# Billy Mays, stop screeching at me. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 2, 2007, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190 "2007-07-02T02:36:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/1 "2007-07-02T02:36:56Z")
[High Pitch Annoying Screech] Hi folks, Billy Mays here….[/HPAC] Crap dude; put some bass in that voice. Your high pitch, screeching voice is more annoying than the Head On commercials. Did you ever wonder why you were always the towel bitch in gym class? Or why you played girls parts in the school play? \ ***Because your voice sounds like a bunny with his balls caught in a bear trap.** \* Go take some voice lessons and get some drawers that fit. You’re making a fortune, you can afford it. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/2 "2007-07-02T03:06:34Z")
You don’t need a cabinet full of cleaners! YOU don’t need a CABINET FULL of cleaners! [youdon’tneedacabinetfullof cleaners!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnVNZpnvRI) ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/3 "2007-07-02T04:34:47Z")
FTR, that Oxy shit works great, but it’s cheaper at stores and even cheaper (because it isn’t patented) when generic. And orange oil is a waste product of producing juice so, if you know where, you can pick it up super cheap. Works great but for BUX less. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/4 "2007-07-02T11:50:21Z")
**Fang** and I were watching an old movie one Saturday morning when Billy Mays came on touting some dryer cleaning device. **Fang** then turned to me and told me, “you need a blue thing to clean the dryer.” I reminded him this was a commercial, and you don’t need things in commercials. He was very insistent we needed a blue thing to clean the dryer. Damn you Billie Mays. Your incessant screeching has erased four years of training. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/5 "2007-07-02T12:39:49Z")
> [@Morganstern](#): > > Did you ever wonder why you were always the towel bitch in gym class? Or why you played girls parts in the school play? Because your voice sounds like a bunny with his balls caught in a bear trap. > Go take some voice lessons and get some drawers that fit. You’re making a fortune, you can afford it. That is pure poetry, my friend. Pure fucking poetry. One afternoon, I was watching a program about the Blue Angels on one of the Discovery channels. They have a rather solemn ceremony before they get into their planes and fly. Right after this solemn ceremony, the program went into a commercial break and the first voice I heard was Billy Mays asking me if I had stains in my toilet. That kept me giggling all afternoon. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/6 "2007-07-02T13:48:35Z")
[QUOTE=Maus Magill] **Fang** and I were watching an old movie one Saturday morning… [/QUOTE] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/7 "2007-07-02T14:04:54Z")
If everyone I loved were dying painful deaths because of a disease that could be cured with something that this idiot sells, I would let them all die before I give a penny to him. ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/8 "2007-07-02T14:39:25Z")
Are you kidding me? A beard like that more than makes up for having a bassless voice. Only a true man can grow that sort of beard. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/9 "2007-07-02T15:04:44Z")
[QUOTE=Morgenstern] \ ***Because your voice sounds like a bunny with his balls caught in a bear trap.** \* [/QUOTE] It’s not the frequency that bugs me, it’s the amplitude. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/10 "2007-07-02T15:06:06Z")
[QUOTE=JimSox5] Are you kidding me? A beard like that more than makes up for having a bassless voice. Only a true man can grow that sort of beard. [/QUOTE] I seem to recall him shaving his beard with some “Beard-0-Matic” or something. I don’t even remember what it was, but part of the hook was he was going to shave his beard. Maybe someone who gives a fuck will come along with the reason/device. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/11 "2007-07-02T17:26:43Z")
I think that the guy who hosts the _Ed the Plumber_ DIY plumbing show is Billy Mays’s long-lost brother. He has the same cringe-inducing high pitch and enormous volume. ED THE PLUMBAH HERE! EVAH HAVE TROUBLE FIXING A LEAKY FAWWCETT?!? ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/12 "2007-07-02T18:29:28Z")
Billy Mays is the most insanely irritating person I have ever encountered in any medium in my entire life. Worse than Gilbert Gottfried. Worse than Fran Drescher. Worse than Jim Breuer’s “Goat Boy” skits on SNL in the 90s. I can’t fucking _breathe_ when he’s screaming like that. It irritates me as though he’d walked up to me and started poking me in the face. It penetrates down into the primordial lizard-brain at the root of my psyche and stirs up the “destroy and eat” instinct. I get a profound, physical desire to put my fucking foot through his fucking lung. But, because I am a civilized, 21st-century man, I hit the mute button instead. When the adenoidal screeching facsimile of a dentist’s drill is silenced, it takes me a moment to recover; I look around trying to figure out where I am and what the hell I just became for a few moments. I feel a bit like a dog must feel when the squirrel she was chasing disappears and the domesticated part of her brain takes over again. “Damn! What came over me?” ---
**Author:** ![kitemaker\_chuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a88e4f/32.png) [@kitemaker\_chuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitemaker_chuck)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/13 "2007-07-02T19:07:14Z")
With that voice, Billy Mays would make an interesting military drill instructor. And of course, he could take Bob Barker’s place on the Price Is Right. Or how about during an emergency, you could hear his voice over the intercom saying “Everyone please remain calm! There’s no need to panic!”, but delivered in the same way he does in his commercials. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/14 "2007-07-02T20:10:06Z")
This is so very wrong, but… I find Billy Mays voice oddly attractive. (The shame, OH! the shame!) It’s kind of like Harvey Fierstein’s voice, that bizarre yet compelling combination of high pitch and gravelly tone. Perhaps, like Harvey, he’s also a blazing homosexual. Which would also explain some of this attraction I feel. Yes, I am a sad, sad woman. I cope the best I can. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/15 "2007-07-02T20:14:54Z")
What’s funny about the guy is that he announces who he is in every commercial, as if I’m supposed to know – or care – who he is. As it turns out, he’s something of a celebrity in ad circles. He got his start in sales right out of high school, and was soon snatched up as a sort of treasure by the Home Shopping Network. Oh, and **phouka**? Seek professional help. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/16 "2007-07-02T20:26:13Z")
[QUOTE=kitemaker\_chuck] Or how about during an emergency, you could hear his voice over the intercom saying “Everyone please remain calm! There’s no need to panic!”, but delivered in the same way he does in his commercials. [/QUOTE] Everyone REMAIN CALM! There is a FIRE in the building! But that’s not all! With this one time offer I’ll throw in a pack of RABID DOGS roaming the hallways at NO COST TO YOU! Wait there’s more! If you don’t panic now, we’ll throw in KILLER BEES! How much bees? ABSOLUTLY FREE BEES! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/17 "2007-07-02T22:43:13Z")
[QUOTE=phouka] I cope the best I can. [/QUOTE] You don’t need a cabinet full of dildos! ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/18 "2007-07-02T23:09:28Z")
[QUOTE=Sapo] If everyone I loved were dying painful deaths because of a disease that could be cured with something that this idiot sells, I would let them all die before I give a penny to him. [/QUOTE] Wow, what a fucking asshole you are. Yeah, that’ll show him. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/19 "2007-07-03T00:04:46Z")
[QUOTE=Q.E.D.] Wow, what a fucking asshole you are. Yeah, that’ll show him. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] Yeah, show some RO! Chill out, man. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190/20 "2007-07-03T02:01:03Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] What’s funny about the guy is that he announces who he is in every commercial, as if I’m supposed to know – or care – who he is. [/QUOTE] Just as John Basedow or whatever that workout freak with the impishly tiny head and frosted hair’s name is. I think that John Basedow Fitness Celebrity needs to fight Billy Mays to death in the Thunderdome. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/billy-mays-stop-screeching-at-me/410190.md?page=2)