Question – why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who sees themselves as subordinate? If you’re in a relationship with them, presumably you see them being intelligent/having good judgment, so wouldn’t you want them to realize they’re just as awesome and smart as you? Assuming you don’t think she has as good judgment as you, why do you want to stay with her? Why intentionally put yourself in an inequal relationship? Also, if you have daughters, do you worry about them getting bad ideas about relationships? It’s not uncommon to date a lot of assholes when you’re young. What if she sees herself as inherently subordinate just because she’s a woman to a guy who’s a real jerk? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/98 "2011-08-25T14:06:52Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > Nobody, that’s just how our relationship has been since we started dating many years ago. > > It would depend on the circumstances, but if she were unable to accept that I’m the boss in the relationship I would have ended the relationship long ago. So you would be incapable of being in a relationship with a person who would not subordinate herself to you? Why are you afraid of an equal partnership? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/99 "2011-08-25T14:09:54Z")
I once knew a wife who had a Biblical marriage. The one time she dared to defy her husband, he beat her so badly she had to go to the hospital. Church members showed up there to let her know it was her own damned fault for not listening to her husband, but they had talked to him and he forgave her, so when she got out of the hospital, she could go right home and concentrate on being a better wife. She filed assault charges and got a divorce. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926/100 "2011-08-25T14:41:25Z")
> [@Revenant\_Threshold](#): > > Isn’t considering that there are many ways of doing things itself a way of doing things? Likewise, isn’t believing that there are many opinions that matter also an opinion that seems to be regarded as being all that matters? It sounds like you are implying that I’m being hypocritical. If that’s the case, then make an argument for that position and I will respond. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biblical-marrages-are-people-really-okay-with-this/593926.md?page=6)