# Birthing at home: Getting over the fear. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990 "2011-06-10T16:44:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/181 "2011-06-14T19:54:19Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > What if I told you that sometimes it’s really difficult to strap my two-year-old into her car seat, so we just let her run around the back seat loose while we drive. Would you have any problems with that? Yes, I would. And it is because I understand the safety issues. And I think you respond the way you do to me because you understand the safety issues for the baby during home-birth. I do to however, it seems to me that our comfort levels with home birth vary drastically, but that is ok too. I was talking with a coworker just this morning who is having her baby July 9th at 3pm, by Cesarian. I have no problem with that, different strokes ya know? [QUOTE=moejoe] Here’s an idea-take the ride to the hospital now just to test it out. And I’m honestly not being snarky here, but try doing it while your wife holds her breath and a pound of sugar between her knees and you punch her in the gut every time you hit even the smallest bump. This is what transport will be like in the real world. If you’re going to do this, then really do it with your eyes wide open and all of your research done. There is a chance that everything will go just fine and it will be the most magical experience of your life, but there’s an equal chance that it will be the most awful and terrifying experience of your life and it’s best to be prepared for either situation. [/QUOTE] Yes we have taken the ride, timed it, and found the most direct route. I refrained from punching my wife and having her place a bag of sugar between her legs, I felt that little leeway for her at this juncture would make the whole research trip that much more enjoyable. And we really have done our research, and have asked some really hard questions and have gotten some really hard answers. And in the end, we are trusting in the skill of our midwives, and the basic premise that this is a choice that right now is right for us, and we feel the safety of the child and mom are top priority. If a month goes by and something happens and we need to birth at the Birthing Center, we are perfectly happy with that as well. They have small two bedroom suites for the birthing family - as far as I can tell, the place is top notch! ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/182 "2011-06-14T20:13:50Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > If a month goes by and something happens and we need to birth at the Birthing Center, we are perfectly happy with that as well. They have small two bedroom suites for the birthing family - as far as I can tell, the place is top notch! If you need to transport, will you end up at the birthing centre? Obviously a different country, but here birthing centres only assist with low risk births and can offer no medication. If you need an epi or a C-section you have to go to the hospital (which birthing centres are often attached to, but still a different environment). ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/183 "2011-06-14T20:29:29Z")
> [@Girl\_From\_Mars](#): > > If you need to transport, will you end up at the birthing centre? Obviously a different country, but here birthing centres only assist with low risk births and can offer no medication. If you need an epi or a C-section you have to go to the hospital (which birthing centres are often attached to, but still a different environment). I do not know the answer to this. I assume, and will ask, that we would go to the ER, and then to the birthing center. The birthing center is attached to the hospital. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/184 "2011-06-14T20:30:24Z")
You keep saying that the health and safety of your baby is your top priority, but by giving birth at home you are actuallÝ showing that the comfort and convenience of your wife is your top priority. You are acting just like I would be acting if I didn’t go through the hassle of strapping my kid in. Has your wifee seen the news article about the study? Is she OK with doing something Þhat the study says has 3 times the risk of death to the baby? Note that I’ve read other articles discussing how home births are safer for the baby, but none of these explicitly say they are looking only at the low-risk hospital births (ie, those that could be done at home), so they are comparing apples and oranges. You think there’s any chance you are latching onto the data sources you want to read and ignoring the better ones? ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/185 "2011-06-14T21:31:42Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > You keep saying that the health and safety of your baby is your top priority, but by giving birth at home you are actuallÝ showing that the comfort and convenience of your wife is your top priority. You are acting just like I would be acting if I didn’t go through the hassle of strapping my kid in. > > Has your wifee seen the news article about the study? Is she OK with doing something Þhat the study says has 3 times the risk of death to the baby? > > Note that I’ve read other articles discussing how home births are safer for the baby, but none of these explicitly say they are looking only at the low-risk hospital births (ie, those that could be done at home), so they are comparing apples and oranges. You think there’s any chance you are latching onto the data sources you want to read and ignoring the better ones? My wife and I are kind of like NPR, we present the black, the white, and the gray and look at all of them before making the best decision: not just for the safety of mom, but for the safety of both mom and baby. I’d urge you - if you wish - to google the flip side of home birth horrors and look into the “benefits of home birth” or something to that effect - if for no other reason than to see the other side. Afterall, the reason we are all on this message board is written right under The Straight Dope Headline. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/186 "2011-06-14T23:08:49Z")
You can make your own choices on whatever basis you want to, I’m just trying to show you that you are kidding yourself if you think you are making the best choice for the baby. You aren’t, as the study I linked to shows. If you are fine with that, then fine, but IMHO it makes you and your wife look like jerks (your wife especially–you’re really just a jerk enabler). Also, pregnant women aren’t in the best frame of mind to be making important decisions. But instead of stepping up and advocating on behalf of your child, you are letting your wife’s hormones affect the kid’s safety. Hopefully you’ll be a better father if the kid survives your first bad decision. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/187 "2011-06-14T23:51:13Z")
I’d just like to clarify-the decision to use a birthing center (at least most of the ones I know about) is the same as the decision to give birth at home. Either is for low-risk, uncomplicated deliveries. Once there is a problem in either place you need to go to the hospital. Emergency transport to the ER will not put you in the birthing center. The benefit of the birthing center is that it is attached to the hospital and you wont lose the 10 or 15 minutes it takes for transport during which either the mother or the child can be deprived of oxygen. The truth is that only you can assess how much risk you want to take. In an uncomplicated, low-risk pregnancy, the risk of injury to mother or baby is very low, but still real. There is no data showing that when you look at only low-risk births that there is a physical benefit to home over the hospital. However, some people will have a psychologic benefit. You have to decide whether this potential psychological benefit outweighs the potential increased risk. Personally, I could never live with myself if I had a brain-damaged infant or an infant with a brachial plexus injury and I had not done absolutely everything I could to prevent it. For me, personally, that would outweigh any benefit I could possibly receive from a home birth. However, I am not you or your wife, and only you can decide what is best in your situation. Again, the risks are very low. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/188 "2011-06-15T00:15:04Z")
**psychobunny** makes a really good point about the birth center. As I said before, I’m not exactly anti-homebirth, but on the other hand, if the birthing center is someplace that you will be perfectly happy to be at, why not just plan on it? Sounds like the best of both worlds to me. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/189 "2011-06-15T01:14:40Z")
Phlosphr, I came across this today and thought you might like it: > **[Letter to a First-Time Mother](http://chicomidwife.blogspot.com/2011/06/letter-to-first-time-mother.html)** > >   Dear New Mother-to-be,    Your life is full of excitement right now;  joy and expectation.  You are feeling new life within you and when... Ftr, I think it’s wonderful that you are trying for a home birth. I have several friends, including one who had twins, who have had successful home births. It’s not something I would have considered before I started listening to them and their reasons for birthing at home. After reading up on it on my own I think it sounds like a great way to start life for both mother and baby. The state of obstetrics in this country is enough to make anyone look for other options. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/190 "2011-06-15T01:29:42Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Also, pregnant women aren’t in the best frame of mind to be making important decisions. But instead of stepping up and advocating on behalf of your child, you are letting your wife’s hormones affect the kid’s safety. Hopefully you’ll be a better father if the kid survives your first bad decision. You had me until that. That is absolutely bogus and diminishes your credibility in that you are making some pretty bold assertions on a woman’s capabilities based on some preconceptions of “hormonal” influences. It’s right up there with home birth encouraging bonding because of primordial hormones that Philosphr introduced. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/191 "2011-06-15T01:48:47Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > You had me until that. That is absolutely bogus and diminishes your credibility in that you are making some pretty bold assertions on a woman’s capabilities based on some preconceptions of “hormonal” influences. It’s right up there with home birth encouraging bonding because of primordial hormones that Philosphr introduced. Please. Typing “why are pregnant women” into Google returns “so emotional” as the third suggestion, which results in 5.6 million hits. Maybe your wife wasn’t emotional during pregnancy (or maybe you’ve never lived with a pregnant woman at all), but there’s alot of discussion out there about the emotional nature of pregnant women. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/192 "2011-06-15T01:51:44Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Please. Typing “why are pregnant women” into Google returns “so emotional” as the third suggestion, which results in 5.6 million hits. Maybe your wife wasn’t emotional during pregnancy (or maybe you’ve never lived with a pregnant woman at all), but there’s alot of discussion out there about the emotional nature of pregnant women. “Emotional” isn’t the same thing as irrational: when I think “pregnant woman hormones” I think “likely to overreact to being out of milk” not “incapable of making a reasoned decision over the course of several months”. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/193 "2011-06-15T01:53:35Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > “Emotional” isn’t the same thing as irrational: when I think “pregnant woman hormones” I think “likely to overreact to being out of milk” not “incapable of making a reasoned decision over the course of several months”. Good thing then that I never said “incapable” of making a decision. I said “not in the best frame of mind to be making important decisions.” ETA: And the home-birth thing is highly emotional–it’s all based on emotional pleas, not reasoned decisions based on hard data. Just look at any of the links provided in this thread advocating home birth–they are full of fluffy bunnies and ponies, not a sober discussion of the risks and benefits of each option. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/194 "2011-06-15T01:56:39Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Please. Typing “why are pregnant women” into Google returns “so emotional” as the third suggestion, which results in 5.6 million hits. Maybe your wife wasn’t emotional during pregnancy (or maybe you’ve never lived with a pregnant woman at all), but there’s alot of discussion out there about the emotional nature of pregnant women. First- I’m female who has gone through multiple pregnancies. Second: You didn’t just say she was emotional. You concluded that due to emotional state she wasn’t in the best frame of mind to make important decisions and that’s simply BS. Being emotional in and of itself does not de facto impair your ability to make important decisions. The premise is wrong. ETA: If you’ve read my posts you’ll see I’ve been advocating asking the hard questions and questioning the decisions as much as you have. It was your jump to “plus she emotional and can’t be making good decisions” that went to far. Which is exactly what I posted. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/195 "2011-06-15T02:04:29Z")
Missed edit: Plus the assertion is irrelevant with respect to medical law and ethics as the mother is the patient and it is only her decisions that count, unless she is incapacitated. I made every decision through very hard labor, in consult with my husband, but ultimately it was my and only my decision in the end. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/196 "2011-06-15T02:05:16Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > First- I’m female who has gone through multiple pregnancies. > > Second: You didn’t just say she was emotional. You concluded that due to emotional state she wasn’t in the best frame of mind to make important decisions and that’s simply BS. Being emotional in and of itself does not de facto impair your ability to make important decisions. The premise is wrong. > > ETA: If you’ve read my posts you’ll see I’ve been advocating asking the hard questions and questioning the decisions as much as you have. It was your jump to “plus she emotional and can’t be making good decisions” that went to far. Which is exactly what I posted. OK, fine. You can have your opinion, I’m not going to argue with you about it. But there’s a reason that cults and other religions prey on depressed people etc.–emotional fragility can lower one’s defenses to bullshit ideas (e.g., the beauty and wonder of birthing at home). But whatever, that was an aside that’s not pertinent to the main point, which is that it’s stupid to take a risk with someone else’s life for one’s own convenience and comfort. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/197 "2011-06-15T02:26:02Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > OK, fine. You can have your opinion, I’m not going to argue with you about it. > > But there’s a reason that cults and other religions prey on depressed people etc.–emotional fragility can lower one’s defenses to bullshit ideas (e.g., the beauty and wonder of birthing at home). > > But whatever, that was an aside that’s not pertinent to the main point, which is that it’s stupid to take a risk with someone else’s life for one’s own convenience and comfort. Is this thread really going to get this filthy? Really? Dude, **Rover** , reread your post and tell me it’s not complete Bullsh\*t to say in the context of this thread. Are you really \*that \*chauvinistic? Either way, you lost me with insulting someone you don’t even know. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/198 "2011-06-15T02:42:56Z")
And you lost me with not doing enough to stop your wife from taking a risk with your kid’s life just because she’s scared of hospitals and/or wants a beautiful rainbow and rays of sunshine to pop out of her vagina along with a (hopefully alive and breathing) baby. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/199 "2011-06-15T13:15:57Z")
**Rand Rover** , give it a rest. You’ve made your point and you’re veering into insult territory. **Ellen Cherry** Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2011, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/200 "2011-06-15T14:16:54Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > And you lost me with not doing enough to stop your wife from taking a risk with your kid’s life just because she’s scared of hospitals and/or wants a beautiful rainbow and rays of sunshine to pop out of her vagina along with a (hopefully alive and breathing) baby. Eh. I’m not exactly pro-home birth, but it’s still their decision. If they want to take the risk, it’s their risk to take. It’s not like I’m the one going to be living with the consequences. Besides, even though the risk is higher, it’s still pretty frigging low. We’re talking going from 0.4/1000 to 1.0/1000, assuming a trained midwife. That’s “going to the store once on my motorcycle and leaving my helmet at home” territory, not “setting my car on fire and driving off a cliff.” I wouldn’t do it, but random person X on the internet wants to, whatever. Saying pregnant women aren’t in a state to be making decisions about their own health, though, just destroys your credibility here. The only thing Phlosphr has said that bothers me is that he and his wife seem to be equating “research” with “what their midwife says.” He and his wife seem to be letting the midwife’s assertions guide their thinking a lot in this process, just based on the way his posts have been worded. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990.md?page=11)