# Birthing at home: Getting over the fear. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990 "2011-06-10T16:44:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2011, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/261 "2011-06-16T22:34:01Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Are you reading my posts or just seeing my screen name and jotting off something not very witty? > > The midwife is going to be right there…the whole time! Right. But the other poster who linked his home birth experience: not the case. That is who is I was criticizing. Does this mean you respond to my posts and respond in a not so intelligent manner? ---
**Author:** ![Sateryn76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Sateryn76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sateryn76)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2011, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/262 "2011-06-16T22:48:03Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > John, this is a tough question that has - in our case - spiritual connotations that I don’t really like to chat about on open boards, because it leaves the doors open to criticism of spiritual beliefs and that is generally never a good thing. What I will say, is that the mind\body connection between mother and child is very strong, and some believe that the chemical cocktails floating around the mother and baby’s brains at the time of birth are extremely powerful and are the foundation of an inner spiritual connection between mother and baby. Again I hesitate to talk too much about it because many simply call that kind of thing “foo-foo talk”. Yes, I’ve heard that before. > And with the hostility this thread is bringing up I don’t want to open too many more cans of worms! This is why I don’t trust your ability to do sufficient research and be well informed. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2011, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/263 "2011-06-16T23:10:28Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Your “whatevers” and “fucking absurds” and general tone of - All you who choose home birth are irresponsible, make me think you are wanting to change minds or just want to call all of us who like to have informed choices idiots. > > Seems to me humanity did just fine for 10,000 years before the first hospital. Additionally, as early as 1840’s male physicians who began to make house calls for delivering babies noted that the very presence of someone the birthing mother did not know or was comfortable with slowed, and even stopped the labor process more often than not. Tell me, what’s natural about giving birth in a hospital? You do know we are animals right? My great grandmother gave birth to 14 children in a farmhouse. Only 12 of those children lived, however. My grandmother (other side) went 3 for 4. Pretty good if you are talking at bats. Not good when you are talking successful deliveries of babies. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2011, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/264 "2011-06-16T23:15:32Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > I was trying to be discreet about personal beliefs…and what I am talking about is not just home birth, thousands of mothers watch their babies being born in hospitals and birthing centers and are able to hold them right away. I have a lot of compassion for when that is not able to happen. > > And thank you for your first paragraph. Thanks, not needed. Bonded with my adopted kid just fine as I said upthread. Way easier than my “set on my chest at birth” daughter where I was exhausted. Having done it both ways…I think you are putting WAY to much weight on this. ---
**Author:** ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2011, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/265 "2011-06-16T23:49:30Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > John, this is a tough question that has - in our case - spiritual connotations that I don’t really like to chat about on open boards, because it leaves the doors open to criticism of spiritual beliefs and that is generally never a good thing. What I will say, is that the mind\body connection between mother and child is very strong, and some believe that the chemical cocktails floating around the mother and baby’s brains at the time of birth are extremely powerful and are the foundation of an inner spiritual connection between mother and baby. Again I hesitate to talk too much about it because many simply call that kind of thing “foo-foo talk”. Yes, I’ve heard that before. > And with the hostility this thread is bringing up I don’t want to open too many more cans of worms! > [@Phlosphr](#): > > Just a clarification: we were late in hiring a midwife because we were looking and interviewing the right one for us. And the research we did was 100% without the midwife because it took us so long to find the right one…Watching videos, reading articles, meeting with new moms in our new moms club, meeting with new dads in the dads club I joined…the amount of research we have done in the last 6 months rivals that of my Master’s Thesis. Just wanted to clarify. These two quotes make me wonder if you didn’t decide you wanted a homebirth and then find the midwife most strongly in favour of it that you could. Which would make it entirely unsurprising that she doesn’t have any concerns about a home birth. Her explanation about the grey baby getting it’s oxygen through the placenta also strikes me as very suspect, since if it had been getting oxygen it wouldn’t heve been grey. I find it very frightening that she didn’t consider a grey, oxygen-deprived baby anything other than very very serious emergency. It’s good that she was able to resuscitate it, but in a hospital that would be a team of half a dozen highly qualified staff including neonatal doctors. If a baby of mine had to be resuscitated, I would much prefer a highly qualified _team_. I also wouldn’t want anyone having to choose between looking after me or my baby if we were both in danger - I want enough people to look after both of us. > [@](#): > > I do not know the answer to this. I assume, and will ask, that we would go to the ER, and then to the birthing center. The birthing center is attached to the hospital. I think this is unlikely. If you are transferring it will presumably be because some kind of intervention is needed and as I understand it, the birth centre won’t be able to provide any interventions. Going via the E.R. is also not usual as it would add a delay and the staff there are not specialist obstetricians or neonatologists - you’d likely going straight to the labour ward. I probably have a heightened sense of the risk due to working in a hospital. I’m also quite sceptical of midwives since I have dealt with numerous midwives for work reasons and most of them had a horrifyingly blasé attitude to some very important risks. **NAF1138** ’s story\* is exactly the sort of incident that for me means that home delivery can never be worth the risk. If my baby or I are on the point of death then even a 5 minute journey to help is too much, and no amount of special bonding can make up for that. \*I am also incidentally baffled by the concept that pitocin is the work of the devil because it’s an intervention that speeds labour up and makes it more painful, but that cod liver oil is A-OK despite having a similar effect. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/266 "2011-06-17T00:17:06Z")
> [@Sateryn76](#): > > This is why I don’t trust your ability to do sufficient research and be well informed. Because I have beliefs that differ from yours? I’m not opening this can of worms any more than I already have. I will say having been on these boards for over a decade my research skills are not a worry of mine. People here have problems with home birth because of the risks - and this is probably the first time in ten years I have had so many people I know and trust being so adverse to a personal decision. The main issue that I need to convey - with zero expectations for what people do with it - is that I do not think Hospitals are bad places to give birth, I do not think that babies born in hospitals or by c-section do not bond with their mothers the same way as with a home birth and I have no problem going to the birthing center if my wife suddenly becomes high risk over the next 8 weeks. I cannot do anything about those on this thread who think I am consciously risking the life of my baby. I firmly believe my wife and I have done the greatest amount of research and have chosen the right people to be with us during the birth. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/267 "2011-06-17T00:26:24Z")
I don’t want to derail this thread (more than it already is) so I will keep details to myself - PM me if you want more - but based on some experiences with my first baby, I would highly, highly, highly advise against attempting induction for your baby in _any format_, whether “medical” or “natural.” Unless there is a very good reason to induce labor, of course, such as preeclampsia or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/268 "2011-06-17T00:45:02Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I don’t want to derail this thread (more than it already is) so I will keep details to myself - PM me if you want more - but based on some experiences with my first baby, I would highly, highly, highly advise against attempting induction for your baby in _any format_, whether “medical” or “natural.” Unless there is a very good reason to induce labor, of course, such as preeclampsia or whatever. That’s the plan! No inductions. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/269 "2011-06-17T01:12:17Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > John, this is a tough question that has - in our case - spiritual connotations that I don’t really like to chat about on open boards, because it leaves the doors open to criticism of spiritual beliefs and that is generally never a good thing. What I will say, is that the mind\body connection between mother and child is very strong, and some believe that the chemical cocktails floating around the mother and baby’s brains at the time of birth are extremely powerful and are the foundation of an inner spiritual connection between mother and baby. Again I hesitate to talk too much about it because many simply call that kind of thing “foo-foo talk”. Yes, I’ve heard that before. > And with the hostility this thread is bringing up I don’t want to open too many more cans of worms! I don’t want to bust on you for spiritual beliefs, but to be honest, these don’t sound much like spiritual beliefs to me. I mean, hormones and chemicals are actual things that exist They either cause this intense bonding or they don’t, it’s not really something that is faith-based…rather, science should be able to show some kind of evidence for it if it exists. Unless what you’re really saying is that there is no scientific evidence for it, and so for you it’s a spiritual belief, because spiritual beliefs don’t require evidence? ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/270 "2011-06-17T01:18:53Z")
I was born at home. In fact the old ranch house at one time was a birthing house and my grandmother was a midwife. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/271 "2011-06-17T01:27:30Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > I don’t want to bust on you for spiritual beliefs, but to be honest, these don’t sound much like spiritual beliefs to me. I mean, hormones and chemicals are actual things that exist They either cause this intense bonding or they don’t, it’s not really something that is faith-based…rather, science should be able to show some kind of evidence for it if it exists. Unless what you’re really saying is that there is no scientific evidence for it, and so for you it’s a spiritual belief, because spiritual beliefs don’t require evidence? When my wife gets home I’ll ask her for the study she read to me about this. And in spiritual I mean … something other than peer reviewed, and in this case, it would be both. The bond and the science - because we know there are hormones, chemicals, and pheromones that play huge roles in the initial bond between mom and baby, that has a scientific backing to it. I can already tell you that I love this little unborn tadpole more than I thought I had the capacity for, I am feeling things I have never felt before - intense love for someone I have not met, a protection instinct for my wife that I can’t explain and has never been there at this level before. Kind of oddly appealing and unexplainable. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/272 "2011-06-17T01:29:18Z")
Endorphins promote emotion. We knew that. But women gave birth at home centuries ago and passed the babies on to nurse maids. So… ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/273 "2011-06-17T01:34:40Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > When my wife gets home I’ll ask her for the study she read to me about this. And in spiritual I mean … something other than peer reviewed, and in this case, it would be both. The bond and the science - because we know there are hormones, chemicals, and pheromones that play huge roles in the initial bond between mom and baby, that has a scientific backing to it. I can already tell you that I love this little unborn tadpole more than I thought I had the capacity for, I am feeling things I have never felt before - intense love for someone I have not met, a protection instinct for my wife that I can’t explain and has never been there at this level before. Kind of oddly appealing and unexplainable. Sure, I have kids, I get it. I’m also adopted, and have very strong bonds to people who aren’t blood related to me and didn’t give birth to me. I don’t deny that there is a strong connection between mother and baby that is hormonal in nature, but I do dispute that natural birth provides some special level of bonding that won’t exist otherwise. And either way, I still think you’re confusing “spiritual belief” with “well, I just think it exists cause I really really want it to.” ---
**Author:** ![Sateryn76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Sateryn76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sateryn76)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/274 "2011-06-17T02:08:21Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Because I have beliefs that differ from yours? I’m not opening this can of worms any more than I already have. I will say having been on these boards for over a decade my research skills are not a worry of mine. People here have problems with home birth because of the risks - and this is probably the first time in ten years I have had so many people I know and trust being so adverse to a personal decision. > > The main issue that I need to convey - with zero expectations for what people do with it - is that I do not think Hospitals are bad places to give birth, I do not think that babies born in hospitals or by c-section do not bond with their mothers the same way as with a home birth and I have no problem going to the birthing center if my wife suddenly becomes high risk over the next 8 weeks. > > I cannot do anything about those on this thread who think I am consciously risking the life of my baby. I firmly believe my wife and I have done the greatest amount of research and have chosen the right people to be with us during the birth. Do you think it’s proper to compare non-peer-reviewed and non-scientific research to actual peer-reviewed research. And do you honestly believe you’ve researched both sides completely and with an open mind? With a skeptical attitude about both? ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/275 "2011-06-17T02:16:18Z")
> [@Sateryn76](#): > > Do you think it’s proper to compare non-peer-reviewed and non-scientific research to actual peer-reviewed research. And do you honestly believe you’ve researched both sides completely and with an open mind? With a skeptical attitude about both? Yes, we were set on the birthing center up until 3 months ago. Nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/276 "2011-06-17T02:30:12Z")
> [@NAF1138](#): > > My wife was very low risk and has a very large fear of hospitals. Some people find hospitals comforting, they stress her out. Right. So why were you and your wife willing to risk the life and health of another person due to her fear of hospitals? ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/277 "2011-06-17T02:44:35Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > John, this is a tough question that has - in our case - spiritual connotations that I don’t really like to chat about on open boards, because it leaves the doors open to criticism of spiritual beliefs and that is generally never a good thing. What I will say, is that the mind\body connection between mother and child is very strong, and some believe that the chemical cocktails floating around the mother and baby’s brains at the time of birth are extremely powerful and are the foundation of an inner spiritual connection between mother and baby. Again I hesitate to talk too much about it because many simply call that kind of thing “foo-foo talk”. Yes, I’ve heard that before. > And with the hostility this thread is bringing up I don’t want to open too many more cans of worms! Perhaps we could adjourn to a more appropriate forum: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=13925120#post13925120](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=13925120#post13925120) ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/278 "2011-06-17T03:06:09Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > John, this is a tough question that has - in our case - spiritual connotations that I don’t really like to chat about on open boards, because it leaves the doors open to criticism of spiritual beliefs and that is generally never a good thing. What I will say, is that the mind\body connection between mother and child is very strong, and some believe that the chemical cocktails floating around the mother and baby’s brains at the time of birth are extremely powerful and are the foundation of an inner spiritual connection between mother and baby. Again I hesitate to talk too much about it because many simply call that kind of thing “foo-foo talk”. Yes, I’ve heard that before. > And with the hostility this thread is bringing up I don’t want to open too many more cans of worms! Well, I respect that. I don’t think your reasoning is sound, but far be it for me to have the chutzpah to attempt to talk you out of your beliefs. Unfortunately, I don’t think everybody on this board is going to be so receptive to your request to not “chat” about this. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/279 "2011-06-17T04:54:28Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > I was trying to be discreet about personal beliefs…and what I am talking about is not just home birth, thousands of mothers watch their babies being born in hospitals and birthing centers and are able to hold them right away. I have a lot of compassion for when that is not able to happen. Sorry, my intention was not to impinge on your personal beliefs, or pry into them. More what I’m trying to say is that having _any_ personal belief about this kind of thing (whether it be home birth, epidurals or lack thereof, breastfeeding, immediately seeing the baby, whatever) can backfire, because if it doesn’t happen that way you have to deal with the shattering impact of the belief as well as the rest of the situation. In my case, in retrospect I realize that I was led to believe, a little, that breastfeeding would give me a mystical connection with my baby, and when I had to give her formula, in addition to the extra work of pumping (so I wouldn’t lose what little milk I had) and washing the bottles and whatever, that meant I couldn’t have the mystical connection anymore, and that made me despair. Now I realize that’s crap, but at the time, high on hormones and lack of sleep and having to pump every four hours to keep my milk up, it really upset me. Of course, if it does happen the way you want you’re good to go – and the odds are with you. (My breastfeeding experience was very atypical – the vast majority of babies are fine on colostrum.) (Also, I got to hold my baby right away, and most of what I felt was, “Oh my God, I’m responsible for this thing now?!” But my best friend totally had the bonding experience thing when she got to hold her baby.) ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/280 "2011-06-17T05:56:18Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > Sure, I have kids, I get it. I’m also adopted, and have very strong bonds to people who aren’t blood related to me and didn’t give birth to me. I don’t deny that there is a strong connection between mother and baby that is hormonal in nature, but I do dispute that natural birth provides some special level of bonding that won’t exist otherwise. And either way, I still think you’re confusing “spiritual belief” with “well, I just think it exists cause I really really want it to.” Well, in the instance of pitocin being given during labor, the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin is inhibited. From what I’ve read, the role of oxytocin cannot be overstated. So that is one common hospital intervention that can have a negative impact on mother and baby. That’s not to say that mothers who get pitocin don’t bond with their babies, but if I was giving birth I would want all of the benefits I could get. There are physiological processes that happen in a natural birth that cannot be replicated. And unfortunately for many women, once the hospital interventions start, they tend to snowball. When you look and see how many hospitals have a 40 or 50% c-section rate, the reasons many people are turning to home birth start to make sense. Frankly, what happens in a lot of hospitals isn’t healthy for mothers OR babies. The old standby, “all that matters is a healthy baby” neglects to take into consideration the very real trauma that so many women go through when they give birth. The trauma that they internalize because they feel they should just be grateful for the baby’s health. They neglect to acknowledge that babies are very much affected by what their mother has gone through. Breastfeeding problems, post partum depression, physical injury…those things do matter. And it’s understandable that people want to minimize that trauma as much as they possibly can. Home birth is one way many women do that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990.md?page=15)