### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/1 "2011-05-24T12:36:55Z")
In my opinion, a truly bitchy song is about an actual person or incident.
Carly Simon’s is probably the most famous with _You’re So Vain_, particularly with its clever logical trap, as there are several contenders who must have thought that song was about them…
But I nominate Ben Folds as the biggest bitch of all, for at least three efforts:
_Song for the Dumped_ - simple and direct, lyrics apparently penned by the drummer after being given the elbow:
> [@](#):
>
> I wish I hadn’t
> Bought you dinner
> Just before you
> Dumped me on your front porch
>
> Give me my money back
> Give me my money back
> You bitch
> (And don’t forget to give me back my black t-shirt)
_Battle of Who Could Care Less_ (not sure if this is really about a real person, but it’s so obscure that it must be):
> [@](#):
>
> And you think Rockford Files is cool
> But there are some things
> that you would change
> if it were up to you
> So think about your masterpiece
> Watch the Rockford Files
> And call to see if Paul can score some weed
But the bitchiest and most passive-aggressive of the lot is _Stephen’s Last Night in Town_ which, I read on a fan site, he wrote for an English guy who kept on having leaving parties but never actually left - then played it to the poor guy (who then did leave):
> [@](#):
>
> He’s charmed everyone here
> Except Tamara Easter
> Who later revealed to him
> Her innermost secrets
> Won us over with stories
> About Linda McCartney
> Lost points with the ladies
> For saying he couldn’t love a
> Woman with cellulite
>
> \
>
> We thought he was gone
> But he’s come back again
> Last week it was funny
> And now the jokes wearing thin
> Cuz everyone knows now
> That every night now
> Will be Steven’s last night in town
Which songwriting bitch have I missed?
---
### Author:  [@Seamack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seamack)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/2 "2011-05-24T12:53:48Z")
Steve Harley having a go at his Cockney Rebel (ex) bandmates in ‘Make me smile (Come up and see me)’
\*You’ve done it all, you’ve broken every code
And pulled the rebel to the floor
You spoilt the game, no matter what you say
For only metal - what a bore!
Blue eyes, blue eyes, how come you tell so many lies?
Come up and see me, make me smile
Or do what you want, run on wild\*
---
### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/3 "2011-05-24T12:58:02Z")
I never knew what that song was about.
I’ve thought of another one: _You Little Thief_ popularised by Feargal Sharkey, which was written by Benmont Tench for Maria McKee, in response to her _A Good Heart_, which was written for him:
> [@](#):
>
> You little thief
> You let me love you
> You saw me stumbling
> You watched me fall
> You left me broken
> Shattered and bleeding
> But there’s no hard feelings
> There no feelings at all
>
> You little thief
> You little savage
> You little beauty
> You little whore
Ouch!
---
### Author:  [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/4 "2011-05-24T13:01:13Z")
Ummm…Alanis Morrisette’s “You Oughta Know”
\*And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
You seem very well, things look peaceful
I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you f\*\*\* her?\*
---
### Author:  [@Seamack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seamack)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/5 "2011-05-24T13:02:28Z")
Jilted John by Jilted John is a personal favourite. Lyrics don’t get much rawer than this…
\*Oh, she is cruel and heartless
To pack me for Gordon
Just cos he’s better looking than me
Just cos he’s cool and trendy
But I know he’s a moron, Gordon is a moron
Gordon is a moron, Gordon is a moron
Here we go, two three four
Oh she’s a slag and he’s a creep
She’s a tart, he’s very cheap
She is a slut, he thinks he’s tough
She is a bitch, he is a puff
Yeah yeah, it’s not fair
Yeah yeah, it’s not fair\*
---
### Author:  [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/6 "2011-05-24T13:15:29Z")
No song has ever made me want to bitch slap the “narrator” as much as Carrie Underwood’s “Before he Cheats”.
For anyone who hasn’t heard it it’s a revenge song sung from the point of view of a woman who’s been cheated on, whereby she goes into detail about how she trashed his truck.
The funniest part is when she sings about how her rival is probably at that moment singing “some white trash version of Shania karaoke”.
Hello kettle. . .
---
### Author:  [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/7 "2011-05-24T13:27:42Z")
First thing that immediately came to mind: John Lennon’s “How Do You Sleep,” which is about Paul McCartney.
> [@](#):
>
> So Sgt. Pepper took you by surprise
> You better see right through that mother’s eyes
> Those freaks was right when they said you was dead
> The one mistake you made was in your head
> [@](#):
>
> You live with straights who tell you you was king
> Jump when your momma tell you anything
> The only thing you done was yesterday
> And since you’re gone you’re just another day
> [@](#):
>
> The sound you make is muzak to my ears
> You must have learned something in all those years
Ouch!
---
### Author:  [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/8 "2011-05-24T13:31:07Z")
Another vote for _You Oughta Know_; you got dumped, deal with it.
Also, Joan Jett’s _I Hate Myself for Loving You_; so don’t.
---
### Author:  [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/9 "2011-05-24T13:36:34Z")
It all starts with Dylan.
[Positively 4th Street](http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/positively-4th-street) from the first verse:
> [@](#):
>
> You got a lotta nerve
> To say you are my friend
> When I was down
> You just stood there grinning
to the last:
> [@](#):
>
> Yes, I wish that for just one time
> You could stand inside my shoes
> You’d know what a drag it is
> To see you
If you haven’t heard the original in Dylan’s voice, find it. It is a sneer, solidified.
---
### Author:  [@The\_Conqueror\_Worm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Conqueror_Worm)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/10 "2011-05-24T13:37:17Z")
The MOST whiny song in rock, Bob Seger’s _Turn the Page_.
---
### Author:  [@Mycroft\_Holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_Holmes)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/11 "2011-05-24T13:38:01Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*It’s not fair to deny me
> Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
> \*
I tried and tried, but I just can’t parse that at all.
I have the same problem with this part of the song:
> [@](#):
>
> _'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn’t able
> To make it enough for you to be open wide, no_
😕
---
### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/12 "2011-05-24T13:43:46Z")
> [@The\_Conqueror\_Worm](#):
>
> The MOST whiny song in rock, Bob Seger’s _Turn the Page_.
Can you give more detail? I’m not familiar with it, its message, nor its subject.
---
### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/13 "2011-05-24T14:01:23Z")
[_Lyin’ Ass Bitch_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OuiuolN1r4), by Fishbone.
\*I really thought our love was much too strong
But that little slut just proved us Wrong…
She swears that her heart’s for you
And she swears that her love never ends
She swears that she’s all for you
As she messes around with your friends…
The lyin’, piss off, sack of shit
Slut trash can scumish
Dirt bag… Biiiitch!\*
---
### Author:  [@The\_Conqueror\_Worm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Conqueror_Worm)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/14 "2011-05-24T14:19:09Z")
> [@jjimm](#):
>
> Can you give more detail? I’m not familiar with it, its message, nor its subject.
Briefly, _Turn the Page_ is Seger singing about hard it is to be a rock star on the road. It’s actually a good song, but when I really listen to the lyrics I can’t help thinking “Then WTF are you up there on stage?”
It’s available on Youtube and the various lyrics sites.
---
### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/15 "2011-05-24T14:23:44Z")
My first thought was Elton’s _The Bitch Is Back_.
I’d put Billy Joel’s _Piano Man_ in this catagory.
---
### Author:  [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/16 "2011-05-24T18:44:10Z")
“So What” by P!nk seems to qualify.
---
### Author:  [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/17 "2011-05-24T20:02:44Z")
Well, besides the Stones song and a couple mentioned, “bitch” specifically makes me think of the opening line of Spin Doctors’ [“Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong.”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXWbMu4PtpE) The _bitchiest_ lyric, though, might be,
I hope those cigarettes gonna make you cough
I hope you heard this song and it pissed you off
Of course Chris Barron never actually _sounded_ real upset, and the next/last lines undercut the theme.
From the self-described bitches of L7, [“Shitlist”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7b00jXAscEI) isn’t their best songwriting, but it is credibly spiteful, I guess.
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#):
>
> It all starts with Dylan.
>
> [Positively 4th Street](http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/positively-4th-street)
Classic, of course. I like the Garcia/Saunders/Kahn/Vitt [version](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BSwbhZFBkA). Hearing it from gentle Jerry makes the bitter especially biting.
---
### Author:  [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/18 "2011-05-24T20:10:08Z")
Don’t know the name of the song (and don’t feel like looking) but the lyrics are some thing like “it rayeeains on your wedding day”. Please make her stop.
---
### Author:  [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/19 "2011-05-24T20:29:26Z")
> [@lukeinva](#):
>
> Don’t know the name of the song (and don’t feel like looking) but the lyrics are some thing like “it rayeeains on your wedding day”. Please make her stop.
Alanis Morrisette - Ironic…literally…
---
### Author:  [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2011, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001/20 "2011-05-24T20:46:34Z")
> [@Mycroft\_Holmes](#):
>
> I tried and tried, but I just can’t parse that at all.
>
> I have the same problem with this part of the song:
>
> 😕
_It’s not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me_
This is a break-up song, and the target of her rage has moved on to someone else.
The cross she bears could be a child, an abortion, an STD, shame and humiliation, jealousy or all of the above. You pick.
_'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn’t able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no_
The man who gave (and made) love to the singer was still guarded and non-transparent despite all her efforts.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bitchiest-songs/583001.md?page=2)