# Blame the victim mentality regarding rape/sexual assault **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 15, 2009, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151 "2009-09-15T06:18:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/121 "2009-09-25T14:50:07Z")
Did I sound surprised? I’m not. Again, saddened, but not surprised. And disheartened at how many \*women \*seem to buy into it. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/122 "2009-09-25T15:15:28Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I really can’t imagine why a person would insist on comparing rape to theft, unless they considered pussy a commodity. Or unless both are crimes that people want to avoid being subjected to. > [@](#): > > Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work! > > 1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior. > > 2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone! > > 3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them! > > 4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited. > > 5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM! > > 6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room. > > 7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public. > > 8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them. > > 9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake! > > 10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do. > > And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are commiting a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be. I’ve done all this, but sexual assaults continue to happen. So the guarantee didn’t work. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/123 "2009-09-25T15:18:09Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Or unless both are crimes that people want to avoid being subjected to. And yet no one has compared it to say, murder, which is also a crime one would think most people wish to avoid being subjected to. It’s not like anyone has said “Well, if you don’t want to be killed, don’t go being all careless with your alive-ness, just tempting people to take it.” ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/124 "2009-09-25T15:20:15Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I really can’t imagine why a person would insist on comparing rape to theft, unless they considered pussy a commodity. It’s illuminating, isn’t it? Sad, but illuminating. It happens without fail whenever the issue of rape comes up. Someone always wants to compare it to being robbed. Although, as I said above, when I _was_ robbed no one questioned my story or said it was my own stupid fault for leaving my bag unattended or suggested that I could have stopped the theft from occurring if I’d really wanted to. It would be nice if rape victims could be treated with the same compassion as victims of theft. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/125 "2009-09-25T15:26:29Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I really can’t imagine why a person would insist on comparing rape to theft, unless they considered pussy a commodity. It’s illuminating, isn’t it? Sad, but illuminating. Reminds me of a Wanda Sykes routine–detachable vagina. She talks about how wouldn’t it be nice if we could just put them somewhere (because we’re taught from childhood how they are valuable) and then just go around doing whatever we want till we need them. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/126 "2009-09-25T15:42:51Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I’ve done all this, but sexual assaults continue to happen. So the guarantee didn’t work. > > Regards, > Shodan But if everyone followed these rules, there’d be no more rape. Not so if everyone followed the rape prevention methods offered to potential victims. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/127 "2009-09-25T15:49:47Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > And yet no one has compared it to say, murder, which is also a crime one would think most people wish to avoid being subjected to. They also haven’t compared it to drunk driving. So what? I am not sure what your point was supposed to be. The purpose of the comparison between rape and theft was that both are crimes, and there are steps that can be taken to reduce the risk of experiencing each. Those steps are by no means guaranteed, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be taken. It also doesn’t demean the victim to mention that risks can be reduced. If you put your child into a properly designed safety seat, their risk of dying in a car crash goes down. But anyone who mentions that thinks that children’s lives are just a commodity. :rolleyes: Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/128 "2009-09-25T15:54:12Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > They also haven’t compared it to drunk driving. So what? > > I am not sure what your point was supposed to be. The purpose of the comparison between rape and theft was that both are crimes, and there are steps that can be taken to reduce the risk of experiencing each. Those steps are by no means guaranteed, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be taken. > > It also doesn’t demean the victim to mention that risks can be reduced. But that’s just it. Most people getting raped aren’t going in these obviously dangerous dark alleys with cackling moustached rapists in trenchcoats. All the stories I’ve heard of rape are people who have been hanging out with guys that they knew or who knew their friends. These rapes take place in apartments and houses, not out on the street. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/129 "2009-09-25T15:57:07Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > They also haven’t compared it to drunk driving. So what? Actually, that’s a pretty interesting point. After all, saying “you can reduce your risk of being raped by not walking alone at night” is pretty comparable to saying “you can reduce your risk of being hit by a drunk driver by staying off the streets”. Not really a viable option, ya know? Suggesting that one use a seatbelt is not comparable to saying that a grown woman should not walk around by herself. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/130 "2009-09-25T15:59:35Z")
> [@Cat Fight](#): > > But if everyone followed these rules, there’d be no more rape. Not so if everyone followed the rape prevention methods offered to potential victims. I wasn’t aware that anyone guaranteed that following the rape prevention methods you mention would mean that you would never, ever be raped. I used to teach rape prevention and self-defense, and I certainly never made such a claim. But not everyone follows the rules I reposted. That’s my point - this is not a perfect world. One can either admit that fact, and take reasonable steps to reduce - not eliminate, reduce - one’s risk. Or one can insist “I shouldn’t have to do anything!” Which is true, but irrelevant. Shit shouldn’t happen. But it does. Lament that fact if you like, but it won’t change anything. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/131 "2009-09-25T16:11:21Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > But that’s just it. Most people getting raped aren’t going in these obviously dangerous dark alleys with cackling moustached rapists in trenchcoats. All the stories I’ve heard of rape are people who have been hanging out with guys that they knew or who knew their friends. These rapes take place in apartments and houses, not out on the street. Avoiding dark alleys is hardly the only way to reduce the risk of rape. > [@DianaG](#): > > Actually, that’s a pretty interesting point. After all, saying “you can reduce your risk of being raped by not walking alone at night” is pretty comparable to saying “you can reduce your risk of being hit by a drunk driver by staying off the streets”. Not really a viable option, ya know? If you feel as strong a need to walk the streets alone at night as you do to drive, I suppose you should go ahead. As long as you are aware that you are taking a risk, and all the “That shouldn’t be true!” in the world won’t change that. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/132 "2009-09-25T16:14:47Z")
I feel a very strong need to walk the streets alone at night, since I don’t drive. I suppose that marginally increases my risk of being raped, but hey, it entirely eliminates my risk of being in a car accident. I’m not saying that the risk can’t be reduced, I’m saying that you would never suggest that the best way to avoid car accidents is to not drive. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/133 "2009-09-25T16:20:53Z")
Plus most places are pretty safe at night. I live in NYC and almost every street is well lit, people are around, etc. I’ve never felt unsafe or at risk. The one time I was the victim of a sexual assault it wasn’t even dark. I mean almost everyone I know walks around at night–I don’t know anyone who shuts themselves in because they can’t find a chaperon or because it’s dark out. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/134 "2009-09-25T17:03:43Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I feel a very strong need to walk the streets alone at night, since I don’t drive. I suppose that marginally increases my risk of being raped, but hey, it entirely eliminates my risk of being in a car accident. [Apparently not.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11596235&postcount=11) Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/135 "2009-09-25T17:28:11Z")
It’s true, I occasionally get in a car. And see what happens? Is this your cutesy way of conceding my point? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/136 "2009-09-25T17:33:22Z")
I was raped in my own home, by a stranger that broke in. He was never found, but I don’t think the police tried too hard to find him. The only contact I had with them was about two weeks after the event, when they came by with some pictures and asked if he was “one of these” I pointed to one, because he looked just like the guy, and the cops seemed disappointed. Said they’d be in touch later. Next day the newspaper has a picture of an alleged murderer and his face was one of the other pics I’d looked at. A few days after my assault an article appeared in the paper about rapes happening in a certain city area. Based on what they said I think I was “#3”, and eventually there were six. I didn’t tell most of my family for a long time, but my husband, who was at work during the assault, never blamed me, just wanted to tear the rapist apart. We eventually split up, but that was never an issue, and his sympathy at the time is why I didn’t hate him even though we divorced. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/137 "2009-09-25T18:04:46Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Or unless both are crimes that people want to avoid being subjected to. So you think it also applies to lynchings? That people in oppressed minority groups who’ve been lynched are potentially at least partially responsible for being murdered and tortured? > [@](#): > > I’ve done all this, but sexual assaults continue to happen. So the guarantee didn’t work. Apparently you need this spelled out. The list is a satire of the traditional “how to stop rape from happening to you” advice. Therefore, it’s a “how to stop yourself from committing rape” list. The only way you could say it didn’t work would be if you followed every instruction and still raped someone. So, are you saying you raped someone, or did the joke just go over your head? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/138 "2009-09-25T20:39:00Z")
You know, in the legend of the Vampire, the vampire can only enter your house if you invite them inside. Blaming the victim has a strong grip on our subconscious. I believe it makes us feel safer in a sick and twisted way. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/139 "2009-09-25T21:07:39Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Blaming the victim has a strong grip on our subconscious. I believe it makes us feel safer in a sick and twisted way. I don’t think it’s a “sick and twisted” way–I think it’s a very sensical way and the only problem with it (heh) is that it has absolutely no relation to reality. People like to think that they can control their lives, that they can control what happens to them, that if they do all of the “right” things they can avoid bad things. Blaming the victim helps them assure themselves that it will never happen to them, because they wouldn’t make the same mistakes. ---
**Author:** ![Aelita\_Daystar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@Aelita\_Daystar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aelita_Daystar)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/140 "2009-09-25T21:54:02Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > It’s like getting a cold. People in group A have a disgusting lack of hygiene habits - they don’t wash their hands before they eat, they pick their nose, they pick at their teeth with their fingers. People in group B are completely fastidious about keeping their hands clean and away from their face when colds are going around. Both types of people will sometimes get colds. Is it A’s _fault_ that he catches a cold? No, no more than B is at fault if B gets sick, but A does need to admit he didn’t do everything to prevent getting a cold. It doesn’t change the fact that the person still has a cold, so trying to get them to admit that does nothing. In fact, if it were a better analogy, it would instead involce some hypothetical disease which would be exacerbated by trying to get the person to admit that they didn’t do everything they could have. Also, no one does everything they could have. Person B cannot exist unless the situation involves Person B living in a sanitized, hermetically sealed bubble or something similarly extreme. So the analogy doesn’t work and is quite frankly offensive if you think about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151.md?page=8)