# Biker Gang of Fools **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 23, 2004, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073 "2004-08-23T11:49:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/121 "2004-08-26T18:41:07Z")
> [@lightingtool](#): > > Being the theatre dork that I am, I’ve decided to write this post as a short play. Feel free to skip over it if you want. > > **Me:** I’m back! > **MMPers:** Huh? > **Me:** I’m back! (I said) > **MMPers:** Oh. So, electric garden fences would be… > **Me:** Yeah, isn’t it great? I went to Vegas and I… > **MMPers:** Look, tool, we’re talking about tomato rot, fuzzy pink toliet chaps, Aggravated Blasphemy, star drives, and the urban legends of **welby**. Now is really not the time to talk about Vegas. > **Me:** Yeah, but I won money! Lots of mo > **MMPers:** Look, talk about groundhogs. Pests. Rodents. **Kallesa’s** yelling match with a co-worker. The fact that **Ex** is posting stuff. > **Me:** Um, ok, well, I made the drive from LA to Vegas in 3 hours and 20 minut > **MMPers:** _AHEM_ > **Me:** Parsecs! I made the drive in 3.4 parsecs thanks to my new improved star drive 3200, which produces half the emisions and twice the starpower of the 2800! And it runs on the Aggravated Blasphemy of **welby** ’s fuzzy pink toliet chaps. > **MMPers:** That’s better. > > _FIN_ > And I won a lot of money playing craps. Can we get a ruling on this? I’d be willing to bet that mocking the unwritten rules of the MMP is an infraction of said rules. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/122 "2004-08-26T18:48:29Z")
Rules?!? The first rule of the MMP is that there ain’t no rules! ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/123 "2004-08-26T18:52:26Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > I’m really having a hard time deciding if **Aggravated Blasphemy** is just a great band name, oo something I’d really like to have listed on my resume. If it were a band, I might buy the CD for the name alone (not the best strategy for choosing music–who would have thought that a band with a name as cool as _The Fine Young Cannibals_ would be so cheesy?). But I’d be proud as all get up to have it on my resume. Or my rap sheet, except I don’t have one. 'Course, if I committed aggravated blasphemy, maybe I’d get a rap sheet. > > Excellent phrasology, **Bumba** darlin’. You see the ‘aggravated’ part was the Guardian of Public Health and Ethical Responsibility (they call themselves Guardians, we call them Gophers) objecting to me jokingly referring to the drive in the Strider as a ‘Bejesus’ drive. That was the ‘blasphemy’ part. The confiscation part was because they wanted to get their hands on my drive and take it apart. The problems with that idea were manifest; One- the ‘Bejesus’ drive gives every appearance of being sentient. Two – the aforementioned drive gives every appearance of being in a permanent very, very bad mood. – hence the name- it scares the ‘bejesus’ out of everybody who goes into the drive room. Three- it (the drive) has enormous amounts of power at its disposal. Four- it didn’t want to be taken apart. Anyway, it made its objections known in a most spectacular, and somewhat destructive, manner, came and retrieved me from where I was being ‘reeducated’ (for some unfathomable reason it seems to like me, or else it thinks I belong to it, I’m not real sure which) and exited Sol system in short order. And that’s why I can’t go back to Earthspace for the forseeable future. **Uncommon Sense** , no, I know what chicken wire is. The stuff I was thinking of is heavier and constructed in a more-or-less square grid with the wires spaced about ¼” apart. If chicken wire won’t stop a squirrel, it probably won’t stop a groundhog. My problem was that every time I would close up a hole with the ‘rabbit wire’, the squirrel would chew a new one somewhere else. My options boiled down to wrapping the entire cabin in rabbit wire or putting a contract out on his furry little head. > [@Ashes Ashes](#): > > Whenever I hug someone, I want to full frontal hug them but feel I might be inflicting my breasts upon them, so I do the 1/3 side by side hug with minimal breastage. Let me just go on record here as saying I most emphatically **do not** object to having breasts inflicted on me. Keep that in mind if we ever meet, **Ashes[sup]2[/sup]**. And all you other wimmins, too. Thanks for the tip **Merrily** ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/124 "2004-08-26T18:57:42Z")
**lightingtool** , I don’t know how to break this to ya but…Vegas is just an urban legend. Oh, sure there have been sightings, but they’re just rumors. People claim to have seen **welby** , too. :dubious: So how much Monopoly money DID you win? ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/125 "2004-08-26T19:10:38Z")
> [@scout1222](#): > > Rules?!? The first rule of the MMP is that there ain’t no rules! And the second rule states that the first and only rule must contradict itself. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/126 "2004-08-26T19:10:51Z")
> [@Bumbazine](#): > > You see the ‘aggravated’ part was the Guardian of Public Health and Ethical Responsibility (they call themselves Guardians, we call them Gophers) objecting to me jokingly referring to the drive in the Strider as a ‘Bejesus’ drive. That was the ‘blasphemy’ part. The confiscation part was because they wanted to get their hands on my drive and take it apart. The problems with that idea were manifest; > One- the ‘Bejesus’ drive gives every appearance of being sentient. > Two – the aforementioned drive gives every appearance of being in a permanent very, very bad mood. – hence the name- it scares the ‘bejesus’ out of everybody who goes into the drive room. > Three- it (the drive) has enormous amounts of power at its disposal. > Four- it didn’t want to be taken apart. > Anyway, it made its objections known in a most spectacular, and somewhat destructive, manner, came and retrieved me from where I was being ‘reeducated’ (for some unfathomable reason it seems to like me, or else it thinks I belong to it, I’m not real sure which) and exited Sol system in short order. And that’s why I can’t go back to Earthspace for the forseeable future. Back in the day when I was a long haired, dope smokin’, maggot infested VAX sysadmin, I used **god** as my username. I told anyone who questioned me about it that I claimed that I was _a_, not _the_. Somehow, I never was reported to The Gophers. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/127 "2004-08-26T19:15:53Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > **lightingtool** , I don’t know how to break this to ya but…Vegas is just an urban legend. Oh, sure there have been sightings, but they’re just rumors. People claim to have seen **welby** , too. We got **Swampy** back, and he denies running off to Aruba or Acapulco with **MissTee**. Maybe **Welby** ran off with her instead? ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/128 "2004-08-26T19:43:31Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > We got **Swampy** back, and he denies running off to Aruba or Acapulco with **MissTee**. Maybe **Welby** ran off with her instead? Naw, **Welby** ’s laying in a park somewhere, covered with a pink and green plaid tablecloth, trying to convince little kids that he’s a picnic table. Just kiddin **Welb** 😉 [Kojak]Who loves ya’ baby?[/Kojak] ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/129 "2004-08-26T20:00:37Z")
I just want to say here and now that I have nothing to do with the disappearance of **welby** , or Elvis, for that matter. So, **lightingtool** , how much did you win? Is it true you spent all your look on fuzzy pink bathroom rug chaps and loose women? **Bumb** , you cracked me up! Thanks - I needed that! 😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/130 "2004-08-26T20:18:31Z")
> [@Uncommon Sense](#): > > Can we get a ruling on this? I’d be willing to bet that mocking the unwritten rules of the MMP is an infraction of said rules. More of a guideline, really. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/131 "2004-08-26T20:24:53Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > More of a guideline, really. (Said in a Pirate voice), oh shoot, did I say PIRATE. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/132 "2004-08-26T20:48:09Z")
**Parlay!** 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/133 "2004-08-26T21:13:25Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I just want to say here and now that I have nothing to do with the disappearance of **welby** , or Elvis, for that matter. > > So, **lightingtool** , how much did you win? Well, I came home with $200 more than I left with. I paid cash for everything - room, food, tips, bathmats, etc., so I think I did pretty well for myself. For all you craps fans out there, I rolled 32 (or 35, or 40. I wasn’t counting, and the folks at the table all had different numbers when I finished) times in a row, made point 6 times during that before crapping out. I won myself well over $500, and a really happy guy at the other end of the table won over a thousand. Now if only I could stay away from blackjack, I could have come home with some real money… Oh, and: Yaaaarrrrrr, me hearties! We be needin’ a Pirate Smilie! ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/134 "2004-08-27T00:39:02Z")
Quasi-Daughter’s grandparents are Macedonian. In my WAG experience, people from them southern European countries sure do tend to yell a lot. Her grandpa is kind of deaf, too. So it gets all shouty around their house. **lightingtool** , your post was brilliant. I think I’ll save it in my “clever SDMB stuff” folder. This time next week I’ll be getting ready to go to Philadelphia. I’m getting very excited. Mr. Lissar will lock himself in the bathroom soon, and refuse to come out unless I calm down. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/135 "2004-08-27T14:35:35Z")
“clever SDMB stuff” - that’s a good folder to have. That way when I need a laugh… ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/136 "2004-08-27T15:35:26Z")
I could never play that game. It’s name is naughty. And why are you going to Philadelphia, **Lissla**? Is it for the cream cheese? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/137 "2004-08-27T16:37:24Z")
[QUOTE=Ashes, Ashes] I so need the answer to this question! Just this morning I met a former co-worker and the whole hug thing was complicated even more than usual with big gulps and twizzlers. Whenever I hug someone, I want to full frontal hug them but feel I might be inflicting my breasts upon them, so I do the 1/3 side by side hug with minimal breastage. [QUOTE] Ashes^2, feel free to hug me with full frontal breastage at any time. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/138 "2004-08-27T17:58:02Z")
My best friend has finally, mercifully moved from Waco to Philadelphia. So much better and so much easier to visit. I never want to be stuck in Waco airport ever again (Me “Where’s our plane?” Waco airport people “Umm, I dunno. We were wondering, too”.) I’ve had that folder for ages and ages. Since I first registered, I think. Here’s a sample. > [@](#): > > I’ve never liked nor trusted trees. I’m pretty sure they’re up to something. Let’s face it, they’re basically giant tentacles spring up out of the ground in extremely slow motion. And if there’s one thing a life time of creepy Japanes animated porn had taught me, it’s “Watch out for giant tentacles.” I applaud this man’s actions to save us all from the Leafy Menace. Down with trees! > -Miller And from our beloved **Exgineer** > [@](#): > > Hah, Lissla, I scoff at your husband’s Jiu-Jitsu, or Kung-Fu, or Kempo-Karate or whatever it is. I can easily counter it with my Running-Away-Screaming-Like-A-Little-Girl. I always win with that, because I am a Master. I can prove it, because I’m still alive. And finally, because I like it: > [@](#): > > In my experience, all women, regardless of size, are real women, unless they are something else in disguise, like a cabbage or something. > -Larry Mudd ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/139 "2004-08-27T18:01:39Z")
Incidentally, and speaking of breastage, I just got honked at. Well, more like a bunch of teenage boys just yellow “Woohoo!” and whistled at me, as I was walking to the laundromat. I attribute it directly to the top I’m wearing (borrowed from Quasi-Daughter) which is rather extremely low-cut. No, I don’t have pictures. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073/140 "2004-08-27T18:35:39Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > Ashes^2, feel free to hug me with full frontal breastage at any time. Hey! I had first dibs! mumble mumble claim-jumpin’ mumble mumble [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/biker-gang-of-fools/261073.md?page=8)