# Blowjobs--Women who Don't and Women who Won't **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 15, 2009, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152 "2009-07-15T21:08:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/121 "2009-07-17T17:10:34Z")
> [@KarlGrenze](#): > > _Shrugs_ > > I wrote that in response to Moidalize, who mentioned doing something that, again, may vary for others. The tone I got from his post was as if it was “standard”… which probably would be something _he_ wants, but not others. > > As to your comment: > > I don’t, but that is one thing that bothers me as to lack of communication/dead silence. I can’t read minds, give me some pointers, else I’ll throw and mix what I know. I wonder if guys who complain about lack of skills have ever tried to give some feedback to the woman. I know I would appreciate it, dammit! Trust me, the balls appreciate the attention. They are the posse of the penis, after all. The only requirement is to be gentle. It is the most sensitive part of our body. You don’t have to perform any wacky circus tricks on them or anything. I don’t what your friend was doing, but perhaps she pulled some strange move out of nowhere and knocked her date out of his comfort zone. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/122 "2009-07-17T18:15:40Z")
> [@MOIDALIZE](#): > > Trust me, the balls appreciate the attention. They are the posse of the penis, after all. The only requirement is to be gentle. It is the most sensitive part of our body. You don’t have to perform any wacky circus tricks on them or anything. I don’t what your friend was doing, but perhaps she pulled some strange move out of nowhere and knocked her date out of his comfort zone. LOL… I was just relaying what my friend commented, and to point out that not all guys are necessarily the same. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/123 "2009-07-17T19:32:38Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Have you asked her about the possibility of you seeing other people? You do deserve sexual satisfaction, or at least a wife who makes an honest effort at it. You bet. Divorce time, kids away and a financial mess if I did anything with anyone else. All you Doper ladies having a healthy appetite for (oral) sex make me cry inside. But I’m hopeful I’ll have a full-blown primate-style sex life one day. Can’t see it happening with my current lady, though. She knows our sexual needs don’t meet and that she’s at risk of being left alone due to that, so no-one’s being duped here. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/124 "2009-07-17T19:57:36Z")
If this is too personal then my apologies, but have you had a serious discussion about the fact that divorce is a very real possibility, if in fact it is? I’m wondering if she’s faced with the prospect of divorce, or alternatively working out whatever issues she has with developing a mutually satisfying sex life wtih her husband, if she’d choose divorce. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/125 "2009-07-17T20:00:22Z")
**Toxylon** , that’s sounds awful. I hope that someday you’re swinging from the rafters with the Swedish Bikini Team. The worst thing about that seems to be having to choose between your sex life and your kids. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/126 "2009-07-17T20:12:30Z")
Going way off topic here–but why would he have to choose? Is there some reason that he’s assuming that he couldn’t get at least 50% custody? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/127 "2009-07-17T20:12:38Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > Again, does anyone know why it seems that more women give blowjobs than man give cunnilingus? To me, this is a weird perception. I don’t know of a single man, at least not ones I’ve had these sorts of conversations with, who don’t like going down on their girl. I would consider it “weird” if a guy wouldn’t perform cunnilingus. As to the OP, I personally have never met a girl who wouldn’t perform oral sex. I’ve also never met a girl who didn’t like oral sex performed upon her. At least, as far as I know. 34, male. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/128 "2009-07-17T20:21:55Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Going way off topic here–but why would he have to choose? Is there some reason that he’s assuming that he couldn’t get at least 50% custody? I’m just going by what he said, which admittedly isn’t much. I don’t know him or his wife, obviously. But I think there are some women out there who, if you left them just so you could get laid, would be vindictive enough to try to get full custody. And it doesn’t seem unlikely to me that such a vindictive woman would be cold in bed. Or maybe I’ve just watched too many movies about bitchy women. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/129 "2009-07-17T20:27:50Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Pointing out that some women who try out oral sex, especially when they’re younger, might have a bad experience from an uncaring lover (that should probably be in quotes), putting them in a physical position where they either can’t breathe or come close to choking or vomiting, making them think they don’t like giving head when really they don’t like giving head to jerks? This is worth repeating. Keep in mind that a goodly many ladies do their sexual exploring to see what they do and do not like at around college-age, in the presence of quite a lot of beer, and that drunk college guys are not universally known as the world’s most considerate lovers. Nor are drunk college girls. And neither are known for their analytical ability. There were a number of guys\* I dated during my formative years who were squarely in the “not being considerate enough to be sure that the positioning/technique wasn’t choking/triggering gag reflex/claustrophobic/cutting off airflow” arena. If you’ve tried giving several guys oral and your experiences all tended to the unpleasant, there’s a better than average chance a lady will just decide she doesn’t like the experience, rather than going to all the trouble of diagnosing why it’s unpleasant and looking for fixes. Deciding “Man I’ve never had any fun giving head, to Hell with that crap” just isn’t that big a stretch when you’re forming your opinions about what sexual activities you enjoy, you know? Thinking about it now, through the lens of a lot more experience, I doubt that the guys I dated were all jerks and more that they weren’t exactly awash in erotic experience, either. They probably had no clue they were making oral sex not much fun for me to give them - I certainly didn’t have enough experience about it myself to be able to provide some guidance. As for discussing the difficulties with your partner, remember what it was like to be 20. I once actually told a guy I was dating that there were things about our sex life that could stand some improvement, and holy God you never saw such emo. You’d have thought I told him he was a worthless excuse for a human being rather than suggesting maybe we could explore positions other than Missionary. And he’d asked me if there was anything about our sex life I thought could be a better! \*Relatively speaking - I haven’t had all _that_ many sexual partners 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![alexandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@alexandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alexandra)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/130 "2009-07-17T21:18:37Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > This is as good a time as any to ask why women buy multiple issues of _Cosmopolitan_ when the sex tips are the same in every issue\*. I mean, if it was just a one-page feature on the back page, that’d be one thing, but they’re invariably given top billing on the cover (or at least printed in the biggest font). Who the fuck knows why women buy women’s magazines in general? It’s 90% shite. But [this](http://jezebel.com/5303227/cosmopolitan-is-really-into-ice-ice-baby) [jezebel.com](http://jezebel.com) take on one aspect of Cosmo’s cliched sex advice is hilarious. > [@Jezebel](#): > > Have you heard of this thing called ice? Apparently it is what you get when you freeze this other thing called water. Liquid into solid, crew! Lessons in matter transformation are soooooo hot for Fall '09. And bonus, y’all: ice is practically free, because all you really need is running water, a freezer, and an ice cube tray! Get into it, Recessionistas! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/131 "2009-07-17T22:00:19Z")
Has anyone started the mirror thread to this one? Something along the line of “Guys who don’t give oral”? ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/132 "2009-07-17T23:30:09Z")
39 male. When I was single I knew a couple girls who didn’t. I didn’t date them long, since I discovered several othe sexual hangups with them as well. One weird case: The girl I dated through most of college was incredible at it. We hooked up over a long weekend several years after college. I asked her for one and she said, “Huh. I really don’t do that anymore.” She did it for me a couple times over the weekend without being prodded but wouldn’t finish me off with her mouth. I never did get the back story on that one. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2009, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/133 "2009-07-18T00:27:36Z")
Hetero male here. I give and receive, and enjoy both – though it ranks well below sex. In my experience, a good blowjob is about 50% handjob if anything is going to get finished. I could care less about getting deep throated. ---
**Author:** ![sjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@sjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjc)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/134 "2009-07-18T22:29:12Z")
I’m a guy, 31, I like giving oral sex. I really haven’t had enough experience to say whether a woman who didn’t want to return the favor would be a deal-breaker. I kind of suspect it would be, but I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/135 "2009-07-19T05:55:24Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > I could care less about getting deep throated. Gopod post content/username combo! ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/136 "2009-07-19T09:46:42Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > a good blowjob is about 50% handjob if anything is going to get finished. Excellent technical point, for those of you looking for pointers. The pleasure of oral is partly visual, but for the total effect, you need some elbow grease. You know how tight you grip your boyfriend’s hand when you’re walking down the street and you’re in LUUURVE? Quadruple that pressure, and that’s about right. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/137 "2009-07-19T19:49:59Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > To me, this is a weird perception. I don’t know of a single man, at least not ones I’ve had these sorts of conversations with, who don’t like going down on their girl. I would consider it “weird” if a guy wouldn’t perform cunnilingus. > > As to the OP, I personally have never met a girl who wouldn’t perform oral sex. I’ve also never met a girl who didn’t like oral sex performed upon her. At least, as far as I know. 34, male. As someone else said upthread, I must’ve just gotten a bad batch, including the person I’m married to (but not currently living with.) ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/138 "2009-07-19T20:24:19Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > In my experience, a good blowjob is about 50% handjob if anything is going to get finished. I could care less about getting deep throated. QFT. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/139 "2009-07-19T21:45:13Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > I have a fantasy of being with a guy I can explore without him either freaking out or grabbing me and heading straight in. Find out his erogenous zones, where he likes to be touched and how… So, how ya doin’, **Nava**? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152/140 "2009-07-22T04:06:59Z")
The same men who are confused as to why a woman wouldn’t want to go down south would likewise prefer being tortured to death than having to suck a cock. The human mind is an amazing thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blowjobs-women-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503152.md?page=8)