# birthdays
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 17, 2012, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774 "2012-08-17T13:33:35Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/21 "2012-08-17T16:50:38Z")
It doesn’t matter whether I or any other Dopers would be upset. You, it seems, _are_ upset. You don’t need validation from us; it’s a perfectly acceptable reaction.
You should absolutely _not_ let this fester any further. You don’t have to be angry or confrontational. Just say to him, “You know, I was really hurt that you forgot my birthday,” and see how he replies. Adults in serious relationships should be able to talk through things like this. Good luck.
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### Author:  [@wenrid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wenrid)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/22 "2012-08-17T16:53:45Z")
Happy Birthday to a fellow Leo! 🙂
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### Author:  [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/23 "2012-08-17T16:57:12Z")
I never give my husband the opportunity to forget my birthday or our anniversary. (Not that he would forget my birthday, because it’s 10 days after his). Anyway, I always bring these things up in the weeks and days preceding. “Hey, our anniversary is coming up, what do we want to do?” or “I’d really like _this_ for my birthday this year.” It’s a fight I don’t like to open myself up to.
Anyway, I’m very sorry he forgot your birthday. That sucks. I agree that you should tell him how it makes you feel, rather than wait for him to figure it out.
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### Author:  [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/24 "2012-08-17T17:09:39Z")
> [@yellowval](#):
>
> I never give my husband the opportunity to forget my birthday or our anniversary. (Not that he would forget my birthday, because it’s 10 days after his). Anyway, I always bring these things up in the weeks and days preceding. “Hey, our anniversary is coming up, what do we want to do?” or “I’d really like _this_ for my birthday this year.” It’s a fight I don’t like to open myself up to.
>
> Anyway, I’m very sorry he forgot your birthday. That sucks. I agree that you should tell him how it makes you feel, rather than wait for him to figure it out.
This. Make it EASIER for him, not harder.
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### Author:  [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/25 "2012-08-17T17:14:16Z")
> [@wenrid](#):
>
> Would you be upset if your SO of 5 yrs forgot your birthday? He mentioned nothing at all… just a simple Happy Birthday would have been fine..
Yes, as the date is marked on his calender and he is reminded ahead of time, I would be very angry.
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### Author:  [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/26 "2012-08-17T17:24:33Z")
Here’s an alternate idea. You can say “Omigosh, I just realized that yesterday was my birthday! It completely slipped my mind, I can’t believe neither of us remembered! Well, we’ll just have to celebrate today instead. What should we do?”
In order to do this, you have to decide and accept that he genuinely forgot with no malice, and let it go. Next year, remind him ahead of time: “Ha ha, remember we forgot last year?” It’s always better, IMHO, to live as though people aren’t purposely trying to hurt you.
Happy Birthday from another August baby!
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### Author:  [@Enuma\_Elish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enuma_Elish)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/27 "2012-08-17T17:26:08Z")
Happy belated Birthday wenrid!
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### Author:  [@wenrid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wenrid)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/28 "2012-08-17T17:28:41Z")
I highly doubt we’ll be 2gether for my next one. Things r rocky as it is. It just may be time for me to pack up and move on. Sad to say!
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### Author:  [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/29 "2012-08-17T17:31:31Z")
Your birthday was yesterday. Has he still not said anything?
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### Author:  [@AHarris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHarris)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/30 "2012-08-17T17:36:38Z")
> [@wenrid](#):
>
> His is in December so it’s so close to xmas we dont do birthday gifts.
Really? My mother’s birthday is on the 24th and she would be very upset if we skipped it/combined it with Christmas (we celebrate her Birthday on the 23rd).
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/31 "2012-08-17T17:53:54Z")
I am _horrible_ with dates. My kids (18 and 21) have reminded me a few days before important dates for the past 10 years or so. Once I set up an important meeting for “next Wednesday”. The client asked if I was sure. I said I was. She asked me if I realized that was xmas.:smack::smack: We rescheduled.
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### Author:  [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/32 "2012-08-17T17:54:41Z")
I have to agree, it would be great if significant others would hint a little about what they would like for their birthday. I hate just buying something in hopes they will like it.
To the OP, yes it would upset me but as others have said, don’t hold a grudge, communicate. And don’t have a per-conceived notion of how your SO should react.
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### Author:  [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/33 "2012-08-17T18:32:42Z")
> [@TheChileanBlob](#):
>
> It’s always better, IMHO, to live as though people aren’t purposely trying to hurt you.
Truly, wise words to live by.
Roddy
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### Author:  [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/34 "2012-08-17T19:05:05Z")
> [@yellowval](#):
>
> I never give my husband the opportunity to forget my birthday or our anniversary. (Not that he would forget my birthday, because it’s 10 days after his). Anyway, I always bring these things up in the weeks and days preceding. “Hey, our anniversary is coming up, what do we want to do?” or “I’d really like _this_ for my birthday this year.” It’s a fight I don’t like to open myself up to.
This is what I do, as well. I’m a grown up. If I want my birthday celebrated, I plan it.
This passive/aggressive “I’m going to keep quiet and pout until he gets it” thing you’re doing is childish. No wonder your relationship is rocky.
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### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/35 "2012-08-17T19:08:38Z")
> [@wenrid](#):
>
> I highly doubt we’ll be 2gether for my next one. Things r rocky as it is. It just may be time for me to pack up and move on. Sad to say!
Well, if you refuse to communicate your needs and how not having them met makes you feel, then you are probably correct. I’m terribly sorry for that.
I would probably be upset. And I would tell my SO that I don’t want birthday wishes if I have to ask for them. It’s insincere if he only does it to avoid making you mad. “You forgot my birthday!” “Oh, sorry. Happy birthday!” That does not count. I suspect this is why you don’t want to just straight up tell him – because if he’s just reciting the words you want to hear, how can you know if he is sincere about those words? If that was my case, then I’d probably just learn to not expect any sort of birthday acknowledgement and go make my own plans and not include or invite him. If that hurts his feelings, then we’ll have a discussion about that. I don’t expect my SO to “make me happy” or read my mind. But if I’ve expressed my needs clearly and he still won’t meet them, for whatever reason, I will find a way to get them met without him.
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### Author:  [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/36 "2012-08-17T19:50:19Z")
Yes, I’d be upset. It is the one day of the year that I want a fuss made about me.
But if my SO \*did \*forget, it would have to be deliberate - I start telling people my birthday is coming about a month in advance. (If I had an SO…)
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2012, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/37 "2012-08-18T04:35:04Z")
Forgetting your birthday is excusable. But:
Deliberately skipping town on your birthday, just because he felt like being away, by himself . . . that’s what my ex did (one of the reasons he’s my ex).
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### Author:  [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2012, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/38 "2012-08-18T18:18:12Z")
I could not care less about my birthday – it’s not as if I had a choice in the matter. My family does so many nice things for me throughout the year anyway.
I do try to remember the birthdays of others to whom it does matter, though.
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2012, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/39 "2012-08-18T18:31:56Z")
> [@MLS](#):
>
> My family does so many nice things for me throughout the year anyway.
This is why I hate birthdays, anniversaries, Xmas, etc. If I see something my kids, gf, or a friend would like, I get it for them. Then, a “special day” comes around and I am expected to find a great gift. Too much pressure.
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### Author:  [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)
#### Post date: [August 18, 2012, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthdays/631774/40 "2012-08-18T23:41:19Z")
Well, now that you mention things are rocky, I can say that when my husband started forgetting birthdays and anniversaries is when I knew we had a problem. But it depends on his past history as well, and present circumstances. If he’s been totally bogged down at work, a memory slip might be understandable.
Oh, and funny thing? For years after the divorce, I got birthday and Valentine’s cards from my ex with better regularity!
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