# Big burly guys and their new girlfriends....WTF **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 13, 2006, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963 "2006-12-13T15:38:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/1 "2006-12-13T15:38:22Z")
It’s just that this has happened to me at least twice of late. We went out a few times…had fun, if you know what I mean. Nothing serious. Not intended to be. But guys I liked. Kept in touch, usually though email. Then suddenly they have a new girlfriend and these guys who are supposed to be so dominant and in charge can’t talk to me anymore…they’re not allowed. For god sake. If I wanted him, I’d have him you bitch. He’s my friend. Yeah he’s seen my tits, he’s not going to see them again, not when he’s with you. I don’t do that. He should know that. Get over it. And what is with these guys who claim to be Doms and have their ball shrivile to rasins at the word of some chick? I woudn’t let a guy tell me who I can be friends with. ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/2 "2006-12-13T15:47:28Z")
Happens to me too. I think it’s because I’m too much woman for them. In my experience some guys seem to eagerly want to be kept under tight control by their female partners. I’ve even known a few to object when I tell them to do what they want to do, instead of what I want them to do. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/3 "2006-12-13T15:57:29Z")
I had something I wanted to say about this, but I’d better not…I don’t want to get into trouble. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/4 "2006-12-13T15:58:34Z")
[QUOTE=cowgirl] In my experience some guys seem to eagerly want to be kept under tight control by their female partners. I’ve even known a few to object when I tell them to do what they want to do, instead of what I want them to do. [/QUOTE] Ditto, and I’ve had others lie to their friends about what I wouldn’t “let” them do, or about my being angry (when I never was) about them staying out late/visiting a Boobie Bar/etc. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Call_Me_Shirley)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/5 "2006-12-13T16:06:26Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] It’s just that this has happened to me at least twice of late. We went out a few times…had fun, if you know what I mean. Nothing serious. Not intended to be. But guys I liked. Kept in touch, usually though email. Then suddenly they have a new girlfriend and these guys who are supposed to be so dominant and in charge can’t talk to me anymore…they’re not allowed. For god sake. If I wanted him, I’d have him you bitch. He’s my friend. Yeah he’s seen my tits, he’s not going to see them again, not when he’s with you. I don’t do that. He should know that. Get over it. And what is with these guys who claim to be Doms and have their ball shrivile to rasins at the word of some chick? I woudn’t let a guy tell me who I can be friends with. [/QUOTE] Maybe he’s “just not that into you,” and “my new girl won’t let me talk to you” is just a convenient excuse so he doesn’t have to tell you the real reason he doesn’t want to talk to you. I’m not saying anything against you, you understand. I’m sure you’re a lovely person. ---
**Author:** ![Dob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Dob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dob)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/6 "2006-12-13T16:10:46Z")
> [@](#): > > He should know that. Get over it. And what is with these guys who claim to be Doms and have their ball shrivile to rasins at the word of some chick? I woudn’t let a guy tell me who I can be friends with. Maybe if you weren’t so cranky and judgemental, he might want to hang out with you more often! Don’t begrudge a person because they found some happiness that doesnt agree with what you think he should be doing. Be a friend, be understanding, and be patient. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/7 "2006-12-13T16:15:10Z")
So a man who chooses not to hang out with you because his girlfriend prefers that he doesn’t isn’t simply a considerate boyfriend, he’s an emasculated joke? Has it occurred to you that her happiness is simply more important to him than your company? Or would a man have to have detachable balls to resist your charms? ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/8 "2006-12-13T16:20:03Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] For god sake. If I wanted him, I’d have him you bitch. [/QUOTE] 1. He wants you, you don’t want him 2. You want him, he does’t want you 3. He doesn’t want you, you don’t want him Now the fact that you’ve already been out suggest that it’s more likely to be 1 or 2, so why are you surprised that they want space between you and their boyfriends? Oh, and as to why the guys put up with it? We’re men - we do dumb things to impress women we’re attracted to. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/9 "2006-12-13T16:26:30Z")
psyyyyyyyyycho talk ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/10 "2006-12-13T16:31:49Z")
Back before we had kids, a friend of ours who DID have kids once said something I’ll always remember, “Having a kid will really put a pet in perspective.” He waS right, too. Kinda the same with lovers and friends. Sucks to be the one put in perspective, but there it is. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/11 "2006-12-13T16:32:56Z")
[QUOTE=Gary Kumquat] 1. He wants you, you don’t want him 2. You want him, he does’t want you 3. He doesn’t want you, you don’t want him . [/QUOTE] Well no, it’s really more 3. We decided that before you entered the picture…and it’s his job to communicate that. Go at it, my blessing on you. Just his job too stand up for a friendship. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/12 "2006-12-13T16:34:17Z")
And if it were worth it to him, he would. He’s not being coerced, he’s making a choice. ---
**Author:** ![Unregistered\_Bull](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3da27b/32.png) [@Unregistered\_Bull](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unregistered_Bull)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/13 "2006-12-13T16:34:58Z")
This seems to be fairly normal behaviour. Especially when it concerns a girl that he was fucking, apparently quite quickly after beginning to date (maybe they know your reputation). I wouldn’t be too keen on a girlfriend chatting it up with an ex either. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/14 "2006-12-13T16:36:55Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] So a man who chooses not to hang out with you because his girlfriend prefers that he doesn’t isn’t simply a considerate boyfriend, he’s an emasculated joke? Has it occurred to you that her happiness is simply more important to him than your company? Or would a man have to have detachable balls to resist your charms? [/QUOTE] He doesn’t have to hang out with me. He doesn’t on the other hand have to lock me out of his life. And a partner who would request that that, or a big burly man who would put up with that is…not a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/15 "2006-12-13T16:38:52Z")
[QUOTE=Dob] Maybe if you weren’t so cranky and judgemental, he might want to hang out with you more often! Don’t begrudge a person because they found some happiness that doesnt agree with what you think he should be doing. Be a friend, be understanding, and be patient. [/QUOTE] I can’t be a friend if he doesn’t talk to me. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/16 "2006-12-13T16:45:10Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] Well no, it’s really more 3. We decided that before you entered the picture…and it’s his job to communicate that. Go at it, my blessing on you. Just his job too stand up for a friendship. [/QUOTE] And how’s she meant to know that? Why should she completely trust you, when you guys have already fooled around? And how did things end up between you? Did you dump him, did he dump you? She could have every reason to believe that either he’s pining for you, or vice versa. I can see why you’re annoyed, but really - when a new relationship starts, ex partners of any sort are guaranteed a frosty relationship. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/17 "2006-12-13T16:45:30Z")
So… boil the bunny yet? ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/18 "2006-12-13T16:46:49Z")
[QUOTE=Don’t Call Me Shirley] Maybe he’s “just not that into you,” and “my new girl won’t let me talk to you” is just a convenient excuse so he doesn’t have to tell you the real reason he doesn’t want to talk to you. I’m not saying anything against you, you understand. I’m sure you’re a lovely person. [/QUOTE] I AM a lovely person. I am a breath of motherfucking May. I don’t expect him to be into me. He was. We were. Didn’t work out. Fine. But we were pals. Then ubruptly we wern’t. Just gets me that these take charge alpha male types would collapes like a house of cards. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/19 "2006-12-13T16:49:11Z")
He’s not collapsing like a house of cards. He’s sacrificing something he doesn’t especially care about for something he does. I promise you that this is not hard to understand, if you can only bring yourself to contemplate the possibility that you were not, are not, and will not be as important to him as you seem to think. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963/20 "2006-12-13T16:49:57Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] He doesn’t have to hang out with me. He doesn’t on the other hand have to lock me out of his life. And a partner who would request that that, or a big burly man who would put up with that is…not a good thing. [/QUOTE] I was also thinking that she was playing General Manager to his GMAC Finance Officer, but if he is not seeing you only because of his girlfriend, he’s not behaving like a man and he’s not doing her any favors (giving someone that much control over your life is the best way to make sure a relationship is temporary and short). I don’t think a woman showing the same “consideration” to her boyfriend would be thought of as anything other than a victim. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-burly-guys-and-their-new-girlfriends-wtf/383963.md?page=2)