# Bicycle stealing bastards with balls of brass **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 21, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468 "2004-06-21T17:02:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/1 "2004-06-21T17:02:19Z")
Yeah, “band name”, right. So we returned from a 3-day weekend of glorious Alaskan weather, RV-ing it down amongst the fisher folk. Pulled into the driveway, opened the garage door and proceeded to unload all the crap we took with us, making multiple trips to and from the house. Mrs. Me dragged the hose out of the garage, tipping over my bike in the process. After watering the lawn, we went inside to cool off, closing the garage door down to within about 8 inches of the floor to allow hot air to escape. An hour later, I went down, opened the door and took the RV down to the lot to park it, walking back past a garage sale in the neighborhood. Went inside and closed the door to within about 2 feet of closing. A couple of hours later, Mrs. Me closes it completely for the night - this is at about 6 p.m. This morning we go down to start the workday and she notices a bike helmet lying on the garage floor. Looking around, it becomes apparent that my $700 Raleigh is gone. Some sorry motherfucker with balls of brass went into the garage during broad daylight and _while we were in the house_, and took my goddamn bike. If he didn’t have a car, then he had to either push it down the street or carry it away, because the tires were deflated. I’m thinking one of the fucking trailer trash types that frequent garage sales with their bags of change is the culprit. Homeowner’s insurance is $500 deductable, and they’re not going to want to pay the difference, since the door was left open and the bike is several years old; and of course recovery is out of the question, since this type of crime ranks down there with jaywalking for the cops. Fuck! I wish I’d caught him; he would have found out what the _real_ definition of “knee-jerk liberal” is. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/2 "2004-06-21T17:36:18Z")
ugh, sorry to hear that, I hate bike thieves. Speaking of balls of brass, some of the most brazen bike stealers live in NYC. These guys haul around bolt cutters in a messenger bag, cut the chains, and are out in 30 seconds Amazing considering it’s all in broad daylight, on a busy street, and with hundreds of people walking by 2 feet away. Anyway, I hope you end up with a better bike, with some newfangled exploding water bottle anti-theft system. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/3 "2004-06-21T17:37:47Z")
I would file a police report anyway, especially if you have the serial #. You never know if the person who stole it will get busted - what if they were running a crank lab in their trailer for example, and the cops raided it and found your bike? Stranger things have happened. You’re not going to get your own special investigative task force, but I don’t think they would rank a $700 theft quite as far down as jaywalking. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/4 "2004-06-21T18:04:23Z")
Or maybe the cops will give him 2 minutes in a steel cage with the guy! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/5 "2004-06-21T18:29:43Z")
At least it happened in Alaska so you know it’s gotta be one of 47 people. ---
**Author:** ![theR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@theR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theR)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/6 "2004-06-21T18:38:12Z")
Check ebay for it. ---
**Author:** ![GLWasteful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f05b48/32.png) [@GLWasteful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GLWasteful)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/7 "2004-06-21T18:45:35Z")
I’m still trying to wrap my mind around people being able to sneak around while wearing parkas, snowshoes and thick mittens. Not to mention fighting off walruses and polar bears. Seriously though, I’m sorry to hear about your misfortune. File a police report, though. Especially if you have the serial number. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/8 "2004-06-21T18:54:01Z")
> [@neuroman](#): > > I would file a police report anyway, especially if you have the serial #. You never know if the person who stole it will get busted - what if they were running a crank lab in their trailer for example, and the cops raided it and found your bike? Stranger things have happened. You’re not going to get your own special investigative task force, but I don’t think they would rank a $700 theft quite as far down as jaywalking. Yeah, we’re reporting it as a burglary for the insurance, if nothing else. Bike stealing is epidemic in the summer here, hence my comment about police action. ---
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/9 "2004-06-21T19:03:42Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Some sorry motherfucker with balls of brass went into the garage during broad daylight and _while we were in the house_, and took my goddamn bike. If he didn’t have a car, then he had to either push it down the street or carry it away, because the tires were deflated. I’m thinking one of the fucking trailer trash types that frequent garage sales with their bags of change is the culprit. I can top that. About 8 years ago, I had some thieves walk into my one-room efficiency apartment at 7 am (broad daylight) _while I was sleeping in the same room_ and try to take my bike. I was so befuddled that when I woke and noticed them wheeling my bike through the door, I thought they had wrong apartment and said “um, excuse me?” to thieves inside my apartment. But I did manage to get my bike back. I leapt out of bed (wearing only the very little I normally waer to bed) and had to literally yank it out of the thief’s grasp and back into my apartment. So, yeah, bike thieves suck… ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/10 "2004-06-21T19:10:46Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#): > > I leapt out of bed (wearing only the very little I normally waer to bed) and had to literally yank it out of the thief’s grasp and back into my apartment. Things are much funnier when you take them out of context. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/11 "2004-06-21T19:31:39Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > Things are much funnier when you take them out of context. 😛 Hee. That excerpt sounds _much_ ruder than what actually happened 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/12 "2004-06-21T19:50:14Z")
> [@GLWasteful](#): > > I’m still trying to wrap my mind around people being able to sneak around while wearing parkas, snowshoes and thick mittens. Makes it tough to identify anyone in the lineup… ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/13 "2004-06-21T20:19:01Z")
I commute by bicycle from Brooklyn to midtown Manhattan (in New York City) nearly every day. I can’t tell you how many bicycles I’ve lost. A few have been stolen. One was lost when the city decided to replace the signpost my bike was chained to, and hauled off several bicycles locked to it. Twice I’ve had trucks back into the bike and bend it into a pretzel shape. I don’t really care anymore. I’m sorry about yoru $700 bike. That sucks. I set myself a limit of $50 or $60 for a flea-market bike, and if it lasts a month, I figure that’s cheaper than month’s subway fare, so I’m still ahead of the game. Right now I’m riding a perfectly good Schwinn Suburban that I got for $60. It gets me there. I’m happy. Beats the subway. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/14 "2004-06-21T23:26:39Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > At least it happened in Alaska so you know it’s gotta be one of 47 people. Nah, that family sold their double-wide and moved Outside when the PFD dropped below $1500. ---
**Author:** ![GLWasteful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f05b48/32.png) [@GLWasteful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GLWasteful)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/15 "2004-06-22T13:49:23Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Makes it tough to identify anyone in the lineup… Heh ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/16 "2004-06-22T19:53:31Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Yeah, “band name”, right. Band name? Sounds like a double act to me. “Tonight only! Bicycle Stealing Bastards! Balls of Brass to open the show.” ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/17 "2004-06-22T21:01:25Z")
Some mentally deficient shithead decided to steal our neighbor’s bike by **chopping down the tree** that it was chained to. Gee, dude, it’s New York, there are probably three other trees on this block, we can afford to waste one. I’m not much of a conservationist, but it really, really bothers me that this idiot killed a tree just to get a piece-of-shit bike. mischievous ---
**Author:** ![DaddyTimesTwo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DaddyTimesTwo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaddyTimesTwo)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bicycle-stealing-bastards-with-balls-of-brass/251468/18 "2004-06-23T13:46:29Z")
Similar thing happened to my nephew, except they left the grage door open all the way. And this in a middle class suburban nieghborhood where the houses all sit on 1/4 acre lots. Someone walked in and swiped his almost new bike, although it was nowhere near as expensive as yours. My nephew can drive now and he is extremely careful about always locking his car.