BIL's antics affecting our bank accounts

Yep. It’s always a pain in the ass to handle someone’s finances and do what needs doing. If you’re in a different location than your MIL, it’s exponentially worse. When you have a jerk family member muddying the water, for whatever reason, your problems will be really difficult. Good luck. I believe you will need it.

If he has POA, then that is really going to limit your options. How are you able to access her funds if you are not POA? Are her accounts joint accounts? If they are joint accounts with you or your wife, then you can legally move money out of them at your will. If the account is in her name only, and you are using online access in her name to move funds, and you do not have POA, then STOP - you are technically taking money from an account that you have no right to.

As mentioned before, get to an attorney ASAP. The best hope is that you can convince a court that the second POA was made after she was incompetent to do so and should be invalidated.

OK, so the insurance payout isn’t enough to cover her bills. What other income does she have?

Does she live in the US? Does she get Social Security? If not, is she entitled to receive it on her own work history? How long was she married to the ex-husband whose insurance she received? Did she remarry after the divorce? If not, and if they were married long enough, she may be entitled to a widow’s benefit on his Social Security.

If she does need to go into a facility, how will that be paid for? In many areas, a decent place will run $6000 - $7000 per month. Medicaid will pay for it, but since she is not married now (right?) she will need to spend pretty much all of her assets before they will take over payment. BIL will be homeless then. It may not be a bad idea to inform him and other family members how this works – lots of people think Medicare will cover nursing home expenses or dementia care, but it doesn’t.

Then let your spouse and her family handle her finances. Why involve yourself and your own bank accounts?

Gatopescado’s suggestion is a touch drastic, but it may be worth it “divorcing” your finances from your wife’s. Separate accounts etc. Your wife is likely to want to continue to support her mother no matter what, and is not likely to address the problems her brother poses. You may want to limit the possible financial impacts of such support to her money only.


Is anyone else involved besides you, your wife, BIL and MIL?

Make a report to Adult Protective Services. Financial abuse is a category of abuse. You should be able to make an anonymous report, and BIL will get in serious trouble.

I roll like dat. :wink: