# Blame the victim mentality regarding rape/sexual assault **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 15, 2009, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151 "2009-09-15T06:18:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/141 "2009-09-25T22:10:37Z")
> [@Aelita\_Daystar](#): > > It doesn’t change the fact that the person still has a cold, so trying to get them to admit that does nothing. In fact, if it were a better analogy, it would instead involce some hypothetical disease which would be exacerbated by trying to get the person to admit that they didn’t do everything they could have. > > Also, no one does everything they could have. Person B cannot exist unless the situation involves Person B living in a sanitized, hermetically sealed bubble or something similarly extreme. So the analogy doesn’t work and is quite frankly offensive if you think about it. Point one: I’m not saying it changes what’s happened, but perhaps if you get a horrible cold you want to stop and think about “well, how can I learn from this?” Point two: Uh, really? Someone can’t be “completely fastidious about keeping their hands clean and away from their face when colds are going around”? Good to know that it’s impossible to be clean. If we go ahead and apply that to a scenario of rape, then there’s nothing you can do to both live your life and be safe? If you truly think that, you’re completely pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![Aelita\_Daystar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@Aelita\_Daystar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aelita_Daystar)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2009, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/142 "2009-09-25T23:03:19Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > Point one: I’m not saying it changes what’s happened, but perhaps if you get a horrible cold you want to stop and think about “well, how can I learn from this?” > > Point two: Uh, really? Someone can’t be “completely fastidious about keeping their hands clean and away from their face when colds are going around”? Good to know that it’s impossible to be clean. If we go ahead and apply that to a scenario of rape, then there’s nothing you can do to both live your life and be safe? If you truly think that, you’re completely pathetic. As to Point One: Why is it necessary to tell a victim these things, at least immediately? It may cause further emotional damage and delay any sort of recovery. Asking them to think “What can I learn from this”, supposes that the person in question as unrealistically rational - which is not to be expected of someone under emotional duress. Teaching people how to minimize risks should be relegated to before it happens, and also after healing has taken place. How about an analogy of my own (I recognize it may also be sloppy like yours)? A worker is doing a job he is not trained for, and he has an accident - he is gravely injured, it may or may not be life threatening, so take your pick, for the purpose of the analogy it’s immaterial. I don’t want him to get hurt again, so I better put him in a training program so he can use the machinery more safely, I should have done that before hand, but I can’t now. Should I take him out of the ward to give him training right now? No, I wait until he’s out of the ward. As to Point Two: Yes you can be “completely fastidious about keeping their hands clean and away from their face when colds are going around”. But the thing is, you can always be more careful. Risks can be reduced, but they can’t be eliminated, and a less careful person’s most likely going to look stupid to whomever is most careful. As a result, whenever a careful person becomes ill, the germophobe can always point to them and say “see!” and thats the problem. In the case of rape, it doesn’t matter what the victim did, there is always something that they supposedly could have done. So, if I believe that then I’m “pathetic”? I never said that at all, merely that you no one can be totally safe and that your analogy was flawed in such a way that it sounded offensive. Now, if you believe what it sounds like you’re saying then you are a bit naive. But even in that case I wouldn’t go so far as to think your “pathetic”. I don’t think we should denigrate each other. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2009, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151/143 "2009-09-28T18:19:15Z")
The other problem with the “cold” analogy is that a virus isn’t a conscious actor. A rapist **is**. The \*\*entirety \*\*of the responsibility, fault, and blame lies with the person who chose to rape another person. **Period.** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blame-the-victim-mentality-regarding-rape-sexual-assault/510151.md?page=7)