# Bizarre self-destructive behavior. Why, why, WHY!? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 4, 2009, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423 "2009-02-04T15:51:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/21 "2009-02-04T22:31:36Z")
I know what you’re saying about not being in therapy indefinitely for something that seems easy, but if it were as easy as it seems, you would have done it. Perhaps try therapy partly to understand the mechanics of what you are doing, and to learn some practical tools. Try it for some defined amount of time, and you may walk away with some good ideas to apply. I know what you mean about engaging in these behaviors even when happy. Sometimes excess is a reward, especially if that how you used to treat yourself for things going well. Old habits are hard to break. Or you sabotage yourself because you don’t feel you’re worthy of true happiness? Talking to a neutral person, particularly someone specializing in eating and/or addiction issues, could help flesh out some of the motivations. ---
**Author:** ![not\_alice](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_alice/32/7283_2.png) [@not\_alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_alice)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/22 "2009-02-06T01:55:02Z")
> [@KnitWit](#): > > That sounds like a plan! I am familiar with CBT and I think it works great for some people and for me. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/23 "2009-02-06T04:16:48Z")
> [@KnitWit](#): > > I think I might need some Doper immoral support. > > Why would I engage in behavior simply for self-destructive reasons? Is there a purpose to doing something that’s not even really enjoyable, just for the “joy” of wrecking your health? > > I’ve been smoking. I just stepped away from my desk and went out to have a cigarette. I hate them. They stink, and now I stink. They make me cough, make me pretty high for a few minutes, and then make me shake. I’ve been smoking maybe 5 a day. I’m not even convinced that I’m addicted to them…I don’t believe I’ve smoked enough to have built up the receptors necessary. My body’s not screaming for nicotine, I’m not “used to them” (in the sense that they’re still making me high), and if I’m in a situation in which I can’t have them they don’t even cross my mind. > > “So quit!” you say, in your sane, rational way. Yes, exactly what I am thinking. Why would a (moderately) intelligent, healthy woman knowingly do this. > > But wait, it gets worse! Last night I ate ice cream until I threw up. I’m sure Dopers are sick of hearing about it…because it’s a big part of my life, I bring it up frequently. But I’ve had a gastric bypass. So too much sugar and/or fat can make me ill. I know this. The best way to avoid puking (and the diarrhea I now have) is, you know, not to eat stuff that makes me puke. It wasn’t even GOOD ice cream, just some cheap crappy vanilla stuff. I ate part of a muffin yesterday too. I love exercise and I haven’t done that for five weeks either. > > Oh, and I drank coffee until I was shaking. > > What is WRONG with me? This morning I suddenly realized that I feel TERRIBLE. I’m sluggish and completely lack the energy I usually have. I’m coughing, I have the aforementioned diarrhea from all the stimulants and crappy food in my body. And I want to mention again that none of this has been enjoyable. I do not LIKE standing outside in the bitter cold, sucking in cancer fumes, feeling dizzy for a few minutes, and then running to the bathroom to get sick. > > I’m more of a “stop behaving badly and straighten up” person than a “get a therapist and talk about it for hours a week” person. But I am really starting to wonder why I would do this. Obviously, I had such a bad food problem at one point that I decided to risk my life to fix it, so self-destructive behavior isn’t new for me. I clearly need something to be obsessive over, so I think I need to be obsessive over taking CARE of myself. I’m sure you guys have some advice on how to do that. It would be a RELIEF to do so. > > Should I staple a note to my forhead, indicating that I’m worthy of taking care of that only an idiot purposely makes themselves feel like complete shite? hypnotherapy! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/24 "2009-02-06T05:02:18Z")
I do destructive things to myself, mostly emotionally destructive. I think I do it in large part because, as a depressed person, I am convinced that a certain level of misery in life is unavoidable, and that in my case, that level happens to be fairly high. Given that, I feel it is better if I bring it on myself, and at least have some small measure of control, rather than just let life continually make a sucker and a victim out of me. If this sounds like ludicrous crap-talk, remember, the depressive part of you feels that the misery will come no matter what you do - or don’t do - so you might as well be the master of it. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/25 "2009-02-06T12:36:04Z")
I do destructive eating. Not over-eating, but just simply eating food that is out of my affordable range. At the point in time my mind-set is “Life is miserable enough; I won’t care anymore” and “How would doing a little bit of self-discipline help anyway? My life is properly messed up forever”…and there you go… ---
**Author:** ![KnitWit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@KnitWit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KnitWit)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/26 "2009-02-06T13:00:59Z")
Yes, the last two posts sound like stuff I do. I don’t think it’s ‘crap talk’ at all. Makes perfect sense. I’m increasing my time between cigarettes, which was already considerable. In fact, people make fun of me and say, “You don’t smoke, do you?” because I’m just NOT a smoker and barely know how to hold the damn thing. So I’ve got a plan to quit for good on Monday. You can’t start any self-improvement plan on any day but Monday, can you? I was thinking that it will be good to do at the beginning of the week rather than the weekend because I do better at work. Being home all day Saturday won’t be a good time to START being disciplined…I’ll get five days under my belt before I do that. My eating is better, though I am having a hard time staying away from “office food” that people keep plopping in front of me. People who bring donuts to work should be beaten with a pound of their own blubber. The way I manage this in the rest of my life is just NOT to buy the stuff, then I don’t bother with it. But when it’s right in my face, I have a tougher time saying no. I did well on this front yesterday though. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/27 "2009-02-06T13:44:29Z")
> [@KnitWit](#): > > This is the bizarre thing. My inclination is actually to think that maybe things are going TOO well for me so I’m just looking to create a problem. I’ve got a great job…I’m overpaid and underworked. I just picked up MORE work which I have plenty of time to do and for which I will be paid an exorbitant sum. I’ve got a happy relationship, no bills, a new doggie, great friends, some nice sock yarn…all this adds up to a happy Laura. > > But you’re right. There must be SOME reason I’m acting like an imbecile on certain fronts. Maybe a little journaling is all I need to figure it out. If it’s a matter of believing that you don’t deserve all this goodness, young woman, I’ll give you such a troutslap your skin will have wwww carved on it! ---
**Author:** ![KnitWit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@KnitWit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KnitWit)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/28 "2009-02-06T13:57:36Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > If it’s a matter of believing that you don’t deserve all this goodness, young woman, I’ll give you such a troutslap your skin will have wwww carved on it! That’s what I need! A troutslap! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/29 "2009-02-06T14:08:20Z")
DO NOT try to quit everything at once. Ain’t gonna work. Right now, give up the smokes. They are definitely the most destructive and expensive. Give yourself four months without cigarettes and then conquer ice cream or coffee (one or the other). Another four months and get rid of the last one. ---
**Author:** ![KnitWit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@KnitWit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KnitWit)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/30 "2009-02-06T14:12:48Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > DO NOT try to quit everything at once. Ain’t gonna work. > > Right now, give up the smokes. They are definitely the most destructive and expensive. Give yourself four months without cigarettes and then conquer ice cream or coffee (one or the other). Another four months and get rid of the last one. I agree. That’s why I’ve got cigs slated for Monday in total. I thought cutting down now (I’m up to 5 a day and could go to three) would be easier than just quitting all at once. The only thing is that the food “binges” (a binge has to be pretty small with a stomach the size of a walnut) are pretty infrequent. And I can’t indulge in them because they make me SICK. So I AM going to try to snack on better stuff while I concentrate on the smoking issue. You know, just get one step better at a time rather than forcing myself to be instantly perfect. Caffeine will probably be the hardest. I’ve got a mug in my hand now. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/31 "2009-02-06T14:19:29Z")
I’ve given up pills, pot, cigarettes, alcohol and binge eating. You’ll get my caffeine habit when you pry it from my cold dead hands. But a very easy way to cut down is to take little tiny sips and long pauses between each one. ---
**Author:** ![KnitWit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@KnitWit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KnitWit)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423/32 "2009-02-06T14:29:36Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I’ve given up pills, pot, cigarettes, alcohol and binge eating. You’ll get my caffeine habit when you pry it from my cold dead hands. But a very easy way to cut down is to take little tiny sips and long pauses between each one. Right. Plus, I’d be happy if I could just cut down, I’m not determined to give up ALL caffeine forever. I don’t think two cups of coffee a day is particularly harmful. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarre-self-destructive-behavior-why-why-why/484423.md?page=1)