Women have one more (or is it one less?) rib than men because they were made from Adam’s rib. (2nd and 4th grade teachers.)
Slaves were treated like members of the family. Slaveowners didn’t beat them because they were expensive: “that’d be like shooting a hole in your tractor or prize racehorse.” (This was when ROOTS was the big event on TV; issues of rape, selling slaves away from their families, and those pictures where former slaves had scarred backs [evidently from self mutilation or fraternity hazing] weren’t brought up- neither was Rosa Parks or the Civil Rights era- this being the late 1970s, every teacher in the school had started out in the segregated school era and most were in Mgy at the time of MLK and Rosa P.).
“Teachers are professionals- we don’t ever have a student we hate”. (Having parents who were teachers and having been a teacher myself I can now officially say ‘Bullshit’- unless you’re a total saint or have only total saints as students that ain’t true.)
Atheists want to make it illegal for us to say prayer or discuss the Bible. Atheists also tried to destroy Noah’s ark up on Mt. Ararat back at the beginning of the 20th century. (This was in a private school where atheists had no leg to stand on in affecting the religious curriculum, and the bit about Mt. Ararat I later learned was from a “documentary” called In Search of Noah’s Ark.)
The sun revolves around the Earth. (This was from a coach who filled in as science teacher for a while and in fairness to the school they corrected it as soon as they learned about it.)
Not really a flat-out lie, but the entire time I was in school, public or private, I think evolution took up about 5 minutes and was of course a “theory” with the word treated like “It’s a theory gay mafia hoods whacked JFK”. The irony is that the science teacher who addressed this, an extremely intelligent woman who’d have probably been a much better college prof than high school teacher, not only believed in evolution but had written her master’s thesis on it, but after several years of teaching the subject she was sick and tired of the hooplah it always caused.
If Sunday School counts, we were told that atheists wanted to close down all the churches and were in lawsuits to do so. It’s amazing how much of a martyr complex 90% of the population can get.
And of course the great one: “Homosexuals are men who want to be women, dress in women’s clothing, and like to abduct little boys to suck their ding-dongs.” Even my mother, I regret to say, repeated this one. It’s one reason that when I was a teenager with a major love-hate for shower time in gym class
["Dead kittens, Mr. Rogers, nuns, that rabbit I saw in the road on the way to school today whose brains were all over the highway… Grandmother’s tits… goddamn you could break a board on Joseph’s ass… AUNT LUCY PISSING IN THE ROAD THAT PUPPY WHO DIED OF THE FLESH VIRUS THE SMELL OF A DEAD ANIMAL JOSEPH’S CHISELED ABS MOTHER FUCKING TERESA AND MR ROGERS BREAK-THE-GLASS AND HALL OUT THE TIME YOU SAW GRANDMOTHER’S COOCHIE THE WAY THE GREASE CAN SMELLS WHEN ITS TOO OLD CHITLINS DEAD DOGS YOU CAN SMELL IN THE WOODS [SIZE=3]BUT CAN’T FIND AND OH SHIT NOW HE AND RON THE UBER-TWINK TRICKSTER GOD ARE WRESTLING NAKED----[/SIZE] Julie Andrews… no she’s kind of hot really… THINK ABOUT CATTLE WARTS AND DEAD PUPPIES AND CORN COATED SHITS OUTSIDE ON A HOT DAY
but it never occurred that I was homosexual because I didn’t want to put on dresses or molest little boys either one. (True, Joe and Ron were 15 or 16, but so was I.)
And the absolute worst:
This is the most carefree happiest time of your life so you better enjoy it.
)