“Eat the peas”
“They’re squooshy”
“Eat lead”
Middle of the road, man it stanks,
Let’s run over Lionel Ritchie with a tank.
“Mr. Dallas, do you remember that nice restaurant we went to last year? Well, I expectorated into the salad bar. Do you know what expectorated means?”
“No.”
“I hocked a loogie.”
waves hands
“Don’t wanna hear it!”
“You chicks store fat in your thighs for the winter, don’t you?”
“Now, baby, that’s just the cholesterol talking.”
“No dice! Cartoon characters aren’t anatomically correct!”
Opus’ waste management artisan song:
“Who get up at sunrise, scampers in the dew, snaps up all the rubbish and an apple core or two? The garbage man, the garbage maaaaaaan caaaaaaan!”
“Great, but today’s topic is nun beating.”
College Kid: What do you REALLY feel like doing?
Cutter John: Walking.
College Kid: Yeah, but I mean, what else?!
“I’d like to share with you a few funny words from Kafka…”
“Leaving a trail of slime wherev…”
“Higgledy Piggledy means a real mess!”
STEVE’S LAW TIPS
Number 29: Who should I sue?
Good Morning. Today’s tip is on effective suing. Let’s look at my own recent example. On April 17th, the plaintiff, me, was brutally attacked by actor Sean Penn after I accidentally and not on purpose snapped a picture of him. The Question: Who should I sue?
Sean?
NO. Juries love famous people. Plus, he’d probably return to beat up the plaintiff again. Never sue psychopathic celebrities.
Sean’s wife?
NO. True, living with Madonna might make most anyone irritable, but proving liability would be difficult. Plus, she too might return to beat up the plaintiff.
Opus?
NO. Although he got the plaintiff into this mess, he’s also dead broke. Never, never, never sue poor people.
The Nikolta Camera Co.?
YES! A major corporation with gobs of liquid cash, it was criminally negligent in not putting stickers on their cameras which read, “Warning: Physical injury may result from photographing psychopathic Hollywood hotheads.” I plan to ask for $10 million.
America! Land of the Lawsuit!! God bless her!!
“Bill’s exercising his second amendment rights.”
“Apparently, at the neighbors.”
I am taking this opportunity to announce that Deathtöngue is changing its name to …Billy and the Boingers!
What the heck is a “Boinger”?
Thptpth!
“Nancy, I’ve had it up to my keister with this thing.”
- dandelion break *
I’d never cry if I did find
a blue whale in my soup
nor would I mind a porcupine
inside a chicken coop.
Yes, life is fine when things combine,
like ham in beef chow mein…
but lord, this time I think I mind,
they’ve put acid in my rain.
I’m with Reynelda here … 
Milo: Thank you, Binkley. Thank you and good night!
“Just stomp on his head. He loves that.”
“Oh, STOP it!”
- mass dandelion break *
I still have my t-shirt that says “Don’t blame me - I voted for Bill and Opus”
I still have my “Fundamentally Oral Bill” T-shirt.
Millions of single women distraught—threaten violent, gory suicide—Diane Sawyer shaves head!