# Bizarro SDMB **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 22, 2000, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073 "2000-03-22T15:06:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/41 "2000-03-22T23:44:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Ukulele Ike: > \*\*Here’s Bizarro Uke, driving his big shiny Ford Explorer with the BUSH FOR PRESIDENT bumper sticker (he spent all last weekend lovingly polishing his SUV, when he wasn’t enthusiastically viewing sporting events on the television set) to the shopping mall, enjoying the mellow southern California sunshine and the smooth rhythmic stylings of the Gypsy Kings on the CD player. > > He’s chatting on his cellular phone, getting ready for a scrumptious fast-food meal and a swing by the video shop to see what the latest New Releases are. Maybe pick up a comfy new sweat-suit to go running in. Maybe buy a new gun. Or the latest John Grisham novel. > > Suddenly, he swerves to avoid crushing a small dog.\*\* Hey! I **AM** Bizarro Uke! Well, except for the Bush thing… Cool! * * * Whether you’re fat or slim bubble your ting. Fellas if you need help, use ginseng. –Wyclef Jean ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/42 "2000-03-22T23:49:00Z")
Posting as Bizarro AP: Ahem. Joe Lansdale and Garth Ennis are Dean Koontz wannabes. Leigh Brackett can’t hold a candle to Danielle Steele. (BTW, where did that saying come from? “Hold a candle”?) ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/43 "2000-03-22T23:49:00Z")
I just noticed that all the Bizarro Women are tall, thin and big busted. I **love** Bizarro World!!! Wooo Hooo!!! I’m never leaving! You can’t make me!!! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ignatiusjreilly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@ignatiusjreilly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ignatiusjreilly)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/44 "2000-03-23T00:03:00Z")
Manny, that was very funny. But I can’t tell if anyone got the joke. Johnnyharvard = Billyyale Billyyale is handsome and rich and stupid heh heh ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Devil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Dirty\_Devil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Devil)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/45 "2000-03-23T00:24:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Democritus: > \*\* Hey! I **AM** Bizarro Uke! Well, except for the Bush thing… Cool!\*\* You know, Demo, I was thinking the **same** thing when I read his post. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/46 "2000-03-23T00:32:00Z")
I love George W. Bush. He is so smart and everything. What an expert on international politics! I can’t wait to vote for him in November. Oooh, it’s time for Rush Limbaugh! Yay! And after that, we get to listen to Dr. Laura! She’s also really smart, and just full of good advice for her listeners. I do everything Dr. Laura tells me to. Like go to church. Do that every day, cause once a week just ain’t enough. After Dr. Laura, I think I’ll listen to the Dodgers game. I love the Dodgers and I love LA. I really dig lots of freeways and brown air, it’s much prettier than blue. ---
**Author:** ![Yossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/9de0a6/32.png) [@Yossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yossarian)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/47 "2000-03-23T00:39:00Z")
kOrN rUlEz!!! ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/48 "2000-03-23T00:43:00Z")
I am extremely hostile toward religious people, but that’s only because I take a lot of drugs. I am attracted to both sexes and go to bed like most people shake hands. I read only graphic novels and go to see romantic comedies at the movies. I’m also built like a model and have a fabulous tan (and several tattoos), and I’m extremely athletic. I love hiking, riding my bicycle and long walks along the seashore. And, of course, I hate cats. Catrandom ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/49 "2000-03-23T00:46:00Z")
I forgot to mention: I love Bill Clinton, and I wish he could just be president forever. I guess Gore will have to do. At least he’s reasonable and well-informed, and he’d never stoop to raising funds in any way that was at all ethically questionable. 😃 Catrandom ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/50 "2000-03-23T00:47:00Z")
Ok, so there’s this guy, right? And he’s a totally bizarro version of that joe cool loser, right? So this guy is totally short and fat, and he has way non-offensive opinions. Nothing matters except what other people think of him and trying to be politically correct as often as possible–he would feel so bad if somebody was emotionally distressed by something he thinks. What a great guy. Oh, he also hates being around women. They make the worst company, especially when they try to think. Yuck. Only the police and the army should own guns, because we have to trust them to protect us. Kenny G and The Backstreet boys are the coolest, except for bill clinton, because he’s like, my hero! I think he should ban Kickboxing because it’s too violent. Oh yeah, Go Dallas Cowboys! Youse guys rooool! ``` ------------- ``` ,snopaew suoregnad on era erehT .nem suoregnad ylnO ----- looC eoJ ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/51 "2000-03-23T00:49:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Glitch: > **The true key to martial arts mastery is kata. Those who practice kata and nothing else even if only once or twice a week will be true wrecking machines on the street against hardened criminals unprepared for the devasting “Hammer of Thor” techniques developed over the centuries by the ancient karate masters.** Hey glitch, this zen master taught me the “Death Touch”, want me to show it to you? Nevermind, I can’t. It’s too secret. You probably couldn’t be trusted not to misuse it. The man who knows the death touch could rule the world, but we’re all to humble to abuse our power. hahahahahahahahahahahaha _ahem_ I mean, yeah. we’re too humble. * * * ## There are no dangerous weapons, Only dangerous men. Joe Cool ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/52 "2000-03-23T00:54:00Z")
Ok, so there’s this guy, right? And he’s a totally bizarro version of that joe cool loser, right? So this guy is totally short and fat, and he has way non-offensive opinions. Nothing matters except what other people think of him and trying to be politically correct as often as possible–he would feel so bad if somebody was emotionally distressed by something he thinks. What a great guy. Oh, he also hates being around women. They make the worst company, especially when they try to think. Yuck. Only the police and the army should own guns, because we have to trust them to protect us. Kenny G and The Backstreet boys are the coolest, except for bill clinton, because he’s like, my hero! I think he should ban Kickboxing because it’s too violent. Oh yeah, Go Dallas Cowboys! Youse guys rooool! * * * ## ,snopaew suoregnad on era erehT .nem suoregnad ylnO looC eoJ ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/53 "2000-03-23T00:56:00Z")
_!@%^&!!! (Golly!) How the \*!@^# (Heck) did I manage to get a #_$@# (Darn) double-post 4 \*@#!^#@! (Darn) minutes apart??? My mind is going…I can feel it… * * * ## There are no dangerous weapons, Only dangerous men. Joe Cool ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/54 "2000-03-23T00:57:00Z")
look guys… i’ve been kind of harsh lately… and I know i offended some people… that is not my intent at all… i was just kidding!!! really! i was just upset because Ally McBeal is _soooo great_… but men won’t love her for who she is… oh well men suck i guess lololol… plus i think ross and rachel should _totally_ get back together… they were _soooo cute!_… i love friends… especially chandler…so funny! too much information!..lololol and i have huge knockers… * * * **Gypsy** : Tom, I don’t get you. **Tom Servo** : Nobody does. I’m the wind, baby. ---
**Author:** ![Jeannie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@Jeannie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeannie)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/55 "2000-03-23T01:15:00Z")
[Bizarro Jeannie] I’m a corporate executive who works only to make money. I hate people. I can’t stand spending time with my family. I’m a member of the NRA and PETA. I’m gorgeous and thin. I’d rather watch TV than read a magazine or a book. I drive a fabulous car that never breaks down. Laundry is my favorite pastime. I _completely_ understand all things technological. Oh, and I love the Green Bay Packers. Go Packers! [/bizarro Jeannie] Oh, gosh…that last line really freaked me out. I gotta go. ---
**Author:** ![Jeannie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@Jeannie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeannie)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/56 "2000-03-23T01:17:00Z")
[bizarro Jeannie] And I never, ever pad my post count. [/bizarro Jeannie] ---
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/57 "2000-03-23T01:25:00Z")
Whew. Sorry I got here so late, guys. I was busy serving food at a poor shelter in the barrio. I left my car doors unlocked because I figure, if someone’s going to steal it, they need it more than I do. Anyways, I got a democratic rally tomorrow, we’re going over how we can bolster support for Affirmitive Action. –Tim * * * We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first “lost generation” nor today’s lost generation; in fact, we think we know just where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak. ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/58 "2000-03-23T01:49:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Alphagene: > \*\*look guys… i’ve been kind of harsh lately… and I know i offended some people… that is not my intent at all… i was just kidding!!! really! > > i was just upset because Ally McBeal is _soooo great_… but men won’t love her for who she is… oh well men suck i guess lololol… > > plus i think ross and rachel should _totally_ get back together… they were _soooo cute!_… i love friends… especially chandler…so funny! too much information!..lololol > > and i have huge knockers… > \*\* Some things just **aren’t** funny. I think the fabric of space and time has disintegrated. Now I’m going to have nightmares… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/59 "2000-03-23T02:19:00Z")
## Me am Bizzaro-Lumpy! In school, Me most popular kid and varsity champion! Me make first million dollars by age 22! Me date lots beautiful women. Bizzaro-Lumpy never fail at anything! You say I’m blind, I say you’re hallucinating. ---
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073/60 "2000-03-23T03:06:00Z")
Bizarro Bluepony— - Is always there for you 🙂 - Give me an hour and I can whip up a great souffle for you honey. You work hard, I’ll be in the kitchen tonight. Where’s my apron? - Loves a nice glass of rose while listening to the ever soothing sounds of Kenny G and Sade - My wardrobe looks like the pages of GQ and Esquire?! Well, thank you!!! It’s suede, you know. - Well, gosh golly, the traffic is a might slow today. Guess I’ll just putter along with the crowd and enjoy that beautiful scenery - Great, a new microbrew! What was that blend? Mmmm…honeysuckle and raspberry wheat! - These movies nowadays, all violence and no plot? What’s up with Hollywood? - Spectator sports? How _tres gauche_, how about those Earth Games and the Eco-Challenge? - OK, c’mon, who left this toilet seat up?? (exit to theme from Twilight Zone and a screaming Mrs. Bluepony) * * * _…send lawyers, guns, and money…_ ``` Warren Zevon ``` [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bizarro-sdmb/15073.md?page=4)