# Big D jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 14, 1999, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310 "1999-04-14T04:19:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/61 "2000-12-07T21:25:49Z")
MDISB it’s responsible for most of the pregnant chads. MDISB when I told Gore its length, he demanded I recount the inches. MDISB when I told Bush its length, he said his was bigger, but his lawyers wouldn’t allow me to complete an accurate measurement. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/62 "2000-12-11T23:17:52Z")
MDSIB it won’t officially be the new millennium until every one of its time zones hits Jan 1 2001. MDISB that I can make it a white Christmas in any climate just by splooging. MDISB that it took every elf to make my gift of a condom that fits, which is why you’re getting a lump of coal this year. MDISB it’s on every woman’s list, but it won’t fit down the chimney. MDISB I hang mistletoe on the end and can legally kiss women across state lines. MDISB my sperm are pulling Santa’s sled this year. From **RevJohn** : MDISB one load of semen will make 25,000 splooge turkeys for the homeless this holiday MDISB it’s in concert with Perry Como this year. MDISB There is a world shortage on Holly after they decorated it. MDISB my balls will drop in Times Square this New Years MDISB it’s the official mascot of Kwanza this year MDISB Dick Clark wants to book it for his Rocking New Years Eve MDISB it has a star on top of it in Downtown Delray\*. MDISB Santa traded his sled for it’s huge cargo area. MDISB I have a family of elves living in it. [\*Editor’s note: In this area, the city of Delray Beach hosts a gigantic (fake) Christmas tree every year.] ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_IV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@Mark\_IV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_IV)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/63 "2001-01-19T19:03:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ranger Jeff \* > \*\*Am I the only person who thought this would be a thread with jokes about Dallas? > > * * * > > Ranger Jeff > The Idol of American Youth > > That would be the easy way, but it wouldn’t be … > > - The Cowboy Way \* > \*\* I too had a Dallas joke ready, but now the penis topics seem to ruin this board. Why do people trick you into reading something dirty by having a clean title? Is that how they get their sexual excitement? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/64 "2001-01-19T21:44:03Z")
MDISB Saddam Hussien tried to use it as a weapon of mass destruction. MDISB I caused the Mars Lander to crash when my spooge hit it on final approach. MDISB the metric system does not have a prefix big enough to describe it’s length. MDISB my balls root for the Miami Heat and my head follows the Portland Trailblazers. MDISB the world land speed record is held on the Great Salt Flat Part of My Dick. MDISB Juan Valdez says it is the Richest, Most Aromatic Dick in the World. MDISB I got an erection at the top of the Straight Tower of Pisa and screwed it ALL up. MDISB the mythical Tower of Babel was just me touring Iraq. It’s a hoot reading this ancient thread. It actually was getting me a little randy. Hmm… Woah, Boy!.. Getting woozy… head spinning… ::passes out from lack of blood to brain:: ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/65 "2001-01-19T22:58:53Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Mark IV \*\*\* > I too had a Dallas joke ready, but now the penis topics seem to ruin this board._\* MDISB it ruined this board. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2001, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/66 "2001-06-15T16:25:14Z")
MDISB it revived this thread to save it from being purged. MDISB Dubya Bush is touring it to gain ABM support from my balls. MDISB they almost executed McVeigh by hanging him from it. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2001, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/67 "2001-06-15T16:55:59Z")
MDISB Boeing is naming their next plane the 7-mydick-7. MDISB I have the complete number _Pi_ tattooed on it in #12 font. MDISB, when I go out West, I have to get MD it’s own snowboard. MDISB Courtney Love said it was too big for her. MDISB firemen climb it to rescue people from burning buildings. MDISB FOX is doing a show saying they think they’ve found the remains of Noahs Ark somewhere on it. MDISB, there actually _is_ snow on the top of it. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2001, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/68 "2001-06-15T23:45:58Z")
My Dick is so long that I wet my pants when I was 3 years old, and it’s still making its way through My Dick ---
**Author:** ![Will\_Repair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a698b9/32.png) [@Will\_Repair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Will_Repair)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/69 "2001-06-16T05:40:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ranger Jeff \* > **Am I the only person who thought this would be a thread with jokes about Dallas?** Yes! Big D means Denton. THE Trivia Game is “Small Towns in Texas.” Where are “The Lights?” Marfa Where is “The Whitest People and the Darkest Land” Greenville. ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2001, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/70 "2001-06-16T18:27:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sappo \* > \*\*I couldn’t resist replying to this: > > A woman walks up to the big, gorgeous cowboy. She looks him in the eye and asks, “So Tex, just how big is it?” He replies,“6 inches, m’am” Her face drops. “Is that all, my baby brother is bigger than that.” The cowboy looks confused. He asks,“In diameter m’am?” \*\* Or “from the ground m’am?” ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/71 "2001-10-04T13:02:48Z")
MDISB the phrase “meat is murder” was originally about me. ---
**Author:** ![postcards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8e8cbc/32.png) [@postcards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/postcards)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/72 "2001-10-04T13:12:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > My Dick is so big it has it’s own Congressman. > \*\* Oh, wait. That **IS** my congressman! ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/73 "2001-10-04T14:12:54Z")
My dick is so big it got 5000 votes in West Palm Beach. My dick is so big it’s pulling Voyager back. My dick is so big Osama bin Laden wants to fly a plane into it. (Sorry.) My dick is so big conspiracy theorists claim nobody’s been to its head. My dick is so big it’s outselling Pepsi. My dick is so big I’m orbiting it. My dick is so big it gets pulled into truck weigh stations. My dick is so big it has arrestor wires and a steam catapult. My dick is so big that when I’m taking a bath, I can hear its sonar. My dick is so big it has its own photo ID. My dick is so big it sells me insurance. My dick is so big it’s going back to college. My dick is so big I have to transport it on a flatbed. My dick is so big it’s dating Julia Roberts. My dick is so big BASE jumpers are always coming by my house. My dick is so big it’s on the U.N. Security Council. My dick is so big it issues stamps. My dick is so big it interferes with your radio reception. My dick is so big they’re marketing it as an SUV. My dick is so big it has a cameo on “ER” next week. My dick is so big it pays income tax. My dick is so big it has a nicer office than I do. My dick is so big it has broadband. My dick is so big it sells franchises. Soon your dick will be a part of my dick’s chain. My dick is so big it directed a Britney Spears video. My dick is so big it has a publisher. My dick is so big that when it gets hurt CNN runs special reports called “Crisis: My Dick.” My dick is so big it manages a restaurant. My dick is so big it has a reception desk. My dick is so big it ate the Crocodile Hunter guy. My dick is so big that when I go to the zoo, the bull elephants feel insecure. My dick is so big it charges $450 an hour for consulting. My dick is so big the Broncos drafted it. My dick is so big it signed a peace treaty with Israel. ---
**Author:** ![bigjohnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8dc957/32.png) [@bigjohnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigjohnson)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2002, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/74 "2002-10-10T05:35:37Z")
My dick is so big that, unfortunately, several women have refused to let me put it in them. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/75 "2003-03-10T22:22:40Z")
MDISB when I get naked they call it the Full Montgomery. MDISB the UN classified it as a “weapon of mass insemination”. MDISB I contaminated Ft. Lauderdale beach last week by washing it there. MDISB I have to ejaculate in shifts. MDISB they’re still searching it for Columbia debris. MDISB the WB show “Everwood” is loosely based on it. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2018, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/76 "2018-09-13T22:27:25Z")
MDISB you can write nearly half of Trump’s lies on it. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2018, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/77 "2018-09-13T22:35:24Z")
Only two of my legs are paralyzed. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2018, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/78 "2018-09-13T22:36:51Z")
This thread is so old, it has gone through puberty and grown its own big dick. Really though, I saw a Monica Lewinski joke, a Sammy Sosa joke, Some G.W.Bush jokes, even an MCI joke! Truly a time capsule of terrible. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2018, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/79 "2018-09-14T00:30:54Z")
About a year ago I heard a segment on NPR about a Detroit native complaining about incoming urban hipsters who “think they know everything about ‘The D’ - well, let me tell you , they don’t know ANYTHING about ‘The D’!” Thankfully I was alone in the car because I was doing a Beavis and Butthead laugh for about 10 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2018, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310/80 "2018-09-14T22:30:37Z")
Since this is a zombie, I’ll turn things around: “What’s white and 10 inches long?” “Nothing” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/big-d-jokes/14310.md?page=5)