# Birthing at home: Getting over the fear. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990 "2011-06-10T16:44:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/321 "2011-06-19T02:57:58Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Mrs.P and I have hired our midwife and have set-up everything for an amazing, healthy, happy, relaxed birth at home. You know I am so incredibly happy about your future fatherhood! And you know I completely respect and fully support your spiritual philosophies. Right? > [@Phlosphr](#): > > We also like her because she is not afraid to say we need to transport if needed. But sometimes when “time is of the essence”, we’re talking minutes or even seconds, not the time it takes to get a pregnant woman in labor to a vehicle and (safely) transport her during what would obviously be an emergency, to a facility that could potentially deal most successfully with said emergency. I know this because I have a family member who will suffer life-long disabilities, personality changes and issues with temperament, because it took 5 full minutes to stabilize her when she suffered an amniotic fluid embolism during a “low risk” delivery. Five minutes. That’s all the time there was. One minute more and she’d have been dead. As it was she spent a week in a coma and no one knew whether or not she’d even come out of it, let alone how serious the brain damage would be. And for having survived with minimal brain and nerve damage, she was the lucky one. The baby didn’t make it. If that had happened at home, we would have lost them both with 100% certainty. I know it’s a relatively rare occurrence. But we always think those “rare” things won’t happen to us, they happen to other people. Aren’t there _any_ birthing centers near you where you can have a _like_ home birth experience, but still be where there is life-saving medical equipment on site? I do respect your logic and reason for wanting to do this, but that doesn’t mean I can’t worry like hell about it. I’m sure tons of women have had perfectly normal, healthy at-home births (hell, my husband was home-birthed!) and I will send all the good thoughts I have your way. But I hope you understand that I hope you’ll reconsider. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/322 "2011-06-19T03:10:43Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > p.s. Some certified nurse midwives actually do have fetal heart monitors running continuously. It was one question we were told to ask of all midwives… Does yours? I’m guessing not, because the objection to them is that it’s harder to move around, which is one of the things your wife wants to be able to do. And that’s fine, I completely understand that. I’m just saying that fetal monitoring isn’t just some capricious thing the doctors do for no good reason…it really can save lives. But there are tradeoffs either way, and it’s important to understand them. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/323 "2011-06-19T03:48:44Z")
> [@raspberry\_hunter](#): > > But what “all that matters is a healthy baby” _does_ take into consideration is trying to minimize the trauma that a mother might feel when things don’t go the way they have dreamed it will go (e.g., not being able to have a home birth, getting an epidural when you swore up and down you weren’t going to get one, etc.). I know moms who were really unhappy after birth because they “gave in” and got an epidural after wanting so much to have a totally natural delivery. In my own experience, if I had concentrated more on “all that matters is a healthy baby” and less on “I want to maximize my bonding experience!” I would have had a lot less trauma from the problems I had. I understand what you are saying, but I still think those words can be very dissmissive and hurtful to someone who has had birth trauma. Just pushing the hurt and disappointment down and focusing on the healthy baby probably is what most women do. But it’s still important to deal with those feelings. I think there’s a misconception, even in this thread, that a desire for a natural birth is putting the “experience” over all else. And I don’t know any natural birthers who think like that. Most women are pretty damn realistic about birth, and know it’s going to be painful and difficult at times, and that changes from “the plan” can happen. Like the saying goes, “hope for the best, and plan for the worst.” And if that worst happens, take the time to acknowledge and grieve for that loss. That’s all anyone can do. I’m not suggesting ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/324 "2011-06-19T03:57:05Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > Does yours? I’m guessing not, because the objection to them is that it’s harder to move around, which is one of the things your wife wants to be able to do. And that’s fine, I completely understand that. I’m just saying that fetal monitoring isn’t just some capricious thing the doctors do for no good reason…it really can save lives. But there are tradeoffs either way, and it’s important to understand them. Actually, continuous fetal monitoring has not been proven to improve outcomes in normal labor. That’s yet another of the interventions that are forced on women in the hospital. Intermittent monitoring has been shown to be just as effective, and the mother doesn’t have to lay still for it. [http://onlinepregnancyadvice.info/home-birth-safety-guide-continuous-fetal-monitoring/](http://onlinepregnancyadvice.info/home-birth-safety-guide-continuous-fetal-monitoring/) ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/325 "2011-06-19T03:57:34Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > You know I am so incredibly happy about your future fatherhood! And you know I completely respect and fully support your spiritual philosophies. Right? But sometimes when “time is of the essence”, we’re talking minutes or even seconds, not the time it takes to get a pregnant woman in labor to a vehicle and (safely) transport her during what would obviously be an emergency, to a facility that could potentially deal most successfully with said emergency. > > I know this because I have a family member who will suffer life-long disabilities, personality changes and issues with temperament, because it took 5 full minutes to stabilize her when she suffered an amniotic fluid embolism during a “low risk” delivery. > > Five minutes. That’s all the time there was. One minute more and she’d have been dead. As it was she spent a week in a coma and no one knew whether or not she’d even come out of it, let alone how serious the brain damage would be. > > And for having survived with minimal brain and nerve damage, she was the lucky one. > > The baby didn’t make it. > > If that had happened at home, we would have lost them both with 100% certainty. > > I know it’s a relatively rare occurrence. But we always think those “rare” things won’t happen to us, they happen to other people. > > Aren’t there _any_ birthing centers near you where you can have a _like_ home birth experience, but still be where there is life-saving medical equipment on site? > > I do respect your logic and reason for wanting to do this, but that doesn’t mean I can’t worry like hell about it. I’m sure tons of women have had perfectly normal, healthy at-home births (hell, my husband was home-birthed!) and I will send all the good thoughts I have your way. But I hope you understand that I hope you’ll reconsider. There’s [Mountain Midwifery](http://www.mountainmidwifery.com/) (beware odd photos) or for people wanting the medical meets comfort, [Boulder Birth Center](http://www.bch.org/maternity-care/default-family-birth-center.aspx#Section2) that utilizes [these women](http://www.boulderbirth.com/) or [University Hospital](http://www.uch.edu/conditions/pregnancy/midwifery/water-birth/), which also offers waterbirth In Colorado, there’s no shortage of feel-good birthing options. I mean, Colorado (especially the Boulder area) is home to Waldorf schools, Whole Foods, vegetarians, hippies, free recycling and all of the typical granola parenting things…I think a safe balance can be found here. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/326 "2011-06-19T03:59:47Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Actually, continuous fetal monitoring has not been proven to improve outcomes in normal labor. That’s yet another of the interventions that are forced on women in the hospital. Intermittent monitoring has been shown to be just as effective, and the mother doesn’t have to lay still for it. > > [http://onlinepregnancyadvice.info/home-birth-safety-guide-continuous-fetal-monitoring/](http://onlinepregnancyadvice.info/home-birth-safety-guide-continuous-fetal-monitoring/) Sorry, but that continuous fetal monitoring helped save my cousin’s daughter’s life. They had about 2 seconds for that C-Section, and poor Rachel (the mom) had to suffer it with general anesthesia. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/327 "2011-06-19T04:04:29Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > You found hypnobirthing useless? say more if you can, because we have a hypnobirthing specialist in the family who is touting it’s advantages! hahahahahaha hahahahaha haha hahahaha Jesus tittyfucking Christ. hahaha I’m dying over here. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/328 "2011-06-19T04:06:20Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > hahahahahaha > > hahahahaha > > haha > > hahahaha > > Jesus tittyfucking Christ. > > hahaha I’m dying over here. Was that quote for real? I nearly tinkled my panties. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/329 "2011-06-19T04:07:35Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Was that quote for real? I nearly tinkled my panties. Ctrl+F it. It’s from this very page. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/330 "2011-06-19T04:10:35Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Sorry, but that continuous fetal monitoring helped save my cousin’s daughter’s life. They had about 2 seconds for that C-Section, and poor Rachel (the mom) had to suffer it with general anesthesia. I’m sorry that happened to your cousin. Regardless, I’m going to stick with what the research has shown. There can be exceptions to just about anything. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/331 "2011-06-19T04:11:21Z")
It’s just a pain management technique. Calm down. Cripes. Edit: Re “hypnobirthing”, I mean. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/332 "2011-06-19T04:16:05Z")
> [@An\_Arky](#): > > During that time, doctors have both commonly advised, then warned against smoking during pregnancy. I don’t dismiss it; I just admit to its fallibility. Of course it’s fallible and of course modern medicine doesn’t know everything. But it is _going in the direction of knowing more_ and being able to offer better treatments as time goes by. I’d rather take medical advice offered to me by a health care provider who can benefit from all we have learned up through 2011 than from one who only knows what we knew in 1975, 1940, or 1860. I know I’m late to this thread but I have been reading it all along (cheering **Sarahfeena** and others who have eloquently expressed my views). One irony that strikes me is how casually the home birth advocates dismiss the privilege of immediate access to first-world medical care. Where I live (Indonesia), the vast majority of the population gives birth in local health centers with midwives. I’m willing to bet most of them would gladly give up that “comfort” in exchange for the option of delivering in a clean, modern hospital with medical professionals, equipment, and supplies that could save them and their babies in the event of a medical problem. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/333 "2011-06-19T04:33:51Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Actually, continuous fetal monitoring has not been proven to improve outcomes in normal labor. That’s yet another of the interventions that are forced on women in the hospital. Intermittent monitoring has been shown to be just as effective, and the mother doesn’t have to lay still for it. > > [http://onlinepregnancyadvice.info/home-birth-safety-guide-continuous-fetal-monitoring/](http://onlinepregnancyadvice.info/home-birth-safety-guide-continuous-fetal-monitoring/) Kind of. There’s a dearth of randomized studies due to the nature of the beast, and it can reduce neonatal seizures. But you’re right, ACOG says that the proven benefits are not huge compared to the resulting intervention. [http://www.acog.org/from\_home/publications/press\_releases/nr06-22-09-2.cfm](http://www.acog.org/from_home/publications/press_releases/nr06-22-09-2.cfm) By the way, could you please address the concern I had as to your friend home birthing twins. Where midwives are allowed many states will yank their licenses for that. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/334 "2011-06-19T05:12:36Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > One irony that strikes me is how casually the home birth advocates dismiss the privilege of immediate access to first-world medical care. Where I live (Indonesia), the vast majority of the population gives birth in local health centers with midwives. I’m willing to bet most of them would gladly give up that “comfort” in exchange for the option of delivering in a clean, modern hospital with medical professionals, equipment, and supplies that could save them and their babies in the event of a medical problem. How are we dismissing the privilege? Everyone has agreed that, for high risk pregnancies, heck, even for medium risk pregnancies, we’re very glad that hospitals exist. I’m even glad they exist for low risk pregnancy- I don’t think every low risk woman should be giving birth at home. I only think every low risk woman \*who \*\*wants \*\*to \*give birth at home should be supported, not harassed, in her decision. For the majority of women, I am absolutely aware of the privilege and advantages of immediate access to first-world medical care, and damn grateful for it, and for those women who attempt homebirth and need transport. Of course most women in Indonesia would love to birth in hospitals like ours. Most women in the US would, and do, love to birth in hospitals like ours. And that’s fine. It’s wonderful that we have them here so they can. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/335 "2011-06-19T05:45:15Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > I think, in part, you and your wife might need to recalibrate your expectations. Honestly, what you’ve described as poor treatment doesn’t sound like poor medical treatment. I know you said that your wife came home sleep-deprived after a few days being there, but that’s part of the normal course after giving birth. Multiple intrusions are par for the course. Not coming to see her after she pushed the call button isn’t great, unless they had asked what she needed and ascertained that she needed water but they had greater medical needs to take care of first. > > Yes, it was not ideal, but it sounds like more of a customer service issue than a “bad hospital” issue. Maybe. What I do know is this: At the end of her stay the head of nursing came to her and personally apologized for her bad treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/336 "2011-06-19T05:52:08Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > or for people wanting the medical meets comfort, [Boulder Birth Center](http://www.bch.org/maternity-care/default-family-birth-center.aspx#Section2) that utilizes [these women](http://www.boulderbirth.com/) > > . . . > > In Colorado, there’s no shortage of feel-good birthing options. I mean, Colorado (especially the Boulder area) is home to Waldorf schools, Whole Foods, vegetarians, hippies, free recycling and all of the typical granola parenting things…I think a safe balance can be found here. Re your last paragraph, that’s exactly what I was thinking. I actually started to search for some compromise alternatives and the first hit I found was [this review](http://www.yelp.com/biz/family-birth-center-of-boulder-community-hospital-boulder) of the Boulder Birth Center. But then I decided to try to stay out of it. But since you’ve brought it up, I may as well share it. Who knows, maybe it will help sway his decision? > [@](#): > > This is a very progressive birthing center, the staff was very accommodating, with all our needs. We decided to try natural child birth this time. So we chose Aubrey Anne Friedly to help us as our birth doula, not only was the hospital cool with it, but they actually worked with her, and surprisingly included her as part of the team during the whole birthing process. Which is usually not the way most hospitals work with doulas. The whole experience was wonderful, the room was spacious, & unlike the last place, this hospital had a bed big enough for me and my wife, much better than the usual couch thing. Oh and the view from our birthing suite made us feel like we were on some surreal vacation. I wish them luck whatever they decide, even if their decision is not the one I’d make. Reminds me of one of my favorite comediennes, Rita Rudner. > [@](#): > > You know they’re putting warning labels on alcohol now that says, “Warning, alcohol may be dangerous to pregnant women.” That’s ironic. If it wasn’t for alcohol, most women wouldn’t even _be_ that way. And so many women are going for “natural childbirth.” It’s backwards. Everyone’s taking drugs now except when they need them! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/337 "2011-06-19T06:45:34Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > How are we dismissing the privilege? I didn’t mean you, **WhyNot**! Anyway, “dismiss” is just a word - I’ll be glad to let go of it in favor of this characterization: To insist that home birth is a superior choice for oneself/spouse/child, as our OP has done, is indeed to say that you value the home-birth experience more than you value immediate access to the equipment, supplies, and specialized professional that can save lives in a medical emergency. Such values probably seem odd to many of the people who don’t have the luxury of choosing between the two. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/338 "2011-06-19T17:47:50Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > hahahahahaha > > hahahahaha > > haha > > hahahaha > > Jesus tittyfucking Christ. > > hahaha I’m dying over here. It’s for pain management, a way to breathe through the pain…have you ever heard of Lamaze? It’s a way to manage pain during birth. What are you laughing at incidentally? [QUOTE=Citizen Pained] There’s Mountain Midwifery (beware odd photos) or for people wanting the medical meets comfort, Boulder Birth Center that utilizes these women or University Hospital, which also offers waterbirth In Colorado, there’s no shortage of feel-good birthing options. I mean, Colorado (especially the Boulder area) is home to Waldorf schools, Whole Foods, vegetarians, hippies, free recycling and all of the typical granola parenting things…I think a safe balance can be found here. [/QUOTE] What do you mean odd photos? There are photos of naked people including babies…but that is not odd to me. Our midwife is in one of those photos. We are already attached to that birthing center, it’s one of the best in CO. \*\*Shayna \*\*- We have taken every precaution minus being present at a center. Our birthing team is all going to be present, after a 7 page thread and opening several cans of worms, and being pitted for the first time…it’s been tiring here. Love to chat about the process and other stuff…but somewhere else 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/339 "2011-06-19T18:43:49Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > It’s for pain management, a way to breathe through the pain…have you ever heard of Lamaze? It’s a way to manage pain during birth. Hypnotherapy isn’t a breathing technique. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/340 "2011-06-19T18:50:31Z")
Correct, but it is a pain management technique. ( **Phlosphr** , seriously, not helping your case.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990.md?page=18)