# Bitchface, do not block my driveway

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [May 24, 2005, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331 "2005-05-24T21:06:10Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 5

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**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\
**Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/81 "2005-05-27T15:35:07Z")

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> [@lezlers](#):
>
> Nice theory, but no. So long as Survey Guy and Wife were able to open the truck doors and walk away, there was no false imprisonment. Being inconvienenced does not equal false imprisonment.

In that case, I got nothing. _shrug_

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**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\
**Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/82 "2005-05-27T20:42:18Z")

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> [@Jackmannii](#):
>
> One more school-related driveway story:
> 
> Once upon a time the local school district, in its infinite wisdom, decided to locate a school bus stop right in front of our driveway.\<snip\>The school board turned down the move, but the driver ignored their stupidity or never got the word, so the new stop remained in force. 😃

Okay, that truly is stupid. I assume the school board knows that people drive cars in driveways. “Yes, let’s have all the kids waiting somewhere that people drive for their bus. I don’t see a problem with that.”

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**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\
**Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/83 "2005-05-29T03:25:42Z")

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> [@mhendo](#):
>
> My question exactly. :dubious:

Just got back, sorry. It was just a judge, no jury and I don’t know why. I hope it was because he was interested in justice and not the letter of the law.

Maybe severely cussing out a mans wife on a public street and illegally blocking him in a public parking space and then being an asshat on top of it was enough provoking to justify that much defensive fleeing from a crazy man. :: shrug :: I got no clue but it would be great IMO if more judges did this sort of thing.

YMMV

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**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\
**Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/84 "2005-05-29T19:21:52Z")

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> [@GusNSpot](#):
>
> Just got back, sorry. It was just a judge, no jury and I don’t know why. I hope it was because he was interested in justice and not the letter of the law.
> 
> Maybe severely cussing out a mans wife on a public street and illegally blocking him in a public parking space and then being an asshat on top of it was enough provoking to justify that much defensive fleeing from a crazy man. :: shrug :: I got no clue but it would be great IMO if more judges did this sort of thing.
> 
> YMMV

Well, I’d be careful about that. Judges, like attorneys, are officers of the court. If judges based their decisions on what they felt was morally just, regardless of what the law says, it could only lead to trouble. Not to mention a serious breach of their ethical duty. There’s probably a lot more to this story than you know which led to the result. If everything went down just as you described it, no judge would let your friend walk out of that courtroom without paying any damages whatsoever. Juries may have limited power to allow a little vigilante justice but judges can’t get away with that shit, not to the extent your story implies, anyway. The judge has to have _some_ legal basis for his decision and “asshole had it comin’” isn’t gonna cut it (unfortunately.) I’m really, _really_ interested as to what defense theory your friend invoked.

This isn’t meant to be snarky at all, I’m genuinely curious to know how this went down.

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**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\
**Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/85 "2005-05-30T14:12:44Z")

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> [@Tripler](#):
>
> If I ever have kids, I’m taking them to school in the back of my truck. I’ll teach 'em to leap out of the bed and hit the schoolyard like Marines storming out of an APC. It’ll get 'em out quick, get 'em rolling, and I’ll be rolling in moments.
> 
> Tripler  
> And it’ll teach 'em to be **tough** dammit!

I can picture you leaning out of the driver’s window yelling, “Go! Go! Go! Move! Move! Move!” with a cigar clenched in your teeth as the kiddies pour out of the back like little paratroopers.  
If we asked for a ride to school my dad used to tell us he’d slow down to 15 and we could tuck and roll.

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**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\
**Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/86 "2005-05-30T14:43:36Z")

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The only humorous road rage incident that comes to mind involved my father. We had driven from the wilds of 1958 Alaska down to Montana and then over to Oregon to visit grandparents. Quite a feat in those days.

As we came into the outskirts of Oregon, the multi-lane roads became somewhat confusing, apparently, and my father piloted our 1955 Ford into the wrong lanes that would send us north to Seattle. Wrenching the wheel, he crossed a couple of lanes of right-turn traffic to get to the left.

As he performed this maneuver, a guy on a Harley shouted something at him. My father, ever the cool, collected type, leaned out the window and shouted “Fuck you, you goddamned punk!”

Once we pulled over, his explanation to the motorcycle cop was based on the theme of “up in Alaska, we don’t know nuthin’ ‘bout no turn lanes. Weze jus’ hicks.” My muffled question of “are we going to jail?” from under a blanket in the back seat finally got the red-faced cop laughing.

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**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\
**Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/87 "2005-05-30T14:44:48Z")

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That should read “…the outskirts of _Portland_.”

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**Author:** ![margin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)\
**Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/88 "2005-05-31T10:46:23Z")

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Jesus Christ. I just went out in my backyard and some bitch had parked in the carport. I don’t fucking believe it. Just as I whipped out my cel to call the cops, these three fashion-impaired bimbos roll up.

Now, there’s plenty of parking on the street. Why in fuck did they feel it necessary to pull into the alley? And into my carport?

Hell, I might as well ask why they felt compelled to wear those outfits, though.

When I was on vacation, recently, a couple of guys pulled into that spot and proceeded to work on their car. I’m waiting for them to come back.

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**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\
**Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/89 "2005-05-31T14:56:41Z")

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Well, that’s weird. I’ve been known to use people’s driveways as part of my three-point turn, but park in someone else’s carport or driveway? That’s just not done. Could there be a more unequivocal indicator that you’re parked in someone else’s spot?

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**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\
**Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/90 "2005-05-31T15:22:01Z")

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> [@TVeblen](#):
>
> Wonderful how oblivious some people can be, isn’t it? And of course it’s so much nicer when they become abusive when it’s called to attention that they’re acting like inconsiderate assholes. What a charmer, **Obsidian**! And what wonderful lessons she is teaching her children!

Oh hell, it’s not “oblivious”, it’s “special”.

I’m pretty well convinced that most of this world’s problems are because everyone’s mommy tells them they’re special.

I’ll bet if ‘bitchface’ were to see someone else doing that in front of **Obsidian** ’s driveway she would have thought “what a bitch!”. However, it’s different when she does it.

As for setting an example for her kids, she is. They’re learning exactly what she’s telling them. “We’re special!”.

Besides, “setting an example for my children” is the biggest load of hypocritical shit in the universe. I can do whatever the hell I want in front of my kids up to and including mass murder. However, if YOU (you scumsucking bastard!) so much as use the word “crap” in front of my kids I get to start screeching about what a “bad example you’re setting in front of my kids!”.

-Joe, two dogs

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**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\
**Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/91 "2005-05-31T17:28:30Z")

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This used to happen to me all the time when I lived in Queens. My roommates and I had rights to the driveway for the building that we rented and we could fit two of our three cars in there. My third roommate put his car in the street because his job required constant driving around the city, so it was no big deal as his car was never parked for very long anyway.

Most of my neighbors eventually got around to blocking my driveway. Some even parked _in_ the driveway without asking. They never did it twice, save for the annoying assholes who lived upstairs from us. This guy parked his Mercedes across the top of the driveway three times before I decided I had had it. The first few times I asked the owner of the car nicely to please move it and avoid blocking the driveway in the future. He would comply, but generally take his dear sweet time doing so, even if I had to leave for work.

The fourth time he did it, I knocked on his door. It took him 10 minutes just to come to the door, most likely because he knew it was me and he probably didn’t want to deal with having to move to a new spot. Once he answered the door, I explained to him that I was tired of his blocking the driveway and that we had been over this several times before.

He told me to go fuck myself.

I very calmly walked two blocks over to a beat cop and explained the situation, which I’m sure he had heard a billion times before from others in the neighborhood. Then we got to the part about knocking on the offender’s door. “What did he say?” asked the cop. “Sir,” I said, “he told me to go fuck myself.”

Apparently it’s okay to block someone’s driveway in Queens, but the cops just won’t stand for rude behavior. The cop walked back to my apartment with me, knocked on the guy’s door and chewed him out. Not just “Move your car, dammit!” chewing out, but the cop wanted the offender’s explanation of what exactly I had done to deserve being told to go fuck myself. The chewing out went on for at least ten minutes and was absolutely hysterical.

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**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\
**Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/92 "2005-05-31T19:14:29Z")

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> [@featherlou](#):
>
> Well, that’s weird. I’ve been known to use people’s driveways as part of my three-point turn, but park in someone else’s carport or driveway? That’s just not done. Could there be a more unequivocal indicator that you’re parked in someone else’s spot?

I gotta say, I’m flabbergasted at the amount of stories about people parking in other people’s driveways and carports. I’d never even consider doing anything like that. I also considered it just “not done.” Some people really do have brass balls when it comes to stuff like that, I guess.

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**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\
**Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/93 "2005-05-31T19:31:09Z")

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> [@lezlers](#):
>
> I gotta say, I’m flabbergasted at the amount of stories about people parking in other people’s driveways and carports. I’d never even consider doing anything like that. I also considered it just “not done.” Some people really do have brass balls when it comes to stuff like that, I guess.

Yeah, i’m with you.

Even if i was the sort of asshole who wanted to park in people’s driveways, i think that sheer pragmatism would prevent me from doing it anyway. After all, the chances are good that the owner will have your car towed away, and the idea of having to seek out my car and then pay a $150 towing fee would probably dissuade me from using someone’s driveway.

By the way, what’s the law about moving a car that’s parked across your driveway? Do you have to contact the official authorities (police, etc.) first? Or can you just call a tow company and have it taken away, at the owner’s expense?

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**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\
**Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/94 "2005-06-01T03:20:04Z")

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No, you cannot have a car towed as a citizen by calling a towing company. Even if you lived, say, in an apartment building, and there were signs all around the place saying cars will be towed-only “authorized” personnel that work for the management company will be able to order a tow.

Now if someone just abandons a vehicle in front of your driveway and blocks you in, you can call the police and wait for them to order a hook, but the chances of the person who is blocking you in still being there when the po-po _finally_ get to your call as a non-emergency are slim and none.

Sam

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**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\
**Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/95 "2005-06-01T03:29:55Z")

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Sam, I can see what you said applying to a car blocking a driveway while parked on a public street. What about a car that’s actually in the driveway, off the public way and wholly on private property? Would the homeowner (or tenant) then have the right to have it towed, since it’s trespassing?

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**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\
**Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/96 "2005-06-01T04:11:37Z")

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Nope. Not as far as my experience has led me to believe.

Towing companies have contracts with apartments and businesses. THis contract gives the company the express right to tow offending vehicles. That right unfortunately is held very closely by certain people. I know of no way to get a similar contract as a private citizen in the attempt to protect your home. You can call the police info desk and ask them about it though.

If you own a home and some stranger has parked in your driveway, while they are tresspassing on your property, to tow them would be to violate their private property at least as much as yours is violated. THat’s why you call the police and they can figure all the legal stuff out for you without having you risk your neck over bullshit liabilities.

Unfortunately, it probably ranks up there with getting Granny’s cat out of a tree, and I’m pretty sure it would take some time to get a response.

Sam

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**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\
**Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/97 "2005-06-01T04:21:46Z")

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Yes, I see. All right, then, let’s take the case cited in this thread where some dingbat parked in **margin’s** carport. If the carport were capable of being shut and locked so that any vehicle inside couldn’t be moved out, would **margin** be legally entitled to lock the car in and tell bimbo-brain too bad, pony up a parking fee of X/hour if you want to get your vehicle back? Or would that be considered auto theft?

How about if the carport owner parked a rusty old pickup\* blocking the exit from the carport, and refused to move it out of the way or even to acknowledge any problem? Would the police, when they finally arrived, have any beef with the property owner?

I’m positing in both hypotheticals that the trespassing vehicle can be confined without actually touching it and hence directly tampering with the dignbat’s private property.

\*Or any vehicle whose possible vandalizing by an enraged trespasser wouldn’t unduly upset the carport owner.

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**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\
**Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/98 "2005-06-01T13:03:59Z")

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> [@GaWd](#):
>
> If you own a home and some stranger has parked in your driveway, while they are tresspassing on your property, to tow them would be to violate their private property at least as much as yours is violated.

I have a hard time believing this. Can you back it up?

If someone parks their car on my property and I give reasonable notice (either a “no parking” sign that was there when they arrived, or a note on the car for some period of time), I would feel pretty comfortable having a towing company haul that sucker out of there.

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**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\
**Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/99 "2005-06-01T14:07:50Z")

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> [@InvisibleWombat](#):
>
> I have a hard time believing this. Can you back it up?
> 
> If someone parks their car on my property and I give reasonable notice (either a “no parking” sign that was there when they arrived, or a note on the car for some period of time), I would feel pretty comfortable having a towing company haul that sucker out of there.

Why should you have to post a “no parking” sign in your own driveway? There is no way that a private driveway could possibly be interpreted as a public parking space.

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**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchface-do-not-block-my-driveway/305331/100 "2005-06-01T14:14:06Z")

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> [@TVeblen](#):
>
> Wonderful how oblivious some people can be, isn’t it? And of course it’s so much nicer when they become abusive when it’s called to attention that they’re acting like inconsiderate assholes. What a charmer, **Obsidian**! And what wonderful lessons she is teaching her children!
> 
> I had a wonderful encounter a week ago when our historic neighborhood threw its annual homes and gardens tour. The weather was cold and gray but there were hordes of people out for it. Now keep in mind this bash takes place across about five blocks, and they provide trolley shuttles around the whole route for the duration of the tour. They also have trolley stops at several parking lots and the municipal parking ramp, so it isn’t like there aren’t easy options.
> 
> But no. An arrogant idiot decided he would just park _in my driveway_. I’d run out to the store and came home to this putz’s car parked halfway to my house.
> 
> So I blocked him in.
> 
> I had to schlep the bags the extra distance to the side porch, but small sacrifices must be made. Then I just settled in and got comfy for the afternoon. Oh, he did ring my doorbell a few times by early evening. This was between pacing back and forth, shouting at passersby, _“Is this your $%^@# car? You’re blocking me in!”_. Then he shouted into his cell phone for a while.
> 
> Did I mention it had started to rain?
> 
> I’m pleased to say the police didn’t exactly rush in response to his no doubt reasonably worded request to have my car towed. After he’d ranted at them for a few mintues I strolled outside. The twit was so stupid he started yelling obscenities at me for not answering the door. The cops didn’t like that. They let me move my car so he move, but they had him park right beside the house so they could talk to him. He was _still_ shouting and ranting. And the car was still there the next morning because the cops took him away in handcuffs.
> 
> It was sweet.

I _knew_ there was a reason I liked you, **TV**!  
🙂

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