# Bike Thievery in CHICAGO **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 26, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909 "2011-06-26T15:24:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/21 "2011-06-30T11:41:33Z")
Good hex, though a little bit more blood should have flowed and been smeared where his heart ain’t, I also think a sprinkling of grease and a good bike chain thrashing would have completed it. I would have tied his shoelaces together and put a spoke in his eyes… I bet you feel better anyway, that’s some powerful shit… ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/22 "2011-06-30T12:26:55Z")
Sorry about the bike. This is good stuff, thighs and all. But I’m not sure that I would want the thief to know what I looked like if I frequented the area the bike was stolen. Some of your more modern witches and shamans today have opted for the strong aura of magical protection that comes in the form of a bike lock. Knowing the cathartic power of revenge, I recommend use of a [bait bike](http://www.vectortrac.com/gps-bicycle-tracker.html) as a follow-up project to this hex. Powerful magic lives inside that little box - the Gods can direct one who understands it directly to the thieves by using powerful, dark magic and an inexpensive GPS. ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/23 "2011-06-30T20:18:28Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > Some of your more modern witches and shamans today have opted for the strong aura of magical protection that comes in the form of a bike lock. Yeah, but at level 10 Warlocks can quest for a Wand of Bolt Cutting with unlimited casts of the spell: Nullify Bike Lock. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/24 "2011-06-30T20:33:53Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > Knowing the cathartic power of revenge, I recommend use of a [bait bike](http://www.vectortrac.com/gps-bicycle-tracker.html) as a follow-up project to this hex. Powerful magic lives inside that little box - the Gods can direct one who understands it directly to the thieves by using powerful, dark magic and an inexpensive GPS. It would only be better if it exploded. I’d be willing to sacrifice my beloved wheels if it meant I got to kill a bike thief. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/25 "2011-06-30T21:11:09Z")
I picture a newspaper article that goes something like this: \*"Chicago police are at a loss to explain the death of Mr. John Doe, which they are calling a suspicious death. Mr. Doe was found dead in his apartment, when he would not answer repeated attempts to contact him by phone. In spite of the condition of his body, which was dismembered, and had scorch marks on his head, there was no other evidence of a struggle. There was also no evidence of forced entry. No weapons were found at the scene, and all blood was in the bed. A police official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said ‘He looked as if he was torn limb from limb, right there. No footprints or anything’. Nothing else in Mr. Doe’s apartment seemed to have been disturbed, and an unlocked bicycle was found in his living room. If you have any information on this death, please call Chicago police at 555-3825"\* ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/26 "2011-06-30T21:14:29Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > Some of your more modern witches and shamans today have opted for the strong aura of magical protection that comes in the form of a bike lock. Her bike thief effigy does appear to be holding a pair of bolt cutters, so I’d guess already tried that. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/27 "2011-06-30T21:21:34Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > I just love Urban Neorealism cinema. An ‘offshoot’ of the Non-Linear, Coming-of-Age, Paleo-Drama genre, ala [A Tree Dies in Brooklyn](http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/apparent_thieves_chop_down_tree_ntBGSshJc1MPXn9zJL3J2L) ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/28 "2011-06-30T21:32:53Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Her bike thief effigy does appear to be holding a pair of bolt cutters, so I’d guess already tried that. No lock is completely unbreakable but there are degrees of difficulty. The [Kryptonite](http://www.kryptonitelock.com/Products/ProductDetail.aspx?cid=1001&scid=1002&pid=1168) model “New York Fahgettaboudit” is difficult - and it comes with a $3500 anti-theft guarantee. But it also costs, and weighs, more than some bikes. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/29 "2011-06-30T21:36:49Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > Yeah, but at level 10 Warlocks can quest for a Wand of Bolt Cutting with unlimited casts of the spell: Nullify Bike Lock. Perhaps, but the protective aura of the lock cited in my post above grants + 3500 Magical Force Field of Vanquishing vs. noob Warlocks and their impotent bolt cutters. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/30 "2011-06-30T21:43:40Z")
> [@BBee](#): > > I’ve had it with the heartless bike thieves and their trade network. My bike was nothing special. It was customized to suit me and I loved it. When some bastard stole it yesterday, I filed the report and instead of feeling helpless I declared war and did something extremely therapeutic. I hexed the thief with all the wrath I could conjure up. I filmed the event and posted it on youtube under Bike Thief Hex Chicago Style. Bike thief, you chose the wrong bike. You may be missing balls this morning. I saw the video. You did everything right except for one thing. You need to be _naked_ when you perform the bike thief hex. Please make the appropriate changes and repost the video. Honest, if you do, it’ll work. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/31 "2011-06-30T21:50:00Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > No lock is completely unbreakable but there are degrees of difficulty. The [Kryptonite](http://www.kryptonitelock.com/Products/ProductDetail.aspx?cid=1001&scid=1002&pid=1168) model “New York Fahgettaboudit” is difficult - and it comes with a $3500 anti-theft guarantee. > > But it also costs, and weighs, more than some bikes. I can’t help but wonder if the weakest link in the chain isn’t the chain at all,[but the lock.](http://www.engadget.com/2004/09/14/kryptonite-evolution-2000-u-lock-hacked-by-a-bic-pen/) ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/32 "2011-06-30T22:36:19Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > I can’t help but wonder if the weakest link in the chain isn’t the chain at all,[but the lock.](http://www.engadget.com/2004/09/14/kryptonite-evolution-2000-u-lock-hacked-by-a-bic-pen/) If that were the lock I mentioned this would certainly raise a valid point. The one I mentioned is marketed “For extreme security needs in high crime areas” and comes with theft insurance. The lightweight lock you mention was 5x cheaper and obviously defective to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Know\_Nothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@I\_Know\_Nothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Know_Nothing)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909/33 "2011-06-30T22:37:16Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > I can’t help but wonder if the weakest link in the chain isn’t the chain at all,[but the lock.](http://www.engadget.com/2004/09/14/kryptonite-evolution-2000-u-lock-hacked-by-a-bic-pen/) Yeah. Pretty funny. Kryptonite does have a voluntary recall on those bic-pen breakable locks though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bike-thievery-in-chicago/586909.md?page=1)