# Big Bird vs. Snuffleupagus: which kicks a\*\*? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 25, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153 "2003-04-25T17:42:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SteveSteve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SteveSteve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveSteve)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/1 "2003-04-25T17:42:01Z")
Inspired by the two recent “which animal would win in a fight” threads- I take Big Bird, Snuff is just too slow. Big Bird could jack him with those big crazy feet of his, what’s Snuff going to do? sniff him to death? Make him feel really guilty? In a no holds barred cage match, The Bird takes it in 2. For those of you who want to discuss actual animals killing each other how about the classic Orangutan vs Chimpanzee? Dr Zaius is getting his ass _kicked_ ! ---
**Author:** ![Branwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@Branwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Branwen)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/2 "2003-04-25T17:46:18Z")
My money is on the bird. He could do some real damage with that huge beak. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/3 "2003-04-25T17:50:45Z")
It depends on which one can take the most punishment. Let’s turn a flamethrower on both of them, & find out. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/4 "2003-04-25T17:57:48Z")
Big Bird’s a wuss. He SHOULD win, but Snuff seems to have more balls. Snuff would barrel into him and Big Bird would flail helplessly, yelling for Tina the veterinarian for sure. ---
**Author:** ![verbenabeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@verbenabeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbenabeast)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/5 "2003-04-25T18:05:55Z")
hey, you people are obviously just big bird devotees! ANY logical, right-thinking person would HAVE to admit that BB has absolutely NO chance against Snuffy! Snuffy is bigger, stronger, more determined, and has LOCKING TUSKS! a true no-brainer! besides BB has those tiny little weak front wing/arm thingees! SHEESH! ---
**Author:** ![Murcielago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Murcielago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Murcielago)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/6 "2003-04-25T18:06:15Z")
I gotta go with the big guy on this one. Don’t forget that the Bird has that gimpy arm. I figure Snuff would eventually stomp on one of those big feet and roll over on top of him. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/7 "2003-04-25T18:06:18Z")
I’m a little out of date on my Sesame Street fauna. Is Snuffleupagus the one that’s mostly invisible, and if so, can Big Bird see him? If BB can’t see him, that’d balance out a lot. I mean, Snuff could just sneak up on him and push him over, then stand on him… [sub]I used to work at a place where we gave sarcastic nicknames to all the telemarketers. One was a woman about 6’3", 120 pounds, with a big, poofy blond Rod Stewart hairdo. Rather than call her Rod Stewart, she was Big Bird![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![smam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@smam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smam)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/8 "2003-04-25T18:19:24Z")
I actually know the answer to this. My brother-in-law Bill is a cop and one time he was involved in a ‘bust’ on a gay brothel. Who should he find in one of the rooms bent over a sweaty pantomime horse? None other than Big Bird, who seemingly lives up to his name in more ways than one. So everyone was cuffed, questioned and released. A short time later, letters were sent out summoning the ‘perps’ to appear in court. Turns out Snuffy and Bird had been sharing an apartment for quite a long time, a one-bedroomed apartment if you get my drift. Snuffy was always in the habit of opening Birds letters. My Brother-in-law get the call-out , theres big trouble in the gay/muppet district of downtown, the neighbours are scared that someones going to get killed. By the time Bill gets there the fight has spilled out onto the street. Snuffy looked like he had a broken leg and slightly longer trunk, one of his eyelashes was stretched so it was sweeping the pavement, but other than that he was ok. The ambulance never really got there quick enough, they assured Bill that the Heimelich manouvere was never going to work despite his strenuous efforts. It’s just not that easy to make a grown man cough up a 7 foot bird costume, especially when most of the beak is protruding from his mouth whilst the two over-sized comedy feet are still sticking out his ass. Snuffy 1 Big Bird 0 ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/9 "2003-04-25T18:22:53Z")
Snuffy, but only in the time when only Big Bird could see him. Since then, he’s become a “touchy-feely” muppet and has lost all the toughness. I just can’t see him stomping anyone now. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/10 "2003-04-25T21:03:39Z")
Since for most of the Sesame Street run Snuffy was Bird’s IMAGINARY FRIEND, Suffy then could just use his not actually existing to drive the Bird insane, leading to suicide. But then since Suffy exists only in Birds mind, Snuffy dies too. They are too symbiotic to have a real fight to the death. Draw. ---
**Author:** ![SteveSteve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SteveSteve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveSteve)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/11 "2003-04-25T21:10:39Z")
Fine answers all, so, let’s up the stakes. Still BB vs Snuff, but now with machetes! And the winner gets to set Elmo on fire! ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/12 "2003-04-25T21:14:32Z")
I fail to see which could use a machete anyway. Bird has but vestigal arms and the Snuffster walks on all fours. ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/13 "2003-04-25T22:13:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SteveSteve \* > \*\*For those of you who want to discuss actual animals killing each other how about the classic Orangutan vs Chimpanzee? Dr Zaius is getting his ass _kicked_ ! \*\* Ape kill Ape! Ape kill Ape! Ape kill Ape! -lv ---
**Author:** ![SteveSteve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SteveSteve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveSteve)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/14 "2003-04-25T22:17:44Z")
Valid point Ryan, maybe we could duct tape a machete to Snuff’s trunk? I think BB would be out of luck though…unless you put straight razors on each of BB’s toes…I think we would have a **fight** then. BB doing round house kicks to sever Snuff’s machete wielding trunk, while Snuff tries to chop off BB’s feet… OK so **now** who would be the champ? I would have to go with Snuff, that trunk looks fast man…couple of quick chops to BB’s shins and Elmo would be Rotisserie Gold. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/15 "2003-04-25T22:34:06Z")
I think BB is too tall and awkward, whereas Snuffy is kinda squat and solid, like Charles Barkley or Pumbaa. I think Snuffy just rams him off his feet and stomps a mudhole in him and walks him dry. ---
**Author:** ![Magickly\_Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magickly\_Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magickly_Delicious)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/16 "2003-04-25T23:58:34Z")
What? How the \*%^# can Snuffleupagus be an imaginary friend? I haven’t watched Sesame since the late '80s, but I thought I remembered him talking and interacting with characters other than Big Bird. Big Bird is the pinnacle of naivete. All Snuffle would have to do is say “What’s that over there?” Big Bird: “Huh? Woaaaah!” As Snuffy pushes him off the docks. ---
**Author:** ![Lapin\_de\_poussiere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a4c791/32.png) [@Lapin\_de\_poussiere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lapin_de_poussiere)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/17 "2003-04-26T03:15:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Big Bird is the pinnacle of naivete. All Snuffle would have to do is say “What’s that over there?” > Big Bird: “Huh? Woaaaah!” > As Snuffy pushes him off the docks. Oh… hoho… hee… _wipes eyes from laughing too hard_ Snuffy’s got it. All he’s got to do is just take a running start and knock Big Bird over. BB’s center of gravity’s a little too high on those legs… come to think of it… assuming that Snuffy wouldn’t get too dizzy and smash through a storefront, he could knock Big Bird’s legs out from under him with his trunk. Then he could grab Big Bird by the legs with his trunk and swing him around and let him go, thus launching Big Bird into a low orbit. Hoooo. I’ve got to quit studying for the Praxis… it’s making me nutty. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/18 "2003-04-26T03:36:03Z")
Snuff ain’t imaginary and hasn’t been in over a decade at least. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/19 "2003-04-26T04:00:31Z")
Snuffleupagus would win. He’s so touchy feely that he is just ready to snap. ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153/20 "2003-04-26T05:34:58Z")
Gotta pick Snuff. He’s a flippin’ boulder, and who knows what kind of havoc that trunk of his could instill. And plus Big Bird’s center of gravity is way too high, hell, Slimey could know him over. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-bird-vs-snuffleupagus-which-kicks-a/171153.md?page=2)