# Big and dumb action movies on the way out? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 2, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259 "2005-08-02T04:26:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/21 "2005-08-02T18:09:22Z")
I liked _The Island_! It ain’t Huston or Ford but it was a fun coupla of hours. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/22 "2005-08-02T18:56:00Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > That’s based on an excellent short story. (By Ray Bradbury, I think.) If it’s a faithful adaptation it might be good. Well, let’s see: 80 million dollar budget. So far, so good. Directed by Peter Hyams. Uh-oh. Let’s see what else he’s made. Hmm. His last film was **The Musketeer** , four years ago. A terrible film, I hear. **End of Days**. Yikes. **The Relic**. Well, that one was OK, but that was eight years ago. Renny Harlin actually left this film to direct something else. Oh, boy. Written by the guys who wrote **Sahara**. OK, I’m predicting _not_ good. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/23 "2005-08-02T20:54:14Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > Jurassic Park 4 is in the works, complete with cybernetically-enhanced velociraptor black-ops soldiers, named after Greek generals and controlled by a team of government scientists. Tell me you’re kidding me. Even if you are not kidding me, tell me you’re kidding me. Because if this is true, I’m not sure I want to live. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/24 "2005-08-02T21:01:35Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > Jurassic Park 4 is in the works, complete with cybernetically-enhanced velociraptor black-ops soldiers, named after Greek generals and controlled by a team of government scientists. _Universal Lizard_? ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/25 "2005-08-02T21:01:59Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Tell me you’re kidding me. Even if you are not kidding me, tell me you’re kidding me. Because if this is true, I’m not sure I want to live. Well, I hadn’t read it in a while, but I was close. I hate this website and the writer rambles on and on forever before finally discussing the script itself, but here is a cite: > **[AICN EXCLUSIVE!! Moriarty's Been To JURASSIC PARK 4 And Returns To Tell The...](http://legacy.aintitcool.com/node/18166)** > > Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab Okay before I begin the review today, there's something I'd like to get off my chest. If you're just interested in the review, skip down to the red text below that says... ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/26 "2005-08-02T21:27:49Z")
Hey I don’t care what anyone says. Jerry Bruckheimer + Michael Bay = ACTION MOTHERFUCKER!!! (and to a lesser extent, the Jerry Bruckheimer + Tony Scott combo). Regardless of how they do in the theaters or how much the various geeks and nerds complain about asteroids this and Pearl Harbor that and faithful to the book whateverwhogivesafuck, I’ve pretty much found them to be entertaining when taken as what they are - escapist action fantasy that has no bearing on reality. Problem is (as I’ve been saying for years) there’s no decent action heros to replace the Schwartzeniggers, Willis’ and to a lesser extent the Stalones, Segals and Van Dammes. The Rock’s acting lives up to his name and Vin Deisel should be voted “most likely to pick the crappiest of three possible movie franchises (and I actually LIKE the Riddick character).” At least it’s not John Woo. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/27 "2005-08-02T22:28:51Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Problem is (as I’ve been saying for years) there’s no decent action heros to replace the Schwartzeniggers, Willis’ and to a lesser extent the Stalones, Segals and Van Dammes. The Rock’s acting lives up to his name and Vin Deisel should be voted “most likely to pick the crappiest of three possible movie franchises (and I actually LIKE the Riddick character).” > > At least it’s not John Woo. I tend to disagree. I think The Rock is terrific, and he has more of a range than Arnold (who tended to be the best “action” moviestar; Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson were good enough actors to do more than JUST action movies). The Rock is blessed with great comic timing, and he’s much more willing to do self-deprecating humor or mock his he-man image than Arnold. He’s much easier to understand, he can do more of his own stunts, he can sing and dance, and he’s just charismatic and cool. For anyone who doubts this or doesn’t believe a wrestler can transition to becoming a decent actor, check out \*The Rundown \* (a surprisingly great buddy adventure movie) or _Be Cool_, in which The Rock and Vince Vaughn are the only highlights of an otherwise crummy and unnecessary sequel. I also think Jason Statham belongs in the next pantheon of action movie heroes. He can do ass-kicking action or smug, smarmy comedy: he is quite funny in _Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels_, _Snatch_, and _The Italian Job_, and he takes part in some of the best fight scenes I’ve ever seen in a non-Asian action movie in _The Transporter_. He’s studied martial arts for most of his life, so he is in amazing shape and doesn’t need to constantly rely on stuntmen. Plus he has that uber-cool British accent, and he’s a good role model for balding men. I love John Woo’s Hong Kong action films and he was a major trendsetter in the late '80s and early '90s, influencing everyone from Michael Bay to Quentin Tarantino. But so far he’s only made two good American movies: _Hard Target_ and _Face/Off_. I consider myself a fan, and I haven’t even cared for his others. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/28 "2005-08-02T22:31:35Z")
Sigh. Michael Bay. And I still have hopes for Transformers: The Movie. I hope. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/29 "2005-08-02T23:43:34Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Hey I don’t care what anyone says. Jerry Bruckheimer + Michael Bay = ACTION MOTHERFUCKER!!! (and to a lesser extent, the Jerry Bruckheimer + Tony Scott combo). > . Yeah, but what kind of MF action we are talking here? [http://www.ugo.com/channels/filmtv/features/middleearthguide/retold\_mines.asp](http://www.ugo.com/channels/filmtv/features/middleearthguide/retold_mines.asp) > [@](#): > > THE MINES OF MORIA > > As directed by: Michael Bay > > … > > ARAGORN (David Hasselhoff) > > Some people need to help somebody when the edge of surrender is in sight! > > He picks up FRODO and carries him into the mine. The assembled party runs for the open gate, which swings shut behind them. The WATCHER IN THE WATER scrapes helplessly at the closed doors for a few seconds, and then gives up and EXPLODES. > > FRODO (Keanu Reeves) > > Whoa. > > GANDALF (Sean Connery) > > Quiet, you ninny. Now, everybody follow me. > > The FELLOWSHIP descends into the darkness of the mines of Moria, yet somehow their faces are always bathed in a golden light as if they were staring heroically into the sunset. As they SLOWLY WALK in a STRAIGHT LINE, the camera swoops around them in super-slow motion and a pounding techno beat plays in the background. > > FRODO > > Kraftwerk rules. > > ARAGORN > > Right on! > > The throbbing techno beat grows louder. Suddenly, the room is filled with a horde of MORIA ORCS, who look like normal ORCS except for the portable turntables they carry, on which they produce the crappy electronica which plays over the enormous battle sequence that, let’s face it, we all knew was coming. > > SAMWISE (Warwick Davis) > > I didn’t come to play with fruit! I just want me magic flute! > > ARAGORN > > I’m always there! I won’t let you out of my sight! > > A big battle ensues between the FELLOWSHIP and the MORIA DJ POSSE. ARAGORN stabs one ORC, who EXPLODES. FRODO and SAMWISE wield their smaller swords, and manage to lightly wound a couple of the unrushing horde, who then proceed to EXPLODE. GANDALF swings his staff at a whole group of the creatures, all of whom EXPLODE in unison, and in slow motion, as the magical fire that destroyed them rises into the air and takes the shape and likeness of a GIANT AMERICAN FLAG. > > … ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/30 "2005-08-03T00:16:37Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > Sigh. Michael Bay. And I still have hopes for Transformers: The Movie. > I hope. Despite all the [Transformers references I maintain,](http://www.electric-escape.net/tf) even I’m not holding out much hope that Michael Bay will turn the _Transformers_ live-action flick into something more than mindless action fare to shamelessly exploit the license. I’d like to be surprised, but right now it’s up there with Bumblebee defeating Trypticon single-handedly… ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259/31 "2005-08-03T00:27:27Z")
Isn’t the theatre in general not doing so well? Last I heard there was something like a record-long 18 week slump in movie attendance. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-and-dumb-action-movies-on-the-way-out/315259.md?page=1)