# Birthing at home: Getting over the fear. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990 "2011-06-10T16:44:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/141 "2011-06-13T04:11:56Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > I am pretty sure the doc meant that some births can take a toll on the baby irregardless of where they are born. And for some newborns…they are tired. I wish I had done this before so I could give it a better name, but this is my first rodeo when it comes to supporting someone giving birth. > The story my midwife told is second hand and if that little boy was one of the statistics for things going horribly wrong at home, then I guess she has seen quite a lot, not just the happy endings. But the child survived because of whatever this midwife and her team did. I do not have the medical knowledge or personal experience to say much more about that story. I’m glad that baby turned out ok, it just really upset me that you described his situation as being “tired” from being stuck in the birth canal for 4 hours. In that specific case, as you described it, that baby was not tired, he was oxygen deprived, and seriously **Phlosphr** , I want you to understand what a close shave it was for him so that you won’t think it’s ok if your baby is crowning for 4 hours and the midwife doesn’t think you need to transfer. The reason I’m arguing this point isn’t to give you a hard time, but to make sure that you understand this, because I’m actually very concerned for you. I think it’s awesome that the midwife knew what to do with a baby who was non-responsive and not breathing, but I think avoiding such a situation in the first place is of utmost importance. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/142 "2011-06-13T04:15:41Z")
In addition there is a whole continuum from healthy baby to one that died. Babies can survive oxygen depletion or get resuscitated and end up with brain damage and not be ok. I just hope you aren’t dismissing your doc’s concerns as being overly dramatic while accepting the midwife’s assurances as being accurate. I’ll pose my question again: given that most hospital and home births generally are just fine, where do you want to be if something goes catastrophically wrong to baby or mom? ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/143 "2011-06-13T05:59:09Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Then maybe ask yourself (and discuss with your wife) the following: is giving birth at home the best choice for the baby? > > Personally, if I decided to home birth because my wife wanted to eat grapes and drink tea and have some mystical cosmic birthing experience and then something happened with the baby that could have been avoided with a hospital birth, I’d feel like a complete shithead for the rest of my life. That’s what I thought, too, until we had our child at the hospital. My wife was treated so badly there she was in tears. I’m not sure she could go through that again if she gets pregnant again. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/144 "2011-06-13T06:11:52Z")
I’m sorry, but the birthing center in Boulder said that **they** have delivered 1,000 children - that’s a collective 1,000. And what does ‘catastrophic failure’ mean? No deaths in 27 years? Is this because she is only managing extremely low risk births where parents can easily access a hospital? I’d still rather have my baby delivered by someone who has 20x the experience. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/145 "2011-06-13T06:17:05Z")
Here’s a good article about this: > **[Whatever Happened to Natural Childbirth?](https://www.expertclick.com/NRWire/Releasedetails.aspx?id=36646)** > >  Global Medicine Hunter NewsFOR IMMEDIATE RELEASEBy Dr. Meg Jordan(SAN FRANCISCO---) In the past decade, the U.S. the obstetrical field appears to be doing all it can to scare pregnant women into unnecessary interventions--a slick pathway... I recommend this especially toward the posters who are against home birth. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/146 "2011-06-13T06:22:15Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > I’m sorry, but the birthing center in Boulder said that **they** have delivered 1,000 children - that’s a collective 1,000. And what does ‘catastrophic failure’ mean? No deaths in 27 years? Is this because she is only managing extremely low risk births where parents can easily access a hospital? This is actually a good point. Most midwives will not see patients other than low-risk. I know this because when I was pregnant with my first baby, I wanted to interview midwives along with OBs, but there was not a single midwife that would take a patient with type 2 diabetes, not even a well-controlled patient. Now, I actually find this to be highly appropriate, especially for a homebirth situation; of course in a homebirth you want to minimize your risk as much as possible, which means not seeing high- or even moderate-risk patients. But it seems to me that this also means that it’s hard to do a side-by-side comparison of outcomes with OBs vs. midwives, because the midwives just aren’t seeing the high-risk patients. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/147 "2011-06-13T13:44:50Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Me too. However, my wife is not asking for grapes, tea or anything like that. She may just want quiet, then a walk on the porch, then a dip in the tub, then…who knows??? I certainly don’t. You speak as if we have done zero research, like we have not spoken to a physician and a midwife and a doula…home birth has a bad rap but not because of people like us. We are not militant about hating hospitals or anything, when weighing the pros and cons we find home birth a viable, and safe method for bringing this baby into the world. It’s not for everyone and we are completely aware and respectful of that fact. You deftly avoided the question–is it the best choice for the baby? ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/148 "2011-06-13T15:00:03Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Here’s a good article about this: > [http://www.expertclick.com/NewsReleaseWire/Whatever\_Happened\_to\_Natural\_Childbirth,201136646.aspx](http://www.expertclick.com/NewsReleaseWire/Whatever_Happened_to_Natural_Childbirth,201136646.aspx) > > I recommend this especially toward the posters who are against home birth. I don’t actually think that’s a good article at all. But obviously opinions vary. I’m not against home birth, FTR. I am “pro-whatever a family wants, as long as their reasons are sound and evidenced-based.” I have friends who home birthed, a sister who gave birth in a Birthing Center, friends who gave birth in hospitals with miswives (as I did), in hospitals with doctors, etc. I have one friend who gave birth in her husband’s truck by the side of the road in Georgia, but that’s the only scenario I would actively discourage. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/149 "2011-06-13T15:11:57Z")
So, I had to do something and submitted the last post before I could fully explain why I think that article is not good. here’s an excerpt: > [@](#): > > Fostering the mother-baby bond by fostering optimal birth and stopping the separation of mother and baby for any reason, is the key to breaking the vicious cycles of family dysfunction – abuse and neglect – where they start, at birth. It’s also where we help humans achieve full brain and immune system potential. Although she doesn’t directly say it, the implication is that separating mother and baby after birth causes abuse and neglect. Also this: > [@](#): > > Learning how to be a truly sensitive care provider in birth requires addressing our own unhealed issues around birth and being centered in our own body, heart-centered. And, both doctors and nurses, because of the stress of dealing with complications and emergencies need regular help healing their own shock and trauma and practicing patience. is not science. There’s no evidence-based practice there. It’s not a good article in the sense of providing real data about why home birth is safe and may even be the preferred option. It’s woo. ---
**Author:** ![Implicit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Implicit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Implicit)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/150 "2011-06-13T15:19:13Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Here’s a good article about this: > [http://www.expertclick.com/NewsReleaseWire/Whatever\_Happened\_to\_Natural\_Childbirth,201136646.aspx](http://www.expertclick.com/NewsReleaseWire/Whatever_Happened_to_Natural_Childbirth,201136646.aspx) > > I recommend this especially toward the posters who are against home birth. Your pro-midwife ‘sanctuary for birth’ article only recommends that 10-20% people should birth at home. I don’t have any issue with a subsequent birth being done at home with a midwife and other support for someone with a low risk pregnancy who needed no medical intervention with their prior birth(s). For a first pregnancy a home birth is too much risk. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/151 "2011-06-13T15:44:48Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Well, I also want to reiterate, as I said in another thread of yours: it’s great to have a plan for how you want things to go, but please, do not feel like a failure, and do not let your wife feel like a failure, if things do not go as planned. If you have to have an emergency c-section, or some other intervention you hoped not to have, do _not_ let yourselves feel disappointed, or feel like you were robbed of your birth experience. If you have a healthy mom and baby to show for it at the end, that really is all that matters. Really. I will agree with this, but only partially. Help your wife know that she is not a failure if it doesn’t go as planned - she’s not. But don’t try to make her not be disappointed about it. If she doesn’t go through the process of experiencing the disappointment, but just stuffs it into the closet of her mind for years, it will rankle far longer and far worse than if she frankly acknowledges that it didn’t go the way she wanted, has a good cry, and then snuggles her new baby. I am probably a little sensitive on this point after a childhood of not being allowed to express _any_ negative emotion, and many years of therapy trying to undo that. But it made the recovery from my own first birth (C-section after induced back labor and four hours of pushing) 1000% harder than it had to be. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/152 "2011-06-13T16:01:08Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > You deftly avoided the question–is it the best choice for the baby? Indeed, that should be the major consideration. But it’s certainly not best for the baby to have the mother in a state of sleep-deprived hysteria in the days after birth, which is what happened to my wife at the hospital. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/153 "2011-06-13T16:19:26Z")
> [@surrounded\_by\_literalists](#): > > I had all three babies in a hospital with wonderful staff and doctors. Home birth would never be my choice (I HATE PAIN!). So many choices exist and so many factors are at play. > > I wanted to ask: > > 1. How far are you from a hospital “just in case?” > 2. Have you toured the birthing facilities at the hospital? Some of them are truly amazing with an atmosphere that is much less hospital, and more home-like? The hospital I was in encouraged walking, showering, any position for birth ect. > 3. Has your Dr. worked with your midwife before? Do they work well together and trust each other? > > IMHO I think that as long as you are willing to stay flexible and adapt to whatever may come, things should be OK. 1. within 20mins. [and the local volunteer ambulance corps has offered to stand by towards the end of the birth…they will even sleep at the firehouse if we go into the night. This is a service for our little mountain community, one that I am very grateful for.] 2)We toured it about a month ago, and it is amazing - it is the only UNICEF certified Birthing Center in Colorado. It is state of the art, completely 100% baby friendly [UNICEF, World health certified] and a lovely place to give birth should we need to. 2. My wife’s Doc [OB] has worked many times with our midwife, and she actually has a lot of good things to say about her. Additionally, this birthing center is designed so our midwife can be right there…not so in the Boulder Birthing Center - we are outside boulder at good exempla. [QUOTE=IvoryTowerDenizen] I’ll pose my question again: given that most hospital and home births generally are just fine, where do you want to be if something goes catastrophically wrong to baby or mom? [/QUOTE] I want to be in the company of people who know what they are doing, if that is at home with our midwife and her team, or if that is at the birthing center.. [QUOTE=Citizen Pained] I’m sorry, but the birthing center in Boulder said that they have delivered 1,000 children - that’s a collective 1,000. And what does ‘catastrophic failure’ mean? No deaths in 27 years? Is this because she is only managing extremely low risk births where parents can easily access a hospital? [/QUOTE] All home births taken by our midwife are low-risk, we were told they have to be. The risk level can change as the due date get’s closer, and sometimes our midwife has said to clients that she would prefer they go to the birthing center due to X,Y,Z. She is not opposed to saying that if it is the safest thing for the baby and momma. I really like this quality in our midwife. [QUOTE=Rand Rover] You deftly avoided the question–is it the best choice for the baby? [/QUOTE] Yes, of course it is. My wife and I would not make this decision if it was not. Countless hours of discussion, reading, consulting with different midwives and our doc have brought us to the conclusion that this is the best choice for the child. **Addressing the Failure aspect of this decision:** My wife and I are perfectly ok with going to the birthing center if we need to and we will not feel like failures if we have to go…because going will mean the best choice for the baby. We are open minded people who are very engaged in the process of safety both for mom and baby. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/154 "2011-06-13T17:08:11Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > **Addressing the Failure aspect of this decision:** My wife and I are perfectly ok with going to the birthing center if we need to and we will not feel like failures if we have to go…because going will mean the best choice for the baby. We are open minded people who are very engaged in the process of safety both for mom and baby. And if you have to go to the hospital and have an emergency C-section? Because sometimes that happens, too, and not all the planning in the world can prevent it. I think you also need to be prepared not to look at it as a failure if your wife has a very painful delivery and a few hours in decides she needs to go to the hospital and get an epidural. She needs to know she has that option and you won’t think she’s wimping out or giving up or anything. Not all births are the same, and _it’s not about pain tolerance_ it’s about physiology. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/155 "2011-06-13T18:20:40Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > That’s what I thought, too, until we had our child at the hospital. My wife was treated so badly there she was in tears. I’m not sure she could go through that again if she gets pregnant again. That is a really regrettable situation. I have been in hospitals for various reasons more times than I care to think about, and no one should be asked to tolerate bad treatment (whatever the specifics were in your case). Also, I don’t know where the hospital you’re speaking of is located or when this happened. I do know that one reason my older sister and I chose unmedicated births was the horrid experience our mother had. Now there was a person who could have given birth in a cornfield and been fine. She was expected to have general anaesthesia – it was just standard in the '40s – but our births were so smooth and went so efficiently that we were born before the hospital could administer it! So they went ahead and anaesthetized her for the delivery of the \*\*placenta \*\*:smack: Back then there was no such thing as a patient’s bill of rights – you were expected to obey and shut up. There are many horror stories from those decades. Starting in the '70s, things started to change. Heck, these days some of our local hospitals are competing for who can make the labor and delivery process the most home-like. When my granddaughter was born, the labor room and the delivery room were the same room. It was a single room, decorated with comfortable furniture but still having all the necessary medical gear, stowed away in cabinets until needed. I think a lot of the apprehension about hospital births is left over from the images of earlier times. IMHO any hospitalized person needs a close friend or relative available to run interference for him/her, to be the obnoxious pain in the butt if necessary to get the appropriate treatment. I could tell many stories, but have gone on long enough already. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/156 "2011-06-13T18:49:25Z")
> [@MLS](#): > > TSo they went ahead and anaesthetized her for the delivery of the \*\*placenta \*\*:smack: Back then there was no such thing as a patient’s bill of rights – you were expected to obey and shut up. There are many horror stories from those decades. What happens when you anesthetize someone for the placenta delivery? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/157 "2011-06-13T18:53:28Z")
They’re anesthetized. I think **MLS** ’s point was that anesthetizing someone for placenta delivery is pretty stupid, because the painful part of the delivery is over already. I mean, delivering the placenta isn’t a thrill ride either, but you don’t hear people yelling, “Get me an epidural now!” after the baby is already out and they just have to push out the placenta. So that was just something they did because dammit, we’re going to anesthetize all pregnant patients. Even if they technically aren’t pregnant anymore. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/158 "2011-06-13T19:09:52Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > That’s what I thought, too, until we had our child at the hospital. My wife was treated so badly there she was in tears. I’m not sure she could go through that again if she gets pregnant again. Can you say more about the experience? I saw this: > [@suranyi](#): > > On the other hand we had our baby in the hospital and it was a miserable experience for my wife. Loud noises all night long. When she wanted to sleep the nurses were intrusive; when she wanted some water the nurses ignored her. I can totally see why someone would want to avoid going through that. but surely that’s not the sum total of what happened. I’m wondering about what would happen to make someone think they could not possibly go through it again. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/159 "2011-06-13T19:28:04Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > They’re anesthetized. > > I think **MLS** ’s point was that anesthetizing someone for placenta delivery is pretty stupid, because the painful part of the delivery is over already. I mean, delivering the placenta isn’t a thrill ride either, but you don’t hear people yelling, “Get me an epidural now!” after the baby is already out and they just have to push out the placenta. So that was just something they did because dammit, we’re going to anesthetize all pregnant patients. Even if they technically aren’t pregnant anymore. Ah, OK. When (s)he mentioned horror stories, I thought there was something awful that happened when you passed a placenta with anesthesia. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990/160 "2011-06-13T21:50:47Z")
> [@MLS](#): > > That is a really regrettable situation. I have been in hospitals for various reasons more times than I care to think about, and no one should be asked to tolerate bad treatment (whatever the specifics were in your case). > > Also, I don’t know where the hospital you’re speaking of is located or when this happened. > > I do know that one reason my older sister and I chose unmedicated births was the horrid experience our mother had. Now there was a person who could have given birth in a cornfield and been fine. She was expected to have general anaesthesia – it was just standard in the '40s – but our births were so smooth and went so efficiently that we were born before the hospital could administer it! So they went ahead and anaesthetized her for the delivery of the \*\*placenta \*\*:smack: Back then there was no such thing as a patient’s bill of rights – you were expected to obey and shut up. There are many horror stories from those decades. > > Starting in the '70s, things started to change. Heck, these days some of our local hospitals are competing for who can make the labor and delivery process the most home-like. When my granddaughter was born, the labor room and the delivery room were the same room. It was a single room, decorated with comfortable furniture but still having all the necessary medical gear, stowed away in cabinets until needed. > > I think a lot of the apprehension about hospital births is left over from the images of earlier times. IMHO any hospitalized person needs a close friend or relative available to run interference for him/her, to be the obnoxious pain in the butt if necessary to get the appropriate treatment. I could tell many stories, but have gone on long enough already. The thing is, we had some bad luck when my son was born: The day after he was born, I got a bad cold. So, fearing infection, the hospital refused to let me onto the ward. That meant that my wife was alone, with no one to intercede for her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/birthing-at-home-getting-over-the-fear/584990.md?page=9)