# Blowjobs--Women who Don't and Women who Won't **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 15, 2009, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152 "2009-07-15T21:08:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/101 "2009-07-17T05:37:05Z")
44 yr old male. I’ve never dated a woman that wouldn’t. And if she wouldn’t, that’d pretty much be a deal-breaker. They all _seemed_ enthusiastic. Several were fantastic at it. Several were were quite bad. I always reciprocate\*. Actually, I like to go first. [sub]\* - one woman would not let me[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/102 "2009-07-17T05:43:10Z")
Let’s talk about women who don’t give head. **Women: Are you one?** I am not. **Have you ever been one?** No \*\* Do you know any?\*\* Yes \*\*What do they say about it? Do they think it’s gross that other people do it? \*\* At the nurse’s station, we talked about this a lot. It was surprising who hated to give blow jobs and why. One 40 something nurse born outside of the US was shocked that I gave head and that I enjoyed it and that I had done it with more than one man. She said that only prostitutes did that! **Have they tried it at all?** Some had but I didn’t get the sense that they gave it any kind of sincere try. I continue to be surprised at how little conversation couples seem to have about sex. **Do they expect men to go down on them? \*\* In general, not at all \*\* Everybody: Have you ever met a man who wouldn’t let a woman perform oral sex on him? \*\* Yes. I was married to a man who hated it. He let me try it before we got married but didn’t enjoy it and didn’t want me to try anymore. I wondered about my technique until after my divorce. Our sex life had disintegrated to non-existence after a few years. When I was 32, I met a man with excellent communication skills and never worried about that again. Several years into our marriage, my soon-to-be-ex shared a story about his older sisters’ friends “playing” with him when he was 4 or 5 and they were teens. I thought this might explain things. \*\* And was this a dealbreaker for you women who do like to do it?** It would be now. I feel oral sex to be an important part of a robust sex life and would’nt want to be forbidden something that I enjoy. I was involved with a man who wouldn’t ejaculate with me, ever. Not orally, not during intercourse. As our relationship progressed, he refused to explain and this eroded my affections eventually. I have had several relationships that ended where sex was an element in my dissatisfaction and disappointment. Since, I have discovered that communication is a vital component of sex for me. I want to give as well as receive. ETA–please list your gender, (approximate) age, country, and any other factors you think might be relevant. Female, 46, born and raised in California ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/103 "2009-07-17T06:04:53Z")
Again, does anyone know why it seems that more women give blowjobs than man give cunnilingus? ---
**Author:** ![StaudtCJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StaudtCJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StaudtCJ)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/104 "2009-07-17T06:39:15Z")
Probably because the prevailing idea in the U.S. is still that female naughty bits are somehow DIRTY, and we must douche, creme, pantyliner, lotion, deodorize, and powder the horrid-smelling thing to oblivion. Never mind that douche, cremes, lotions, deodorants, and powders are likely causing the issue. All in the name of “freshness”, of course. (I forgot to leave stats earlier. Female, 35, arizona) ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/105 "2009-07-17T07:02:37Z")
31, female, i do give blowjobs. I was with a guy who wouldn’t go down, and I dumped him. I’ve never known anyone else who wouldn’t, and i do not know any women who won’t give head/. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/106 "2009-07-17T07:11:06Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > Again, does anyone know why it seems that more women give blowjobs than man give cunnilingus? Can’t help you there, as based on a statistical survey of one I was always keen to try it from the get-go and have willingly initiated with every woman I’ve ever been with, tho’ admittedly there was one who was kinda rank. But then, my willingness is all very well, but there are some who’ll chime in to point out that, at any rate, I couldn’t have been any good at it. _waves_ ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/107 "2009-07-17T08:28:37Z")
Female, 38, Chicago. Oral is pretty much a requirement, both receiving and giving. Reluctance on either party’s part is just weird to me. I would totally understand a guy dealbreaking because a woman wouldn’t give him oral, and the same on the woman’s part. I don’t know any women who don’t give head, maybe a couple who don’t get totally turned on by it, but don’t treat it as a chore, either. I dated one guy who didn’t want oral. His penis was the size of my thumb. I think he was really self-conscious about it, and maybe oral was also a bit too stimulating for him, too. It was really too bad he was also unable to make up for the shortcoming (ha). Really guys, it’s all in how you use it. He had potential, but wouldn’t take instructions (“a little to the left”), and THAT was a dealbreaker. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/108 "2009-07-17T11:41:08Z")
My wife doesn’t give head. When she does (four times in the past decade), it feels literally like nothing, as she tries to get over it without any actual contact between mouth and penis. To top it off, I know she would _never_ do it didn’t she know I want it. Kinda kills the mood, anyway (same goes for her getting head). I think I’ll have to get a divorce one day and find someone else to have sex with. I’m not expecting a woman to down a huge (double the normal output) gulp of semen. I’m not sure I’d like that myself. But I do feel that oral sex as foreplay is an important condiment to a normal heterosexual relationship. She is extremely sensitive about what she eats, generally, and very ‘comfort-driven’ - if something is not instantly and effortlessly pleasurable, it’s off the list. She’s kinda clueless about any sex, actually. When giving her a handjob I ask: I’d like to have some instructions here - what do you like best? Should I rub this way or that?" “I don’t know”, she says. I think if sex wasn’t needed to have children (and a husband), she’d never bother. Phew. Sounds bad. Why the hell am I with her? I started this relationship as a anxiety- and depression-ridden wreck, happy just to have a woman (and she’s a very good partner in most regards). Now that I’ve recovered I’m bound to her by children I wan’t and need to raise. Hope I’ll receive BJs when I’m 50. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/109 "2009-07-17T12:30:17Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Don’t most things? If you’re giving every guy the \*same \*blowjob, then you really are doing it wrong, at least most of the time. _Shrugs_ I wrote that in response to Moidalize, who mentioned doing something that, again, may vary for others. The tone I got from his post was as if it was “standard”… which probably would be something _he_ wants, but not others. As to your comment: I don’t, but that is one thing that bothers me as to lack of communication/dead silence. I can’t read minds, give me some pointers, else I’ll throw and mix what I know. I wonder if guys who complain about lack of skills have ever tried to give some feedback to the woman. I know I would appreciate it, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/110 "2009-07-17T12:59:15Z")
Reading this thread makes me realize how awesome my wife is. I don’t know what I’d do if she didn’t enjoy blowing me. I think I have to go home tonight and show her how much I love her. ETA: I mean, I already know she’s awesome in so many ways, but sometimes it just takes a reminder. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/111 "2009-07-17T13:20:37Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > Again, does anyone know why it seems that more women give blowjobs than man give cunnilingus? I don’t know that that’s the case. A college buddy used to say that there were two kinds of engineers, them that eats pussy and them that lies about it. Them that eats pussy might do so badly, or reluctantly, but that’s not what we’re discussing. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/112 "2009-07-17T13:23:29Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > As to the why… well, not 100% sure. Having been raised on porn probably has much to do with it, combined with the heavy dose of misandry cum self-loathing I carry. I must equate fellatio with the kind of routine misoginy that’s everywhere in porn, and am afraid I could turn into _that guy_ should I let myself slip, you know ? A part of the thought process could also be “you don’t get anything out of it and you get splooge in your mouth, so why oh why would you do it ? I don’t want you to “sacrifice” for an orgasm of mine” - very much a double standard, since I enjoy eating girls out very much. But hey, I never claimed to be consistent, or even coherent Offhand, I’d say you’re watching the wrong porn, and in general feeding yourself the wrong messages. Read the post just before yours. Memorize it. Print it out and tape it to your fridge. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/113 "2009-07-17T13:28:03Z")
dupe. This board is really fucked up today. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/114 "2009-07-17T13:45:07Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > dupe. This board is really fucked up today. Yep. But can you blame it? If awesome women were writing how much the love giving BJs all over **me** , my wiring would be a little fried too. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/115 "2009-07-17T13:58:27Z")
> [@KarlGrenze](#): > > _Shrugs_ > > I wrote that in response to Moidalize, who mentioned doing something that, again, may vary for others. The tone I got from his post was as if it was “standard”… which probably would be something _he_ wants, but not others. > > As to your comment: > > I don’t, but that is one thing that bothers me as to lack of communication/dead silence. I can’t read minds, give me some pointers, else I’ll throw and mix what I know. I wonder if guys who complain about lack of skills have ever tried to give some feedback to the woman. I know I would appreciate it, dammit! Karl Grenze, I didn’t mean \*you \*you, it was a universal. And I agree with you, nothing works for everyone, andI like feedback. Dead silence would make me wonder if I’m doing it wrong. > [@Hazle Weatherfield](#): > > Again, does anyone know why it seems that more women give blowjobs than man give cunnilingus? I’m not sure this is entirely true, I think you may have just gotten a bad batch. 😉 Seriously, I’ve never met a man who doesn’t go down. And so I’ll give you the exact same answer I’d give a man who says “Why don’t women do this?”, which is “Lots of them do, stop settling for ones who don’t.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/116 "2009-07-17T14:01:03Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > dupe. This board is really fucked up today. > [@tdn](#): > > Yep. But can you blame it? If awesome women were writing how much the love giving BJs all over **me** , my wiring would be a little fried too. So the Dope is male? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/117 "2009-07-17T14:07:50Z")
Not always, but often males are dopes. Thinking about this stuff makes us that way. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/118 "2009-07-17T15:02:45Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Wow, that entire post came as such a surprise. :dubious: What? Pointing out that fewer women come from cunnilingus than men from blowjobs, or at least less frequently (or at least according to informal Doper surveys)? Recommending women get out a vibe while they give head to double the pleasure? Pointing out that some women who try out oral sex, especially when they’re younger, might have a bad experience from an uncaring lover (that should probably be in quotes), putting them in a physical position where they either can’t breathe or come close to choking or vomiting, making them think they don’t like giving head when really they don’t like giving head to jerks? I think it’s great that so many Doper women get off on it – I do – but I’d be curious to know whether this has always been the case, and whether it varies form partner to partner. But maybe that’s just the feminazi bonerkiller part of my brain talking – why else could I possibly want to know? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/119 "2009-07-17T15:54:43Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > But maybe that’s just the \*\*feminazi bonerkiller \*\*part of my brain talking – why else could I possibly want to know? Band name! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/120 "2009-07-17T16:07:35Z")
> [@Toxylon](#): > > I think I’ll have to get a divorce one day and find someone else to have sex with. … But I do feel that oral sex as foreplay is an important condiment to a normal heterosexual relationship…I think if sex wasn’t needed to have children (and a husband), she’d never bother. Have you asked her about the possibility of you seeing other people? You do deserve sexual satisfaction, or at least a wife who makes an honest effort at it. > [@](#): > > She’s kinda clueless about any sex, actually. When giving her a handjob I ask: I’d like to have some instructions here - what do you like best? Should I rub this way or that?" “I don’t know”, she says. I know exactly how frustrating that can be. My ex-husband was like that. I was with him for over a decade, and I never did learn what he really likes! But I’m not so sure it’s cluelessness as…well, something else. I think in his case it was a power/control thing and possibly a way to avoid sex. I know some people are reluctant to say what they like and want, but if you’ve been married for a while and you’re asking directly, then there’s really no excuse. > [@DianaG](#): > > Seriously, I’ve never met a man who doesn’t go down. And so I’ll give you the exact same answer I’d give a man who says “Why don’t women do this?”, which is “Lots of them do, stop settling for ones who don’t.” I totally agree. Receiving oral isn’t even one of my favorite activities, but it absolutely has to be part of the repertoire. Though I do feel for people who’s spouses stop doing it after marriage. I’d guess there are usually clues beforehand, but I’m sure some folks get genuinely duped. > [@Nava](#): > > So the Dope is male? It could be a female who likes giving BJs and is getting its wiring fried just from thinking about it. 😛 And I just don’t get people who assume that the woman is getting no pleasure out of it, or is only enjoying it because the man is enjoying it. Many women just really like doing it, plain and simple. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152.md?page=7)