# Biker Gang of Fools **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 23, 2004, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073 "2004-08-23T11:49:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/21 "2004-08-23T21:08:05Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > … Osbert will chat with anyone. He’s particularly fond of starting conversations with people that most people never talk to, and with police officers. He talks to cops on the odd chance that if he gets caught doing something he shouldn’t (trespassing mostly, Osbert has odd ideas about private property–like it’s only important if it’s his private property), the cop that catches him will be one that he’s talked to about some obscure hobby and he won’t get arrested. Apparently it worked. Osbert was never arrested, and his wife won’t let him do much of that sort of stuff anymore. … This is apparently a pretty good theory as it worked for my older brother once. He used to be a renegade-type (in his mind anyway) biker when he was younger. He once got picked up by a fellow from the sheriff’s department who just happened to be a biker too and had ridden with my brother before so the law-guy let brother off with a warning. I’m pretty sure his wife wouldn’t let him do that kind of stuff anymore either. I did a little shopping this weekend to replace my old microwave that suddenly croaked. And in an attempt to spruce up the old kitchen I covered a large, freestanding cabinet in a fabric that has a loverly marbled pattern of yellow and green. Looks kinda nice I think. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stranger\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@The\_Stranger\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stranger_1)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/22 "2004-08-23T22:06:58Z")
I had a white faced owl once upon a time…used to feed it live mice. I’d find the fur-balls spit out behind my chair the next day. I let the owl back out into the wild once it wing was healed. (no need for the long version of that story) I just ordered an '05 Dyna-wide glide. Pearl Black. [http://www.harley-davidson.com/PR/MOT/2005/05\_template.asp?bmLocale=en\_US&market=US&family=Dyna&model=FXDWG&modelSection=gallery](http://www.harley-davidson.com/PR/MOT/2005/05_template.asp?bmLocale=en_US&market=US&family=Dyna&model=FXDWG&modelSection=gallery) I pick it up in November…right after my divorce is final. I’ll try to keep my rude gestures to minimum. ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/23 "2004-08-23T22:11:53Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > I can’t slow down. Really, now? Had someone cut your brake lines? Given that you spent more effort activating your horn than your brake, I suspect he may have had a basis for issuing a rude gesture. Now I don’t like recreationally-hirsute uber-entitled poseurs riding overpriced unmuffled noisemakers any more than you do… and have even entertained fantasies of running one or two of them down after they damn near punctured my left eardrum by gunning the throttle at a green light… and grumble every time my neighbor two blocks away tools home at 2:15 am on Saturday nights, waking up every dog, cat and human in a five block radius of his route… I still brake for other vehicles on the road when they attempt to merge when a lane ends, rather than tailgating the vehicle in front of me. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/24 "2004-08-23T22:20:05Z")
Hmmm, decorating and bikers. I’m getting an idea here. How about _Queer Eye for the Biker Guy_? Each week the Fab Five ride with a different biker gang, chosing one to make over (the upwardly-mobile biker guy, the shy but talented biker guy, the diamond-in-the-rough biker, etc.) and re-decorate the biker bar. Thom could show them how to highlight the weapons display without overpowering the rest of the room, Carson could introduce them to clothing that complimented their tatoos, Kyan would certainly have some tips on how to prevent helmet hair, and probably a (non-greasy) conditioner for split ends, Ted could show them how to cook a gourment meal on the manifold (?) of the motorcycles and Kai, well, maybe he could help them practice smiling. Or maybe _Designer’s Challenge: Hideouts and Safe Houses Edition_? Three designer vie for the priviledge of re-doing a different biker hang-out each week. The winner has to use the losing designers in the final design in way that won’t tip off the undercover cop who noses around every so often. No, wait, it would have to be _Trading Gangs_! Two rival biker gangs together with a designer and carpenter have to make-over a room in the house of the other gangleader! Hilarity ensues when the designer convinces a team to use radical techniques–like paint and rugs! The possibilities are endless. I have to get the number for HGTV. I could be a producer! ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/25 "2004-08-23T22:24:49Z")
> [@bughunter](#): > > Really, now? > > Had someone cut your brake lines? > > Given that you spent more effort activating your horn than your brake, I suspect he may have had a basis for issuing a rude gesture. > > Now I don’t like recreationally-hirsute uber-entitled poseurs riding overpriced unmuffled noisemakers any more than you do… and have even entertained fantasies of running one or two of them down after they damn near punctured my left eardrum by gunning the throttle at a green light… and grumble every time my neighbor two blocks away tools home at 2:15 am on Saturday nights, waking up every dog, cat and human in a five block radius of his route… > > I still brake for other vehicles on the road when they attempt to merge when a lane ends, rather than tailgating the vehicle in front of me. Careful readers would have noticed that **Rue** gave a very good explanation for not being able to slow down, to wit: > [@](#): > > I guess to be fair, I could have slowed down and dropped back a little. You know, to give him some room. I thought of that and it seemed like a nice thing to do until I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw the pickup truck’s grill back there. Just the grill since the truck was that close. Nice. Ever hear of a multi-car pile-up? Guess how they happen. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/26 "2004-08-23T22:28:08Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > Then I’m going to buy me my own motorcycle. Such a deal I got for you!! **FCD** sorta wants to sell his motorcycle. Well, not really, but he wants to buy some more cool tools and stuff for his shop so he decided to sell his bike for cool tool money. It’s not a Harley, but it’s a big Yamaha Royal Star, so it’s not like it’s a scooter or anything. And since I luvs ya so much, **Rue** , I won’t even haggle over the price. Have your people call my people - we’ll work the deal. Speaking of idiot drivers, I almost got to witness a head-on collision on my way to work. On a long, straight stretch, the moron behind me decided he was too good to go a mere 3MPH over the limit, so he passed me. But he stayed in the oncoming lane long enough to make the SUV coming in the opposite direction swerve on to the shoulder. There was no reason to - I had pulled way over to the right and he was way past me! Then he turned right a whole 10 seconds later! Had he stayed behind me, he’d have been making that right turn about 5 seconds after he did. Instead, he probably made that SUV driver go home to change his pants. Idiots. **swampy** , sorry about your cave 'mites. That doth well and truly suck! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/27 "2004-08-23T22:28:18Z")
Gotta agree with **bughunter** on this one, Rue – that big yellow sign doesn’t mean ‘Hey, dude, your lane ends, so you’re gonna have to fight your way into the other lane’. The sign means ‘Hey everybody, these two lanes _merge_ into one lane, so let’s everybody make room for each other, and _merge_’. You were in the wrong, and absolutely deserved to be flipped off. You’re lucky, I’ve known guys who would’ve let you hit them, just to collect the cash. I’ve known others who would have shot your car. Let me ask, if it had been a dump truck trying to merge, would you still have been so reluctant to slow down? Driving is a dance. It’s not a race. Quit stepping on other peoples toes. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/28 "2004-08-23T23:01:34Z")
That’s two. Hasn’t _anyone_ ever driven in traffic? And for the record, **Rue** was not tailgating–he said there wasn’t a space as long as a motorcycle between his car and the mini-van, a tad tight, but not unreasonable in the situation. However, the truck behind him–the one that only showed up as a grill–that guy was tailgating. Hence, Rue couldn’t slow down, yadda, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah. Read every sentence, it makes a difference. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/29 "2004-08-23T23:13:00Z")
> [@DeadlyAccurate](#): > > I’m now firmly convinced that all those tough bikers are really business managers, executives, and other assorted suit-types. Seriously, I know a lot of bikers, and they all work at my office (IT department of a major retail corporation). When you consider what some of those rides cost, you know the bikers have to be making some serious cash… One year when we went to Bike Week, I got a chuckle from one fully decked-out biker - denim, leather, scraggly beard, well-worn do-rag - holding the hand of a 4-y/o girl in pink who was clutching her doll. He wanted to be a tough guy, but he was, in fact, Daddy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/30 "2004-08-23T23:16:28Z")
> [@The\_Stranger](#): > > I pick it up in November…right after my divorce is final. It strikes me that there is a “sowing wild oats” phenomenon post-divorce. You buy a Harley, I considered a tattoo. Thankfully I didn’t GET the tattoo, because now I have no desire to have one. But it seemed like the rebellious thing to do. I’m sure you’ll get much more enjoyment out of this bike than I would have with some ink. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/31 "2004-08-23T23:22:15Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > That’s two. Hasn’t _anyone_ ever driven in traffic? > > And for the record, **Rue** was not tailgating–he said there wasn’t a space as long as a motorcycle between his car and the mini-van, a tad tight, but not unreasonable in the situation. However, the truck behind him–the one that only showed up as a grill–that guy was tailgating. Hence, Rue couldn’t slow down, yadda, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah. Read every sentence, it makes a difference. Bullsh\*t. Rue does not have to worry about the guy behind him, not unless that pickup was hurtling dangerously toward him at excessive speed. The pickup is on his own, it’s his responsibility to not hit Rue DeDay. Rue’s responsibility is to provide ample space for the vehicles looking to merge. In this case, Rue, clearly noting that the three motorcycles were traveling as a group, should have courteously (or at least grudgingly) allowed the three of them to merge in front of him. That means plenty of space, not ‘a space as long as a motorcycle’. This is one of my pet peeves – not providing someone space to merge (often speeding up to do so) does not mean that they are cutting you off when forced into your lane – it means you’re an a\*\*hole. We can take this to the pit, if you like, but I’d rather just kindly point out the errors here – and hopefully correct some discourteous driving. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/32 "2004-08-23T23:48:49Z")
I propose we give **Danalan** the poopyhead of the week award. That’d be a big honor being as it’s only Monday still. Reckon I’ll get pitted for saying he should get poopyhead of the week? It’d be my first pitting. Is that worth losing my pit virginity for? Am I living on the edge of danger? It’s all so exciting! Personally, I don’t tend to second guess what who should’ve done when somebody describes something that happened in heavy traffic or while driving cause I wasn’t there and so I don’t know. Termite guy came. Woohoo! As I suspected around $800 to treat the cave and repair the damaged baseboards. It appears that I **had** termites but they went away. Not being one to take a chance, however, the house is getting treated tomorrow. It involves spraying lots and lots of termite killer stuff in the walls. I’m also getting outside treatments and stuff too as well as termite protection for 5 years, so I guess it ain’t sooooooo bad to be paying out all those bucks. Still, mean ol’ termites pickin’ on the swampcave. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/33 "2004-08-24T00:07:52Z")
**$800**?!? That’s a lot of beer and cookies! Doncha love being a homeowner? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/34 "2004-08-24T00:26:19Z")
**swampy** , don’t you wonder why the termites went away? Was it something you said? Did they not like your decorating? Did you house lose its flavor? Or maybe, just maybe they left because there’s some dread monster hiding in your home, biding its time, waiting until you are lulled by a sense of security and comfort before it springs out at you and criticizes your driving!!! :eek: Your house has been invaded by the fearsome **Danalan Poopyhead Only-I-Know-How-To-Drive, Way-To-Serious For A MMP Monster**!!! Flee, flee before he drags you to the pit and takes your virginity. Although, to be fair, I stuck up for **Rue** first, so if anyone’s pit virginity should be lost, it’s mine. Imagine the idea of someone pitting someone for something in a MMP. Talk about unclear of the concept! (resisting urge to use a particular smilie). ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/35 "2004-08-24T00:51:33Z")
I think you’re being too hard on **Danalan**. First, he was just agreeing with me. Second, we have a valid point. **Rue** has yet to give a valid reason why he couldn’t make room for his fellow motorist to merge. “I couldn’t use my brake because there was a big scary truck behind me,” is _not_ a valid reason. Valid reasons sound like: - “My brakes didn’t work,” or - “I was already braking as much as I could safely brake,” or - “I was already at a complete stop,” or - “My car was parked with the engine off.” But instead of braking, Rue chose to sound his horn. Perhaps the other motorist saw this as not only rude, but downright hostile. The other motorist’s perceptions do enter into the equation, despite Rue’s characterization of his horn as “friendly.” (And with respect, **Kallessa** , I live in the capital of multi car pileups. They are caused by things like dust storms, Thule fog, and black ice. Not by easing on the brakes so your fellow motorists can merge.) Perhaps **Dan** has spent a bit too much time driving on urban freeways, where signaling intent to merge is more often than not met with hostility and attempts by other drivers to close the gap you intended to merge into, and thus has little patience or tolerance left for such behavior. That doesn’t make him a “poopyhead.” ObMundane: My new favorite _comida de Mexico_ is mole verde with pork. Mmmm… _MM!_. I didn’t even know that green mole existed until a few weeks ago, and now it’s my favorite… _¡mucho gusto!_ ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/36 "2004-08-24T01:27:38Z")
Whence all the seriousness?? 😕 This is a MMP thread, a Rue thread, all tongues firmly in cheek. (If yours happens to be somewhere else right now I’d rather not know about it, 'kay, thanks. 😉 ) A tinkling pool of giddiness in a sea of melancholy and despair. A lighthearted note in a symphony of gloom. A veritable pastiche of mangled similies and metaphors. And as crowds flee the room screaming I come to a reluctant halt. (Besides, I’ve run out of big words.) ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/37 "2004-08-24T01:43:19Z")
Thank you, **dwyr** , darlin’. I’m afraid that even with poopyhead and a monster with a long name, they still don’t get it, but you saved me from playing right into their serious little hands yet again. Bravo on the big words!! So, nobody likes my ideas for a new decorating show? Well, then, come up with a few of your own. C’mon, I dare ya. Double dare, even. ---
**Author:** ![Bookkeeper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bookkeeper/32/281_2.png) [@Bookkeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bookkeeper)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/38 "2004-08-24T02:15:14Z")
A number of years ago I went to a meeting to discuss requirements for our new accounts receivable system. In walked a burly biker who had clearly just stepped off of his hog; beard, ponytail, black leather everything liberally covered with studs and chains. Turned out to be the IT program manager for the new system. He’s still in IT, although he wears a suit part of the time now. Last week we were working in the side yard when I noticed a mouse running up the house wall. I pointed it out to my wife, who did the “Awww, isn’t it CUTE” thing. (We don’t normally have any mice around, mostly meadow voles and skunks.) Said mouse then reached the eaves and \*squeeeeezed \* through a chink in the mortar between two bricks, leading to an immediate reassessment of the cuteness status of this mouse and mice in general, plus chastisement of Peach and Cleocatra, who had been watching the whole affair from the side window with total disinterest. (Yeah, there was a screen between them and the mouse, but they could at least have perked their ears up.) Oh, and since we’re talking bad drivers, I almost hit one a couple of days ago. We were stopped at an intersection with me in the left turn/go straight lane, and Bad Driver™ in the right go straight lane. The light changed to green, I went straight, and she turned **left**. If I hadn’t automatically looked to the right as a final check for traffic as I started to go (even though there was no right side road entering) I wouldn’t have seen her move in time to stop. She almost clipped my front bumper and drove on apparently oblivious of what had happened. Have I hit all the topics yet? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/39 "2004-08-24T12:01:59Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > So, nobody likes my ideas for a new decorating show? Well, then, come up with a few of your own. C’mon, I dare ya. Double dare, even. When you get to double-dog daring him, it’ll be serious… ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/40 "2004-08-24T12:38:29Z")
**An open letter to those posters who are trying to turn the MMP into yet another tiresome traffic-related Pit thread:** Dear Sirs/Mesdames: Knock it off. Sincerely, Exgineer [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073.md?page=3)